Chapter 17
Most weekends were busy on the South Fork in the summer. Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays were when they did the majority of their business. Mondays, Tuesdays, and Wednesdays were usually slow days, where the guides would get a day or two off. Thursdays were hit or miss. Sometimes they’d have big crowds, usually some kind of corporate event—leadership retreat, team-building excursions, or entertaining clients in hopes of gaining their trust and their business.
This weekend was busier than usual. Sunday, especially, when they had to get off the river by four so they could get everything put away and ready in time for Aubrey’s six o’clock wedding.
This would be the third wedding held at Swift River Resort. First Carson and Lily, then Cody and Miranda. Now they were rolling out the aisle runner so that Aubrey could say good-bye to her old life and celebrate her new one.
Fisher tried to think of a life anywhere else. She couldn’t do it. Oh, she knew this wasn’t what her parents had wanted. But then again, her parents had wanted so much more than they were given.
She brushed the thought away. No time to dwell on things that couldn’t be helped. Not when she had to rush back upstairs to get a quick shower and put on that party dress. She wasn’t a bridesmaid, so there was no satin or lace to contend with. Aubrey’s sister was the only bridesmaid and her fiancé’s fraternity brother was the best man.
Fisher showered, dressed, and put on makeup. Well, she put on lip gloss and a little eyeliner. She even blew her hair dry and instead of one big, thick braid, she twisted two tiny braids that joined together in the back, like a princess or something.
Brooke was a little more dressed up. She’d actually curled her hair and added mascara and blush. Once again, Fisher felt like she was failing at this being female thing.
Then she descended into the living room. Kyle had been sitting on one of the sofas but when he saw her he rose to his feet, a look of sheer wonder on his face.
“You look amazing.” He smiled and took a step toward her. Fisher had to force herself not to turn around to see if he was speaking to Brooke, only a few steps behind her.
Kyle was the one who looked amazing. He wore black dress slacks, a silk tie, and a blue button-up shirt that wasn’t quick drying, packable, with an SPF of fifty. He looked like a movie star. That one guy, in that one movie, whom all the girls were swooning over. His hair was combed and he’d shaved. The man was sexy as hell.
And he was walking toward her.
Fisher’s heart raced, her legs felt weak, and she couldn’t breathe. This would be the first wedding she’d ever attended with a date. She’d spent Carson and Lily’s wedding flirting with Cody, wondering how she could let him know she’d wanted more than friendship. She’d endured Cody and Miranda’s wedding, trying to keep her heart from breaking wide open. Now she would sit next to a man who had come into her life at a time when she’d needed him most.
“Are you ready?” He extended his hand and she took it. Hopefully he wouldn’t notice that she was trembling.
“Yeah.” She wasn’t sure why she was so nervous. It was just a date. It wasn’t like everyone didn’t already know they were together. It was just that they’d never been on a date date. Where there would be dancing. Champagne. Flowers. All things romantic.
She wasn’t ready for this. She wasn’t ready to put their relationship in the spotlight. To have people watching while he whispered in her ear or pulled her close while they danced. And she certainly wasn’t ready to have him hold her hand while the minister spoke of love and marriage and commitment.
Fisher was glad she wore flat sandals. Heels would put her as tall as Kyle, but they would also make her feel even more unsteady.
Then he placed a soft, sweet kiss on her neck, just below her ear, and she knew she was in good hands. She could relax and enjoy herself.
They waited until everyone was gathered in the living room. Twenty minutes until the wedding would begin. Someone stepped into the kitchen and returned with a bottle of champagne. The cork was popped and the bottle passed around. Each of them raised the bottle and offered a toast to their friend and now former guide. After taking a sip straight from the bottle, they each passed it on.
By the time it got to Fisher, the bottle was half-empty.
“To Aubrey. May she live happily ever after.” She took a swig and then handed it to Kyle.
“Cheers.” He kept his toast simple before pressing the champagne to his lips.
There was still enough champagne left that it took a second pass through everyone. With a bubbly, giddy feeling, they marched toward the meadow where the ceremony would take place.
