Cameron
“Dad. Dad, wake up.”
I blink open my eyes to Ryder shaking my shoulder.
“Ry, what’s . . . you okay?”
“Someone’s at the door.”
I curl up to sitting and check the clock. “It’s the middle of the night.”
“Yeah, no kidding. That’s why I’m waking you up.”
The sound of someone knocking on the front door has me up and moving. I don’t think it would be D’lilah. After almost fifty-six days in rehab, she graduated from the program sober and even managed to get a job working the reception desk at a high end spa and seems to love it. Ryder’s home, so unless that’s the cops banging my door down . . . The knock sounds again.
I move down the hallway with Ry on my heels. Unfortunately, the way the front door lines up to the street, I can’t see if there’s a car in my driveway, and I don’t have a peephole because, fuck, why would I need one?
The knock sounds again, not loud or urgent, only persistent.
I swing open the door and almost stumble backward.
Eve.
“Why’d you do it?” Her eyes are on mine, focused to the point of delirium.
“Eve, what’re you doing—?”
“Answer the question.” She takes a quick step toward me, her hands clenched tightly. “Why? Why did you do it?” Her voice is louder now.
“Come inside.” Seeing her like this in the dead of night, clearly upset and wearing pink flannel pajama pants, an oversized UNLV sweatshirt, and slippers sets me on high alert.
“No.” She shakes her head, and her eyes travel from my bare feet up my drawstring sleeping pants to my stomach and linger there. “Um . . .” She blinks and drags her gaze slowly up to my chest, shoulders, and then her blue eyes hit mine, and, fuck, I like what I see by the time she gets there.
Her big blues are wide but foggy from her appraisal. Big full lips are slightly parted and her cheeks flush.
“Eve.” It’s a warning, a reminder, and a plea.
She blinks and shakes her head, clarity mixed with something off kilter returning to her features. “You paid off his debt, and I know how much that was, Cameron.”
My muscles tense. “Please tell me that slimy fuck isn’t bothering you. He promised he’d leave you the hell alone if—”
“I haven’t heard from him since the night he cleaned me out. Not him or the guy looking for money.” She blinks slowly and tilts her head. “How much did you pay him, Cameron?”
“Doesn’t matter. I’d have paid whatever it cost to get him to leave you alone.”
“Why would you—?”
“Because I’m in love with you.”
She stumbles back a step, eyes staring up in disbelief. “But you left . . .”
“Yeah, I fucked up, and even though I’ve got reasons for doing what I did, they don’t matter now, but I’m paying the price by giving you space, praying you’d show up at my doorstep.”
Her eyes narrow. “You knew I’d show up?”
“Hoped, prayed . . . but I didn’t know.”
“Right,” she whispers, chews on her bottom lip, and drops her chin.
It’s so fucking cute I can’t hide my smile, but something tells me my grin is more for the fact that she isn’t running away. “You coming in or are we having a conversation in the doorway?”
“Did I wake you?”
“It’s the middle of the night, and I’m standing here in my sleepin’ pants, doll. What do you think?”
Her eyes dart to mine. “Oh, yeah, I mean, if that’s okay with you, or I could . . .” She points over her shoulder with her thumb. “Another time—”
“You show up on my doorstep because you’ve got something to say. I don’t give a shit if it’s to tell me your favorite brand of beer is on sale. I’m waking up to hear it.”
A tiny grin pulls at her lips, and it sends a straight shot of warmth to my chest and my groin.
She tucks a long strand of her bangs behind her ear, a slight blush colors her cheeks. “That was really sweet, and I’ll have to remember to do that next time my favorite brand is on sale.”
“Sounds good.” I step aside and swing the door open wider, and she follows me in and down the hallway to my room. I flick on a lamp and drop down on the couch.
Eve’s hesitant, standing close to the door and tugging on the hem of her shirt.
“Have a seat.” I nod to the club chair across from me.
She moves to it and takes a seat. “Cameron, I’m sorry. I should’ve called or waited until the morning, but I couldn’t sleep, and all these questions were running through my head. I don’t know. Now that I’m here, it all seems so pointless and stupid.”
“The last time we saw each other, things were . . . intense. I stepped back to give you some space, time to figure things out. Now you’re showing up at my door in the middle of the night. You will not see me complaining about that shit, doll.”
A slight pink colors her cheeks, and she grabs her ponytail, splitting it down the middle, and then pulls each handful tightly. “Why didn’t you tell me about the money? I mean hearing it from Mason—”
“What were you doing with Mason?” The words stir up from my gut in a growl.
“Huh?” Her nose scrunches up. “Hiking.”
I groan and rub my eyes with my thumb and forefinger. “A date.”
“No, not a date, we usually hang out once or twice a week, and today it was so nice out we decided to go hiking.”
“Once or twice . . . dates, with an ‘S’.”
She tilts her head and studies me as if she can see straight through to my soul. “It’s not a date or dates. He’s one of my best friends, and I love hanging out with him.”
Love.
“He your man?” Fuck, the words kill to get out, but lucky for me my lack of impulse control wouldn’t allow them to be held back.
“No, he’s not my man. Jeez, Cameron.” She points at me. “And don’t you go changing the subject. I came here because I need information.”
