Tess stared at the man in front of her. He looked just as fucking confused by his words as she did.
“I just… I think before you make any decisions, you should know what you want the outcome to be, you know? If you’re saying you want to get rid of the pregnancy because you don’t want a kid, that’s fine. I will help you take care of that, I swear. But if you wanted the kid, and it’s just – all of this that’s making you say that you don’t… maybe we could work something out.”
Her heart went absolutely still. Something close to hope was stirring in her, and Tess had learned a long time ago that hope was something that existed just to make her crazy.
“Who do you think I am, Milo? I’m no more a parent than you are.” He flinched at that, but she didn’t stop. “I’m a sugar baby. I’m an ‘exotic dancer’. I’m a damn prostitute who has a higher profile than someone who walks the street. That’s all I am. Babies ruin your body and make you responsible, and it’s been shown to me over and over again that I am not capable of being responsible. Can you imagine me going to a PTA meeting? Fuck.”
But the thing was that even as she spat the words at him, she could imagine it. She could imagine the life where she wore leggings and a down vest or whatever the hell the suburban moms wore in real life instead of on TV. She could imagine getting her kid off the bus and meeting them with a cup of cocoa and having baked cookies in the kitchen of some nice little two-story three-bedroom house. Seeing them play in the yard. Maybe she could get a real job, do something that made her feel… different. She’d cultivated this life, and she was proud of how far she’d gotten. She loved sex, and she loved being wanted. But the idea of a kid… it should have made her feel tied down, and instead, it made her feel like maybe she could afford to dream.
Milo was quiet for several moments after her rage ran out. When she slowed down, her breathing no longer an angry rush but a dull roar, Milo reached out and touched her hand very, very gently.
“If that’s what you want,” he said quietly, “I will help you make that happen. We can set up an identity for you, get you out of the city, set you down somewhere real nice. I clean up better than I am right now, and I can look like a nice, respectable husband who travels a lot on business. We can have an ‘open marriage’ so that you’re even free to date whoever you want. I’m just…” He scrubbed his hands through his hair, and there was something in his eyes when he looked up. “I don’t know how exactly to phrase this, Tess. But maybe… maybe it’d be nice to have somewhere to come home to. Somewhere with someone who didn’t consider me a monster.”
And there it was. Two broken people talking about playing family. It was sick in a way, Tess thought, but at the same time, her broken heart wanted it. Sweater sets and pearls. She’d have to learn to bake brownies, but she could figure that out. There were cooking shows on every damn channel now.
“What if you get tired of it?” she asked, her voice quieter now, trying to hold back the feeling that was definitely hope, which was taking her over.
“Non-revocable trust,” he said, without a pause. “One set up for you, one for the kid. Plenty of money, enough to last the rest of your life. No jokes, no games. You could toss me out and refuse to see me ever again – if you wanted to. Everything in your name.” He sighed. “After the way I took you away from everything, chained you down here, I don’t have a right to you. Not really. But if you let me?” When he looked up at her after a long pause, his gaze was incredibly heated. “I’ll keep you. Chain you down with something better than shackles. Keep you where I put you and not let you go.”
That shouldn’t have been such a turn on. She should not have been vaguely disappointed he didn’t intend to shackle her to the bed indefinitely.
“There are no takebacks with this,” she said slowly. “You have to set up the money now. Because I can’t… I can’t be covered in stretch marks and ruined and not able to get another job and have a kid. I won’t do that to a kid. I won’t try to make do on waitressing tips and be going to night school and all that crap. That was what my mom did, and then she sent me out on the street when I was twelve, and I won’t do that to a baby.”
Milo nodded. “I’ll talk to my financial guy, and we’ll get it set up tomorrow. Then you can make whatever choice you want. Keep the baby or don’t, the money will be yours.”
Tess felt her eyes blinking fast, but it was all she could feel. “I don’t… get it. Where’s the trick?”
“There’s no trick.”
“There’s always a trick.” She closed her eyes, trying to run through all the things he’d said, looking for a loophole or a place where she hadn’t been careful enough. Someplace he could wiggle free and get himself out of the conversation. There was always someplace, always some way for people to lie about what they were doing and just get what they needed for themselves. But she couldn’t find it. “I need time to think,” she said. “About what I’m going to do.”
He nodded again. “I understand. I’ll still have my guy set up the money stuff tomorrow. And then you can take all the time you need.”