I DID A LOT OF thinking on the way home, but my mind is still running ninety miles an hour and I can’t go sit in the apartment and wait for Dani. I need to get my head on straight before I talk to her.
Frank is closed on Sundays so I can’t go to the bar.
So, here I am, sitting in front of Grinders.
Part of me wants to tell Alex the deal’s off, apologize to Deacon, and pour myself into rebuilding Pockets. My family is important, the most important part of my life, and I can’t bare the thought of losing them and their support.
But the other part of me feels good about this opportunity. I don’t understand why Deacon can’t just let this go and trust I’m not going into this deal blindly. He’s taught me everything I know. My entire life. From football to girls, he’s always been there, leading the way. But now he needs to trust me, allow me to make my own way. I’m not some stupid kid he has to look after anymore.
Everything doesn’t always have to go his way.
A lingering flicker of anger sparks back up, because a small voice in my head says if Alex had approached Deacon instead of me, he would’ve entertained the idea. That same small voice says he’s jealous, doesn’t like me splitting my time and efforts between Grinders and New Orleans. He feels left out because this deal doesn’t revolve around him. But he could’ve been a part. Shit, he can still be a part, but his stupid pigheadedness won’t let him. Now, for him, it’s probably more principle than anything. He’s made such a big deal about me not doing this, there’s no way he can get behind it or support me in my endeavors.
When the realization finally hits that Deacon won’t be around for this one, a slight panic settles in.
That sense of security I was just basking in, only hours ago, is dwindling.
I wonder what my mom and dad think?
Deacon and I have always sought them out for advice on everything we’ve ever done. I haven’t talked to them once about this deal. And I have to ask myself why.
Because I knew they wouldn’t approve?
Because for once in my life I just want to do something for me, something I want, and consequences be damned?
I don’t know.
But the anger and frustration are quickly replaced with guilt and a bit of trepidation.
I can’t fail now.
Now everyone’s eyes and judgements are on me. I can’t let this thing fall through. And no one is going to stop me. Not Alex. Not Deacon. Even if I have to do it all on my own, one day, hopefully soon, I’ll be opening the doors of a brand-new restaurant. It’ll be something I did, something I love and have wanted for so long.
Maybe then they’ll see I’m not fucking things up.
My phone rings from the seat and I look around, realizing it’s dark and Dani is probably back at the apartment waiting on me, worried I’m not there.
“Hello.” I don’t look at the phone. I just answer it.
“Micah.” My mama’s voice comes over the line and it sounds tired and . . . sad.
“Mama,” I reply, closing my eyes and trying to not see her disappointment from earlier, but I can’t help it because it’s laced through her voice.
“Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.” I touch the split on my lip and wince. I’m sure my face looks worse for wear, but I’m not gonna die. So, I’m fine.
She sighs heavily into the phone and I can tell she wants to say so many things she’s not.
“What’s going on between you and Deacon?” she asks.
“It’s a long story. I don’t really want to talk about it right now, Mama.”
She sighs again. “Okay, but promise you won’t let this fester. Promise me the two of you will work this out. “
I wait for a second. Of course Deacon and I will work this out. But I can’t make any promises it’ll be anytime soon. That’s not what my mama wants to hear, so I just say, “I promise.”
“I love you, Micah. You know that. And your dad and I are here for you. So, if you need us, you come talk to us.”
“I know, Mama. And I will.”
“And Deacon loves you,” she says, her voice taking on a firmer tone. “Despite everything that was said and that happened today. He loves you. Don’t forget that.”
I grunt, but I don’t respond to that.
My swollen jaw isn’t feeling very loved right now.
I still can’t believe that fucking jackass punched me. We haven’t physically fought since we were kids, and even then, it was nothing like what happened today.
“Dani was so worried about you,” she says quietly into the phone.
I swallow hard around the lump in my throat. I hate that all of that happened in front of Dani . . . and my mama, and Carter. It didn’t even register he was there, witnessing all of that until it was too late.
“Is Carter okay?” I ask, my voice strained.
She sighs heavily again. “He’s okay. He’s just worried about his Uncle Micah and Daddy fighting. But your dad challenged him to baseball on the Wii and he was better. You owe him, though.”
“I know.”
“Y’all make this right, Micah. Remember who you are and who’s name you’re carryin’. Landrys don’t fight, especially amongst themselves. We’re family above everything else.”
“I know, Mama.”
“Deacon should be dropping Dani off in a few minutes. I’ll let you go. Call me tomorrow.”
“Love you, Mama.”
“Love you.”
I pull out of the spot in front of Grinders and get back to the apartment about two minutes before Dani walks in the door. Her shoulders are slumped and her entire demeanor is different from a few hours ago. A few hours ago, she was full of love and happiness. And now, all I see is worry and sadness.
“Come here,” I say, reaching for her.
She puts her bag down on the counter and walks slowly toward me, her eyes immediately going to my face and her brows furrow together when they see the split skin. I’m sure I look like I went a few rounds with a heavyweight. Deacon definitely didn’t hold back. I didn’t either. It was ugly and the marks on my face are harsh reminders.
“What happened today?” she asks, as she reaches out to cup my cheek.
“Just come here and let me hold you.” I’m not worried about me. All I need is to feel her in my arms. My brain has been so full of words and thoughts, I don’t know if I can handle a conversation right now. I need to show her with my actions how sorry I am she had to see me and Deacon fight. How sorry I am that she was worried. How much I love her and wish I could go back to earlier when the urge to get down on one knee and propose to her was so strong.
One day.
