It’s crazy how a small stroke of luck can turn things around. And I knew without a doubt that Reid needed something more to keep him going, and that something more turned out to be an invitation to play weekly at a couple of clubs and get paid for it.
“It’s starting,” I said with a smile as he gave me my phone back. Ben had called me because Reid’s had been disconnected a few days before.
“It’s not much at all.”
“It’s money to play drums!” I said with a broad smile. “You are a paid musician now, Crowne,” I said, traying an order of enchiladas as he stood next to me, loading up his own. He couldn’t hide his smile, and that time I caught the full dimple.
“Let’s go out tonight and celebrate,” I suggested, hopeful.
“Yeah,” he said. “We made plans to meet up later.”
“Oh, well, if it’s a group thing, I get it. I can get a ride from Leslie.”
“No, you can’t.” Leslie popped her head out of her office. “I’m your boss, not a taxi service, Stella. And, Reid, you better make damn sure you clear those nights with me.”
He gave Linebacker Leslie a salute then walked his tray out of the door.
“I’ll work all those shifts to cover him,” I offered. “Every one. Even if it means doubles.”
“I would take you up on that, except you’re a horrible waitress.”
I drew my brows together. “What? I am not!”
Leslie nodded toward my tray. “That order went in ten minutes after you took it. I watched you, and now those enchiladas are freezing.”
“I’ll do better.”
“I doubt it,” Leslie said as I made a face at her turned back. “I have a rearview mirror in here.”
I’d always romanticized being around a rock ‘n’ roll band. What could be more rewarding than hearing creative conversations fly in a cloud of smoke, tattoos, and cheap beer? It’s not every woman’s fantasy, but as Reid slung his arm around me, his fingers lightly brushing my shoulder as he spoke, I couldn’t help but to feel the exhilaration that came with sitting in the dark black booth as one of them. A silent cheerleader. For once, I just sat back and watched, and kept the questions to myself. And that’s when I saw the true magic. The starlit eyes of four guys who were on the same edge of something. Even Reid’s prominent skepticism was on the back burner. I melted into his hold, his fingers never stopping. I caught Ben’s eyes on his fingers once or twice before he winked at me.
“Fuck, man, if we can get a few more gigs, we can quit our jobs,” Rye said enthusiastically.
“Says the guy who just needs enough money to play video games on his mother’s couch. This isn’t real money,” Ben said with an eye roll. “But, damn,” he said, raising his glass, “I’ll take the steady gigs.” They all toasted, and I raised my glass. They got busy talking about new songs, the energy around the table flowing through all of us. I texted Lexi and saw Reid frown at me. “Lexi.”
He nodded and laughed at something Adam said before he turned back to me while I put my phone away.
“Hey,” he whispered. “You feeling okay?”
“Yeah, of course. Why?”
He grinned wide. Beautiful. “I didn’t think you were capable of being quiet.”
I shrugged. “Just watching you shine, Reid Crowne.”
He shook his head. “Stella, it’s just a gig.”
“It’s two gigs, and soon it will be three and then more. Reid, you guys are filling up clubs. This isn’t small shit anymore.”
“Hell yes, we are,” Ben said as he motioned to the waitress. “Hey, beautiful, a round of shots.”
She gave him a shy smile and a nod. Ben’s charm was disarming. I couldn’t wait to watch him work his magic on Lexi.
I smiled at the thought and then felt fingertips brush my jaw before persuasive fingers turned my face. There was a brief flash in Reid’s eyes as he dipped in and took my lips. I knew it was supposed to be a brief kiss. I felt his intent to withdraw before he gripped the back of my head, the hand on my shoulder now fisting in my hair. He molded us together, fire chasing fire. I felt the groan in his mouth but couldn’t hear it as he ignored the objection of Adam and Rye, and the peanut shells tossed at us. Reid made it last, and I clutched him to me, feeding, feeling, flying while he gave me my Sissy/Grenade kiss. The one I’d been hoping for my whole life. He slowed it and pulled away as I stared up at him in a daze. Duran Duran’s “Ordinary World” filtered the noise of the bar as he pressed in once more—his decision of us—against my lips. But my heart had declared it long before his own.