Kyle put his arm around her waist, guiding her and claiming her at the same time. She melted into his touch, deciding she would relax and enjoy the moment. Enjoy the evening with her man at her side. She would celebrate with her friends. Send one of their own off on the next adventure. And try not to think about anything beyond tonight.
Soft guitar music welcomed guests to find their seats. Kyle chose a spot near the middle. Not too close, but not all the way in the back. She sat, smoothing the skirt of her sundress over her knees.
After sitting next to her, Kyle reached over and twined his fingers in hers.
Fisher didn’t want to get too emotional, but by the time they got to the exchanging of the rings, the reciting of vows, and the kiss, her eyes were damp. She couldn’t look at Kyle. Didn’t want him to think she was getting any ideas.
As the happy couple walked past them, with looks of sheer joy on their faces, Kyle gave her hand a reassuring squeeze.
When the music ended, the bride and groom kept walking toward the river, where they would take some pictures. The guides started moving chairs and setting up tables. By the time the couple returned, the caterers had set up the dinner buffet and the bar was already doing a brisk business.
Kyle brought Fisher a beer and they looked for a table. Carson and Lily, Cody and Miranda, and all the babies had a table nearby. The diaper bags, strollers, and baby paraphernalia took up a lot of space, so there wasn’t much room for others to join them. As much as she would like to have Kyle spend more time with his brothers and sisters-in-law, she didn’t want him to think she wanted to be close to Cody.
They ended up sitting with Brooke and Tyler, Ross, Gavin, Jake, Dana, Leia, and Nolan.
The food was fabulous. Once again, the Argo had been convinced to serve as caterers. Fisher wondered if they would be interested in partnering with Swift River to do some special events. Maybe a craft beer and food pairing trip, or package deals for bachelor and bachelorette parties.
She wondered if they would start renting out the resort for weddings. So far, they’d all been for their own. They’d also been put together fairly quickly. And each of the brides had been pregnant.
Maybe they wouldn’t want to put that in the brochure.
Fisher caught Kyle staring at her. Damn, that was one sexy man. Who was hers for the summer. She wouldn’t think about anything beyond that. She’d just appreciate what she had for the moment.
And she’d just have to trust that her birth control method was as reliable as her doctor had promised.
* * * *
The wedding had gone off without a hitch. Or rather, the couple had gotten hitched and the reception was under way. They had just finished dinner and it was time for the toast and cake cutting.
The bride and groom had their first dance, and then all the guests were invited to join in.
Kyle took Fisher into his arms and whisked her onto the dance floor.
“Are you having a good time?” He pulled her against him, loving the feel of her body next to his.
“Yes.” She leaned her head against his chest. “Are you?”
“Absolutely.” She fit just right in his arms. He wasn’t going to worry about how he would fit into her life. Not tonight.
Tonight they would dance. They would dance until she begged him to make love to her.
Or he begged her.
The band picked up the pace, and Kyle spun Fisher around the dance floor. But he never went too long without pulling her close. Pressing his body against hers. Reminding her how their bodies fit together. How they fit together.
They worked up quite a thirst, and finally the band took a quick break. Kyle wandered over to the bar to grab a couple of beers.
“Thanks.” Fisher took the plastic cup from him and downed about a third before letting out a breath. “What a night.”
She kicked off her shoes and leaned back against the white plastic chair.
He just sat there, admiring her. Wanting her. And he’d was man enough to admit—at least to himself—loving her.
The band picked up their instruments, but he was content to sit out a song or two. Let them catch their breath a bit.
“Hey, Fisher.” Lily approached with baby Brandon. “Would you mind holding him while I dance with my husband?”
Fisher’s face drained of color. She gulped the rest of her beer.
“I…um…” She gave Kyle a desperate look. “I have to go to the bathroom.”
She jumped up, knocking her chair over, and she made a mad dash toward the campground restrooms.
“I’ll take him.” Kyle held his hands up. “We’re old friends.”
“Thanks.” Lily handed over her son and dragged her husband out on the dance floor.
Carson and Lily danced three or four songs; then Carson took Brandon while Lily wandered off to powder her nose or grab a drink or whatever.
“He give you any trouble?” Carson grinned at his baby boy.
