Chapter Nine
Time is something most of us think we will always have more of. It’s something most of us take for granted because we don’t even realize that everything can be taken from us in the blink of an eye. You could be happy one minute and the next your life is turned on its axis. That’s how it is for me right now—Marie is threatening to take our daughter away from me. I’m pulled back in time to the day she was born.
My baby girl sleeps snugly wrapped in her blanket and cradled in my arms. Jacey Marie Thomas was born beautiful, healthy, and with a head full of dark hair. I fell in love with her at first sight, and all of my problems seem so insignificant now, compared to this little person I created.
I know when I first found out I was going to be a father, I wasn’t sure how I would feel—I didn’t know how I could not be resentful—but when my princess cried out for the first time, and when she opened those beautiful eyes and looked at me…everything else faded away.
Nothing else matters but Jacey, because my daughter has consumed every part of me. When her tiny hand wraps around my big finger, my heart fills with love and happiness.
Marie wants nothing to do with Jacey, and I don’t know what to do about that. The nurses try to get Marie to breastfeed, but she refuses. They try to get her to hold Jacey, but she refuses that also. She hasn’t even changed her since she was born. All Marie does is lie in her hospital bed and cry.
It’s up to me to make sure our baby is well taken care of and has everything she needs. It’s my job to make sure she has everything her heart desires and see to is she does not ever question my love for her. My bond with my daughter will be unbreakable.
“Why should I stay? You’re never going to love me like you did her!” Marie’s angry tone pulls me back to the present as we stand in the bar, arguing in front of everyone. Marie has pulled Jacey out of bed and is trying to take her and leave.
“Because that’s my fucking daughter! Don’t take her away from me. Love you like I loved Vic?” I chuckle without humor. “Goddamn right I’m not! You destroyed what I could have had with her. I hated you; still fucking hate you for what you did. And then you threatened me. I had to be with you, or you were taking off and I’d never see my daughter. As much as I hate you, I have stayed in this farce of a relationship because of my little girl. And now you threaten to take her any-fucking-way!” My blood boils with anger and hate for this woman. I have done every-fucking-thing she has asked me to, ever since Vic walked away, and yet once again she wants to fuck up my life.
Her voice grows quiet. “I may have threatened you to be with me, but if you would have just tried, you could have loved me.” Now she’s going to try that guilt bullshit.
I shake my head at her ignorance. “You don’t fucking get it! My heart belonged to Vic. When she left, she took it with her, and I never got it back. I tried to be happy with you, but the constant fighting, you bitching all the time—shit, what do you expect from me?”
“I expected you not to sleep with all of the other women in this club!” Marie spews venomously.
“Fine! I won’t. Just please, Marie, I am begging you not to take my daughter from me.”
“It’s too late. And if you try to stop me, I’ll call the cops and tell them everything I know about this club. I have them on speed dial. One touch of a button, and they will be all over this club like flies on shit. Jacey, come on!” She tries to grab Jacey’s arm to pull her away, but Jacey is quicker and dodges Marie.
I can’t let her get the police involved; I can’t do that to my brothers. A couple years after Jacey was born, the club took a huge hit. Our president, Chim, went down with three consecutive life sentences, so there was no way he was getting out. Not long after that, there was a run that all the brothers except me, Deuce, Reap, and Storm went on. It ended up going south, and basically the whole club got locked up. With the amount of drugs they were caught with, at sentencing they got life.
That left the four of us.
We wanted to keep the Cobras MC alive, so I became president, Deuce became vice president, Storm took over sergeant at arms, and Reap became treasurer. We slowly started adding members and prospects and we cleaned up the club. No way did I want to go away and miss out on Jacey’s life, but it looks like I’m going to any-fucking-way.
She runs over to me, attaching herself to my leg. “No, Daddy, don’t let her take me! I want to stay with you. Please, Daddy!” Jacey wails in front of me.
I carefully detach her and kneel down beside her. “Don’t ever forget how much I love you.” I swipe away her tears. “You will always be Daddy’s princess. I love you, baby girl.” My own tears come forth; a few slide down my cheeks.
Marie walks over to us, gets a good grip on Jacey’s arm, and yanks our daughter out of my arms.
“Just let me say goodbye to my daughter!”
