Claire
I DON’T KNOW why I’m so nervous, but Jackson coming over for dinner is sending me over the edge. It’s not like we don’t know each other. Okay, well he knows more about me lately than I do him. And yes it’s weird that he has kept track of Sasha and me, but it is also very endearing. I have been worrying about what to make for the past two days and finally settled on beef tenderloin, twice baked potatoes, asparagus, and a chocolate mousse pie.
A gourmet chef by any means I’m not, but I do enjoy being in the kitchen. It’s soothing to me. Sasha and Zoey make fun of me because I’m always experimenting with new recipes that I get from the Cooking Network. I’m addicted to Guy Fieri and Valerie Bertinelli, I just can’t seem to help myself. But after years of making rice, pasta, and soup into actual meals, it’s nice to be able to actually afford what I want to buy and feed it to those I love.
Shaking my head, I can’t help but smile, because me and my girls are completely different. Where Sasha is obsessed with everything Free People and Zoey with anything shoe related, my love is the grocery store. I can spend hours there. Even know all of the checkers by name and the meat and produce managers know me. I think that my passion with cooking stems from having to eat ramen noodles for the first few years that I was on my own. It still amazes me every day that we made it and came out on the other side still intact.
Zoey would watch Sash for me at night so that I could work. I waited tables because that is all that an eighteen year old without a high school diploma could do. I ultimately got my GED and my bachelor’s degree, but up until three years ago, I still waited tables for extra cash. And I did it on my own. Fuck Mac and Jami’s money. That’s for Sash. She doesn’t even know that the money is there, and I’m good with it. Even the money Jackson sent over the years is in a trust for my girl. She deserves the best and that’s just what I am giving her.
That child has wanted for nothing. The dance classes, gymnastics, soccer, and even her first car came out of that trust. It was the day-to-day that I was responsible for. And although we struggled, we survived.
I still cringe when I think about that first apartment we had. What a hole it was but to me it was a palace, and thank God that the girls didn’t realize how bad off I was. When we talk about those days it is in the abstract and in generalities, but is done with love and laughter.
Thinking of those times, I realize how Zoey would sit at the window while Sasha was riding her bike up and down the sidewalk. She wasn’t allowed to cross the street, so up and down that kid would go. The only way Zo would know she was okay was the, “Hi Ya,” every three and a half minutes. She was such a loving kid. It makes my heart happy just thinking of the women they have turned into.
Honestly, as much as I struggled financially back then, I miss those times with Zoey and Sasha. I’ve missed a lot over the years. Friends. Partying. Even me. But I never felt as though I was being left behind. I taught them to dream big, love hard, and reach for the stars. My girls took me with them everywhere. It is only recently that I feel left behind.
I understand about Zoey, I do, marriage and children are all consuming. She knows that I’m still here whenever she needs me. I guess that’s the way of parenting. Raise them the best way you can and then hope that what you have unleashed on the world leaves a bigger foot print than you have.
Sasha’s distance lately scares me. I’m not sure if it is because I don’t approve of her breaking up with Matt or if she is just stretching her wings. Either way, I don’t like it. Even when she stopped by last week to check on me she was distant and withdrawn. I feel my baby slipping away from me and I’m not quite sure that I know how to deal with it.
My cell phone pings with a message as I turn the Oreo pie crust into the pie tin. Picking it up, I laugh to myself and start to respond.
Zoey: Please tell me that you are going to rock that man’s world tonight!
Me: Zo, worry about you and those babies not me! In fact, hasn’t Fumble eaten another pair of shoes?
Zoey: Fuck off, Claire! My shoes are safe and Fumble and I have come to an understanding. I’m head bitch in this house!
Zoey: Plus, Derrick promised me a new pair of Jimmy Choos if I don’t harm him.
Me: Because you need incentive to not harm an animal!
Zoey: What Derrick doesn’t know won’t hurt him. Right now he’s catering to me and I’m going with it. I might even get those Christian Louboutin’s I’ve been dying for.
Me: I’m cooking, Zo. Gotta run. I’ll talk to you later.
Zoey: Just fuck the man okay!!! You’re long overdue…Suz and I want deets! Love you tons!
God how I love my baby sister. She is who I want to be when I grow up. Strong, independent and sassy, unlike my current snarky and kind of bitchy self.
Turning back to my pie, I finish it off by putting the fourth and final egg into my mousse mixture and let it beat for five minutes. I pour it into the pie dish and smooth out the top and place it into the refrigerator to chill.
Talking to the girls, who have been watching me from the door that leads to my sunporch, I say, “Now onto the veggies!” Dallas runs over to me, pops her little legs onto my thighs, and cocks her head. Giving her a good rub and then a nudge, I move over to the island and start slicing the asparagus.
Once I have them laid out on the cookie sheet, I sprinkle them with some EVOO, salt, pepper, and lemon zest, and pop them into the oven.
Just as I grab my marinated beef tenderloin out of the refrigerator, the girls shoot off toward the front door and the doorbell rings. Placing the meat on the island, I head to let Jackson in.
Opening the door is like lighting a fire to my heart. Jackson is standing there, blocking the ladies from getting out and looking as sexy as I have ever remembered him looking. He’s not dressed up, just in jeans, a t-shirt that is stretched too tight, and his Acics. His hair is amiss and his blue eyes are solely focused on me, making my insides go all gooey.
Damn the man is beautiful!