Chapter 10

Brooke

What have I done? It seemed that the whole day was a testament to my mistake. Mark was awkward around me, while Jake was downright cool. During the consultations, he barely looked at me, let alone addressed me. Even when he mentioned me, when he said my name, it was done so casually, coolly even, as if referring to a stranger, not someone in the same room. By lunchtime, I’d had enough.

“Can we talk? Do lunch maybe?” I asked, taking his arm before he’d hurried out of the room.

I ignored Mark’s disappointed face and turned so that my whole body was facing Jake.

His face looked undecided, upset.

“Please?” I asked, taking his hand.

He pulled his hand away, and shook his head, although he said, “Okay,” albeit with a sigh.

All the way there we didn’t talk. Any attempt I made at conversation, he abruptly shut down. We didn’t even discuss where to eat, however, after a few minutes of silent walking, we reached Pablo’s.

As we walked in, my heart fell. The whole place was a reminder of before, just a week ago when things were better. When I hadn’t yet messed everything up.

The same chubby woman was there like last time. When she gave us a knowing smile, I felt sick to my stomach. Nevertheless, once our pizza was put in front of us, I managed to take a half-hearted bite. Then, my gaze beseeching his, I turned to Jake.

“So,” I said.

“So,” he said, not looking at me.

“Is this about last night?” I finally said.

He waited a few seconds before responding, “Yes.”

His miserable brown-eyed gaze finally met mine.

“Yes and no. It’s about last night and about five years ago, too. This has a lot to do with my ex-wife as well.”

I nodded, not saying anything. With his droopy dark curls, and lowered eyes, Jake looked like a puppy dog I wanted to scoop up and comfort. But I didn’t want to push him.

“She was,” he exhaled sharply, “the love of my life. Or so I thought. Everything was this big passionate whirlwind—us meeting, our relationship, getting married. I guess it makes sense that everything fell apart just as fast—we never really took the time to find out if we were compatible. But still, it shook me, finding out she’d couldn’t handle my long work hours, that she’d been cheating on me, and that she was divorcing me. That was a lot to hear.”

He shook his head, took another bite of pizza.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to unload all that on you. I guess I was just trying to explain that me being upset isn’t just about you. It’s more about me. I haven’t really liked anyone for years, not since her. And then you come along and—”

He shook his head again.

“It doesn’t matter.”

I grasped his hand.

“Yes it does. Because I like you, too.”

His dark brows raised, then lowered, his eyes narrowing.

“No, you can’t. You slept with Mark.”

I could feel him trying to pull away. From my hand, from my words, from me. But I didn’t let him.

“That doesn’t matter,” I said, “He and I aren’t dating. It was just a fun night.”

As soon as I said it, I realized it was a lie—sort of. Truthfully, I had feelings for Jake—and I had feelings for Mark. If only I could just be with both of them.

Jake was lifting my hand to his lips. He kissed it.

“So, I still feel like I don’t really know much about you,” he said.

“I thought we went over this,” I said, with a half-smile, “But if you insist then ask away. I’m an open book.”

He tilted his head at me, his eyes flicking across my face, as if he was trying to decipher the hidden meaning of a painting.

“But you aren’t, are you? That’s just it.”

I laughed.

“Looks like you hit the nail on the head, Dr. Jake, now we can go back to eating?”

His gaze piercing me, he asked “Have you ever been in love?”

I let out a nervous laugh.

“Whoa boy, way to just cut to the chase.”

He had leaned back in his chair now, his gaze still on mine, patiently waiting.

“No,” I said, “I thought so at the time, but afterwards realized it wasn’t love, it was just a sad sort of longing. I just didn’t want to be alone anymore.”

“Sounds awful,” Jake said.

“Failed love always is,” I said, trying and failing at an easy smile, “But this was much worse. I never saw the type of guy he really was until it had been a few months, and by then, it was too late.”

“What happened?” Jake said, “If you don’t mind me asking.”

“He ruined my life,” she said softly.

Jake took my hand.

“Sorry. That went way too deep for a nice lunch chat.”

“It’s fine,” I said.

He squeezed my hand.

“No, it’s not. But I’m going to make it up to you. If I asked you to, uh-eat the rest of my pizza, would you?”

Seeing my dumbfounded expression, he cracked up.

“That wasn’t what I really wanted to ask,” he admitted.

“So I can’t have the rest of your pizza?” I asked, in a clearly disappointed tone.

We laughed.

“You can, I guess,” he said, with a grudging smile, “But what I really wanted to ask you, was if you’d want to do dinner tomorrow. No overly personal questions— I promise.”

I took his other hand in mine and squeezed it.

“I’d love to.”

He grinned, a big goofy smile that showcased his handsome white teeth. His gaze flicked to my lips and we both grinned again. He drew back, sliding his plate over to me.

