*****

Phoenix awoke with the notebook still in her grasp. She didn’t know if it was a good thing to be reliving the past, but she felt she was having an easier time processing everything as she continued to write down her thoughts. She supposed it was good to remember because it kept her humble and the stories made sure their people wouldn’t die. If they were discovered somehow and killed, their stories would live on.

She climbed from her bed and went toward the kitchen. She was on collection duty that day and excited to be outdoors. It was summertime – she knew only because of the warmth and longer days. She was sure the elders kept track of time and maintained extensive journals, but it wasn’t like there was a need for watches or calendars. No one had to make it to the office on time or be at school by eight. They lived the hours of the seasons, having longer days in the summer than in winter. Phoenix chuckled as she compared herself to a bear, wishing she could hibernate all winter instead of dealing with the gloomy weather that kept her indoors.

“Hey, Phoenix,” Sadie came bounding up to her. Unlike Phoenix, Sadie had unlimited energy, morning, noon, or night. It kind of irritated Phoenix in the mornings, but luckily, Sadie never seemed able to tell, or if she could, she never said anything about it.

“Morning, Sadie,” Phoenix grumbled back, still too sleepy to add anything further to the conversation.

“What are your chores today?” Sadie asked.

“I’m collecting herbs and fruit from outside,” Phoenix mumbled. They entered the dining hall and the smells started to wake Phoenix more. It must be a pancake day – the doughy smell surrounded them and made her stomach rumble, making Sadie laugh.

“I wish I could go with you but I’m on kitchen duty again. At least I’ll get to eat extra food,” Sadie said with a smile. She always managed to find the positive in any situation. Phoenix was grateful to have her as a best friend.

“We could see if someone wants to trade with you,” Phoenix suggested, but she knew it wouldn’t happen. Everyone wanted to be outdoors in the summer and they could only let groups out in small numbers. If too many people were running around, it was much harder to hide in the event enemies came into their territory.

“We both know there’s no way that will happen. It’s okay, I get to go collecting tomorrow,” Sadie told her. They waited in line, got their breakfast and sat down. For once, they were among the earlier arrivals.

Soon, Brian sat with them and Phoenix’s pulse jumped a beat. He must’ve felt bad about their conversation because since it happened, he was hanging around even more than usual. She knew he was just trying to make sure they stayed friends, but it was almost harder to have him next to her all the time.

“Hey, girls, great breakfast, huh?” he said, stuffing his mouth full. Sadie giggled.

“You look like a chipmunk, storing your food away for the winter,” Sadie said.

“Well, look who’s talking,” Brian teased her back, then wiped some syrup that was running down her mouth. Sadie blushed and Phoenix looked between the two of them. She knew their flirting wasn’t intentional, but they were flirting.

She had to compose herself and hope for breakfast to hurry and end. Why would Brian like her best friend and not her? She knew Sadie would never, in a million years, date a guy Phoenix was hung up on, but was it fair to ask her friend not to date him if she liked him, especially considering there were so few guys around?

Phoenix wanted to get outside so she’d have time to gather her thoughts. She started cramming the food in, needing to leave before her emotions became obvious enough for them to see.

“I’m all finished and I want to get changed so I can get going,” Phoenix told them as she stood quickly and flashed them a smile.

“Oh, you still have plenty of time,” Sadie whined a bit, trying to get her to stay longer.

“I only have so many hours I get to be outdoors, so if I can sneak in an extra minute, that’s a luxury I don’t want to pass up,” Phoenix said. She blew Sadie a kiss and practically ran from the room. She didn’t know which one of them had started the tradition, but they always parted that way.

Phoenix reached her room, threw on work clothes, grabbed her bag and headed for the tunnel entrance. She had to get outside fast. She knew she was supposed to wait for the others but she had her radio on her and they’d all split up once they left the cave, anyway.

She started walking in the direction of her favorite berry patch. She loved picking the juicy berries because she could munch on them at the same time. There were also some wild herbs not far away and she’d have at least a few hours to gather the food, while still gathering her thoughts.

She’d been walking for about an hour when she heard a buzzing in her ear. She turned her radio up, knowing she’d been officially busted and figuring she had to get the lecture over with.

“Phoenix, where are you?” John’s voice demanded.

