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CHAPTER 22 - ANNA
I tried to be cool and gather a steely resolve around me, I tried anger and I tried not caring, but none of it worked. Instead, I tried to do the dishes and pack my things through tears and snot and blubbering.
I didn't see him when I left the cabin with my bag, and I didn't look for him. Tess and Gianni and Bumpy and Appy were outside, a car had been allowed to be brought in the gates for us and we loaded in, "You can sit up front if you like," Tess offered.
"I'll be fine." Bumpy sat in the middle, strapped into her car seat and Appy was on the other side.
We drove for hours that seemed like forever. And finally I realized that I had no idea what would happen next. My life, my job, my apartment, all of it frozen in ether, waiting to be picked back up. Waiting for me to slide back into it, if I could fit.
"Where are we going?" I asked Gianni.
Tess turned around and spoke to me. "We're going to stay at a hotel in Vegas tonight,” she pointed to Bumpy and Appy, "the three of us have a flight the next morning, and so do you if you want. Or you can stay in the hotel. It's paid for however long you want I guess."
My bills, my apartment, my life in NY all right where I left it, unharmed, unchanged. Except for Tommy. I had no idea if I could slip back into my old life, but I didn't want to think about it too much either.
"I hope you come with us, if not tomorrow, then soon. I could use the help if nothing else."
"I would just feel like I was in the way." I told her.
"You wouldn't be. Gianni is staying, driving back tonight.
I sat in my hotel room and held the envelope Gianni had handed to me as he dropped us off and said his goodbye's to his family. I tried to turn it down, but he insisted, "Put it on red, hand it to a homeless man, I don't care. I was told to give it to you and I'm not leaving until you take it."
It was heavy and thick; I knew what it was without opening it. Money has a smell, and a weight to it. Crisp $100 bills have a certain feeling, even inside an envelope. But the money felt like something that should be left on a dresser, cab fare home. If I was hooker, at least I wasn't a cheap one. This could be limo fare if I wanted. I hadn't decided what to do yet, when there was a knock on my door, a soft rapping knock, Tess's knock.
"I hope I'm not bothering you," she said as she walked in.
"Of course not."
"I'm just real anxious right now. Gianni is on his way back, who knows how long he'll be gone. If there's a war it may be a long time. And I had to tell someone. I didn't tell Gianni because he has enough to worry about.”
She was babbling, “Tell me,” I told her.
“I'm late."
The way she said it, she let it drop like a stone, "Congratulations?" I asked her. Her face was twisted in anxiety, but she laughed and said, "Yes, I hope so, it's just. . . "
She was worried. Of course she was. That was a lot to go through alone, and with Gianni away and only imagination thinking of what he was doing. I was so stuck inside myself all day, I forgot other people have their lives and their worries and their pains. This was something I could do, much better than wallowing in my own self-pity.
I grabbed her hands in mine and looked her in the eye, "You need to know then, now. Want me to go get a test? I bet room service could get bring them up come to think of it."
"No, not room service, that will end up on the bill, and . . . "
"I understand." I told her. "Stay here, I'll be right back." I still had the envelope in my hand and walked out the door, closing it quietly behind me.
A man in a flashy suit was reading the paper in the chair in front of the elevator, and I clutched the envelope closer to me. He had a flashy pink shirt and twirled his cuff links as he read. Stupid to walk around with this sort of money. I took a $100 out of it and slid the rest in my pocket, maybe I would throw it all on red or hand it to some homeless person or the salvation army.
There was a drug store right next to the hotel on the strip, and I picked out two of every sort of test, including the store brand. You want to prepare for a pregnancy test like Noah's ark, two of every kind, just to be sure.
I never saw a Salvation Army kettle or a homeless person on the street and even though I had to walk through the casino floor to get back to the hotel, I never strayed close enough to a table to throw it down. I probably didn't have the balls to throw the money away like that anyway.
I walked out of the elevator and the man with the newspaper was no longer there, but had left three newspapers behind, so I grabbed one. Tess was still sitting on my bed, the TV on low, and she jumped up when I entered. "Ready to pee?" I asked, and fanned out all the tests I bought in hand.
"Not that much," she replied.
"It's good to have backups," I told her. I had been through this drill a few times with friends, you needed more than one test because that voice in your head wouldn't stop doubting the results of one, and waiting to go back to the drugstore was no fun. Waiting to pee again wasn't either, but at least you only had one job.
I grabbed one of those small plastic wrapped cups and sent her to the bathroom to fill it. I waited at the door like a Nurse, “The directions clearly say ‘do not stick up vagina’, that got a laugh, but peeing on command, especially with the anxiety is always tough.
I waited for her, and thumbed through the newspaper. The governor of Nevada had won, I thought of Tommy. That's good news for him if he was still around. I thumbed through the rest of the election results, New York Governor was re-elected with his new Lt. Governor. A Marletti a heartbeat away from the Gov seat. Michael always seemed like decent man, but still, if the voters knew what I knew, I don't think they would have voted for him.
Tess was taking a while, I spoke through the door, "Want me to make the sound of a waterfall or something?", she giggled nervously and came out.
"They’re on the sink, you check them for me."
"We have to wait 5 minutes anyways," I told her. "Drink some water, just in case we have to do it again."
She was an excellent patient, doing as she was told, docile. The tests came back, + + -. Shit.
"Ready to pee again?" I asked her, and told her they were inconclusive. Maddening.
"Shit," she said.
"It happens, that's why we got two of every kind."
"Take one with me, so we know if those ones are a bad batch."
That was not something I wanted to do, pee on a stick, but she looked at me with those puppy dog eyes that I couldn't say no too.
This time she got + + +, and I got +.
Fuck.