One day, I’ll do that.
But it has to be perfect. And today is not that day. Today, I just need to hold her.
“I was so worried,” she says quietly, taking my hand and straddling my lap, putting us back in the same position we were in earlier in the truck. It’s been a long fucking day. An emotional day for both of us.
“I know. I’m sorry.” I hold her face in my hands and look into her green eyes, begging her to believe me.
“I thought you might go do something crazy,” she admits, latching onto the front of my shirt and pulling in closer to me.
“I just needed some air.”
“Don’t run away from me.”
“I’m sorry for that.”
I kiss her lips softly, lazily, taking my time to show her how fucking sorry I am and how much I love her, need her.
“Want me to run you a bath?” I ask, wanting to do something for her, take care of her.
“Only if you’ll take one with me,” she says, her voice husky as she slides her lips along my jaw and down to my neck.
Planting my hands on her ass, I lift us both off the couch and walk her into the bathroom, sitting her on the counter while I run some bath water. I even toss in one of those bath bombs she likes. It’ll probably make me smell like a girl, but I don’t give a shit. One of my favorite things in the world, is smelling like Dani.
Come to think of it, all of my favorite things have to do with Dani.
Making love to Dani.
Being with Dani.
Washing Dani’s back. And her front.
Feeling Dani beneath me.
Watching Dani above me.
Tasting Dani.
That’s on my to-do list for after the bath.
I mean, if I’m making things up to my girl. I’m gonna do it right.
After helping Dani out of her clothes, I take mine off, dropping them in a pile on the floor of the bathroom. I turn around, expecting her to be in the bath already, but she’s standing there staring at me.
“What’s the matter? Did I get it too hot?” I ask, reaching around her to feel the bath, but she stops me. Holding my face in her hands.
“Look at you,” she says softly, rubbing her thumb over the split on my lip. I lick the spot and still taste blood.
“It’s fine,” I tell her, taking her hands and wrapping them around me, hugging her to my chest. “Don’t worry about me. I’m fine.”
My heart feels heavy knowing she’s worried and that I did that.
“Please don’t fight with Deacon anymore,” she begs. “I hate it. It hurts my heart.”
Those words add to the heaviness and I take a deep breath, letting her and the warmth of the steam rising in the bathroom infiltrate my insides. I want to tell her I won’t fight with Deacon. I want to make everything better, but I can’t promise that. I hate to think it might get worse before it gets better but something tells me Deacon isn’t going to let this one go so easily. And neither will I. However, I will make her a promise I can keep.
“I’m sorry that it hurt you to see us fighting. And I promise we won’t fight in front of you again. What happened today won’t happen again.”
She sighs against my chest and I know she’s reading between the lines of that weak-ass promise, but she accepts it. Pulling away, she looks me in the eyes and holds my gaze for a minute. “Come on,” she says, leading me to the tub.
I climb in the tub and sink into the warm, girly smelling water, making room for Dani. She leans back against me and we don’t talk again, letting the day fade away, reconstructing the bubble of us. Too bad every moment of every day can’t be like this—me, her, and nothing else.
We wouldn’t have fights or disagreements.
We wouldn’t have to deal with our pasts or our futures.
We would just be.
But that’s not reality.
It brings a whole new meaning to we can’t always get what we want. Because I just want Dani. Sure, I want the restaurant in New Orleans. And I want Deacon to see things my way for once. And I also want world fucking peace. But if I had to pick just one thing, I’d pick her.
I’m hoping today isn’t a representation of how the next few months are going to be. I’m hoping today was a fluke. And tomorrow, everything will go back to normal.
I’m also feeling a bit delusional, because Dani is currently rubbing herself against me, causing my dick to be on full alert. He’d done a good job of ignoring the fact that a naked Dani was in close proximity, but when she started moving around, all bets were off.
“You should sit still if you want to keep loungin’ in the bath,” I warn her. My head is tilted back against the edge of the tub, eyes closed, as I try to think of dead puppies. I feel the water slosh around me, letting me know she’s on the move. But I remain still, letting her take the lead. Whatever she needs from me. I’ll give it to her. Gladly.
“I was thinking more along the lines of a full-service bath,” she says, an edge of playfulness in her husky voice.
Whatever you need, Dani.
Her legs straddle my thighs and she sinks back into the water.
“I was thinking maybe you could make me feel better, take my mind off this shitty day, by letting me use you for my pleasure. I feel like you owe it to me.”
I fight the smile.
“Whatever you think, Dani.”
“I know how you hate owing people.”
“I do,” I agree, having to force myself from grabbing her and taking her right here. But this is her show. I hold back, bide my time, and play her game. “I always pay my debts.”
“With interest,” she purrs, leaning forward, pressing her bare breasts to my chest. I love this. Almost as much as I love being inside her. Because there’s nothing like her perfect skin on mine. Since the first time I was with her, I’ve not been able to get enough of her touch, the feel of her. It’s unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. There’s this slight current where our bodies touch, leaving behind a warmth that radiates through my whole body, deep inside to my core, tethering us to each other.
“Always.”
She settles herself over my erection and sinks down, moaning as I fill her.
My head spins on contact. My arms instinctively wrap around her, pulling her down harder, closer. She doesn’t move and I don’t force her to, even though every cell in my body is screaming for friction.
This is what she needs.
Touch.
Contact.
This connection we have where the two of us become one.
Her hooded eyes meet mine and she wraps her arms around my head, pulling me into her chest as she begins to rock her hips.
“I love you,” she whispers.
“More than anything,” I promise.