Chapter Nine

Lia

 

I didn’t look at Jacob as I followed Declan out of the studio. I couldn’t look at him. I was too confused, too caught up in the tumultuous emotions to even dare glance in his direction. Mortified at the behavior I’d just displayed. More than satisfied by how delightful it’d been, and confused by what it meant.

Not that I expected it to mean something. I knew Jacob wasn’t interested in anything more than sex. And I wasn’t either. I mean, I didn’t think I was.

“What the hell are you doing, Lia?” Declan demanded as soon as we were out on the pavement. “Did you seriously just get a tattoo?”

I lifted my chin. “I seriously just got a tattoo.”

“Let me see,” he demanded.

I flinched. “No.” For one, I would have to pull up my dress to show him and he would see I didn’t have my panties. Jacob had shoved them into his pocket, a thought which made my face glow. And two, I didn’t have to show Declan anything. We were no longer a couple.

“We can get it removed,” he grumbled, “if it’s bad.”

“I don’t want it removed, Declan. I like it.”

He stared at me like I’d just declared I like eating dirt. “Are you crazy, Lia? How far are you going to go with this?”

“With what?”

“With this punishment. I get it. All right. I fucked up—”

“Declan…”

“I fucked up big time. I am so sorry. I am so, so sorry. If I could turn back time, I would change it all.”

I stared at him. He didn’t get it. He still, after all this time, didn’t get it. “I wouldn’t.”

He blinked. “What?”

I glanced back at Ink Addicted, but the door was shut and I couldn’t see Jacob. Was he watching? I wanted him to know that I wasn’t engaged. I had seen the shocked, almost disgusted look on his face and wanted to reassure him that I wasn’t some wanton slut cheating on her fiancé, but I hadn’t had a chance. I’d find him, though. I couldn’t bear the idea of him thinking I was a horrible person, a cheater, someone using him for a quick fling before I married my rich boyfriend.

But first I had to deal with Declan.

“We should probably go somewhere,” I said quietly, “and talk.”

Declan nodded. “That’s a very good idea.”

****

We drove back to Anna’s house.

“What are you doing here, Dec?” I asked again, as soon as we were inside. “What about work?”

“I took a few days off,” he replied. “I had to come.”

I nodded. “Well, I’m glad you came. I really am. We need to settle this.”

“I agree. And I’m glad you’re finally coming around, Lia—”

“I’m not coming around,” I interrupted, “not at all. And I meant what I said earlier. I’m glad you cheated on me.”

He stared at me. Not understanding.

“You cheating hurt. It hurt a lot. But not in the way it should have. It didn’t hurt me to think of you with someone else. It hurt because you were my friend and you broke my trust. You were my friend.”

“And you’re mine. You’re my best friend.”

“But that’s just it,” I said softly. “I’m your best friend. We were friends. We weren’t lovers.”

He snorted. “I think you’re wrong on that account.”

“I mean we weren’t madly in love with one another. There was no wild passion between us. There was gentleness and kindness, but not the kind of passion that keeps a marriage going for a long time. I think we fell out of love.”

“That’s not true—”

“Think about it,” I interjected. “Think about the sex you had with Becky. And then compare it to the sex we had. Which one was more passionate? You don’t have to answer that, but I want you to think about it. You want to marry me because it’s what we both thought we wanted, but now I want something different. And I think you do, too.”

He stared at me for the longest moment and for the first time, I began to think he heard me. That he understood what I was telling him. I wasn’t punishing him, and I didn’t need time to clear my head. We were over.

He sighed and sank down onto the settee. “This is it then? For good?”

I sat down next to him and winced a little, remembering the tattoo. “For good.”

We were quiet and then Declan began to laugh. It was an odd sound, hollow and joyless. I stared at him.

“Right. So, I guess I should grab a flight home then.”

“I’m sorry you came all this way.”

He shrugged. “You’ve been saying we’re over all along. I thought if you saw me…”

I shook my head.

“Yeah. I get that now.”

****

Declan was gone and Anna was out with Ellis. I made myself dinner and was just about to sit down to eat when the doorbell rang.  A little tenderly, I made my way there, half-expecting it to be Declan again. I’d said he could stay the night and catch a flight home in the morning, but he’d insisted on going straight away.

But it wasn’t Declan. It was Jacob.

“Oh. Jacob.”

He looked angry, his face hard and an odd glint in his eye. “I don’t mean to interrupt, but you left quickly today.”

I flushed. “Oh, of course. I forgot to pay. I’m so sorry. How much do I owe you?” I turned and headed inside.

“Don’t worry about the money. I’ll sort that out with Miranda. But I didn’t get a chance to tell you about aftercare.”

“Aftercare?”

“For the tattoo.”

I blinked at him. “Oh, right.”

Immediately, he began to explain how to care for the wound, his voice sharp and matter-of-fact, his jaw set tight. Every now and then a muscle moved in his jaw as if he it was clenched tight. As if he was very annoyed or angry.

Was it because of what happened earlier between us? Was he angry he’d done that? Was he pissed I’d behaved so wantonly? Did he regret it?

Tension radiated off him in waves and the more he talked, the worse I felt. I felt almost sick. I liked Jacob. There was no denying it. He made me feel things I hadn’t thought were possible, and he had awakened things inside me I never even knew were there. Plus, he was not only sexy, but sweet and kind and thoughtful. I saw how he interacted with his daughters and I knew about the drama with his ex-wife and mother, and it only made me think more of him. He was a good man. A solid, dependable, hardworking man who also happened to be the sexiest fucking man I’d ever laid eyes on.

And now he hated me. Or something very close to it, I surmised by his demeanour.

“Um, thank you,” I said awkwardly when he finished his spiel, “for coming over to tell me all this. You really didn’t have to.”

He looked around. “Well, I’m supposed to run through this with you before you leave, but left in a hurry.”

I flushed. “Yeah. I’m sorry about that. He caught me by surprise.”

He looked around again. “I hope I didn’t interrupt anything.”

I stared at him and suddenly realized why there was so much tension radiating off him.

“Oh,” I said quickly. “Declan. He’s not … we’re not … he came because he thought he was … but he’s gone.”

He stared at me. “Lia. You’re not making any sense.”

I flushed. “Sorry. But Declan. He’s not my fiancé. I mean he was, but we broke up and I moved here and well…”

“Where is he now?”

“He left. He’s gone home. He gets it now. Finally.”

He sighed, and the tension in him visibly relaxed. “Right.”

“I would never … I would never cheat on anyone. I know how much that hurts. I would never have slept with you”—I flushed, just saying the words aloud felt risqué—“if I was with someone.”

He nodded. “I’m glad. I thought…”

“Of course”—I waved him away—“but I wouldn’t do that. I was, and am, single.”

An awkward silence settled around us and I almost expected Jacob to go. But he didn’t. He lingered in the doorway for the longest moment. My mind took me back to that afternoon, to what transpired between us and despite myself, my body began to awaken again.

But it shouldn’t have happened. I was his daughter’s teacher. I was new in town. He had too many issues of his own. I had just come out of a long-term relationship. All these thoughts were crowding my head. All these rational thoughts that made perfect sense. But I wanted to be with him and blurted without really thinking, “Stay tonight. With me.”