Chapter 4 Milly

The elevator moved so fast my stomach almost flipped, and it was already carrying a tight ball of desire. I was thankful I didn’t have to control myself from running my hands all over him. Knowing he was defenseless against me, I would totally take advantage of that.

Get a grip on those hormones.

Horny and squirmy is not the professional demeanor I’m going for right now.

Neither is elevator slut. So I copped a feel, and I’m going to have some very naughty fantasies later about him. That I could live with. But not elevator whore.

The tedious anxiety of the last three months left my nerves shot. And it didn’t help that I broke up with Todd my boyfriend of 9 months, 8.5 too long. And his frustrating gentleness, like I was some pure thing that couldn't be touched, on a pedestal, couldn't be thrown around, couldn't be fucked.

I was anxious. I was horny. I needed a good fuck. And he wasn't helping any of those things.

A good fuck would go a lot further than any of Dez’ pills- even the green ones. They ate away my libido and made me okay with okay. With letting myself sink into this waste of space existence, with the torpor of Todd, and of my no-job-job, then I wouldn’t be here now, waiting for the other shoe to drop in my life and the best thing in it groping handicapped older men then fantasizing about them.

Todd talked about making love. Which is great. But what I wanted, what I needed was to get fucked. To be pressed against the wall and taken, to be gripped and thrown and have my hair pulled and feel small.

Making love sounded nice. Sounded great with time and tenderness on Sunday morning with coffee and Frank Sinatra and the Sunday newspaper. But I wanted Tuesday night before dinner. Instead of dinner.

I don't want my thong pulled off, I want someone to pull it to the side, twist it in his fingers and use it to pull me as he takes me.

Takes my virginity.

I wanted my skirt pulled up and panties pulled to side and forget dinner, forget 'How was your day', forget the mistake I made and the apology and the email that I sent reply all and the coworker who stole my idea and just forget everything and get fucked against the countertop.

And then eat Chinese take-out.

I stood over an air conditioning vent, the cool air running over my slick skin.

God I needed help.

I woke my computer and realized company-wide video conferences are never good, are they? I've never heard of one announcing raises and bonuses and puppies and rainbows and orgasms for everyone. It's always “Massive Layoffs” or more politely, “Downsizing”, or even, “Milly Wells has defrauded the company”. It’s never good news.

Downsizing me would be the smartest thing they've done in a long time. Save the salary and the rent for these offices.

If I had proposed that three months ago maybe they would have given me a promotion.

First I had to Google video conferencing. I threw in White and Williams for the hell of it, and as always, Google knew way more than I did.

White & Williams was in trouble. Big trouble. This was the sort of thing I needed co-workers for, to gossip and tell me all about the rumors. Left to my own devices, I picked cat videos and Sudoku over news.

The stock price was plummeting, but I couldn’t tell why. Bad earnings, no profits, spending money on employees who don’t do any work- it could be anything.

Three different websites said things were so bad we might fail before Monday. We might be taken over. Nobody knew anything for sure except that it was very bad.

I must have had my head in the sand for the last few weeks because I didn't know anything about it. It makes sense that a company dumb enough to make a mistake like me would be terrible at everything. It also explains why I have no boss and why HR won't return my calls.

They’re all looking for new jobs.

It was a slap in the face, but it felt okay, it felt like the push I needed. If we were going under, then references and old bosses might be hard to find.

This could be good.

This could be a do-over for me.

Maybe I wouldn't even need to lie about these last three months. It would be a funny interview story. How they forgot me. How I had figured out what was happening, and I knew it was coming because of how they forgot about me. Okay, that wouldn’t be completely honest.

I would also need to leave out the masturbating part.

Maybe bend the truth by not revealing the cat videos and sudoku.

I calculated my savings would give me about two months, even with money going home to Mom. Not ideal, but better than nothing. Besides, I still had this paycheck for a little while. Until all the dominoes fell over.

I was worried, but I felt good. I felt cured.

If Dez had read the news she could have cured me.

By the time the video conference started, I had updated my resume and sent it out to 4 places. The table of Executives looked sweaty and nervous. They told us to ignore the rumors, and wait a week. Something would happen.

White and Williams would be floating belly up. I turned it off.

I felt good about sending resumes out. They were just temp agencies, but that was okay. Maybe I could start at the bottom somewhere. Start at the bottom at a good company that felt lucky to have me and would laugh with me at White & Williams.

Work my way up from the bottom.

Hit the reset button on my life.

I would make sure to never allow this to happen again. No more pills, no more Todd's, no more hiding, no more Dez.

And no more lavender soap elevator man.

That was a shame.

How would it feel to have a man like him touching me? Male hands stroking my shoulders, my throat, my breasts. No, not just any man...Ty Dalton. My nipples ached, my mouth was dry.

That’s crazy. He's almost twice my age, sophisticated, very experienced... he wouldn't even look, at me. Stop thinking about him.

“Why don’t you drop by this afternoon?” I might need a hand.

Maybe I would go over and drop a resume off, and my underwear.

I could hear that low timbre in his voice, vibrating, “Mzz. Wellszzz”. It was a rumble, an earthquake, a waterfall.

I didn’t know my name could sound so sexy. I really wanted to hear him say it again.

Maybe I'll get drunk tonight and stalk him and leave a horribly embarrassing voicemail.

The possibilities are infinite. Maybe I'll just ask him out.

This is Milly being brave, taking what she wants in life. Living on her terms.

I have no job. No prospects. Rent is due. And I’me bursting with happy. This is crazy.

But it was the good crazy, not the bad one.

Besides, I had one prospect.

Ty Dalton.

I’m desperate for some relief , even if it’s only because I’m imagining a naughty fantasy. Without thinking, I start to trail my hand down the smooth skin of my belly, inching toward the neatly trimmed landing strip that’s just barely peeking out of my panties.

My mouth actually waters. Ty Dalton is too old for me.

He spends enough of his spare time in the gym to keep himself in better condition than most of the guys my age.

If Ty Dalton was here right now, what would a man like him want to do with me?

To me.