As soon as I saw his expression, I knew I shouldn’t have said it. Julian looked stunned at first, then offended, then he just seemed pissed.

I hopped down off the bathroom counter and spoke in a nervous ramble. “Um, forget I said that. I didn’t mean it. It was a moment of temporary insanity.”

I walked out of the room and headed downstairs, not waiting for him to respond. Fumbling in my bag, I searched for my phone to call a taxi, then I remembered I’d left it at home. Stupid no mobile phones rule.

I was almost to the front door when I walked headfirst into a hard chest. I slowly looked up to find Warren Gold staring down at me. He looked like a cat that just sweet-talked its way into a canary’s cage.

“Elodie, just the person I’ve been looking for,” he said, all sultry. He was the last person I wanted to see right now. In fact, he’d bothered me all through the meal with his inane attempts to flirt.

“Excuse me, please,” I replied and moved to walk past him.

He caught my elbow, his grip a little hard. “I just want to get to know you better.”

“I’m in a hurry.”

“Oh, come on, stay awhile,” he cajoled.

Footsteps sounded down the stairs before Julian ground out, “Take your hand off her.”

Warren’s expression darkened as he dropped his hand and stepped back. Julian traversed the final few steps, slid his arm through mine and led me to the front door.

“Bloody vulture,” he whispered under his breath.

“Thank you,” I said, glad he’d come to my rescue even after I’d offended him.

Julian didn’t say anything as he led me to the door where the butler from earlier was waiting. “Leaving so soon?” he queried.

“Unfortunately, we have an early start in the morning. Please let Mr. and Mrs. Branson know we had a wonderful time tonight.”

“Of course,” the butler replied.

Outside, there were a number of cars waiting. Julian guided me to one, opened the door and gestured for me to get in. I slid into the back seat, expecting him to join me, but he only closed the door and went to speak with the driver. My stomach dropped when he walked to the second car and got inside. He must’ve told the driver my address because a second later we were on the move.

I’d royally screwed up tonight.

Sure, our friendship was unconventional, but it was still a friendship. You didn’t ask your friend to have sex with you for money. You just didn’t. Even if was their job. Even if they’d just given you the most powerful orgasm of your life without even really touching you.

That was clearly what scrambled my brain. I’d come so hard I wasn’t thinking straight. And it had escalated so quickly. Julian caught me in a web of lust and I was helpless to resist.

The way he looked at me with such desire and heat, it was a new and addictive feeling.

A sense of grief gripped me. What if he never talked to me again? What if I’d inadvertently broken some golden rule?

By the time the car stopped outside my house, I’d worried myself into a tizzy. Feeling desperate, I sent him a text.

Ellen: I’m so sorry. Forgive me?

No response. My mind ran back over the night’s events. I could hardly believe where I found myself, smack dab in the middle of a celebrity swingers party. It was surreal, to say the least. I’d felt edgy, nervous, like someone would point at me and declare, this one doesn’t belong here! All day I’d gone back and forth over whether or not to cancel, but in the end, I forced myself to be brave. Do something outside of my comfort zone—way, way outside of my comfort zone.

Now I wondered if maybe I should’ve just stayed home, that way nothing would’ve happened between Julian and I and we’d still be friends.

I barely slept a wink that night, endlessly staring at the screen of my phone, hoping for a message. There was none, and I didn’t have the guts to send another.

Two days went by and I still heard nothing from him. On Tuesday, I went to meet Suze at the café, hoping Julian might show up. For the last three weeks, I’d told her I was travelling for work. After having my true identity discovered, I’d been too scared to go see her. It felt like my lies were fraying at the edges, on the verge of coming apart completely.

But I missed her a lot, which was why I forced myself to be brave, don my costume and go see my friend.

Sometimes I wondered what it would be like to be a normal person.

Suze arrived a few minutes after me. I sat at our usual table, nursing a macchiato, when she walked in, a big smile on her face, arms outstretched for a hug. I stood and she threw her arms around me, squeezing tight.

