PULLING UP IN FRONT OF the big house, I put the truck in park and turn to Dani. “We okay?”
“Yeah,” she says, tucking back a piece of stray hair. “We’re good.”
“Okay.” Taking a deep breath, I hop out of the truck and run around to open Dani’s door. The smile she gives me helps to calm the lingering emotions from the ride home. This relationship shit is hard, but I want it. I want to make Dani happy and I want to make this work. Giving her a quick kiss, I take her hand and we walk into the house.
“There y’all are,” Mama says, breezing through the foyer back into the kitchen. “I was worried we were gonna have to send out a search party.”
Dani and I follow her into the kitchen and into the organized chaos that is the Landry kitchen on Sunday afternoons.
“‘Bout time you showed up, sinners,” Deacon says from his spot at the counter.
“Hey, Dani,” Cami says, pulling her away from me and into a side hug. “Help me with this gravy?”
“Sure.” Dani rolls up her sleeves and gets right in there. Her kitchen skills give the rest of us a run for our money. I would never tell my mama this, but I prefer Dani’s grits over hers.
A bit of relief inches over me as everyone weaves in and out of each other like normal. I think I’ve been worried things would be tense, but I should’ve known Deke would forget all about our argument once it was over. That’s how it’s always been. It takes a lot to get him worked up, and once he’s there, he’s a bear, but he quickly forgets and lets shit go.
In the background of the kitchen chatter, an old radio my dad always has turned on is playing an old country song and it catches his attention. I watch as he walks over to my mama and grabs her by the waist, spinning her around in his arms and making her dance with him.
She laughs, one of those really good ones, with her head thrown back. And, being the suave mother fucker he is, he whirls her around and then pulls her in close. There’s so much tenderness and love in the way he holds her, it makes my heart clench.
This is what it’s all about.
Family.
Being together.
My entire life, I’ve always felt like I can do anything I want, because these people are all going to be here for me, regardless of whether I fail or succeed and that’s a powerful feeling. I was feeling anxious about sharing the news of the new restaurant, but I’m not anymore. I smile to myself, watching my parents as they’re in their own little world and then watching Dani watch them. The smile in her eyes is genuine and sweet.
The warmth that spreads over me is unlike anything I’ve ever known. It’s contentment and rightness. This is where I’m supposed to be. This is who I’m supposed to be here with. Bringing Dani into my family feels right and a familiar urge surfaces—one that makes me want to get down on one knee, right here in front of God and everyone, and propose to her, make her mine forever. Make sure she’s here for good. Attach her to me in a way that makes our lives one.
“What’s got you smilin’ like that?” Mama asks. Her spontaneous dance with my dad is over and she’s back to arranging rolls in a basket.
I shake my head, but she gives me a knowing look, following my line of sight to Dani. Lifting her hand to my cheek, she pats it, squaring me in the eyes and smiling. We share a silent conversation, something we’ve done my whole life. It’s crazy that she knows what I’m thinking just by looking me in the face. That ability kept me in trouble when I was little. I was always telling off on myself.
“Carter, sweetie,” Mama says as she passes by me. “Can you make sure everyone has a napkin?” She takes a stack of linen napkins and hands them to Carter. I rustle his blond hair on his way by, messing up his curls.
“Stop, Uncle Micah,” he whines, but the smile on his face lets me know he likes it.
“You and me and the Wii. After lunch,” I tell him. Carter and I have an ongoing Mario Kart challenge. And I’m feeling lucky today.
“I’ve been practicing,” Carter calls back over his shoulder. “You’re gonna be sorry.”
I swear, he’s more Deacon’s kid than if they shared genes. Everything about Carter is a mixture of Cami and Deacon. He’s got his mama’s determination and creativity. The kid can out draw me any day. His humor and cockiness definitely come from my brother. But he’s also a little entrepreneur, always looking for a quick way to make a buck. He’ll do anything for a few dollars.
That we might need to be worried about in a few years, but for now, he’s awesome. Coolest kid I’ve ever known.
“Looks like everything is ready.” Mama takes the bread to the table, followed by Dani, who’s carrying two boats of gravy. Deacon has the big plate of sliced brisket, and Cami is following up the rear with a bowl of mashed potatoes that’d sink a ship.
“I really wish Tucker was home,” my mama says as we all take our places around the table. “I was just gettin’ used to him being around and then he’s off again.”
“Well, you might get your wish,” Cami says. “He’s comin’ home, possibly for good.”