She doesn’t respond. Instead, she starts dragging Jacey by the arm out of the club. Jacey screams and cries, all the while begging and pleading not to go. My heart breaks at having to watch this.
I rush to the door. “You will pay for this!” I yell out. I stand there, watching my baby girl slip farther and farther away.
I don’t budge until I can no longer see the taillights. I thunder my way to the bar and order a drink. My mind drifts to Jacey’s first birthday.
I’ve turned this clubhouse into a little princess’s fairytale. Everywhere you look, there’s pink and glitter: tablecloths, balloons, streamers, plates, cups, and presents. The Ol’ Ladies have dressed up as real princesses to go with the theme. Everyone loves my baby girl, so they were more than happy to go along with the party for her.
Five minutes with Jacey and she will have you wrapped around her finger, willing to do just about anything for her. She has naturally tanned skin and dark hair, which she gets from me, but her eyes are unlike anything I have ever seen. Her eyes are two different colors: one green and one brown… She is such a beautiful little girl. Even with how she came into my life, I thank God every day for giving her to me, and that I’m the one who gets to be her father.
I put Jacey in her high chair then sit right next to her as Deuce’s Ol’ Lady carries out her castle birthday cake with a single lit candle on the top. Everyone sings happy birthday except Marie, because she’s not here—and fuck knows where she’s at. “Dada!” Jacey says excitedly, then claps her hands.
“You see your cake, princess?” I gush, smiling. She gives me that cute little laugh, showing her eight little teeth.
I help her blow out the candle, and we clap along with everyone else. We open all her presents, which are mostly light-up noisy toys and some clothes. Then we eat the cake and ice cream before going outside to take a picture on my bike.
Later into the evening, I feed, bathe, and get Jacey ready for bed. I lay her in her crib with her blanket and pacifier, dim the lights in the room, and sit on the edge of my bed. Then, I softly tell her a story to soothe her restlessness. Once she is sleeping soundly, I climb into my own bed, ready to fall asleep myself.
Tonight’s no different than any other, because instead of falling asleep, my mind drifts to Vic. I wonder what she’s doing, how she is, if she’s happy. I still love her just as much now as I did the last day I saw her. The pain from losing her hasn’t gone away and, honestly, I don’t know if it ever will.
“Snake?” Deuce calls from outside my door before lightly knocking.
Getting back up, I walk over and open the door. “Yeah?”
“You might wanna come out here and deal with Marie.” He looks angry; no doubt he’s just as pissed as me that she didn’t bother to be there for her daughter’s first birthday. But… Why would she? She hasn’t done shit for Jacey one day in her fucking life.
But now she shows up—and if he came to get me, it means she’s fucked out of her mind again. Leaving my door open, I head down the hall.
Marie laughs hysterically and stumbles around the bar, hanging all over anyone within her reach. My brothers shake her off, and others do too; she’s nothing but an embarrassment to this club. Gripping her arm tightly, I spin her around and stare into her glassy eyes. “You missed your daughter’s first birthday to snort that shit up your fucking nose?” I seethe in anger and disbelief.
“That’s none of your business.” Her lids hang low from the high she’s riding.
“It’s my business when it affects our daughter. I’m only going to say this once. This right here is the last fucking straw. You start being the mother she deserves or I’ll take matters into my own hands.” I release her arm and start to walk away.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” she shouts after me.
“Take it how you want.” I shut and lock my bedroom door behind me, check to make sure Jacey is still sleeping, and then lie down and eventually fall asleep.
Deuce sits down next to me, bringing me out of the past. “We’ll make sure Marie pays.”
“Maybe Jacey will have a better life with her. You know, after Jacey’s first birthday, Marie cleaned up her act. I need to get the fuck away from here. You’re in charge until further notice.” I down the last of my drink, then go to my room and toss everything I need in a duffle bag, and head out to my bike.
I hit the highway for three months, going across states and trying to clear my head. I spent my time in shitty, roach-infested motel rooms, I fucked my way through sluts in every state I traveled to, and I drank so much that most nights I blacked out.
One night, something in me changed. I realized I needed to get my shit together, take care of my club, and be a man my daughter could be proud of. Not the piece of shit I’d been the last three months.
That night, I started up my bike and I rode out of Montana and didn’t stop until I saw the sign that said Welcome to Kansas.