“So, about that pizza then?”

As it ended up, neither of us ate the pizza. We were both too full, too happy. Jake paid our bill quickly, and wouldn’t hear of me paying even a little of it.

“I put you through enough today,” he said, as he held open the bright red door of Pablo’s.

We waved to the curly-haired wife gaily on the way out.

“Oh please,” I said, as I walked through, “you enjoyed every minute of my suffering.”

He shrugged with an irreverent smile.

“Well, it did show that you cared.”

Jake and I took the long way back to work, doing a whole loop of the blocks. We only went in because it started to rain.

“Here,” Jake said.

He took off his leather jacket and held it over me as protection from the onslaught. I shook my head, but when I tried moving away, he grabbed my arm.

“Please Brooke,” he said.

I paused. His eyes were pleading, while his request had had an undeniably tender tone.

“Fine,” I said, allowing him to drape the nice leather jacket over me with one hand and around me with the other. This was how we made it into the lobby, where we almost walked straight into Mark.

“Hi,” Mark said, his surprised face turning from me to Jake, and back to me again. He blinked a couple times.

“I was just going to look for you two.”

“Thought we were skipping out on you?” Jake joked.

A shadow passed over Mark’s face.

“No, I—” With a shake of his head, he sent the offending thoughts away, his eyes narrowing with irritation. “I don’t know what I thought, but we’re late anyway, Mr. Work Hard-Play Hard.”

In the elevator, Jake looked just as somber as Mark did.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to say it like that,” he said in an undertone.

“Forget it,” Jake countered.

I said nothing. I didn’t know what they were talking about, but whatever it was, it wasn’t my place to intrude.

The rest of the day, things were awkward at best. Now, it was as if the roles had been reversed. Jake was the jokey talkative one, while Mark was the brooding silent one. He even snapped at Deidre.

“What did I tell you about booking operations back to back?” he snarled, slamming the flat of his hand down on the desk.

Waiting patiently, she withdrew further into the corner.

“Sorry,” Mark barked at her before striding off. “But we’ve got to have a break in between!” he yelled over his shoulder, as he stormed off to the bathroom.

Jake and I exchanged a look. Once again, I felt myself feeling guilty and aware this was all my doing. It seemed that no matter what choice I made, someone got hurt and upset. What was I going to do?

That night after our last patient was gone and the two of them finally left, I heaved a sigh of relief. As soon as I got home, I called Karly.

“So, I have a pretty big problem.”

“You fucked one of them, didn’t you!” she accused me, her voice laced with victory.

“How did you know?” I asked.

“Do we have to go over this again? It was the jerk one, wasn’t it?”

“Mark, yeah,” I admitted with a sigh.

“How was it?”

“Really good, I mean Kar, if you saw what this man could do—wow—but that doesn’t matter. It really upset Jake. He and I made up today, but that got Mark all upset. I’m starting to think this wasn’t such a good idea.”

“No shit, Sherlock!” Karly said, with a cackle.

“Okay, okay, that was a bit harsh, I’ll give you that,” she continued, correctly surmising that her response had annoyed me, “But let’s face it, working with two gorgeous hot-blooded single men in such close quarters—it was bound to happen sooner or later.”

“Okay,” I said slowly, “But, now that it has, what am I supposed to do? It seems like no matter what I do, no matter who I choose, someone is going to get hurt. And I really like this job and both guys. I don’t want to give one up.”

Karly whistled thoughtfully.

“Yeah, no matter how you swing it, one man’s going to get hurt. There’s no avoiding that. Damage control is figuring out the best resolution that you can, and going on. Although, I’m sure you know what I think you oughta do.”

I sighed.

“Fuck Jake, the other doc?”

“Bingo,” she said.

Before I could protest, she continued “It’s the only thing that’s fair at this point. I mean, you’ve got Jake all jealous that you slept with Mark, so it only makes sense to fuck him to put him at ease on equal ground. Maybe once they’re even, the tension will lessen a bit.”

As much as I hated to admit it, Karly’s conclusion matched what my gut was saying.

“I guess we’ll see,” I said.

“Oh please, you’re totally going to,” Karly’s knowing voice chided me.

“Whatever,” I said.

The rest of our conversation passed easily enough. We chatted about the new Jennifer Aniston movie, and the funny guy Karly was dating. It was nice, and reminded me of the old days when my life was much less stressful. Funny to think that was only a few weeks ago. Somehow, it felt like years.

Back at home, I killed time before going to bed. I watched some Netflix, cooked a quick pizza dinner. When I finally crawled into the soft, silky bed and closed my eyes, I was met with the same image in my mind as past few nights. Mark and Jake, their shirts unbuttoned and open, advancing towards me. No matter where I turned, they were there waiting for me. For the decision I couldn’t make.