I’d made it three houses away when a familiar car rolled to a stop next to me.
I wanted to hit and scream at him.
I wanted to run far from him and his accusing stare.
Knowing he would continue to follow me and needing the relief from my stinging feet, I jerked open his car door and slid inside to face a seething Beck.
“Drive,” I demanded as I slammed the door behind me.
“Tell me—”
“Drive so they don’t see us!”
“What?” he shouted. “Worried about your boyfriend seeing you with me? You and I are a team, Lil. I’m your best fucking friend. We’re on the same goddamn side, if you’ve forgotten.”
“If I’ve forgotten? Beck! You were just in a meeting with the enemy, and I want to know why and how long this has been going on.” Smacking my hand against the dashboard, I yelled, “Drive.”
He thankfully pulled away from the curb, but hadn’t let more than a few seconds pass before turning on me. “You wanna explain what the fuck I walked in on?”
“Me?” I shouted. “What the hell did I just hear? You and Kieran are—”
“No. Fuck no, Lil. Not only—” He let loose an inhuman growl, ripping a hand through his hair. “Not only did I just catch you in your little getup,” he said, gesturing to me. “You were looking like this off property. At a Borello’s house. But not just any Borello’s house. The main Borello house. In nothing but Demitri Fuckin’ Borello’s goddamn shirt. And he called you baby. Now considering the facts that you’re supposed to be all cozy at home and engaged to my other best friend, you better start explaining.”
I was seeing red. Yet at the same time, I felt like I did the first time my mom walked in to find Keiran in my room when we were teenagers.
“After everything I’ve found out recently—”
“You first,” he bellowed, his voice thundering in the small space.
Instead of shrinking into the seat, I turned, putting my back against the door so I could face him. “I don’t know what you expect. I’ve been trapped on Holloway my entire life. I got why. I did. But after Aric’s death, that place suddenly became a prison and I was treated like a prisoner. I was being suffocated by all of you. I got in trouble if I went to the main house without getting permission, Beck.”
“It was to protect you,” he roared in response, the car jerking with his rage.
“Fuck protecting me. I can protect myself. If only Kieran would understand that. If only Kieran were ever around. But he isn’t. He hasn’t been for four years. He didn’t just take Aric’s place, Beck, he left me. He broke our promises. He’s been destroying our relationship and my heart a little bit at a time while I scrambled to put it back together each time he left. And I’m so tired of trying to keep us together when he doesn’t care.”
“You think he doesn’t care? You think he isn’t doing all of this bullshit for you?”
“Oh my God,” I said with a frustrated laugh. “Stop with that. None of this is for me. That is the biggest punch to the gut to say any of his work is for me. And then to find out that you’re also working with the Borellos? The people you’ve been working so hard to hide me from?”
“Clearly we’ve been doing a hell of a job seeing as you’re fucking the deadliest one.”
Air burst from my chest, my shoulders sagging in response.
He suddenly jerked the car to the right and hit the brakes, slamming his hands against the steering wheel once we were stopped. After a few ragged breaths, he turned to look at me. “How long has this been going on?”
I leaned my head against the seat, suddenly weary. “There’s not one real answer to that.”
With a steadying breath, I told Beck about Teagan finding me. About our Mondays at Brooks Street Café and Dare’s notes. About the street fair and everything after, skipping the intimate details.
When I was done, he was leaning back in his seat. One arm folded over his chest, the other draped over his head. Instead of the intense glare he’d been sporting earlier, his expression was wavering somewhere between worry and anger. “Jesus fuck, Lil. I . . . shit, I don’t even know where to begin.”
I scoffed. “How about when you started working with the Borellos?”
“I can’t. It’s not my story to tell.” He lowered the arm from his head and looked at me helplessly. “I’ve been telling you—Kieran’s been telling you—everything he has been doing for the last four years has been for you. You just wouldn’t listen because you were too upset.”
