Eve
I’m being crushed from the inside. Heart, lungs, and stomach compacted in the vise grip of my memory.
It was my idea to take out the Nova. Raven only agreed to make me feel better. Music. I remember the music was loud. The crash was quick. I can almost see it in slow motion. We were hit hard. My head slammed into the side window, and then everything went black.
“Eve, doll, talk to me.”
I look to the voice without seeing.
“Let’s go for it.”
“Oh, no. Jonah would kill me.”
“Is he here?”
“No.”
“A ten-minute cruise around the neighborhood. We’ll roll the windows down, blast your crappy fifties music. It’ll be just like old times.”
“I don’t know, Eve.”
“Oh come on! It’ll be fun.”
“Fine.”
“Are you serious?”
“Yes.”
“I talked her into the Nova,” I whisper.
The bed shifts, but I don’t feel any pain . . . only regret and stifling guilt.
“Eve, listen to me right now.”
I blink up to sympathetic . . . no, empathetic eyes?
“This isn’t your fault. You couldn’t have known you’d get hit.”
“The Nova. Jonah didn’t want her driving it because it’s not safe. I talked her into it. She said no, but I talked her into it.”
The panic wells in my chest. Sweat breaks out over my skin. I can’t suck in enough air. I’m dizzy. The baby. What if she doesn’t make it or if she has complications because of the accident? Raven will never forgive me. I’ll never forgive me.
“I have to get out of here.” I pull at the monitoring wires. “I need to go.” Tears flow freely down my face.
“Hold on; just calm down.” Cameron’s hands come to my shoulders.
“No! Let me go.” I swing my legs over the bed and search for a way to get to air. “I can’t stay here. I can’t breathe.” I stand and take quick steps toward the door before the sting of my IV stops me.
Strong arms wrap me up from behind, and a splinter of pain twists in my side, but it’s nothing compared to what I deserve. I savor it and take my punishment.
“There’s no air.” A soul-deep sob rips from my throat; my body shakes with the force of it. “My chest hurts.”
“Shh, I know.” He rubs soothing circles on my back. “I know.”
I pull back and look him in the eyes. “You don’t know, Cameron! You have no fucking clue. I did this. The baby could die because of me.”
His face gets hard.
“How am I going tell Jonah it’s my fault he almost lost his wife and baby?” I press against my breastbone, the pain slicing through. “How will I explain that it’s my fault that he almost lost his wife and baby the same way he lost his father?”
The entire weight of my body sinks, but I don’t hit the ground. Cameron’s hold keeps me upright, even though my legs are completely limp beneath me.
“They’re my family.” I hiccup through my bawling and my head throbs. His arms drop around my waist, and he buries his nose in my shoulder.
I cry with uncontrollable wails and pain. So much pain.
Oh, God, what have I done? They’ll never forgive me.
~*~
Cameron
A nurse rushes into the room, her eyes wide on me. “What’s going on?” She quickly studies the beeping machine and then Eve, who’s falling apart in my arms. “Get her to the bed.” She jogs out of the room.
“Come on, Eve.” It’s a waste of breath to speak because she’s so lost in her sadness and guilt that she’s not hearing a damn thing outside of her own agony.
I lift her up as gently as I can, and her arms wrap around my neck, holding on while she whispers remorse-laden prayers into my neck. A sense of déjà vu makes my chest heavy, and the urge to run is overwhelming. Every cry from her lips pulls at a part of me that I’ve hidden deep. A part covered with years of avoidance and a shitload of work.
The regret.
Guilt.
Loss.
I lower her to the bed just at the nurse comes back in with a syringe. My first instinct is to crouch in front of Eve to protect her from the sting of the needle, but I know the anguish she’s going through. I’ve felt the same things she’s feeling.
The nurse steps forward. “Hold her steady.” She injects what I’m assuming is a sedative into Eve’s IV. “That shouldn’t take long to kick in.” She crosses the room to drop the syringe in the sharps box. “I’ll be back in a minute, after she calms down.”
Eve’s eyes slide closed and her breathing slows.
“I won’t be here.” There’s no way I can do this shit.
I’ve spent the last fourteen years of my life with my back to the pain. I’m not ready to turn and face it now.
Not even for Eve.
I’m not brave enough.
The nurse checks Eve’s vitals, and it’s clear the meds have kicked in and she’s fallen asleep. “What set her off?”
“She remembered the accident.”
“Mm, okay, I could see how that would be disturbing.” She tucks Eve in and hits a couple buttons on the machine at her side.
“What’s your name?”
The nurse smiles in a way that, combined with her salt-and-pepper hair, reminds me of a grandmother. “Rose.”
A vicious stab slices through my gut. I stand and fight to breathe through what I’m about to do. “Do me a favor?” I pull a wad of twenties from my wallet, no clue how many, but enough. “Make sure she has a ride home when she’s discharged.” I pull out more cash. “And some clean, comfortable clothes.”