“Oh em gee, I’ve missed you! A week just isn’t the same without my Elodie fix.”

I laughed. “I’ve missed you, too. Travelling for work has been such a bore.”

“Let’s not talk about work. I want to hear how you’ve been doing. Are you still seeing the stripper?”

I opened my mouth, hesitated, then decided to be honest for once. “Actually, no. I’ve been seeing Julian.”

Her eyes grew big with excitement. “Seriously? Lucky you! He’s beautiful as sin.”

I sighed and rested my chin on my hand. “I know, but I think I may have screwed things up with him.”

Her brow furrowed. “Oh no, what happened?”

“I think I offended him. You know I have a big mouth sometimes. I say what’s in my head. Anyway, I haven’t heard from him in two days, so I think he’s done with me.”

Suze’s expression was sympathetic as she reached across the table to squeeze my hand. “Oh well, I’m sure someone else will come along. It’s his loss.”

If only she knew that nobody else would come along, and certainly not someone like Julian. He was one of a kind, the first man to ever make me feel like I could just…be myself. At the party, he’d called me Ellen, and I couldn’t help loving how that felt

“Maybe,” I replied, forlorn.

“How about you come to my next fashion show at the end of the month? It’s for my men’s clothing line, so there’ll be lots of delicious, single models.”

I mustered a smile. “Sure, sounds like fun.”

“By the way, I know I said we shouldn’t talk about work, but I was wondering if I could ask a favour. I’ve fallen out with my usual accountant and I was hoping you might have time to look at my accounts for last year? I’d owe you big-time.”

I froze. Finally, the lies I’d told her were coming back to haunt me. Why hadn’t I made up a more unskilled job? Accountant had just sounded so professional at the time when it fell out of my mouth.

“I’m really busy at the moment. I don’t think I’ll have time to fit you in.”

“Not even on the weekend?” she hedged. I hated to say no to her, but I had no other choice. I knew about as much about accounting as I did about astrophysics.

I opened my mouth, brain fumbling for an excuse, when my blessed phone started ringing. I pulled it from my bag, took a look at the screen and saw it was my agent, Daniel. I sent Suze a look of apology.

“This is work. I actually have to get back to the office. Do you mind if we cut today short?”

She smiled kindly and waved me away. “Not at all. I’ll see you next week.” She stood to place a quick kiss on my cheek and I hurried outside to answer the call.

“Daniel, hi,” I breathed. He had no idea how grateful I was that he’d called when he did.

“Hello, Ellen, how are you today?” he replied, his voice warm and friendly. Sometimes I suspected he treated me with kid gloves because I was so skittish. I was one of his highest selling authors and he didn’t want to scare me off. I wished I didn’t give off that vibe. It was something I needed to work on.

“I’m well. Was there a reason you called?”

“Just the weekly call to nag you about doing a signing,” he said on a chuckle. “And don’t worry, I’ve already prepped myself for rejection.”

I really did feel bad about saying no to him all the time. The man had the patience of a saint. “I just worry I’ll disappoint people. I feel like I’ll screw it all up. Trust me, I’m better off remaining an enigma. It sells more books.”

“I don’t believe you. Your readers would love to meet you, Ellen. They already worship the ground you walk on. All you have to do is show up and smile and they’ll be over the moon.”

I continued walking toward my house, scratching my neck. This conversation always made me break out in a rash. “The idea still freaks me out.”

Daniel was quiet on the other end, then said, “How about we meet up for coffee, somewhere quiet? I’ll talk you through the whole thing and then you can decide. If it’s still no, then I promise never to ask you again.”

“I don’t know, Daniel…”

“One coffee. I’ll pay. What’s the worst that could happen?”

His friendly, playful voice managed to draw me out of my shell. I stopped walking and looked down at myself. I was still dressed as Elodie: leopard print blouse, leather effect jeggings, Louboutin heels. Maybe I could do this.

I cleared my throat. “Okay. One coffee. Where do you want to meet?”

There was stunned silence on the other end before he leapt into action. He obviously thought I was going to decline, just like I always did. I could hear him moving around his desk, probably grabbing his things so could run out of the office.

