Chapter Ten

Olivia

“I still say you should have gone with him,” Kelly chastised the next morning over bowls of cold cereal. “He probably could have used the moral support.”

Landon had asked and I felt kind of shitty for not going to support him, but everything was happening so fast. I needed to take a minute just to breathe.

“Have you heard from him since he left?”

“No, but I didn’t expect to. He said reception sucks up there. I’m sure he’ll call me when he can.” He’d promised he would and I so wanted to believe him.

“So, crazy couple of days for you two, huh?” Kelly asked, wiggling her eyebrows.

She had no idea. “Yeah, you could say that.”

“Think you’ll see him again?”

“If he has his way.” I was trying to play it off, act like it was no big deal, but my twin knew me too well.

“Ah, so you don’t want to see him again?”

I raised a shoulder as I mowed down on my second bowl of Corn Pops. When I got nervous I craved sugar. “I didn’t say that. We’ll see what happens. I imagine he’ll be dealing with the fall-out from the fire at his cabin for a while. You know, insurance claim, re-building, whatever.” It would probably take up the remainder of his off-season, which would leave no time for him to pursue a relationship. Even if he wanted to.

“I think you should call his brother, see what he knows about it,” Kelly said, sipping her coffee. “I’m sure he’s been in touch with him. Besides he’s a cop. He’s probably been in touch with fire and police up there, right?”

“I don’t know.” I couldn’t just call Landon’s brother up out of the blue. I didn’t even know if he knew about us. If there even was an us.

“Something’s eating at you,” Kelly said, watching me. “What is it? And don’t say nothing,” she said, wagging her finger at me. “‘Cause I can always tell.”

“He said he loves me,” I whispered, staring into my bowl of soggy cereal. It looked sad, deflated, just like I felt.

“Oh my God!” Her eyes widened. “Seriously? And what did you say?”

“Nothing!” I sighed. “He said it while he was fucking me. You know as well as I do that you can’t believe anything a guy says when he’s nailing you.”

“I don’t know about that.” She bit her lip, looking away. “Justin once told me sex lowers a guy’s inhibitions just like alcohol does. He said guys say things they wouldn’t have the balls to say any other time.”

I mulled that over, wondering if there could be some truth to my sister’s claim.

“But the more important question is, how do you feel about him?” She hesitated before asking quietly, “You think you’re still in love with him, sis?”

I dropped my head into my hand, tugging on my long, slightly matted locks. “I don’t know how I feel.” I groaned. “This is so confusing. I never imagined this would happen when he came back for the reunion.”

“What did you expect?” she asked. “I mean, really?”

“I hoped he’d think that I looked hot and regret breaking up with me. I wanted him to see me with a good-looking guy and be jealous.” I sighed, remembering how I expected it to play out. “I thought maybe he’d hit on me, flirt with me, when he found out Justin wasn’t my boyfriend.”

“And you actually thought you could go up to his room with him… and resist?”

“That was the plan,” I reminded her. “Your idea, if I recall.” I narrowed my eyes when she looked away, a faint blush creeping up her neck to stain her cheeks. “Oh my God! Was that your way of getting us in the same room together, alone? Did you want me to sleep with him?”

Kelly rounded the island and gripped my shoulders. “Look, I’ve known you your whole life. I’ve seen you through every break-up and bad relationship. I’ve heard every excuse for why this guy or that one wasn’t the one. I’ve listened to you moan and complain when the fuck buddies wanted more. I fielded your calls when crappy first dates started acting all stalkerish.”

“What’s your point?” I asked, thinking the last thing I needed was to be reminded how inept I was at finding and keeping a good man. “Other than to make me feel like shit.”

“Landon is the one. Why can’t you see that?”

My jaw dropped as I felt the knot of anxiety in my belly unravel and spread through my body. “What are you talking about?” I shrieked. “How can you say that?”

“He’s the only guy you’ve ever really loved. The only one you ever talked about a future with.” She wiped at a stray tear slipping down my cheek as she gave me a weak smile. “Sure, he’s the one who broke your heart, but maybe he can be the one to piece it back together again.”

“My heart is not still broken,” I argued, with more vehemence than I felt. “It’s been fifteen years. I’d have to be some sort of freak if—”

“No, you’d have to be human.” She gave me a quick hug. “I know you’re scared. I’m scared for you. And I meant what I said,” she said, looking as fierce as she could, given her tiny stature. “I will castrate that sonofabitch if he hurts you again. But if I let you run scared, and you never take this chance with him, I’d never be able to forgive myself.”

I gasped when the doorbell rang. “You don’t think…?” I wanted it to be him, but the odds were slim.

“Only one way to find out,” she said, heading for the door.

My heart fell when I recognized Landon’s younger brother, Mike, standing on the other side. It’s not that it wasn’t nice to see him, but I’d had my heart set on him.

I heard Kelly and Mike making small talk. She was probably giving me time to pull myself together. I pulled up the zipper on my hooded sweatshirt to hide the fact I wasn’t wearing a bra under my tight tank. Thankfully I’d stuck a hair elastic in my pocket, so I was able to manage a messy bun. I fished through the junk drawer for a pack of gum and popped a stick in my mouth. That was as good as it was going to get without a shower.

“Hey,” I said, rounding the corner as I held my hands out to him. “Mike, it’s so great to see you. How’ve you been?”

He gave me a quick hug and his smile was so much like Landon’s, complete with shallow dimples, that I could have sworn my heart skipped a beat.

“I’ve been good. How ‘bout you?”

I was grateful he didn’t claim I looked good. We both know that would have been a lie. But since it was ten o’clock on a Sunday morning I didn’t think he’d hold my disheveled appearance against me.

