Chapter Three

 

Olivia

 

I turned the key card over and over in my hand, questioning whether I should just snap it in half and forget this night ever happened. But I knew I wouldn’t do that. Because he’d planted the seed of doubt when he told my sister that our parents were involved in our break-up. Just like he knew he would.

“You think he was lying?” I asked, knocking back my fourth glass of wine. Landon had apparently left the party almost two hours ago, but I wanted to make him sweat. “You know, about Mom and Dad?”

“You know how they are,” Kelly said, sighing. “I wouldn’t be surprised if they did something like this.”

She was right, it wouldn’t be out of character for them. They still gave me advice on how to run my life, whether I asked for it or not. They tried to set me up with nice guys they met on the golf course or at some fundraiser. They tried to steer me toward office and studio space in a ‘better’ part of town. They’d even sent me links to houses and cars when I was in the market for a new one.

“But I can’t believe Landon fell for it. He’s hardly the submissive type.” My parents may not have approved of our relationship, but that didn’t stop Landon from telling them he planned to marry me someday.

Kelly snorted. “You can say that again. He’s just about the most dominant man I’ve ever met.”

You have no idea, I thought, recalling just how assertive he could be between the sheets. I’d never been with another man who’d pulled my strings so masterfully, eliciting pleasure from me without breaking a sweat.

“I know that look,” Kelly said, pointing at me with a saucy grin. “You’re thinking about how good he was in bed, aren’t you?”

Kelly was more than my twin. She was my best friend, so naturally she knew Landon had rocked my world. “You can’t blame me,” I said, fanning my face with the small piece of plastic. “Seeing him again, dancing with him again…” I shuddered. “It was too much. I should have known this whole thing would blow up in my face. Coming here tonight was a bad idea.”

“How can you say that? You wanted closure.” She gestured to the card. “This will give you closure.” She winked. “Plays your cards right and he might even give you a few toe-curling orgasms for old time’s sake.”

“Sex with Landon isn’t just sex.” And I was crazy to think it could be. As soon as I stepped back into his arms all those old feelings came flooding back and I was eighteen again. In love for the first time, believing in forever. “It can’t be.”

“I know,” Kelly said, softly. “But maybe it could be the start of something?”

“Are you even listening to yourself right now?” I asked, wide-eyed. “That man didn’t just break my heart. He tore it out and stomped all over it.” My voice tapered off to a whisper as I acknowledged the truth. “He broke me.”

I’d never been the same since. I had my guard up, was afraid to get hurt. I’d become the serial dater, the good-time girl. I dumped my boyfriend before he could dump me. More than a few guys called me a commitment-phobe, which was ironic, since deep down the one thing I wanted more than anything was to meet a man I could trust with my heart.

I was thirty-three, and the days were ticking by. I wanted to find my soul mate, to find my other half, get married, and have babies. I wanted someone to grow old with. But Landon made that impossible because his betrayal caused me to build a wall. I didn’t even realize it was happening at first, but it was. Day by day, brick to brick, and now it was so strong it felt like no man could ever penetrate it.

“But you pieced yourself back together,” she said, grasping my hand. “And you’re stronger now. He doesn’t have that kind of power over you anymore.”

I wanted to believe that. But a few short minutes in his arms tonight and I was in tears again. “It wasn’t supposed to be like this,” I said, pressing a palm to my forehead. “Tonight was supposed to be about revenge. I wanted to show up looking hot with a sexy guy on my arm and make him eat his heart out. I wanted to make him grovel, to beg me to sleep with him. And I wanted to be able to laugh in his face.” Maybe after a few hot kisses.

“I know that was the plan,” Kelly said, stroking my bare arm. “And it was a good one. But maybe talking to him, getting all this out in the open is an even better one.”

“You really think so?”

Justin walked up and put an arm around my shoulders. “How ya holdin’ up, hon?”

He, of all people, knew how hard it was for me to see Landon again. I leaned in to him when he brushed his lips across my temple. I loved this man. Deeply. Endlessly. But not romantically. Why the hell couldn’t it be the kind of romantic love that would make me forget #47 existed?

“I was debating the merits of using this,” I said, holding the key up. “If you really love me you’ll take this and break it in a dozen pieces. Take the decision out of my hands.”

“You know I love you,” he said, squeezing my shoulders. “But I can’t do that, sweetheart. This has to be your decision.”

