Kenzie
There’s a knock at my classroom door, and when I look up, I see the school secretary, Miss Braxton, standing there with flowers in her hand. “Excuse me, Ms. McCormick, but you have a delivery.” A smile spreads across my face with excitement as I walk over to her.
“Oh, um, class, continue reading the chapter, and I’ll be back with you in a few moments.” We were in the middle of reading a chapter from our social studies book. Turning my attention to Ms. Braxton, I say, “Did these just arrive?” I ask as I step into the hallway with her.
She smiles at me. “They did. I have no idea who they’re from, but there’s a note inside.” She points to the little card inside the bouquet. I’m secretly praying they are a message from Remy. I haven’t heard from him since he left last week, and the silence is killing me. I have to force myself to go for runs every morning just so I can smile as I pass the bend where he usually meets me. “Well, are you going to read the card?” she asks, bringing me back to the present.
“Oh yeah, sorry.” I pull the envelope from the flowers, ripping it open so I can read the note, but to my disappointment, they are not from Remy. Of course they’re not. How could he send me flowers from overseas? They’re from Daniel.
Kenzie,
I can’t wait to see you for dinner tomorrow. I hope you’re having a great week.
Xoxo
Daniel
I give Miss Braxton a smile. “They’re from my ex. He’s come down to visit and apologize for breaking up with me.” I sigh.
“From the look on your face, I gather you thought they were from someone else.” Damn, she totally senses my disappointment. I need to straighten myself out. I still have another hour of class before I go over to Nana’s for dinner tonight. “I was hoping, but he’s still gone and my ex is unfortunately here. I should have known by the type of flowers they weren’t from him.” I give her a small smile. “Thanks for delivering them to me.” I take the bouquet from her hands and walk back into the classroom.
When I do, I find my kids are all jabbering instead of reading as instructed. “I thought I asked you all to be reading the chapter we were working on. Not discussing your plans for after school.” I hear some gasps as they realize I’ve come back into the classroom. “I know it’s early in the year, but you are all old enough to know better. I expect my students to listen to instructions and follow rules. That means when I’m in the hallway discussing something with a staff member, you will listen to what I ask you to do, and since you couldn’t do that, there are consequences.” I take a seat at my desk. “Had you listened and read like you were supposed to, there would have been a reward. Which do you prefer to receive?”
“Reward,” my class answers in unison.
“I’m glad to hear that because, in all honesty, I’m not one to enjoy giving out punishment, so let’s make this the only one this school year. Do we agree?”
“Yes, Ms. McCormick.” I smile at my students.
I look up at the clock to see there is forty-five minutes of school left. “You will spend the next thirty minutes reading quietly to study for your pop quiz on this chapter tomorrow morning.” My class instantly starts to groan. Tomorrow is Friday, and they typically enjoy Friday. We have Genius Hour, and the only quiz they have on Friday is a quick vocab/spelling test. “Time is wasting. I suggest you start reading,” I tell them with my brows raised.
While they read, I begin going through some reading assignments from earlier in the week, but I’m having a hard time focusing. All I can think about are the flowers Daniel sent me, and how disappointed I was that they weren’t from Remy. Little did I know this was going to be more of a punishment for me, because I’m getting nothing done while I ponder how to deal with Daniel. I told him I would hear him out, but I truly fear that I’m only going fall for his bullshit story. I shake off my thoughts and focus on my papers.
Thirty minutes later, I tell my class to put their history books away and begin preparing to go home for the night. Once they’re all back at their desks with their stuff for the night, I tell them, “Now you all just did an awesome job of reading quietly for thirty minutes. I wasn’t in the hall for half that time. Had you listened, not only would you have been done with history a while ago, but you wouldn’t have a pop quiz in the morning.” I look around with a grin. “I think you’ll all agree it would have been worth it to read quietly, like I asked.” The bell is about to ring, so I tell them to have a nice night, and sure enough, as I finish, the bell rings and my class empties out. Some of them are nice enough to tell me to have a good night, and others are grumpy over the test so they simply file out of the classroom.
As soon as they’re gone, I pull the history book out and scroll through the chapter looking for some questions for their pop quiz tomorrow. I thought about tricking them and telling them they got a free pass this time, but I’m afraid if I do they won’t take me seriously, so I’ll make it pretty easy for them. It takes me about fifteen minutes to decide on the questions for the quiz. I quickly write them up, and head down to the copy room to make sure I have enough ready for the morning. When I get there, I find Mrs. Bennett using the copier.
She looks over to me with a smile. “How’s the new classroom going, Kenzie?”