“Nah.” Kyle was more troubled by Fisher’s reaction. And by the realization that in the time he’d known her, she hadn’t held any of the babies. Her reluctance to pick up Cody’s kids was somewhat understandable, considering her feelings for their daddy. But why would she freak out about picking up Carson’s little boy? “Would you excuse me?”
He went to find her. Something didn’t feel right about her reaction.
She wasn’t by the bathrooms. He waited, but when no one else came out, he wandered on down toward the river. A few couples had stolen away, looking for privacy and romance beneath the rising moonlight.
A path twisted upriver, away from the crowd, and on a hunch, he followed it.
Sure enough, Fisher stood barefoot, skipping rocks into the water.
“Hey, there you are.” He wasn’t sure why, but he knew he had to be gentle with her.
She shivered, despite it being around eighty degrees out, and he pulled her into his arms.
“Mmmm,” she purred, sliding her hand up his chest. “Let’s get out of here. I’m ready for bed.”
“Not yet.” He took her hands in his and held them out to her side. “Talk to me first.”
“What’s to talk about?” She dropped his hands and turned away.
“I don’t know, but I get the feeling it’s important.” Frustration welled inside him. He knew she was hurting. And he realized that it wasn’t about Cody this time. Maybe it hadn’t ever really been about him.
“I’m fine. Just, I don’t know…” She turned and offered a weak smile. “I guess I sometimes feel weird in certain situations. You know, like when I’m wearing a dress.”
She held her skirt out and shrugged her shoulders, but he knew there was more to it than that.
“You were fine until Lily asked you to hold the baby.”
“So, I’m not a big baby person.” Her shoulders stiffened. “I know women are supposed to have this instinct.…”
No. There was something deeper than that.
“Look. I tried to tell you. I’m not like other girls. Women. I guess there’s something wrong with me.”
“There’s nothing wrong with you.” He reached up and brushed her hair off her face. She wasn’t crying, but he thought maybe she wanted to.
“I’ve always been, you know, different. Odd.”
“What? Because you’re tall? Strong? Amazing? You think that makes you less of a woman?”
“I’m not feminine.” She crossed her arms over her chest. Protecting herself.
“What the hell is that supposed to mean? Because you don’t wear makeup or paint your nails, you don’t think you’re a real woman?”
She turned away from him.
A part of him wanted to pick her up, throw her over his shoulder, and carry her back to his RV and show her just how feminine and sexy and desirable he found her.
But another part, a part he never knew existed before her, wanted to get to the bottom of whatever pain she was suffering.
“Fisher. Why do you feel like you’re not woman enough? I know I’ve never said anything or done anything to suggest that I see you as anything but the sexiest, loveliest, most desirable woman I’ve ever known. So it must come from somewhere else.”
“My parents always wanted a boy. I knew that. My whole life, I knew that they missed out on having a son.”
His heart ached for her.
“And they had a son. But something happened to him.”
His heart froze. There was something in her voice. Something haunting. Tragic.
“I remember, but I don’t.” She took a step closer to the water’s edge. He stood back, not knowing what would help. “I remember the excitement of a new baby coming. And I had to be careful when they brought him home. But…”
“But what happened?”
“I don’t know.” She stepped farther away from him. “They never talked about it. Sometimes I feel like I only dreamed I had a brother. And other times…”
Another step. He felt like he was losing her.
“I think maybe I did something.” She turned, and for a minute he feared she would throw herself into the water. “Like, maybe I hurt the baby somehow. I remember wanting desperately to hold him.”
She stepped into the water, and her shoulders relaxed a little. Right. The river was her happy place. The current was low, just barely swirling around her ankles.
“What if I dropped him? Or put a pillow over his face to stop him from crying?”
“What if it was just one of those things? You know, how sometimes babies just die and no one knows why?” Kyle stepped into the water. He didn’t care if his dress shoes were ruined. He reached for her hand and she accepted.
“But why would they keep it from me?” She turned toward him now, with so much pain in her eyes.
“Maybe it’s too painful. Maybe they didn’t want to burden you with something they think you were too young to remember.” He took her other hand in his. “Have you ever asked them about it?”
“Once. A long time ago.” She withdrew, dropping his hands and looking away. “They denied it. I asked my mom what happened to my brother and she said I didn’t have a brother. Then she said she had a headache and went to her room.”