I groaned, knowing he was going to say that. “What would you do if you were me?”

He paused a beat before he said, “You have to go see him, Olivia. If you don’t, you’ll always wonder whether he might have said or done something that could have changed everything.”

 

***

 

I rapped on the door instead of using the key card, even though it was after midnight and I suspected he might be sleeping. Landon had always been one of those early to bed, early to rise kind of guys. Except when he was busy exploring my body. That sometimes took all night.

He opened it quickly, wearing tyro pants and a gray T-shirt with a logo and slogan on the front. Just Do It. If only it were that easy.

My mouth felt dry and my palms were wet. But that wasn’t the only part of my body that was wet because my God… those biceps. There were no words.

“I’m glad you could come,” he said, his eyes sweeping over me.

When I thought of all the times this man has made me come…

Focus, Olivia, focus. You’re here to talk, not take a touchy-feely trip down memory lane. “You didn’t give me much choice. Those things you said to my sister, about my parents. Are they true?”

Something flashed across his handsome face, hurt maybe, before he said, “I wouldn’t lie about something like that.” He opened the door wider, stepping back. “But this isn’t a conversation for a hotel hallway. Come in.”

Walking into a room that shared space with Landon Harris and a bed was a bad idea, but it’s not like I had a choice if I wanted answers. “Thank you.” I was trying to be cordial to make up for the way I’d gone off on him downstairs, not because I owed it to him but because I wanted to walk away from this evening with some of my pride still intact.

“Would you like a drink?”

“I’ve already had four,” I admitted. “I probably shouldn’t.”

His lips twitched as though he was trying to suppress a smile. “Still can’t hold your liquor, huh?”

“I can hold my liquor just fine,” I lied. “A lot of things have changed since you knew me.” But one thing hadn’t changed. I still couldn’t stand in the same room with this man without wanting to lick every inch of his naked body.

“I know. You’re a successful designer now. Congratulations.”

“Thank you.” A flush of pride swept through me. I was mad at myself for allowing his praise to get to me, like his opinion still mattered. “And you…” I gestured to the ring on his right hand. “You did it. Made your dream come true.”

“One of them,” he acknowledged, inclining his head. “It felt damn good, but at the end of the day, it’s just a moment in time, isn’t it?”

“I don’t know about that,” I said, raising a shoulder. “You’ll always have the ring. The memories.”

“The memories.” He took a step closer, cutting off my air supply with his spicy, achingly familiar scent. “That’s one thing no one can take away from us, isn’t it?”

I had to close my eyes because it was becoming too much. The scent of him. The sound of his voice. The promise of his touch. The power of his words.

“Tell me you still remember, Liv.” His callused hand moved softly, slowly down my arm, his hand finally linking with mine. “The way we made each other feel.”

“What I remember,” I said, choking back a sob. “Was all the promises you never kept. When I think of you now that’s all I remember.”

“I was a kid then,” he said, his voice deep and low. “I didn’t know shit about the way the world worked. I thought what we had came around all the time. I didn’t know then it was a once in a lifetime.”

My eyes burned with tears again and I wanted to punish him for making me feel this way. “You don’t get to say that to me!” I felt myself falling apart again, in spite of the promises that I’d made to myself I wouldn’t. “You don’t get to hurt me anymore.”

“That’s the last thing I’d ever wanna do, baby. You gotta believe that.”

Baby. He was the only man who’d ever called me that and it stirred something inside of me. A sweet memory. Being curled up in his arms, lying under the stars in the bed of his truck, making plans for our future.

“I loved you so much,” I said, looking into his eyes, heedless of the tears falling from mine. “And I thought you loved me just as much.”

“I did,” he said, sounding desperate as he gripped my shoulders. “God, I did. You have to believe that.”

“I don’t have to believe anything you say to me. Not anymore. You broke that trust.”

“You’re right,” he said, taking a step back as his hands fell to his sides. “So you tell me what I have to do to get it back.”

“You can’t.”

It’s not that I was a person who didn’t believe in forgiveness. I did. I even believed people could change. I could forgive someone for opening their car door into mine at the supermarket. I could forgive someone who spilled their drink on my favorite blouse. But I couldn’t forgive the man who’d knowingly broke my heart. He knew walking away from our relationship would destroy me. Yet he did it anyway.

“I don’t believe that.” He shook his head slowly, as though he was trying to convince himself. “If that were true you wouldn’t be here now.”