“I’m almost to the berry patch, John,” she said as if she were speaking to a small child. If she acted as if nothing was wrong, maybe he would forget she’d broken the rules. Fat chance of that, she thought with an inward sigh.

“You know the rules, Phoenix. You’re supposed to wait for the rest of the group,” he snapped. She knew he was only mad because he loved her so much, but still, it annoyed her. She both appreciated his overprotectiveness and felt smothered by it at the same time.

“I really needed some alone time, John, but as you can hear, I have my radio with me and I promise I’m not getting close to the perimeters,” she said, praying he wouldn’t jog out to her. She just wanted to be left alone for a while and not have to act like everything was peachy keen. She certainly didn’t want to try to carry on a conversation with another person.

“I don’t like it,” he mumbled, but she could tell he was beginning to cave. She decided to drive the nail home.

“I know you don’t. I’m glad you’re my brother and you care about me, but I heard Brian talking about an entire herd of deer in the North Pasture. You’ll miss out on them if you come chasing after me. I’m fine. I promise,” she said, knowing how much John loved bow hunting.

“An entire herd wandered in?” he asked, and she knew she had him. Luckily, she’d overheard the elders talking to Brian earlier about the deer. They had plenty of food but the men loved to hunt. Fresh deer was a treat.

“Yep, sure did,” Phoenix answered.

“Well, I suppose you’re okay, and other pickers will be in that area soon. Please keep your radio on and if you need anything, all you have to do is holler. Don’t go any farther, okay?” he demanded.

“I promise not to go wandering off,” she said while crossing her fingers. She wasn’t so stupid she’d leave the carefully set up perimeters, but she might explore a bit extra that day, just to ensure that she didn’t end up having to pick with anyone else.

“Okay, then, I’ll talk to you later, Sis,” John said, and was gone. Phoenix breathed a sigh of relief and picked up her pace. She reached the berry patch and picked for a while, tossing them carefully in one of her containers. She wasn’t planning on doing a lot of picking right then, but if anyone stumbled upon her, she could at least say she’d been working and not be lying.

She filled the container in no time, then headed toward the wild herbs. She easily found them, picked several and then wandered to the small pond she loved. John would be ticked about her going so far, but she didn’t care. It was an unusually warm day and she wanted to soak her feet for a while.

She got to the pond and grabbed the container of berries, munching on a few of the tasty treats. She loved the summer and fall because there was so much fresh food in the woods. Being a picker, she could have her fill.

She took her shoes and socks off and sat on the bank, dipping her feet into the cool water. In midsummer she’d wear her swimsuit underneath her clothes. It was such a delight to swim, but she couldn’t stay in very long because they were on such a strict time constraint – and it was never good to be vulnerable when you were out in the open.

She lay down on the soft grass and closed her eyes, thinking about Sadie and Brian. Phoenix had liked him for a long time, but was he right about her only thinking she was in love with him? She’d been surprised to see Sadie and him flirting but it hadn’t devastated her. It shocked her and she hadn’t really known how she felt, but the more she thought about it, the more she realized she wasn’t that upset. She loved them both and found herself thinking that if they wanted to be together, she’d want them to be happy.

A smile crossed her face as she thought of the two of them and she knew she’d much rather see them together than see Brian end up with Jessica. Heck, if he were with Jessica then she’d certainly come between the two of them. Jessica would never allow Brian to be friends with Phoenix, by whom she felt threatened. Jessica was too jealous for that. Maybe it was fate stepping in so they could all be together forever. Maybe she really had just been infatuated with him.

Her real fear was most likely that she’d never be attracted to anyone else. She was afraid that if she didn’t find someone to be with, she’d end up all alone. In their world, being alone was a terrifying thing because all you really had was each other. You didn’t have a career or buying a home to focus on. You had relationships, children and your chores.

There were a few adults who were single, whether it was because their spouses had died or because they’d never married, but they always seemed to be missing out on something. In the real world, being seventeen and single wasn’t a big deal, but in this new universe it was downright scary.

She shook off her confusing thoughts, telling herself she was being silly and she didn’t have anything to worry about. If they were still in the woods when she turned twenty-five and she had no one, then she’d allow herself to be concerned. Phoenix drifted into an afternoon nap, smiling to herself and feeling a sense of contentment.