WHEN COURTNEY CAME to, all she felt was pain. It was everywhere, and it was nowhere. Deep within her soul and also outside her. Her lip had been stitched, her pinky was saved, though she would have a wicked scar to remember the occasion, and she was covered in bruises, but emotionally, she felt like she had taken an even bigger beating. It all swirled around her mind as she surfaced into consciousness, then dove back into blissful nothingness.

At some point, they managed to get her pain to a tolerable level and moved her to her own room, and damn, if this wasn't reminiscent of the beginning of her friendship with Katherine; except this time, it was her who had been beaten to hell, although not anywhere near as badly as her friend had been. She had a nifty little pump that she could mash a button on to get a drip of pain medication, and it would numb the pain enough for her to ride the waves of euphoria once more, so she didn’t even mind that she was all alone. She didn’t even realize that her brother and Cole hadn’t come to see her and that she had yet to see her parents. She had no idea that the doctors were keeping them all back for her protection. Finally, her parents rushed in, and she was aware of snippets of their frantic reactions, followed by her beautiful, angry brother, who had a firm hold of Claire.

It was after they had all left, yet time was such an illogical thing when on those kinds of medications, when Cole entered. He sat by her side sullenly. He didn’t speak and didn’t touch her, only watched her ride the ebb and flow of the medication.

Once the nurses were certain that they had gotten her ahead of the pain, they took the pump away and switched her to oral pain meds, and then clarity began to set in. When the sun rose and the kitchen staff had delivered a cup of chicken broth and black coffee, and Courtney had gotten up to wash her face and use the restroom, that was when Cole set on finally giving it to her. Only he didn't do it in the way that she expected.

Instead, he broke the silence by saying, "I gathered from your rambling that she filled you in on the backstory of why I was in the situation I was in, so there's no point in rehashing that right now. What you gotta know, Baby Girl, is that I'm done. I'm done hurting you. If you are done with me, then it's time for both of us to move on, once and for all. For years, we've been holding on to this thing between us but still running, and I can't. Not anymore. Not ever again." His voice was rough and cracked as he spoke, but he stayed where he sat in the chair next to her bed, so close yet so very far away. "I swear to you that I will love you until the day I die, but either we move forward, or we move on."

Courtney's eyes overflowed, and desperately she asked, "What changed? What happened to talking and going from there?"

Cole stood up and paced away from the bed, and she didn't think he was going to respond until the words sounded torn from him. "God, Courtney, I almost got you fucking killed. I've spent a decade causing you pain, and to top it off, my shit almost gets you killed. What the fuck do you expect me to say? I caused this. My actions caused a psychopath and a vindictive bitch to come after you for no reason other than the fact that I love you. Me loving you could literally get you killed. Do you not understand that? So, if I am not a part of your life and keeping you safe, then I'm out. And that means all the way out."

The sobs were ripping from her, and she could barely form the words to speak when she responded, "It's not fair! Dammit. I didn't ask for any of this. All I have ever done in my entire life is love you!"

Cole moved to the bed and pulled her into his arms, kissing her hair and deep breathing, trying to calm his own racing emotions. "Baby Girl, I can’t do it. I cannot hurt you anymore when all I have ever wanted in my life is to love you every single day. To wake up by your side and know that I am with the woman meant for me. But this is killing us both. If you don’t want me, then I am setting you free. Once and for all. No more waiting on the sidelines hoping desperately that we get our chance. It’s now or never, Court. It’s destroying us both, and I can’t take it anymore.”

She couldn't catch her breath and was on the verge of a panic attack while desperately clutching his shirt in her fingers. She buried her face in his chest and wailed, “You’re the only man I have ever loved, but Cole,”—she looked up at him with tear-stained cheeks and met his eyes, holding steady with her watery stare, the seriousness of her gaze making him catch his breath—“I can’t do it. I can’t be with you while you have this job. I haven't come first since you signed away our future to join the Navy, and I can’t spend the rest of my life coming in second place. Not anymore.”

He stiffened and pulled away from her grip on his shirt, giving her a small shake when her eyes started to lower. “What are you saying, Baby Girl? Are you saying that if I want to be with you, that I have to quit? That the only way we can be together is if I walk away from my career?”

“I’m sorry, Cole, but yes. I would rather spend the rest of my life chasing the rodeo and running from what could have been than playing mistress to a career that will always be your priority. There has never been a single day that I wouldn’t have changed my whole life to be with you, but I can't unless I know you feel the same level of commitment toward me.”

He stared at her for several moments in tense silence. There was something working in his eyes, but she didn’t know what it was or what it meant. This could be it. Their final good-bye. She could be walking out of this hospital and away from the only man she had and ever would love to live a life of solitude on the road, but she had taken her stand, and she was determined to remain resolute. She couldn’t falter, couldn’t back down, no matter that the longer he was silent, the more her heart squeezed and she felt the doubt, the self-recriminations that she was forever losing him. Then, without a word, he leaned up on one thigh and pulled his cell phone out of his pocket. He glanced away from her only once, and that was to quickly type in some numbers on the keypad. Then his eyes came right back to hers. He didn’t say anything until there was a voice on the other end of the line. Then? Then he proceeded to seal their future by rocking her world with just three little words.

“Chief? I quit.” He hit end on the phone and dropped it to the bed as she threw herself into his arms, laughing through her tears, and Cole La Barron, a man who was ice on the battlefield and who his comrades could have sworn would never show a scintilla of emotion sniffed and swallowed back the knot in his throat where fear had been only moments before. If someone had taken a look at his face, they would have never known that the wide, beaming smile spread across his lips was the first he had truly smiled in almost a decade.

***

THEY WERE SNUGGLING on the hospital bed when he finally broke it all down for her and explained what had happened all those years ago. She lay there is silence as he told his story, letting him get it off of his chest once and for all.

“Monique was my contact for a covert mission in Russia. We were working on taking down a ring of arms dealers, and shit got hot, but we couldn’t get the ok to bring her stateside, so I was forced to marry her. She was my contact. My responsibility. And I never dreamed that it would last more than a few days. I came home because I couldn’t bear to be away from you and you not know what was going on. I wanted to tell you all of it after dinner, but she was at the house when we got back and caused a scene, and you took off. And I didn’t blame you.” He squeezed her to punctuate this before speaking again, “I called your dad and gave him a brief rundown and asked him to make sure you stuck around so I could talk to you in the morning. I drank myself to sleep, and when I woke up the next morning, I was lying in bed next to her, and we were both naked. I didn’t know, and I couldn’t face you thinking that I had betrayed you and everything we had planned for our future, so I took off. I dropped her off in a secure apartment in D.C., then took off on another mission. I stayed away as often as I could and only came in briefly when she had the baby to see if it was really mine. DNA proved that it wasn’t, and I filed the divorce docs and took off again. When she was dragging her feet, I came in to see what was taking so long to process the divorce and found the photos, and then your shit went down. Then I took off because I thought you were with Ev.”

Then he gave her a gift she hadn’t expected when he followed that up with the information that, “By the way, before you start beating yourself up over me quitting? I had already decided that I was going to, and if that weren’t enough, Dev also informed me while you were missing that when we got you back, he would murder me himself if I didn’t pick either you or the job. Baby girl, there was never a choice. I made the wrong decision a decade ago. For the rest of our lives, it’s you and me first.”