Deke and I both look at Cami and then each other. “What?” we ask in unison.
This is news to me, but then again, Tucker has been a little distant these past couple of months. I chalked it up to him being on tour and all of us being busy. Between Dani moving here, Deke and Cami getting engaged and then married, and the fire at Pockets, none of us have had time to just breathe. Tucker is one to go off on his own from time to time, so I don’t usually get too worried if I don’t hear from him for a few weeks.
“Yeah,” Cami continues. “He said he needs a change of pace. Not sure what that’ll equate to, but from what he said on the phone, he’s comin’ home for a while. Maybe for good. Maybe until the next big thing. Who knows?” She shrugs her shoulders, but I can see a hint of worry on her face. Being Tucker’s sister, she probably knows him better than all of us. So, that look makes me worry a little too.
“Well, it’ll just be good to have the shit head home, at least for a while,” I tell her, trying to ease the worry.
“Language, Micah,” my mama reprimands, causing Deacon to smirk. Fucker loves when I get in trouble.
“Yeah, it’ll be good to have him home.” I can tell by the smile on Cami’s face that she wants to call him a shit head too, but no one, and I mean, no one, wants the wrath of Annie Landry, especially on a Sunday.
And especially at Sunday dinner.
It’s sacred.
You don’t mess with it.
Everyone knows there are two rules: you show up and you don’t mess it up.
“So,” my dad says as food is being passed around the table. “How is everything going with the insurance payout?”
I exhale deeply, looking across the table at Deacon. I was really hoping we could avoid this topic, but of course, my dad, being the lawyer, he wants to know everything about any legal dealings.
“Everything is going good,” Deacon says, looking from me back to his plate. “We should have the money in the next couple of weeks.”
“And remodel dates?” my dad asks.
I fight the urge to stuff a roll in his mouth. I really don’t want to talk about this, not today.
Deacon must feel the same way, because he says, “soon”, and then continues eating, dismissing the topic.
Dani, my mama, and Cami start talking about the holidays, which are quickly approaching. I love the light in Dani’s eyes when she talks about being together with the family. It’s something she missed out on for so long. She soaks it up like a cat on a sunny window sill. The three of them make plans to bake and shop and all sorts of girly shit. I tune them out and think about bringing up the restaurant and the contract I just signed, but I decide to leave that for dessert.
“Did you know we’re gonna have a baby?” Carter asks nonchalantly, and the entire table goes quiet, forks clattering to plates. Deacon clears his throat; and Cami stifles a chuckle. I look from my brother to Cami and then back to my brother.
“What?” Mama asks, nearly speechless, her hand going up and covering her mouth.
“Guess the cat’s outta the bag,” Deacon says, cutting eyes at Carter. “Little snitch,” he whispers, but I see the smile on his face. Like the two of them have been sharing a secret for a while. Well, the three of them.
“What’s a snitch?” Carter asks.
“You’re having a baby?” Dani asks, her face morphing into awe and I think I see tears in her eyes.
“Yep,” Cami says, with the happiest look on her face. Pure joy. She reaches over and takes Deacon’s hand. “We’re due in May.”
“Oh, my goodness,” my mama gushes. And she does cry. Actually, she sobs like a baby. And she gets out of her chair and hugs my dad.
Pretty soon, the entire table is exchanging hugs and I’m overwhelmed by the happiness that’s surrounding me, so I have to tell my good news too.
“I signed a contract on the new restaurant in New Orleans yesterday,” I announce. And once again, the table goes silent.
I look over at Dani and she’s looking at me like she’s happy, but also like she wishes I wouldn’t have said anything. Her eyes grow a little wide and she turns from me to Deacon. That’s when I see the expression on his face change from excitement to anger.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” he asks, standing up from his seat and causing the chair to scrape across the floor.
“Language.” This time it’s not my mama, it’s Cami.
“I’m sorry,” he says, looking over at her and then back at me, “but this is horse shit, Micah, and you know it.”
The emotions boiling up inside of my brother are visible. His jaw is clenched tight and his eyes are glaring holes into me.
“I can’t fu—,” he starts, but pauses and then continues, “I can’t believe you’d do that and I can’t believe you’d bring it up here . . . now,” he seethes.
I realize now it was probably bad timing, but damn it, I have good news, too, and I want to share it. Honestly, I didn’t think about it, it just came out. But now that it’s out there, it pisses me off Deacon is acting like this.
