Kenzie
It’s been a couple of days since Remy’s been back, and I’m a bit worried about him. During the day, he seems fine. He’s been physically cleared by his doctor, so we’ve gone back to starting our morning off with a run, but the nighttime is a struggle for him and I’m not sure how to bring it up. He’s been staying at my place, and has had a nightmare every night since he’s been home. He won’t talk about them. He just keeps telling me he needs time. I know he’s pushing me away, because he doesn’t want to face them, and I’m trying to give him the time he needs, but it’s so hard to watch the man I love struggle.
One thing he seems to truly enjoy is spending time at Nana’s with me, so today we’re going to her house to spend the day with her. Nana has taken a real liking to him, and I think it’s sweet.
“Are you ready to go, sweet pea?” he asks me, walking into the kitchen freshly showered and dressed. We both showered after making sweet love last night, but he woke up covered in sweat again this morning. He doesn’t realize I know it, but I heard him grunting in his sleep and then sneaking off to the shower. I decided to grab us breakfast while he cleaned up.
With a warm smile, I pull him close and plant a kiss on his soft lips. “Right after we eat.” I hand him an egg sandwich and some coffee. He takes his plate, and we sit at the table to enjoy our breakfast. “Do you want to talk about the nightmare you had this morning?”
“Not really.” He shoves food in his mouth.
I sigh heavily. “You will need to discuss them with someone at some point. You’ve had one every night since you’ve been back.”
“I think I know when I’m having nightmares,” he growls through clenched teeth.
Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath trying to calm myself. I have so much on my plate right now, and I have no idea how to handle this.
When I open my eyes, he’s gone. I start to freak out that he left, but he comes walking from the bedroom. He kneels in front of me and says, “I’m sorry. I know I have to deal with this and I will. I meet with the doctor tomorrow.” He takes my hand and plants a gentle kiss on my knuckles. “We should head to Nana’s.” He stands, pulling me up with him.
The drive to Nana’s is a quiet one. I’m not sure what’s going through his mind, but I can’t stop thinking about the anger on his face this morning. I’ve never seen him so mad.
When we pull up to the house a short time later, my thoughts shift and I’m saddened by the realization that Nana hasn’t been sitting on her porch swing. I let out a breath I hadn’t realized I was holding. Remy notices. “What’s wrong?” he asks.
“Nana hasn’t been sitting on her swing. I miss seeing her there. It used to be her favorite spot, and whenever I would pull up I was always greeted by her smile.”
Taking my hand, he squeezes it gently. “Come on, let’s go see how she’s doing today.” His voice is soft and gentle.
I give him a small smile and climb out of the car. As we’re walking up the porch, a loud scream comes from inside. We both run through the door to find Nana standing in the kitchen with a pan in her hand. She looks scared and confused as she points a pan at Emily.
“Nana, what’s going on?” I try not to sound nervous, but I fail miserably.
“This woman won’t get out of my house.” Nana’s holding onto a chair for balance as Emily pants in fear.
“Nana, she’s your nurse,” I explain hoping it will calm her down.
“Joanne, I keep telling you I don’t need no damn nurse.” She sounds frustrated.
“Okay, Nana.” I look at her poor nurse who’s standing there watching us. “Emily, go in the other room, please.” She slips out of the kitchen as Remy and I slowly approach Nana. “Nana, give me the pan please.” She holds her arm out, handing it over. She collapses into the chair and begins to sob. Bless her heart, this poor woman has no idea what’s happening to her right now. I sit next to her, with Remy on the other side while we try to console her.
“I’m so tired,” she mumbles. “What is wrong with me, Joanne?”
“You’re fine, just relax,” I tell her as I continue to rub her back. Once she’s calmed down, I ask her if she’ll be okay sitting with Remy for a minute. She looks over at him, and I remind her of who he is. She nods her agreement. I walk into the living room to talk with Emily.
“What happened in there?” I point to the kitchen.
“I was fixin’ to make a meal to keep in the fridge for y’all when she grabbed the pan and started screaming at me. She asked me who I was and what I was doing in her house. I tried to calm her down and remind her of her situation, but she just got mad and swung the pan at me.” She looks down at her fidgeting fingers. “That’s when y’all came in and calmed her down.”
I take a deep breath and rub my temples as I contemplate our next step with Nana. “I have to report this,” Emily says. “She could have seriously hurt me.”
I nod. “I know. What will happen?”
She shrugs. “I can probably convince them to let me stay here with her a bit longer. I will be a lot more cautious now that I know she’s getting worse, but if it happens again, we are going to have to move her to a home where she can’t hurt herself or anyone else.”
“Why don’t you take off and go do whatever report you have to? Remy and I will be here for the rest of the day with her anyway, and hopefully things will be better tomorrow. I’ll also talk to my aunt and see what she thinks we should do.”
She nods her agreement and collects her things. As she’s getting ready to go, she stops in the kitchen, placing her hand on Nana’s shoulder. She waits for Nana to look up from the table. When Nana looks up, Emily says, “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”
Nana nods and looks up again. “I’m sorry if I hurt you.”
“You sweet woman, you did no such thing. You just relax now, and I’ll be by tomorrow. I’ll make your favorite breakfast.”
“Thank you,” Nana says when Emily pulls her hand away to leave.
“Have a good day,” Emily says to us.
I walk her to the door and watch as she drives away. Leaning on the railing of the porch, I take a deep breath. I need a minute to myself so I can clear my head and think about how to handle this situation. Nana is so fragile both physically and mentally, I’m afraid to say the wrong thing to her.
Pulling my phone from the back pocket of my jeans, I dial Aunt Kenderly. “Hey, sweetie,” she says, answering the call. “How are you?”
“I’ve been better,” I tell her, going into the details of what I walked in on this morning.