“It’s going okay. My classroom tested me today, and now I’m testing them.” I show her the pop quiz in my hand.
She laughs. “Very nice. A pop quiz is a sure way to get through to your class that you’re not messing around.”
“I agree. I thought about telling them in the morning that I gave them a free pass and that I told them they were having a test to scare them, but I’m afraid they won’t believe what I say going forward, so I made it pretty easy for them.”
“Good for you. I agree with you, though. They very well could listen and not give you any grief, but is it worth the risk?” she asks with her brows raised. Her expression softens, and she says, “On a happier note, I thought you might like to know that I heard from Remy, and he is settled in. Of course, we have no idea where settled in means, but at least we’ve heard from him.”
I give her a small smile as I start to feel guilty for going to dinner with Daniel tomorrow. “Thanks for letting me know. I miss him.”
“I know, dear, but he won’t be gone forever. He promised me he would be home as soon as he can.”
I sigh and look at the floor, not sure what to say at this point. I don’t even know what we are. Are we friends, and if we’re friends, why does it sting so much? “Talk to me, dear,” she says, taking her copies from the machine. I lift the top, handing her the original before putting mine in and setting it.
Once it’s going, I turn to her and say, “I guess I don’t know what to say. I really like Remy a lot. His career choice scares me, and I thought we were developing a relationship, but then we got into an argument and didn’t speak for a while. Then, just when I was ready to confess my fears to him so we could try to work it out, he left.” I look down. “I have no idea if he feels about me how I feel about him.”
“Darling, look at me,” she says. When my eyes finally meet hers, she adds, “Are you sure you don’t know? From what I hear, he’s been trying hard to show you how he feels while trying to give you the space you need.”
I nod slightly, not really wanting to admit she’s right. She rubs my arm and walks out of the room, telling me to have a good night. I feel tears forming in my eyes, so I quickly grab my pop quizzes and hurry back to my room to drop them off before anyone can see me.
I finally have my emotions under control, and feel like I can manage to walk out to my car without worrying about anyone seeing me upset. I sling my bag over my shoulder, close my classroom door, and stroll out to my car. One more day of school this week, and then it’s the weekend. Throwing my bag in the back of the car, I climb into the front and drive to Nana’s house. I need to hurry because Emily will be there finishing our dinner. We have a great routine going, and Emily really seems to be working out well. Emily and Aunt Kenderly have made a deal. On the nights that Aunt Kenderly is having dinner with Nana, she gets to cook. She says she treats Nana to the good southern home cooking Nana loves, and Emily makes her eat healthy shit the rest of the week.
I chuckle to myself as I pull up to the house, but I’m surprised when I don’t find Nana sitting on her swing like usual. I hurry into the house, concerned. As soon as I’m through the door I call out, “Emily?”
“In here,” she responds.
I hurry into the kitchen. “Where’s Nana?”
“She’s not feeling too well today. Dr. Bennett came by to check on her, and it seems she’s just a bit under the weather. I told her she could relax in bed, and I would serve her dinner in there.” I take a deep breath trying to calm myself. “She’ll be fine. I’ve checked on her a few times, and she’s been resting off and on.”
“Thank you. I’m going to go check on her, unless you need me.”
“No, I’m fine. Dinner will be done in a few minutes.”
I thank her one more time, and hurry off to check on Nana. She’s sitting up in bed, staring out the window. “What’s wrong, Nana? Not feeling well today?” She shakes her head, but says nothing. “Can you tell me what’s bothering you?”
“I’m scared, Kenzie,” she says. She knows who I am today.
“Of what, Nana? You’ve always been so strong.”
“Some days I can remember and some days I can’t, and the days I can’t are coming more and more. Today was a good day up here,” she says, pointing to her head. “As far as memory goes, but I was sad and lonely.” I’m fighting back the tears that are begging for release, but she needs me to be strong for her.
“Nana, you need to take this one day at a time. Enjoy the days you do remember, and the ones you don’t, well, those we’ll figure out together.” She turns her head to look back out the window. “Dinner should be ready. I’ll go grab our plates and some trays and we can eat in here tonight.”
“Thank you, Kenzie.” I give her a warm smile, and go about getting our plates together.
When I get to the kitchen, Emily is slipping on her coat. There are two plates sitting on the table with two glasses of freshly poured milk. “I’m heading home for the night. I’ll see you next week.”
“Thanks, Emily.” I pick up Nana’s plate to place it on a tray with her milk, and bring it into the room to place it on her lap.
“Are you okay to eat like this, Nana?”