“I guess I can bring it up whenever I feel like it. This bullshit tirade you’ve been on needs to stop. I’m a grown-ass man and I can do whatever I want with my life. So, take care of you and yours and leave me the fuck alone,” I reply with the same vitriol he’s been giving me.
Deacon leans over the table and I think he’s going to yell at me some more, tell me how stupid I am and how bad I’m fucking things up so, I stand up to my full height, silently urging him to bring it, whatever he wants to say, he should just say it now, because I want it to be said and done. But instead of throwing words, he throws a punch and his fist connects with my jaw, causing me to stumble back into the wall behind me.
I hear screaming and chairs scraping, but I can’t focus on anything besides the pain in my jaw and the overwhelming need to pummel my brother. My head is spinning a little, but I collect myself and meet Deacon as he’s coming around the table. This time, it’s my fist that makes contact and the fight is on.
Something happens during a fit of rage—anger and adrenaline take over. This has been in the works for a while, a small ember waiting to ignite, and Deacon and I both let out our pent-up aggressions on each other.
Forgetting who’s around and who we are, we pound each other. After a few blows to my face, I taste blood in my mouth, which makes me want to hit him even harder, make him pay for starting this in the first place.
As Deacon and I exchange punches, a strong arm comes between the two of us and then it’s my dad’s face I see. He’s holding Deacon back behind him, his nose an inch from mine.
“Take it outside,” he growls, his face full of anger. But it’s the look of disappointment in his eyes that sobers me up.
“Micah,” his voice is hard and demanding. Something I haven’t heard from him in a long time, if ever. “Take. It. Outside.”
I shake my head, feeling the haze begin to dissipate. My heart’s still pounding in my chest when I take a look around the dining room. There are a couple of chairs turned over and my mama is standing frozen in her spot with her hand over her mouth, just like it was earlier when she found out about the baby. But this time, it’s out of disappointment and sadness. Beside her is Dani, but I can’t force myself to make eye contact with her.
We did that.
Me and Deacon.
I feel the guilt and shame hit me like a ton of bricks, harder than any of the hits Deacon landed. Turning on my heels, I stomp out of the room and leave out the side door. When I get to the garage, I punch the wall, letting out a growl of frustration. Tears spring to my eyes, but it’s not because of the pain radiating up my arm. It’s this whole fucked up situation. How did we go from celebrating to that?
Deacon and his fucking overreacting.
Trying to run my fucking life.
With each thought and step I take, the anger inside begins to build again. I know if I go back in that house, Deacon and I will have another go and that will kill my mama, so I do the only thing I know to do, I walk away.
When I reach the truck, I realize Dani is still inside, but I don’t stop. I just get in, start it up, and peel out onto the gravel drive that leads to the road. In my rearview mirror, I see Dani standing on the porch, but I can’t go back and get her. I can’t let her see me like this. I don’t want to see disappointment in her eyes too.
I need to get away, get some air, and wrap my fucking brain around what the hell just happened.
My phone buzzes from the seat beside me and I see Dani’s name and a message.
Dani: Are you ok?
Of course, she’s thinking about me, which makes me feel even more like shit.
“Fuck,” I yell to no one, to the four winds, slamming my hand onto the steering wheel and feeling the twinge of pain again.
About a mile away from the house, I pull my truck to the side of the road and turn off the engine.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck.”
My head falls against the back of the seat and a sit there for I don’t even know how long, staring at the roof of my truck. My phone buzzes again and I grab it, opening my messages. Another one from Dani.
Dani: Micah?
Quickly, I type my reply.
Me: I’m fine.
Dani: Where are you?
Me: Down the road.
Dani: Are you sure you’re ok?
Me: Yes. Are you ok?
I hate that I left her there. I’m about to start up my truck and turn around to go back for her when another text comes through.
Dani: I’m fine. I’ll get a ride home from Deacon.
I don’t know why, but that pisses me off even more than I already am. I know I didn’t leave her much choice, but all she had to do was ask me to come get her or wait a goddamn minute. But her catching a ride from Deacon feels a lot like taking sides. The rational part of my brain knows she’s not, but the irrational part, the part that just went to blows with my brother, feels differently.
Fine.
It’s abrupt and will probably be a fight for later when Dani gets home, but I couldn’t give two shits right now, because I’m tired of all of it.
Tossing the phone onto the seat, I start my truck and throw up dirt as I make my way out to the highway. I just need to get home and have a drink and fucking clear my head.