Rose fingers through the cash and tries to hand it back. “Sir, I can’t—”
I hold up my hand. “Please. She doesn’t have family and”—I clear my throat and swallow the burn of remorse—“I won’t be around.”
Her lips form a tight line, but she nods. “Okay.”
She’s not stupid. I’m sure she can sense the coward in me running away with my tail between my legs.
My gaze slides to Eve. She looks so peaceful now, not at all as she did minutes ago when the world was crumbling down around her. I lean in and place a soft kiss to her lips, mindful not to disturb her. God, I’m going to miss her.
“Thank you.” And without another thought, I turn from the room and pat the dirt on the shredded and now recovered emotions from my past.
She’ll realize after the drugs wear off that none of this would’ve happened if it weren’t for the decisions I made last night. Then she’ll hate me. Resent me. And we can both go back to being where we were when we started.
She has people in her life who will take care of her: people who care for her like I do, but won’t fuck her up like I will.
Like I already have.
~*~
Eve
Midnight and not a word from Cameron.
After waking up from my drug-induced nap, I expected to see him here. I expected to open my eyes to him scowling at me from the corner. I expected . . .
And ain’t that the shit that screws me over every time.
I blink heavy eyelids and know that although my body demands rest my mind is too busy for it. Instead, I study the long triangle of light that slices through the dark hospital room floor. The eerie silence with the occasional murmur of nurses from the hallway lulls me to self-inspection.
The accident was my fault. Guilt’s oppressive weight constricts my chest. Raven and the baby are alive, but they shouldn’t even be here. If I hadn’t been so caught up in my own life, my own pain, I never would’ve pushed so hard to take out the Nova.
The low grumble of a man’s voice, followed by the soft whisper of a woman’s, filters in from the hallway. I shove up on an elbow, and my heart pounds wildly in my chest.
Cameron?
His shadow drowns out the light as he trudges through the door and into my room. I fish around my blankets for the remote that turns on the light and grunt through the throbbing in my shoulder.
“You’re back.” Ah-ha! There it is. I click on the light to illuminate the towering fighter. “Oh, Jonah. Hey.” The hollow in my chest aches.
He doesn’t speak but crosses to a chair that sits near the window. He drops down and slouches into the seat, his forehead to his palm.
“What happened?” My breath freezes in my lungs. “Is it Sadie?”
He scrubs his face and sets tired eyes on me. “No, they’re good.”
I exhale a heavy breath that releases the tension in my muscles. “What’s going on?”
“Raven told me what happened.”
Stomach acid churns, and I clutch the hospital sheet to my chest. “Jonah, I—”
“Too late. What’s done is done.” He shakes his head and looks out the window to the city lights. “She knew. I told her every day how fucking scared I was at the thought of losing her or Sadie.” He pinches the bridge of his nose. “How could she do this?”
“Jonah, no, it . . .” I swallow my panic and summon the courage to tell him the truth. “She wouldn’t.”
“But she did.”
“Because of me.” I swallow the lump forming in my throat. “She didn’t want to take the Nova. I talked her into it.”
His eyes slide to mine, and confusion works behind them. “Why would you do that?”
I fill my lungs with a steadying breath. “The chances of anything happening in that car were so slim. She knew you’d be upset, but she wanted that little taste of freedom again, just like I did.”
His tortured expression morphs into something terrifying. “I thought you said you didn’t remember.”
“I didn’t. And now I do.” I drop my chin, unable to hold his glare. “She didn’t want to go. I convinced her.”
Silence.
“I wouldn’t let up until she agreed.”
I give that a moment to sink in and wait for the onslaught of fury that I know is coming.
But it never does.
I peek up to see Jonah’s eyes pointed back out the window. “Jonah, I’m sorry. If I could take it back, I—”
“The worst day of my life was the day we got the call that my dad wasn’t coming home. I remember being sad, really fucking sad.” He blinks and turns toward me. “But what I remember the most is being scared, fucking terrified, because for the first time in my life, I saw the agony in my mom’s face. I remember thinking the pain would rip right through her flesh. She screamed, beat the walls, and crawled like a dying animal as the pain shredded her. I . . .” He leans forward and cradles his head in his hands. “I just want her safe. I need her to be safe. Always.”
The sting of fresh tears in my wounds blares its agreement. “Me too. I can’t take back what happened, and I understand if you can’t forgive me.” I sag deeper into the bed. “I can’t forgive myself.”
“You want to blame yourself, I get that. But Raven knew better. Anyway, what’s done is done.” He pushes up from his chair and heads for the door, stopping just before the privacy curtain. “I’m not happy about any of this, but it doesn’t change anything. We’re family.” He doesn’t look up but continues out of the room.
I cough on a sob as it makes its way up my throat. How can he say that after all I’ve done? The only explanation is it hasn’t sunk in. Surely once he realizes I almost ripped his wife and daughter from his life, he’ll forbid Raven from having anything to do with me.
He can’t possibly care enough to see past my offense.
Can he?