Tess offered to drive, but Milo shook his head and kept his hands on the wheel. It was one thing to let her come along; he wasn’t going to let her take any more responsibility than he absolutely had to. He kept the GPS pointed at Floydville and just kept driving. Just outside of the tiny town, there was a slightly bigger tiny town that had a motel. If he were tired, they’d stop there and rest for a few hours. Otherwise, they’d drive right into town and sort out what needed sorting.
It had never disturbed him before – thinking about killing a man. Since the very moment that he’d decided to stay with Tess, since he’d started to plan his way out of this life, he’d never thought of her here with him. He’d been completely insane the moment he’d decided to let her come on this road trip with him. He never should have allowed it. Thinking of it that way was ridiculous of course; she wasn’t his possession, and he didn’t have control over her. Well, except for when he did, of course. But even then, when she might have looked entirely out of control to an outsider, he was fully aware of how much control Tess had in those moments. Sometimes, tied to the bed as he stood over her with his belt, she had more control of the situation than he did. So went power exchange.
If Tess saw him like this, saw the man he became with a gun in his hand, would it change how she felt about him? Yeah, she was right, that was basically how they’d met, but that wasn’t the same as knowing who he was when he was a killer. So much had happened between now and then for them. It was possible – maybe more than possible – that her opinion of him would change when she saw that he was the same person he’d always been.
Even if he walked away from the life. Even if he never spilled another man’s blood again after tonight. Even then, he’d still be a killer, deep down. That wasn’t the kind of stain that could wash out. Would she want a killer living in the same home as her? Would she want a killer holding her baby?
Milo choked back on the rush of feelings that threatened to overwhelm him. They wouldn’t do a damn bit of good. He needed to be strong, and get through this, and let whatever came after come after. If he didn’t do it, he was entirely sure that Silk Road would have him killed – and probably Tess and the baby while they were at it. He needed to be smart and safe, not a fool. Keep his head on straight.
As he passed the small town with the motel, he glanced at Tess, who’d fallen asleep with her head against the passenger window. She had a tiny bit of drool collecting at the corner of her mouth, and her arms were crossed protectively over her belly. How was he possibly taking her into so much danger?
And here he’d circled back around to his initial problem. Maybe he could pull in at the motel and take her inside – fuck her senseless on a real bed, then leave while she was sleeping. He’d either be back before she was even awake, or he wouldn’t come back. At least in the second scenario, she wouldn’t see him die. That frightened him – yes, that was the word – even more than the idea of her seeing him killing someone. She’d said she loved him. He didn’t want her to see him die – if that was what went down.
Because Toro was a coward and an idiot, but cowards and idiots still got in lucky shots. A lucky shot could take him out; Milo wasn’t immortal. He didn’t want the mother of his baby to have to watch that.
Maybe he wouldn’t die. Maybe he’d make it through all of this. Maybe the whole thing wouldn’t be some kind of insane game.
He couldn’t leave her behind, not now. Live or die, she’d never forgive him for it. He had to see this through, no matter what came of it. No matter how much either of them was hurt. She’d made her choice; now they’d go through it.
There was an abandoned warehouse on the outside of town. Somehow, it was always an abandoned warehouse. Tess woke up then, slow and soft, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes as she straightened up. She watched the last few miles roll by, eying the GPS as they got closer and closer to their destination.
When they were nearly there, she said, “What’s the plan,” sounding exactly like some guy with a crew cut in an action film.
He bit back a laugh. “It’s hard to know without having a better understanding of the building and its layout,” Milo said. “I’m not sure. I need to go in quiet and dark, and frankly…” He swallowed hard. He hadn’t said it before, not like this. “I love you, Tess, I think you know I do, but it would be best if you stayed out of this. I know why you want to be here, and I know why the house didn’t feel safe to you on your own, but you’ll slow me down, and you might even give away my position.”
“I know how to be quiet,” she said, indignant, and then bit her lip.
He nodded. “Quiet isn’t the same as silent. It’s not the same as stealthing or skulking or whatever else you want it to be called. It’s different than all of that, and my God, Tess, this has to be more than silent. I don’t know what kind of defenses Toro has, I don’t know what I’m going into. I need to be laser-focused on getting in and getting out alive. I can’t do that if I’m in there worrying about you. About the baby.” He took another long, slow breath. “About our baby. Does that make sense?”
She brushed at her eyes like she was still sleepy, not like she was trying to hide the tears that were peeking out.
“Yeah,” she said, after a long minute. “Yeah. I know how to handle myself in a lot of ways, but this… not this. And I want you back, so I want you to do what you have to.” She was clearly fighting back tears now, and he reached out to touch the back of her hand. She grabbed his hand and clung to him. “I should have let you send me back. I shouldn’t have made you worry like this…”
“No,” Milo said, his voice stronger. As soon as he said the words, he knew he meant them. “No, none of that. You said your piece, and I listened. I could have figured out a way to get you back there, and you could have figured out a way to go. It’s okay that we’re here like this. It’s okay that this is who we are.” He cracked a grin. “We’re not exactly traditional love birds after all.”
She laughed with him after a moment. “That we are not.”
He pulled the car over about a mile from the warehouse, tucking it under some overhanging trees. He gave Tess the phone and the car keys as he got himself situated with his gear. “First sign of trouble, you take off. Understand? I’ll find you if I can. You go where you go, and you use the ID I gave you – it’s the cleanest there is – and you and the baby, you survive. Don’t come looking for me, don’t ask anyone about me, don’t do anything but protect yourself and that baby.”
She looked right into his eyes and nodded. “I promise, Milo.”
He nodded harder than he meant to and blinked back the moisture that threatened to cloud his vision. There would be exactly none of that; he couldn’t afford to have his eyes sore and aching. He hadn’t cried in a long time, and once he started, he wasn’t sure he’d have an easy time stopping. So, there would be none of that. After. After, when he knew they were safe. Then he could let the tears come – if they still needed to.
Guns strapped to him, clips in his pockets, a utility belt with everything he might need. He managed to keep the chill from descending over his face for a moment longer. He leaned down into the car, put his hand on the back of Tess’s neck, and pulled her tight and close for a long, smoldering kiss. He wanted it to be one she could remember, just in case. Just in case it was – well, the one she had to remember.
He wanted to promise her he’d be back. Tell her he’d be okay, that he’d come back to her like an action hero, covered with grime and staggering from a wound to his calf, but still unblemished, either by what he’d done or what had been done to him. He wanted to come back to her like that, rugged and masculine and not covered in blood and too cold to be moved.
But he didn’t want to lie to her. He’d made a point of never lying to her. So, he left her with that kiss, and he moved off into the darkening night.