“I’ll text you the address. See you there in thirty minutes?”

“See you in thirty minutes,” I confirmed and hung up.

My hand shook as I placed my phone back in my bag. When I arrived at the large, open plan coffeehouse, I spotted Daniel right away. I knew what he looked like because there was a photo of him on the agency’s website. It didn’t really do him justice, because he was a lot better looking in real life. He had light brown hair and smiling blue eyes. He looked like the boy next door, the one any girl would be proud to bring home to meet her parents.

The exact opposite of Julian, my brain added.

As soon as I thought of him, my heart gave a heavy pang. I tried to ignore it and plastered on a friendly smile as I approached the booth.

“Hello, Daniel,” I greeted, and he looked up from his tablet.

He stared at me for a full five seconds, blinked, then stood up fumblingly. “Ellen?” he questioned in disbelief. His gaze went from my red hair to my green eyes, then travelled all the way down my body. He pushed his black-rimmed glasses back against his nose and held out his hand. “Wow, it’s a pleasure to finally meet you.”

“And you,” I replied, shaking his hand then taking a seat. “It’s weird, but I feel like I know you already. We’ve spoken so much on the phone.”

He ran a hand through his hair and sat back down. “Yes, me too, though you’re nothing at all like what I expected.”

I smiled at this, channelling Elodie. “What did you expect?”

He coughed, flushing slightly. “Well, um, authors who look like you don’t generally shy away from signings.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment.”

He nodded profusely. “You should.” Pausing, he clasped his hands together. “So, what do I need to say to convince you?”

“Tell me it won’t turn out to be an absolute disaster?”

Daniel chuckled. “Has anyone ever told you you’ve got a very catastrophic way of thinking? Rarely do book signings end in disaster. I’d say you’re more likely to walk out onto the street and get struck down by a flying Doberman pinscher.”

“That’s a very weird analogy, Daniel.”

“Yes, it is. What I’m trying to say is, I’ll be there to hold your hand the whole time. I’ll even give you a back massage while you sign if you like, uh, in a strictly non-sexual harassment way, that is.”

“Back massages are always a plus, so long as they’re consensual,” I replied, because he seemed to be getting flustered. I couldn’t believe I was having this effect on him. Well, not me me, but me in my current guise.

“Okay, great,” his eyes flickered back and forth between mine, uncertain. “So, will you do it?”

I pursed my lips. “Exactly how much time will I have to prepare?”

He thought on it a moment. “We can arrange a signing here in London in about a month? That’ll give you enough time to make a dent in your WIP and maybe read an excerpt before you sign?”

“Look at you, trying to get as much bang for your buck as possible.” Plus, a month was pretty soon.

He smirked at me, and wow, it was sort of sexy. He definitely wasn’t all boy next door, that was for certain. “There’s a reason why I run my own agency at thirty-five years of age, Ellen.”

I pushed aside my reservations and forced myself to do something brave. “You drive a hard bargain, but you’ve done so much for me over the years, I guess I owe you.”

He beamed at me. “Seriously? You’ll do it?”

What was happening?

I mustered a confident, Elodie-like smile. “Yes, Daniel, I’ll do your beloved book signing.”

He slammed his hand down on the table. “This calls for a celebratory round of lattes. My treat.”

I sat back and laughed. “I’ll take a mocha, with whipped cream on top.”

He saluted me. “Coming right up.”

I took a cab back from my coffee date with Daniel. My shoes weren’t designed for traversing the streets of London. I smiled to myself because our meeting had gone so well. Daniel felt like a friend, someone I could trust.

I stepped out of the cab, my mind racing. Perhaps I should just dress as Elodie all the time, that way I’d never have to feel socially anxious ever again.

My mood changed instantly when I found Julian sitting on the steps leading up to my front door. He wore a long grey coat, a navy shirt underneath, and faded jeans. His hair hung forward around his eyes and he stared at me with both sadness and affection.