“I’ll see you for dinner tonight, and in the morning I’ll talk with Mom and Emily. We’ll figure this out,” she sounds a bit sad.
I cut the call and go in search of Nana and Remy. I find them sitting in the living room with some cards. “I’m going to finish what Emily had started in the kitchen, and then I’m going to make lunch. Are you okay with her?”
He nods. “We’re fine. You go on and do what you have to do.”
I kiss my nana on the head and head into the kitchen. I find chicken, coconut oil, and breadcrumbs sitting on the counter. I grab the remainder of the ingredients I need to make the coconut chicken Emily was starting. By the time I’m done, the oil is hot so I start breading the chicken. Once it’s in the oil, I peek into the living room. I smile at Remy and Nana, who are having a great time.
She suddenly stops laughing and tells him that she doesn’t like not being able to remember things.
“Yeah, I wish I could forget the things I saw while I was away. Instead, they haunt my dreams,” he tells her in a sad voice. I want to continue to listen, but I have to flip the chicken. When I get back, they are still talking.
“You have to face those nasty nightmares before they rule your life. My husband had nightmares, and god rest his soul, they ruled him for a while. It took him almost hurting me to realize what he needed to do.”
Remy slouches back in his seat. “I don’t want to hurt Kenzie. I love her.”
“I know. I can tell by the way you look at her.” Nana smiles at him. “But if you really love her, then you need to swallow your pride and get help.”
I watch as he nods his agreement, but the expression on his face shows pain and sorrow. I realize I need to get back to the chicken, so I hurry over to see it’s done. I pull the first few pieces from the pan and add more as my mind drifts, wondering what life was like for him overseas. I know he can’t and won’t discuss it with me. He says even if he could tell me, he wouldn’t want to fill my head with some of the things he’s witnessed.
I feel a set of hands wrap around my waist, but I’m so deep in thought it causes me to jump. He kisses the side of my head and says, “I love you. I’m sorry I scared you.”
“It’s fine. I was just thinking.”
“About what?” he asks.
“Everything that’s going on.”
He says nothing more. He just rests his chin on my shoulder, and we both stand quietly staring down at the chicken cooking in the pan. “What’s Nana doing?”
“She was dozing off in her favorite chair, so I figured I’d leave her be and we can wake her when it’s time to eat.”
“I’m going to make her some egg salad. She enjoys that, and we haven’t had it in a while,” I tell him, still looking down at the chicken cooking in the pan.
He lets go of me and says, “Where are the pans? I’ll get the eggs going.” I point to the cabinet, and he begins to help me. I smile because we make a great team. I just pray our teamwork is strong enough to get us through this nightmare we’re facing together.
I look over to see Remy staring at the water. He’s in deep thought, and I can’t help but wonder what he’s thinking. “What’s wrong, love?”
“Who’s Bryson?”
My head snaps to his direction. “That’s my father. Why do you ask?”
“Nana keeps calling me Bryson.”
“That makes sense, because she keeps thinking I’m my mother, and at this point, I see no reason to correct her.” A tear runs down my cheek. “She’ll probably never remember me again.”
He wraps me in a hug as he rubs my back. “I promise you we will get through this together. We just need to take this one day at a time.”
I nod as my tears soak his shirt. “Please get better for me, Remy. I need you like I’ve never needed anyone and it scares me. I can’t stand the thought of losing you again.”
“Shh, I’m not going anywhere. I promise.”
The smell of chicken brings me back to the now. I have to pull this chicken out of the pan before I burn it. We also discover the eggs are boiling and probably just about done.
“We almost pulled a Daniel and burned everything,” Remy says, joking and bursting into laughter. He gets to work on making the egg salad while I clean up from making the chicken. I’m finishing up washing the last pan when I hear Nana calling from the living room.
“Joanne, Kenderly? Is anyone here with me?”
I run into the living room.
“I’m here. I was just in the kitchen cooking, Nana.”
She smiles at me. “Did Bryson leave?”
I smile at her. “No, he’s in the kitchen helping me.”
“Good, I don’t get to see him often. I was hoping he would get to have lunch with us.”
“He’s making us some egg salad right now,” I tell her as I help her from the chair to walk her into the kitchen.
“Since when does that man cook?” She shakes her head laughing.
“He has a soft spot for you.” I wink at her.
She shakes her head again, taking her usual seat at the table. “Joanne has been teaching me a few small things,” Remy tells her. “Plus, like she said, I have a soft spot for you.” He places a plate in front of her with egg salad and watermelon.
She gives him a warm smile as she looks at her plate. “Thank you.” She digs into her lunch. I place a glass of milk on the table next to her plate, and then put away the now room temperature pieces of chicken. I’ve had them sitting on a wire rack to cool, because if I put them away wet they will get soggy, and Nana doesn’t like it that way.
Remy puts two more plates on the table for him and me. We both take a seat joining Nana, and I ask her, “What do you want to do today?”
“I don’t know. I feel so tired today. I think I just want to rest.” I tell her that’s fine. I try not to think about the fact she’s been spending more and more time in bed.
A short time later, Remy and I have put Nana to bed and cleaned up everything in the kitchen from lunch. Now we’re sitting on the porch swing holding hands and looking out toward the road. Nana lives at the end of a quiet road, so there isn’t much happening. We see the occasional kid ride by on their bike, enjoying what’s left of their holiday break.
“I know this is a tough topic, but have you and your aunt talked about plans for when…” he trails off for a minute. “Your nana passes on.”
I sigh. “I know there’s a plot for her next to my grandfather, but I know nothing else. I guess it’s something I should discuss with her.” He nods in silent agreement. “My aunt will be here for dinner tonight. I’ll talk with her about it after we get Nana to bed for the night.”