I’m nervous. In Hawaii, I wanted Kacen. He was a nice guy with a body made for my viewing pleasure, and he was supposed to be a fling. Something that I’ve never done, but let my best friend convince me I needed. After my ‘on again off again’ saga with Daniel, I just wanted to feel . . . alive. I wanted to know what it felt like to have a man want me. Daniel, he said all the right things, but there was never passion or yearning in his eyes when he looked at me. Kacen, his deep blue irises burned with hunger, and it was all for me.
It was different because I let myself indulge for once in my life. It was supposed to be ‘what happens in Hawaii stays in Hawaii’ or stays in my head, but that’s not my reality. My reality is that Kacen unlocked something inside of me that night. I’ve never felt desire like I did with him. Never felt a kiss, a simple touch on my arm that would cause a need so deep inside of me that my breath would catch in my throat. He was a dream, a fantasy that I was able to live for a very short time, a memory that I will always cherish.
My present reality is that same man is my boss. My boss who, as of the last two days, has been treating me like he did in Hawaii. He’s bringing back the fantasy, and the lines are starting to blur. My head knows that relationships are not worth the time, effort and, eventually, the pain they cause. My heart reminds me what it felt like to have him hover over me, to have him push inside of me, what it felt like to lose control. That man is sitting poolside waiting for me. That man is the one who just told me with conviction in his voice that he wanted to spend time with me. My head and my heart are in a battle, and I’m afraid to choose a team.
I finish changing into my bikini, the same one I wore in Hawaii. I grab a towel, my Kindle, and my cell phone and head out to the pool. Kacen is on a lounge chair, his aviator sunglasses shielding his eyes from the warm summer sun. I can’t tell if he’s watching me.
Sitting down in the chair beside him, I place the Kindle and phone on the table and squirt some sunblock in my hand. “Let me do that,” he says, sitting up. I guess that answers that question.
His hands on me, can I handle that? Looks like I don’t have a choice as Kacen already has the bottle in his hand and is throwing his leg behind me to straddle me in the chair. “This might be cold,” he says softly.
If it is, I couldn’t tell you. My skin is on fire everywhere he touches. I sit still, my shoulders rigid while he rubs sunblock on my back and shoulders. His hands glide smoothly, slowly across my skin. He’s driving me crazy just from the touch of his hand.
“My turn,” he whispers, his lips next to my ear. His places a quick kiss under my ear on my neck and stands up. I watch as he makes his way back to his lounger and sits with his back facing me. I stare at his broad shoulders, his tattoos covering his skin. I get to touch him. This is the perfect excuse. My mind says it’s not a good idea, but my heart is screaming, “Hell, yes!”
Grabbing the bottle of sunblock that Kacen laid in my lap, I stand and take a seat on the edge of his lounger. “Closer,” he mumbles.
I know what he wants. I stand again and straddle him from behind, which leaves him sitting between my legs just like I was his. I, however, don’t sit as close. I need to keep some distance between us. Kacen, on the other hand, is not having it. His hands grip under my thighs, and he tugs me forward. My front pressing into his back, my legs aligned with his. “Much better,” he says.
He leaves his hands on my legs, tracing patterns against my heated skin. My chest rises and falls rapidly. I know he can feel it. My hands are resting on the lounger, sunblock in one and the other in a tight fist, fighting the urge to hold on tight and never let go.
Kacen, always able to read me, pulls the sunblock from my hand and tosses it onto the concrete. He laces both of his hands with mine and pulls them to his stomach. Right against the rigid plane of his abs, which causes my head to also fall forward. I rest my cheek against his back. That’s when I notice his breathing is accelerated as well. At least I’m not the only one affected.
He doesn’t speak and neither do I. I’m afraid to, afraid of what I might say. I’m afraid I might beg my boss for a repeat of our Hawaiian fling, the one that we’re supposed to forget.
I can’t forget.
This doesn’t help me forget. Being pressed tight against him, his hands holding mine against his skin. Definitely not helping.
I don’t know how long we sit there , neither one of us willing to break the connection. It’s not until we hear Nancy’s voice that our spell is broken.
I break the hold I have on him and maneuver myself to stand. Instead of taking my place on the lounger, I decide I need to cool off. Without looking back, I walk to the pool and dive in. My body is submerged and the warm water does nothing to diminish the feeling of his skin against mine.
I swim a few laps while Kacen talks to Nancy. When she retreats back into the house, he meets me at the edge of the pool. Without a word, he sits on the edge and lowers his legs into the water. I keep swimming laps, trying not to let him see how our little display affected me. The next time I come up for air, Kacen is in the pool, standing on the side. I know because I swim right into him. His hands grip my waist and pull me against him. Pure instinct has me wrapping my legs around his waist.
“Kacen.” I barely recognize my own voice as I breathe his name.
“Shh, I just want you in my arms,” he says before burying his face in my neck.
I don’t resist his touch; instead, I let my body melt into his. My head is screaming this is a mistake, yet my heart is smiling. My body is at war.