He stood to greet me. “Someone’s been out and about. I tried to call you five times, but you didn’t answer. Thought you were ignoring me.”

I pulled out my phone and saw he was telling the truth. There were a bunch of missed calls, but I’d put my phone on silent when I went to meet Daniel. “I wasn’t ignoring you. I was out with my…um, what are you doing here?”

Julian glanced down the street then back to me. “Guess I’m a glutton for punishment.”

I frowned, heaving a guilty sigh. “When I said what I did, I never meant to offend you or hurt you in any way. I was an insensitive idiot and I’m sorry.”

Julian leaned back against the railing, considering me. “You hardly called me a whore, Ellen. And I already told you, I don’t offend easily.”

“Still, I shouldn’t have said it. We’re friends. It was wrong of me.”

A moment passed, and my neighbour opened her front door. She looked between the two of us, locked her door then walked down the street. Since I never really talked to any of my neighbours, she didn’t spare me or my unusual attire a second glance. Probably didn’t even recognise me.

I pulled my keys from my bag and stepped up to my door. “Do you want to come inside?”

“Sure.” Julian stood behind me, and I swore I could feel his heat. His presence was a potent force and there was a magnetic energy about him today, more so than normal.

We walked into my kitchen and I let Skittles and Rainbow out of their cage. Skittles bypassed me and flew right onto Julian’s shoulder, nibbling on his ear. “Hey, buy me a drink first,” he chuckled. It had only been two days, but I’d missed his laugh.

“Sorry, they can be a little familiar sometimes,” I said and dropped my keys down on the table. I plucked Skittles off Julian’s shoulder and placed her back in the cage. I didn’t know what to say. I wanted to rewind the clock and go back to how we were before I ever opened my big stupid mouth.

“So, can we just—”

“I’m here because—”

I held out a hand. “You go first.”

He glanced at the couch by the window. “We should sit down. I have a feeling this is going to be a long conversation.”

Oh, man.

I followed him to the couch and sat. He angled his body to face me, gazing at me for a long moment. There was something about Julian’s stares, like he saw all of you, even the parts you tried to keep hidden. I grew self-conscious and fiddled with the hem of my blouse.

Julian blew out a breath. “I guess I’ll start by asking you this. Why do you want to hire my services?”

“I already said it was a mistake—”

He cut off my words by placing a finger to my lips. I was momentarily speechless at the feel of his skin on my mouth. He lowered his hand. “We both know you don’t just blurt things out. You’re a worrier, Ellen, and worriers think on things for a long time before they say them. You obviously thought about this for a while.”

I lowered my gaze, feeling shameful. “Okay, you’re right. I have been thinking about it, but I never planned on actually asking you. For one, it would be taking advantage, and for two, it would ruin our friendship.” I paused, feeling self-conscious as I remembered the last time we were together. “Then at the party, all that stuff happened between us and I had a moment of insanity.”

Julian’s expression heated. “Darling, you couldn’t take advantage of me if you tried. But back to my original question, the moment of insanity aside, why did you want to hire me?”

My old friend embarrassment crept in. “You’re the first man I’ve ever really gotten close to, aside from my dad and brothers. I just thought, since it’s your job, you could help me gain some sexual experience.” I whispered that last bit.

Julian’s eyebrows jumped. “Are you a virgin?”

“No!” I exclaimed, then added, “Not quite.”

“What does ‘not quite’ mean?”

“It means my experience is limited, very limited.”

“I see.”

I studied him. “Do you?”

Julian sat back, appearing to mull everything over, then asked, “How many men have you been with?”

I tensed up. “That’s neither here nor there.”

“I wouldn’t ask if it weren’t pertinent.”

Huffing a breath, I reluctantly replied, “One.”

Again, his eyebrows jumped. I wished they’d quit doing that. I already felt like enough of a loser. “Just one?”

“Yes.”

Julian rubbed his jaw, looking away while he murmured to himself. “Might as well be a virgin.”

I swiped him lightly on the shoulder. “Hey! You’re not making me feel any better.”