“I’m here for one reason,” I whispered, holding my index finger up. “Closure. I didn’t get it then, but I will get it now.”

“Fine,” he said, spreading his hands. “You obviously came up here with questions. Let me answer them for you.”

“I know why you claim you broke up with me—”.”

“That was the reason, the only reason.” His eyes were sad, downcast. “No way would I have broken up with you unless I believed it was the best thing for you.”

I pushed him hard, causing him to stumble back only because I caught him off guard. “You don’t get to decide what’s best for me! Neither do my parents! How dare you make up your mind that ending our relationship was the best thing for me without talking to me about it!”

He raked a hand through his hair, looking shaken. “In hindsight I realize that probably wasn’t the best approach, but I thought you’d tell me I was wrong, that being with me was the best thing for you.”

“Because it was.”

He stared at me a long time, his eyes tracing my face. “You really believe that? Even after everything you’ve accomplished without me in your life?”

“What makes you think I couldn’t have become a designer even if we had gotten married?” I know he probably didn’t know much about my profession, but a fancy degree wasn’t the only road to success.

“I don’t know.” He looked miserable and maybe a little angry when he said, “I just thought going to that art school was so important to you. No way would you have done that if we’d stayed together. How many times did you tell me you didn’t want to do the long distance thing?”

He was right, I had said that dozens of times. Every time he told me I should go to the school of my choice, not the school with the best football program. “I hate this,” I said, turning away from him. “I hate this conversation. I hate that I’m even here listening to anything you have to say.”

He came up behind me when I walked to the window. His hands curled possessively around my shoulders and I’m ashamed to admit I leaned into the solid wall of his chest.

“You can tell yourself you came here for closure, or revenge, or whatever the hell you told yourself to get here,” he whispered. “But we both know the truth. You wanted this as much as I did.”

“No.” I shook my head frantically. If that were true, that would make me weak and I couldn’t afford to be weak where he was concerned. Not anymore. “You’re wrong. You think you know me, but you don’t. I’m not the same stupid, naïve little girl who believed your lies.”

“I never lied to you.” He crossed his fingertip over my chest, marking my heart. “In here, you know that.”

“No, I don’t.” I felt like I was fighting a losing battle. The allure was too strong, the memories too vivid for me to go on fighting. “I hate you,” I whispered, wishing that were true.

“I know you want to,” he said, sounding sympathetic. “You have every right to. But you don’t.” His large hands trailed down my arms before finally coming to rest on my hips. “That’s the thing about memories, isn’t it, Liv? They’re imprinted here…” His fingertip grazed my temple. “Here.” His fingers brushed against my heaving breasts, over my heart before his hands started roaming my body like the bastard had a right to touch me!

So, stop him! But I couldn’t. He was right. My body, my heart, my mind, all remembered him like we’d never been apart. “This is crazy,” I muttered, remembering the plans I’d made for tonight. I imagined being in this room with him, but he was supposed to be the one begging and I was supposed to be the one in total control. Yet he’d somehow turned my world upside down with a few simple words. With a light touch he’d ignited something in me, made me crave more. “This wasn’t supposed to happen.”

“Yes, it was.” His tongue flicked out to trace the shell of my ear, making my entire body tremble in response. “I knew when I let you go it wouldn’t be for the last time. We’d meet again. Somehow, some way. We had to. It was fate.”

Fate. I didn’t believe in fate. This evening had been carefully orchestrated. Fate had nothing to do with it. Did it? Yet, here we were. He was single. I was single. And we still wanted each other as much as we had the last time we’d touched.

“One night,” I whispered, knowing it was pointless to resist the temptation. I hadn’t had a boyfriend in six months and I’d already worn out two sets of batteries in my plastic playmate. He owed me this. One night of crazy, hot sex. Then I could forget him…

“If you say so.”

He was kissing my neck, that hot spot only he’d been able to find. Damn him for remembering everything I’d tried so hard to forget. “I mean it, Landon.” I suppressed a moan as I rested my hand on the cool glass, my head falling forward as he shifted my thick mane of hair to give him better access.

His erection was thick and hard. I could feel it wedged between my ass cheeks and I eased back into it, making him groan.

“You are so hot,” he murmured as he slid my side zipper down.

I’d dressed for the occasion, planning to leave him panting over my sexy lingerie while I walked away with a smug smile teasing my lips. Only now my plans were shot to hell and I suspected the only thing that would be teasing my lips tonight would be his shaft.