“Yes, I’ll be fine,” she says, waving her hand at me.
I grab a TV tray to set up in front of the chair by the window in Nana’s room, and sit down to eat. We’re both quiet as we eat dinner. I’m thinking about tomorrow, and I’m not sure what Nana’s thinking about, but given our conversation, I’m sure it has something to do with her health. I’m just about done eating when she finally speaks up.
“I’m done, Kenzie. Thanks for bringing dinner in here tonight.”
“You’re quite welcome, Nana.”
I remove her tray from her lap, so she can get comfortable while I finish my dinner. As soon as I’m done, I leave to clean up the kitchen and get things ready for my aunt’s visit tomorrow. She spends the entire day with her on Friday so that Emily doesn’t need to be here.
Once the kitchen is clean, I join Nana back in her room, but when I get there, I see she’s sleeping, so I sit down again and stare out the window. Images of my father coming home from tours of duty flood my brain as I wonder when Remy will be back. I may have been small, but I remember his smile like I lost him yesterday. His face was always lit up like a Christmas tree when he would walk through that door to see us. He always brought me something home from his tour, usually a bear of some sort dressed up in camouflage, or wearing a shirt that represented where he’d been.
I smile as I think about the bear Remy left me, and it makes me realize I have to be honest with Daniel tomorrow. “What are you thinking about, Kenzie?”
I shrug, keeping my eyes focused out the window. “My father, Remy, and my ex-boyfriend, who seems to think dinner and an apology is enough to get me back into his life.”
“That’s a lot of men running through your head,” she says jokingly.
“Daniel came down to apologize for not coming with me, and now he wants me back. It’s really messing with my head, and between that and my fears over loss, it’s screwing things up with Remy.”
“How does your father fit in?” she asks, her voice a bit groggy.
“Remy left on a deployment this week, and it made me think of Daddy. I started thinking about how excited he used to be when he came home, and all the bears he used to bring me.” I smile, still looking out the window. “Remy left me a bear this week with a note telling me he cared about me and he wasn’t giving up on us.”
“Sounds like a good man, sweetie.”
“Maybe, but Daniel said the same thing. He says he’s here to win me back and he’s not giving up. Is that any different? Now I’ve promised him dinner and I’m not sure what I’ll say.”
“You keep your promise and you’ll see that man for dinner and then you tell him to get to packing. They are fighting two different battles. Daniel hurt you, did he not?”
“Yes,” I say, looking down at my lap.
“Did Remy?”
“No, if anything I hurt him, and I owe him an apology.”
“Sweetie, we all make mistakes, and if Daniel came running down here right after you left saying he screwed up and he wants to be with you then fine, but why is he really here?” She sighs and asks, “How long have you been here?”
“Quite a few months now,” I tell her.
“Exactly, so why now?” she asks me. “I think you know what to do, but you’re letting your fears get in the way.”
I close my eyes, fighting tears yet again. “How do I decide between two men who say they care about me and want to be with me? I spent two years with Daniel. I loved him.”
“Ah, the key word there was loved, as in past tense,” she says with a smile.
“Yeah, and loving Remy still scares me.”
“I know it does.” She pauses for a minute and adds, “You know, you’re so like your mom. She was so afraid to be with your father, and the longer she fought it the harder she fell. She finally realized how much she loved him and wanted to be with him. She had one regret and it was that she waited so long to tell him how she felt. She finally opened up to him and their relationship had taken off when he had to deploy yet again. They managed to get married quickly before he left, but she realized how much time she wasted. She should have been using that time showing him how she felt, to make memories with him instead of fighting the connection they had.”
“Is it possible to love a man I only just met? I miss him so much and I feel horrible that I didn’t get to tell him what he means to me,” I tell her as a tear runs down my cheek.
“Of course it’s possible. I fell in love with your grandfather the second I saw him and I believe your mother did the same with your father, though she waited too long to tell him.” She smiles at me. “Your mother got pregnant with you on his very first visit home from deployment, and she was so happy. She loved you from the minute she knew she was pregnant,” she says so proudly. “Don’t waste any more time than you already have. You tell that man what he means to you the first chance you get.” I’m listening to her as I stare out into the dark night sky. There are tons of stars up there. I silently pray, asking my father to keep an eye on Remy.
I look down at my watch and realize it’s getting late. “I’m going to get going, Nana. It’s getting late and you need to rest.”
“And you need to get off the subject,” she says with a grin. “You fix this now, you hear?”
“Yes, Nana.” I stand to give her a kiss goodnight.