He looked back at me. “My apologies. This is just an unusual situation for me. Clients normally come to me through recommendations. We speak on the phone first, I vet them. It’s all very official, but with you it’s—”

“Complicated?”

Julian exhaled. “Yes, very complicated.”

“Well, like I said, I’ve reconsidered and decided it’s a terrible idea anyway so…”

I trailed off because what I said appeared to bother him. A deep line formed between his eyebrows. “What will you do then? Keep your body hidden away, never explore the sexuality hidden inside you? You’re a beautiful woman, Ellen. You deserve to know what it’s like to be desired, and to desire another.”

I definitely knew what it was like to desire another.

I swallowed down the words and instead replied, “Then what?”

Julian held my gaze. “I will take you on as a client.”

He would?

“You will?”

He lifted a finger. “But, there will be rules, for both of us.”

Was this actually happening? I had to be dreaming. My heart threatened to beat its way right out of my chest.

“Obviously, I haven’t taken this decision lightly, which is clear from the fact that it took me two whole days to consider it.”

Was that why he hadn’t been in touch? He’d spent the entire time thinking about my offer?

I nodded soberly. “I understand.”

He eyed me a moment, then blew out a breath. “Rule number one. When we’re together, you’ll be Ellen, not Elodie.”

“But…”

“No excuses. Nothing about this arrangement will be pretend.”

My throat ran dry. “I’m not sure I can do it as myself.”

“Of course, you can. You’re you all the time, you just need to take off the wig.”

But the wig is my safety blanket, Julian, you don’t understand.

“Rule number two,” he went on before I could argue. “You won’t discuss our arrangement with anyone.”

“Not even Rainbow and Skittles?” I asked for comic effect. This conversation was getting too serious.

Julian’s lips twitched. “Not even Rainbow and Skittles. Rainbow’s a notorious gossip.”

I let out a soft laugh. “Is there a rule number three?”

His expression sobered. “Yes, when our arrangement comes to its natural end, we might not be able to see each other again. It all depends on how things pan out, but we need to prepare ourselves for the possibility.”

My gut sank. I liked having Julian as a friend. He brought me out of myself and gave me butterflies. Made me feel more alive. I didn’t want to lose that.

“Some clients I’ve stayed in touch with, but others, well, it was for the best that we parted ways.”

“Why was it for the best?”

He seemed reluctant to answer, then said, “Those clients, you could say they were the ones I had the most intense connections with.”

“Like the woman in the painting over your bed?”

Julian nodded. “Yes, like the woman in the painting.”

“But…I don’t want to lose you as a friend.”

His expression softened. “Then you need to seriously consider if this is something you want to do.” I frowned. Julian must’ve seen the conflict on my face because he continued to speak. “You’ve said yourself you’ve had limited experience with sex. When you’re with someone in that way, there are emotions involved. Sometimes people try to pretend there aren’t, but they’re only fooling themselves. Staying friends with someone you’ve had a sexual relationship with can be painful for both parties, particularly when one person moves on to someone new…” his words trailed off, his meaning sinking in.

He thought I’d be brokenhearted, and seeing the person you long for, trying to be friends, would certainly be an unbearable experience. Was I prepared to give him up if it meant gaining experience that could help forge a life for myself, one where I actually had a family of my own one day and wasn’t cursed to be alone forever?

I was almost thirty years old. I couldn’t keep living like a hermit, afraid of human interaction. Nor could I continue pretending to be Elodie. As much of a comfort as she was, it wasn’t healthy.

Being with Julian had to be worth the risk. Heartache faded eventually, right? Even if it hurt to lose him, I wouldn’t feel that way forever.

I steeled myself and met his gaze. “I understand the rules, and I’m prepared for the possibility that we won’t be able to stay friends.”

Something about my response seemed to pain him. When he replied, his expression was grave. “In that case, I have just one more question to ask you.”

“And that is…?”

He leaned forward, fiddled with the collar of my blouse and levelled his sexy, hazel eyes on me. The hint of a smirk graced his lips when he spoke, like we were sharing an intimate secret. “When would you like to begin?”