My mouth watered at the thought. I used to love going down on him. It was the only time I’d ever seen him lose control and I wanted to witness that again. I turned into his arms, reaching for his pants, but he halted me with a mind-altering kiss.

No, kiss was too mild a word for what he did with my mouth. We danced. We teased. We tongue-fucked. We fought for control. And finally, we surrendered.

His breathing was labored as I pulled his T-shirt over his head and tossed it aside. “What are you doing, sexy?” he asked, sliding my dress down and over my hips before placing it on the chair next to him.

“What does it look like I’m doing? Getting you naked.” This was supposed to be angry sex. At least for me, but when he popped my bra open with one hand and cradled my breast with the other, flicking his thumb across my hard nipple, I knew it was time to shelve that plan too.

Just go with it, that’s what I told myself. Forget who he is and what he did to you. Just soak in the pleasure. He’s just another hard male body with the equipment to show you a good time. That gorgeous face is irrelevant. The way his muscles ripple when he moves. Not important. The way his tongue glides over your skin, turning you into a puddle of messy goo. Who cares? You have one goal tonight, girl. The Big O.

He bent down and cradled my tits in his big hands, making them look small for the first time since… he cupped them the last time. His tongue lashed my nipples, making me squirm, but when he sucked them in his hot mouth, pulling hard, just the way I liked it, I had to grip his broad shoulders for strength.

“We’re right in front of the window.” And I was down to my black thong and heels. What the hell was I thinking?

“Privacy glass,” he murmured, talking with his mouth full. Of me.

“Oh.” It was kind of hot, the idea of going down on him in front of a big window that overlooked the city. “In that case...” I pushed his pants down over his hips, revealing black boxer briefs that strained against his massive erection.

I’d once tried to convince myself that I’d imagined that. He couldn’t possibly be as big as I remembered. But yeah, he was. That was just another lie I told myself to try and forget him. Like that was ever gonna happen.

“Olivia, you don’t have to—”

“I want to.” I licked my lips as I gripped him hard through the soft cotton. He was probably fearing for his manhood, given my state of mind earlier. And I couldn’t blame him. In his position I’d feel the same way. So I said, “Tonight we’re not Olivia and Landon.”

“We’re not?”

His eyes drifted closed when I reached inside his boxers and curled my hand around his shaft, spreading the drop of pre-cum around the tip.

“You’re not my ex-boyfriend,” I said, dropping to my knees as I inched the briefs over his hips and down his rock hard thighs. “You’re not the guy who broke my heart.” My tongue flicked out and I moaned as soon as I tasted his salty essence. “You’re just a guy. I’m just a girl. Here for a good time.” I cupped him while trailing my tongue over his hard length. His hips bucked, making me smile as I took him in my mouth. “What happens here, stays here.” I was stating my case while licking and sucking him and as he looked down at me I was pretty sure I could have demanded his Ferrari and he would have gladly handed over the keys. “One goal tonight: to make each other come as many times as possible.”

“Oh God.”

He threaded his hands through my hair when I took him deeper before swirling my tongue around his length.

“Is that a deal?”

“Whatever you want, baby. Just don’t stop doing that.”

I took him fast and hard, just the way I knew he liked it and he fisted his hands in my hair, thrusting his hips like a man possessed. Or should I say obsessed? With my mouth.

I opened wide, taking him deep, just the way he’d shown me when I was an inexperienced girl trying to learn how to pleasure her man. I told myself I wouldn’t allow the memories to creep in, but there they were. At the periphery of my mind.

“Baby, I’m gonna….” His grip tightened as he let out a guttural moan and let loose.

I took every drop of him, swallowing convulsively as his hands stroked my scalp.

“That was fucking amazing.”

I smiled as he helped me to my feet. “Glad you enjoyed.”

I was making my way for the bed when he grabbed my panties. I looked over my shoulder just in time to see him tear them in two. Yeah, after that little display of masculinity I didn’t need them anymore anyways. They were soaked through.

“Keep the shoes on,” he said, when I bent to take them off. “They’re hot as hell.”

“Whatever you say.” He walked me backward toward the bed. He was towering over me, even with heels on and I gotta say, there is something about being with a man that big that makes you feel small and feminine and sexy, no matter your size.

“Now…” He bit his bottom lip as I fell back against the mattress. “I do believe it’s my turn.”