Ben sat on the other side of the booth with his arms folded and a huge shit-eating grin covering his face, while Rye and Adam sat shocked at Reid’s public display. No one was more surprised than me, and I was sure it showed on my face. I cleared my throat and braved a look at Ben, who had his head tilted with a believe it, woman look on his face. I giggled like a giddy idiot and buried my head in Reid’s chest.
“Looks like we’ve just earned ourselves a Yoko, boys,” Adam said, as Reid glared in his direction right along with Ben.
“No,” Ben said before Reid could utter a word. “Shut the hell up, Adam. Our Yoko’s behind us,” he continued as he passed out shots, no doubt referring to Lia.
I reached out and double tapped Adam on the forehead. He jerked back, spilling half his shot. Reid chuckled. “And this one can take care of herself,” I announced as I glared at Adam. “Take that back!”
“My apologies, my lady,” Adam said sincerely, as he tapped his glass with mine. We took the shot and the rest of the table followed.
That night, while Reid was in the shower, I peeked at some of his lyrics. I couldn’t help myself. His library was vast, and I was buzzed, so it sort of, kind of, gave me permission to make shitty decisions. I grabbed the book he’d been scribbling in, anxious to get inside his head, and my heart stopped. Heavy tears fell as his words blurred, and I wiped my face to soak them in. Some of them were just random whispers and incomplete thoughts. Rage littered several pages, and I could see he wrote them heavy-handed. And the most recent pages were songs.
Three songs about suicide.
Two songs about sex.
And the last song was about abandonment.
It read far too obvious between his desperate lines; he was battling demons I’d never met.
“Stella?” Reid’s voice was low as I dropped the notebook and scrubbed my face with my hands. “I’m sorry. But I get it now. I get how personal it is, okay? I’ll never do that to you again. I won’t push. Just give me the chance to prove it.”
I couldn’t look at him. I had violated him in a way that I couldn’t take back. I was done at that moment, done pushing. The aspiring journalist in me was disgusted; the woman who was in love with him was terrified.
Reid stood over me for a moment and then pulled me to my feet.
“You’re telling me that’s the first time?” Shocked at the even tone of his voice, I met his stare and eagerly nodded.
“I fully expected you to have gotten through half of them by now,” he said with a twist of his lips.
I couldn’t find it in me to smile, not with the flash of his angry soul floating around in my head.
He gripped my chin and forced me to look at him. “I told you I was in a fucked-up place.”
My lips trembled. “You said you were still there.”
He blew fresh breath in my face, and that’s when I realized he was still dripping wet, and naked. “So you aren’t mad?”
“I’m fucking pissed, but it’s a new state of normal being with you,” he said with a chuckle. “I’ve never in my life met a woman who needed to know so much.”
“I’ve never in my life met a man who wanted to tell so little.”
“Match made in hell,” he said as he bit my bottom lip. Sensing my unease, he shrugged. “They’re just songs, just an outlet, Stella.”
“Okay,” I said, kissing his chest, eager to get as close as I could. I offered him my lips, which he took and devoured, igniting the flame. We got lost, and I got naked. I clawed and tasted before I met his hungry eyes and kneeled at his throne in worship. He hissed through his teeth as I took him in my mouth. I gripped, sucked, licked, and stroked, starved as he cupped my chin, his eyes on fire, and began to thrust his hips. His mouth parted. I moaned and felt him thicken with each pull. Massaging his sack, I bobbed and gagged, taking him fully, and felt his whole body shudder. “Fuck, goddamn,” he said, guiding my head as I felt the heat grow in my belly and spread between my thighs. I’d never been so turned on in my life. The sound of our mixed sounds had me dripping in anticipation. I drank and drank until he clutched the back of my head and his orgasm rolled down my throat. Still kneeling, I looked up at him with my hands on my thighs. He gripped the top of my arms and pulled me to stand before he lifted me to straddle him, a wicked gleam in his eyes. “Grenade.”