“Good. I’m sorry, I know I should have called first. But I was meeting a friend for brunch so I thought I’d take a chance on you being home.”

“I’m glad you did.”

I led him into the living room while my sister hovered in the doorway checking out Mike’s ass. He was a couple of years younger than us, but he’d grown into a very fine looking man. With a mouth-watering body. Not that I could ever look at him that way.

“Can I get you a cup of coffee?” I asked, frowning at my sister. I swear, she was worse than a dog in heat sometimes.

“No, I’m good. Landon just asked me to stop by and give you an update on his situation.”

“Then you’ve heard from him?” I asked, sitting forward on the gray heather sofa that complimented our contemporary décor scheme. “Is he okay? What about the cabin? Did he make it in time? Was he able to salvage anything? Will he have to re-build or—”

“Would you give the poor guy a chance to get a word in?” Kelly asked, rolling her eyes at me.

“Don’t you have to take a shower?” I asked, glaring at her.

“It’s okay,” Mike said, covering my hand with his. “I know you’re worried. He’s fine. The cabin?” He tipped his hand back and forth. “Not so much.”

“Oh no,” I said, my shoulders sagging. “Is it a total loss? How did the fire start?”

“I don’t know if it’s a total loss, but even if it’s not it will take a few months to rebuild. As for the cause, they think it was electrical. But the Fire Marshall is up there investigating right now so we won’t know anything for sure until he files his official report.”

“Landon must be devastated. I know how much he loved that place.”

“My brother has a pretty good attitude when it comes to stuff, Olivia.” His eyes met mine. “He knows it can be replaced. People can’t.”

“No, I guess they can’t,” I said, diverting my gaze.

“He said you two were getting closer. He was really disappointed he had to leave when he did.”

“I was sad to see him go,” I admitted. “It would have been nice to have him around awhile longer.”

“I know this is none of my business, but…”

“Just say whatever’s on your mind, Mike. We go way back. You know I won’t be offended.”

“I just want you to know that breaking up with you was the hardest thing he ever had to do. I don’t think he ever really got over it.”

I knew this was my chance to corroborate Landon’s story. Not that his brother couldn’t lie for him, but I’d always known Mike to honest and straightforward. I trusted him. And I wanted, more than anything, to trust his brother again. So I had to ask…

“Why do you think he broke up with me?”

He frowned. “You mean he still hasn’t told you?” He rubbed the back of his neck, looking uncomfortable. “I was so sure he would have now that you guys are seeing each other again… or whatever.”

“He told me his version of the story,” I said, carefully. “But I’d like to hear your thoughts.” Mike knew us as well as anyone did back then. And he and Landon were close. I was certain if he’d confided in anyone it would have been Mike.

“He loved you, Olivia. No doubt about that. He wanted you in his life, but not at the cost of your future.”

So far, so good. It wasn’t until the butterflies started dancing in my belly that I realized how much I wanted to get past this obstacle so Landon and I could wipe the slate clean.

“What do you mean?” I didn’t want to put words in his mouth or coax him. I wanted to hear the unfiltered truth from a man who didn’t have any skin in the game.

“He wanted you to find you own way. Live your own dream, not his. When your parents came to him and told him how much you wanted to go to the art school, he knew he’d only be standing in your way if he didn’t bow out.”

“Bow out…” I turned his words over in my head, trying to put myself in my parents place. I couldn’t. I knew they loved me and were only trying to help, but I was pissed at them for sticking their noses where they didn’t belong. “You mean dump me, don’t you?”

“If there was another way—”

“We could have tried the long distance thing.”

“You’d told him a dozen times that would never work.”

“True,” I bit my lip, trying to keep my emotions in check. “But if he never stopped caring about me, why’d he wait so long to come back? We’ve both been established in our careers a long time.”

“He didn’t think he deserved another shot with you. He didn’t think you’d forgive him, not after the way he ended things.”

I thought of the screaming, crying, and hitting when he’d broken up with me. Yeah, I didn’t take it well. I pounded on his chest, cursing him, telling him I hated him. And he just stood there and took it. He didn’t even argue or try to defend himself. He just took it, like he felt he deserved it or something.

“I loved him so much,” I whispered. “I’m just afraid.”

“Of what?” he asked, gently.

“To love like that again. To risk getting hurt like that again.”

“You remember what you told me once?” he asked, folding his arms as he stretched his long legs out in front of him.

“No. What?”

“That being with Landon made you feel alive. We were joking around one day and I was telling you that you could do a hell of a lot better than my dumbass brother.” His smile slipped. “Then the conversation turned serious and you told me you loved him because he made you feel alive. Everything in your life was better with him. That still true?”

I thought of the last couple of days we’d spent together. The sex definitely lit me up, but it was more than that. It was the long talks and late nights. It was the smiles and kisses, hand-holding and hugging. It was the teasing and joking. It was feeling as though I’d reconnected with an old friend I hadn’t seen in forever… and I’d missed.

“Life is better with him,” I said, trying that statement on for size. “It is. But that doesn’t mean we can just pick up where we left off. He has a life in Denver and I have a life here. He has a demanding career and so do I.”

“I deal with life and death a lot in my line of work, Olivia,” he said, looking serious. “I see kids throwing their lives away using drugs or weapons. I see people hurting the ones they love the most because they can’t control their own actions.”

“I get that.”

“I’m not sure you do.” He gripped my hand. “You have a second chance. That’s something most people would give anything for, hon. A do-over. You really gonna sit here and list all the reasons it can’t work? Or are you gonna stop living in the past and go after what you want?”

He made it sound so simple. And maybe it was.

“I don’t even know how to find him.”

He smiled. “I can help you with that.”