“Look, Fisher, sometimes people go through stuff, stuff that makes it hard for them to be good parents.…” He was thinking of his mother and father. More so his father.
“That’s why I’m never having kids.” She crossed her arms, closing herself off even more. “I can’t be trusted around babies.”
“How old were you?”
“Four. I think. I know it was before I started school.”
“Look, even if you did somehow hurt your baby brother, you were too little to know better.”
She gave him a look of horror.
“Fisher. You would never hurt someone on purpose. Especially not a child. You’re great with kids. Great with teenagers. Retirees. And everyone in between.”
Why was he so determined to change her mind about ever having kids? He never really gave it much thought himself. But he figured if he ever did, he’d do it a lot differently than his dad.
“Not babies.”
“You don’t know that.” He couldn’t let this go. Couldn’t let her think that she wasn’t good enough. “Maybe if you tried, you know, with Brandon or the twins?”
“Like how you’ve tried with your brothers?”
He stepped back as if she’d slapped him, and he almost tripped over his own feet.
“Okay. You’re right. I haven’t tried to get too close to them. I guess I’m afraid. Worried I’m not good enough.” He reached for her hands again. “My dad made sure I’ve never felt good enough.”
“Oh, Kyle.” Suddenly, her problem seemed to float away. She was the one comforting him, now. “You’re the best man I know.”
“What about Cody?” He didn’t want the jealousy to surface, but there it was. Bubbling up.
“Maybe if he had a chance to know you better, he’d agree.” She fisted her hands on her hips.
“You’re right. I should give him a chance.” Something loosened in his chest. “But it’s damn hard when…you know?”
“What?” She sounded genuinely puzzled.
“Are you or are you not in love with him?”
“No.” A small smile twisted her lips and he wanted to believe her. Wanted it more than almost anything.
“No?”
“I told you, he’s like my brother.”
“First you told me you were going to quit because of how you felt about him.”
“I was, well, not exactly drunk, but just…frustrated.” She looked down as if she was just now noticing that they were standing in the river. “I never should have said anything.”
“I won’t hold it against you.” He led her toward the sandy bank. His shoes were ruined, but at least his girl seemed to be feeling better.
“I hope you’ll hold something against me.” She looked at him with heat. With hunger. The look she had on her face while they were dancing.
“What’s that?” He tried to play innocent.
“You.” She pressed against him, running her hands up his chest. He knew what she wanted. He just wondered if she’d ever want anything more.
Or was she like him? Convinced that she didn’t deserve more. Were her childhood wounds so deep that she didn’t think she could love and be loved? That shit about her brother—well, it made his problems seem so minor.
“Tell you what.” He placed a kiss on her forehead. “I’ll make love to you. You know I can’t resist the sexiest woman on the planet.”
“Oh, please!” She shoved him, obviously still not believing her worth.
“Keep begging, but I want you to do something for me.”
“Okay.” She eyed his zipper. “I know it was a disaster last time, but I’m willing to give it another shot.”
“Good. I’d like you to be able to hold my nephew and nieces.”
She jerked back. “What? I thought we were talking about…” She made a circle with her thumb and fingers and brought it toward her mouth, curving her lips into a wide O.
“You’ve convinced me that I need to put my issues behind me. I need to come clean with my brothers.” He put his arm around her. “I guess I never realized how lucky I am to have brothers. And they’re pretty decent guys. I mean, they were smart enough to hire you.”
She leaned against him and sighed.
“So, what do you say we arrange a dinner? Maybe we could bring takeout to Cody’s house or something. And I can come clean with them about how we’re related. But I can’t do it without you.”
“Okay.” She seemed to pick up on the fact that he wanted more than just her presence when he told them. “What else?”
“Maybe you could try to hold one of the babies?” He hoped he wasn’t asking too much, too soon.
“Maybe.” She sounded scared, yet willing to try. “But you’ll have to work really hard tonight to convince me.”
“How hard?”
“Well, if there are three babies…” She got a wicked look in her eyes. “I’m gonna need at least three, well, you know?”
Oh, he knew. He knew what she wanted from him. And he knew he’d give it to her. But he didn’t know how to get her to want more.