Chapter Ten
How much can one person handle before they break? How hard do they have to be driven before they crash and burn? How many times can a person be degraded before they feel so worthless that they wonder if it would even matter if they existed anymore? How many beatings can a person withstand before they rise and say enough?
For me it took ten years. Ten years too long, but here I am, sitting on the phone with my sister, about to run away. Hopefully I can make it out tonight with Dominic, while Bulk is sleeping. “I have to leave tonight, Emily. I won’t last much longer.”
She sighs into the phone. “Do you have everything packed up and ready? Is Dominic ready?”
“No, I can’t pack anything or Bulk will know something is going on. I’m going to have to leave everything and start over.” The bedroom door is pushed open.
My eyes widen in surprise as Bulk’s huge form takes up the doorway and he slowly steps into our bedroom, removing his cut, his eyes never leaving mine.
“I have to go.” My shaking hand hangs up the phone and I stay quiet. I don’t know if he heard me, I don’t know if he’s pissed about something else; I never know how to read him anymore.
“Who was that?” he questions, eerily calm.
“My sister,” I quietly respond.
“Hmm.” Bulk walks closer to me.
“Dominic in bed?” I ask, getting extremely nervous the closer he gets to me.
“Yep.” His hand lashes out and grips my hair. I quietly cry out as I’m lifted from the bed. “You leaving?”
“No.” I flinch as the pain worsens; it feels like my hair is being ripped from my scalp. I turn in his tight grasp, facing the door. I wonder if I could make it to the door.
“Don’t lie to me, bitch.” I try to run, hoping his grip will loosen, but it doesn’t. I’m pulled back into his chest, and my head flies back against his shoulder; a sob rips out of me.
“Yes! Yes, I am leaving. I can’t take it anymore.” I want to fight so badly, but I know it’s no use. I’ve tried before; Bulk is too strong, and me fighting only leads to me being hurt worse.
“You want out? Go!” He flings me towards the door. “But...you ain’t taking the boy with you.”
I scramble to my feet. “That’s my son! I’m not leaving him!”
Bulk stomps towards me and I hunker down, but he lifts me back up off the ground by my throat and pushes me against the wall. “You’re not taking the boy!” He spits in my face. “He will be raised in this club. You try to take him, and I will kill your family, one by one, until you come out of hiding.” His breath hits my face and I grimace at the smell of liquor. “You want to go, be my fucking guest. But…if you ever come back to this town, I’ll know and I will have you taken out—and I don’t mean taken out of this town. I mean taken out and put six feet in the fucking ground.” He drops me to the ground, then kicks his leg out and connects with my abdomen. Sobs rack my body from the assault.
He goes for my hair again; I try to move my head around quickly so he can’t get a good hold, but it’s pointless. Once his grip is firm, Bulk starts walking down our hallway, dragging me behind him all the way to our front door. With his other hand, he unlocks and opens the door.
“Stop, please!” I beg him, but my pleas fall on deaf ears. He picks me up like a rag doll and throws me like garbage out the front door. I hit the steps on the front porch and cry out as a sharp, burning pain forms in my ribcage. He slams the front door behind him. I get on my hands and knees, cringing at the pain. Breathing deeply, I crawl towards the front door. Grabbing the knob, I try and turn it, but he has locked the door. I try banging on it instead, but it’s not going to help, I already know it. And I have to stop, otherwise Dominic will wake up and see what Bulk has done to me. All I’ve ever tried to do is protect my son.
Gathering some strength, I pull myself up and hobble next door. I knock on Josie’s door; it feels like ages before she finally answers. “Jesus, Victoria! Come in!” She tries to help me, but I wave her hand away.
“Can you take me to the bus station?” My words come out shaky and I pant through the pain.
“Are you sure?” Tears form in my best friend’s eyes.
“Yes!” I don’t wait for a response; I hobble off her porch and go wait at her car. The ride to the bus station is quiet; I think we’re both realizing the seriousness of this situation: I will die if I stay.
“This is all my fault!” Josie cries, covering her face with her hands. She demands to buy my ticket and I let her because I couldn’t bring money, I.D., anything with me.
“Don’t do that! This is not your fault! Do not blame yourself.” With my arm that’s not holding my ribs, I wrap it around her shoulders.
“I introduced you to him! I swear I didn’t know he would turn out like that.” She sobs on my shoulder.
“You might have introduced me, but you sure as hell didn’t make me jump in bed with him.” I run my hand down the back of her blonde hair. “I’m going to miss you so much, Josie. Take care of my son for me and I’ll keep in touch.” Tears cascade down my face and the pain in my heart is overwhelming.
“I will! I promise. I’m going to miss you too. You’re the best friend I’ve ever had.”
“I gotta go. I love you.”
“I love you too.”
We cry and hold onto each other until I have no time left. I climb onto the bus and pick an empty seat by the window. The bus takes off, and, as I leave Wichita, my mind drifts off, thinking over the last ten years.
The first few years of being with Bulk were good; we even got married. Our relationship was nothing like what I had with Snake, but Bulk loved me and I had grown to have strong feelings for him, or I think I did. I owed him for taking me in when my own mother turned me away. But…he showed me love, gave me affection, and doted on me. It was everything I wanted at the time. I still missed Snake tremendously, so I escaped the pain through Bulk.
As I got closer to my due date, Bulk thought it would be a good idea to buy a house for us. I was all for it, especially when Ryder and Josie bought the house right next to us when they found out they were going to have a baby as well. I soon realized that maybe it wasn’t such a good idea, because I was stuck in the house all the time. The only days I interacted with someone besides Bulk were the days Josie would come over. It was a sad and lonely life, but I still held on; I had nowhere to go, and at that point our relationship was still good.
Once I had Dominic, everything was great with the new baby—for a little while. But soon, we started fighting all the time. I wanted help with the baby; I was exhausted, and it was running me ragged. The more I asked for help, the more Bulk stayed away. It caused the fighting to get worse, in turn causing his drinking to get worse…and then, slowly, the physical abuse started.
Twenty-eight hours and three transfers later, I make it to my destination: Bismarck, North Dakota. I walk inside the bus station, find a pay phone, and call my sister.
I haven’t seen Emily since Dominic was born. When she walks into the bus station I break down once again. I’m so happy to see her; I’m free, but I’m broken from leaving my son behind.
Emily wraps me in a hug. “Where’s Dominic?”
“I had to leave him. Bulk threatened me.” I sob uncontrollably.
“Shh... It’s going to be okay.” Emily soothes me by rubbing her hand up and down my back, but all my crying is making the pain in my ribs worse, drawing short, agonized hisses from my mouth. “We’re going to get you to the hospital, and then we will contact the police.”
Pulling back, I stare wide-eyed. “No, you can’t get the police involved!” I shake my head frantically. “He will kill me! Kill all of us! We can’t, Emily!” I start to panic.
“Okay. Okay. We won’t. We will do this however you want. You do need to get to the hospital, though.” Calming down, I nod and let her help me to her car.
After a two-hour wait in the emergency room, I find out that my ribs are not broken, but very badly bruised. I get a prescription for pain medication and then Emily takes us to her house, where I will be starting over—and that terrifies me.