Her face is so serious I can’t help the low grumble of laughter that bubbles up from my chest.
“Need information? You interrogating me?”
Her eyes roll to the ceiling. “Stay with me on this one, would you?”
I nod.
“After you confronted my dad at the hospital, offered to pay off his debt, which must’ve been substantial”—she blows out a long breath, her eyes wide—“you came to my room, but then you disappeared. Why?”
“Seeing you hurt, all the shit you were going through, made me realize that if I’d never left you at that restaurant to go after ’Li that night you’d be safe and warm in my bed rather than running from a lunatic to your girl’s house and then riding in that damn car when you got hit.”
“You . . . You thought all that was your fault?”
“Just because I wasn’t the one driving the car that hit you doesn’t mean I didn’t cause it.” Like Rosie, I didn’t throw her in the pool that day, but she ended up there because of me. “Sounds stupid, but I left because I thought you’d be safer without me. No shit, you have no idea the pain I’ve caused others without even trying.”
She blinks. “Wha—What does that mean? Pain you’ve caused others?”
If I want a shot at being with Eve, I’ve got to let her in, but fuck if I can bring the words to my lips.
“Not big on talking about my past, Eve.” Elbows on my knees, I drop my head into my hands and rake them through my hair.
“We can’t build something based on secrets.”
I cough on the irony of her words. “Like you don’t have secrets.” Fuck, but right as the words leave my lips, I instantly regret them. I feel what I’m doing, know I’m pushing her away to avoid having to tell her the truth, but even as I know it, don’t want it, I’m doing it.
“You said you love me.” Her eyes narrow. “You said you’d never let me go again. Now you’re shutting me out. No more walking away.”
My head pounds, and as much as I want what she’s offering, I know I’ll lose her if I tell her the truth about Rosie. But I could lose her if I don’t tell her. Shit.
“Cameron, there’s nothing you could tell me that would change the way I feel about you.”
“You say that now, but you have no idea what you’re asking for.”
She swallows hard and blows out a long breath. “The last guy I dated kept secrets. He was not a good man.”
“I know about Vince, doll. Bein’ honest, not real excited to hear about this pecker sucker who fucked over you and Slade’s girl, but I’m even more not excited to hear it from your sweet mouth.”
My jaw falls loose on its hinges.
“I see this is a surprise to you.”
“Who? When?”
“Daniels and a while ago.”
She shakes her head slowly, and her eyes roam the room before coming back to mine. “Don’t you think I’m disgusting?”
“Never think that about you.”
“But I was in love with him.”
He shrugs. “You thought you were, but, Eve, I know you. After the hell your pops put you through, no way you wouldn’t jump all over a guy who showed you a little attention.”
I cringe. “That’s not nice.” The words are barely a whisper.
“Not nice, but true.”
“Is that what I did with you?”
He shrugs. “Maybe, but the difference is I don’t throw away what you give me.” He thumps his chest with a fist. “Feel that shit in here.”
My breath catches in my throat. “But you threw me away.”
“Thought I was protecting you. Walkin’ away didn’t mean I left you. Brought with me everything you gave.”
“Why is this thing between us so hard? It feels like, if it were real, it should be easier.”
“Never asked for easy. Best things in life are worth working for. You’re worth it.” He tilts his head. “Question is . . . am I worth working for?”
Before the question is out of my mouth, she bobs her head up and down.
“Not gonna lie. Until I get some shit settled, work through some crap I’ve been putting off for way too long, there’s going to be a lot between us that’ll piss you off.”
“Cameron, I—”
“You’re going to want to run, walk away. The shit will beat you down and make you . . .”
“What?”
“Hate me.”
She shakes her head. “No. Never.”
My eyes scan the room, but see nothing. “Rosie, my daughter.”
“You have a daughter,” she whispers.
“Eve—”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because once you know the story, you’ll never speak to me again.”
Her hand flies to her mouth. “Did she . . .?” There’s an audible swallow.
“I . . .” I run a hand though my hair, and push up from the couch with so much force that the air shifts between us. “Fuck!” I pace the room.
“Just tell me, because my imagination is probably making it worse.” She trails behind me.
I hold up a hand. “Please, stay back.”
She ignores me and steps closer. “No. Whatever this is, let me carry the burden with you. Share it with me.”
Sheer panic races through my veins. “I’m not fucking around, Eve.”
“I know that.” She nods and steps closer, the heat of her hand on my forearm makes me flinch. “Sometimes the best defense is to step toward what scares you, not run away from it. You taught me that.”
I focus on her hand on my arm. “Why are you doing this?”
“Because I love you.”
The words push from my gut. My head knows releasing them will mean freedom, but the fear in my chest holds them back. “You said you weren’t strong enough to hold on to me.”
“I’ve been working out.” She shrugs one shoulder. “I think I can manage now.”
I drop my chin to my chest, and a desperate groan falls from my lips. “You sure you can handle it?”
She steps closer and dips her head to meet my eyes. “I’m sure.”
My heart beats frantically and I’m terrified. I roll my head back, my thoughts vacant except for five little words that are my confession.
“I took my daughter’s life.”