“Upset? Beck. He left—”
“I know, Lil. I know. But it’s Kieran. He doesn’t even know that shaking hands is the right way to say hello. Or that it’s polite to say thank you or you’re welcome, or goodbye when you walk away from a conversation. Kieran’s focus is you, and he was trained to put his all into his job. And he’s doing this job for you. So, in his mind, he’s doing the right thing. The Borellos . . . again, it’s not my story. But, Teagan . . . Lil, I gotta tell you.”
“Tell me what?” I insisted when he didn’t continue.
“Jesus fuck, where do I begin?”
I cringed at the curse. I knew I’d never be able to hear it and think of Beck in the same light again.
“I don’t know what to say, because like I said, it’s not my story to tell. But, Mickey . . . he’s up to something bad. You heard about the contacts we have in Texas.”
“The human trafficking.”
“Right,” Beck said with a sigh. “Mickey has had that contact for years, longer than any of us realized. I mean, this all began right around the time that Aiden died and Mickey took out Dare’s dad.”
I didn’t know how to be shocked that Mickey had been working with a guy who dealt in human trafficking for over sixteen years. After what I’d heard from Beck this afternoon, I wasn’t sure I could be shocked anymore.
“This contact, William, the reason he and Mickey are so close—the reason Mickey wouldn’t let Kieran kill him when he went radio silent for that week—is because William’s been helping Mickey out for years. Mickey’s building his own ring and he’s forming it here. It’s going to be exactly the same. Bringing the girls here in shipments. Men buying them. He already has a list of men who have been campaigning for this with him. And he’s getting close to starting it.”
I was wrong.
“Oh God.”
“Kieran knew he was hiding something from him and knew it had something to do with the ring starting up. Your boyfriend,” he said with a sneer, “was able to find out what that secret was.” He looked at me for a few seconds, his anger slowly growing. “I still can’t believe you’d fucking do this, Lil! I just keep seeing you standing there in that kitchen. How could you do this to Kieran?”
“Beck,” I snapped. “What did Dare find out?”
He let out an animalistic growl, dragging his hands over his head. “Mickey’s trying to start a fucking war within Holloway. He’s trying to get Finn and Bailey to do something so he can take them out.”
“That’s been coming for a long time,” I murmured, not understanding.
“He’s gonna have Teagan kidnapped and sold in the first batch of girls,” he explained, stunning me into silence.
“I have . . . I have to warn . . .” My stomach rolled. “I’m gonna be sick,” I whispered, fumbling with my seatbelt then turning to claw at the door handle.
I tumbled out of the car and onto the grassy side of the road just as my stomach lurched, desperately trying to find anything to get rid of.
“It’s happening sometime in the next two weeks,” Beck said once my stomach finally settled.
I looked over to see him leaning against the car.
“I have to warn her. We have to save her, Beck.”
I didn’t realize I was crying until I could no longer see him.
“She can’t go from what Finn’s been doing to her to what Mickey has planned.”
“I know,” Beck said as he placed a hand on my back to lead me into the car again, his voice gentle. “We’ll stop it. I promise.”
“Thank you.”
“Lil . . . do you have any idea what you’re doing?” he asked once he was on his side again. “Do you have any idea who Dare is?”
“Yes, I know. I know who he is and who everyone in that house is. I didn’t at first, but by the time I did, I was so gone it didn’t matter.”
Beck was quiet for so long I didn’t think he was going to talk anymore. “He wants to kill you.”
“I know. Einstein told me about Gia—about what Mickey did.”
“What happens when he finds out who you are?”
“He’ll either find me on Holloway, or find out who I am while I’m with him. What’s the difference, Beck? He kills me either way.”
“The difference is we can’t lose you, and you’ve accepted it’s going to happen,” he gritted out. “You’ve been my best friend my entire life. You’ve been Kieran’s . . . you’ve been his everything. We’re not going to let you die.”
“You can’t stop it because I don’t want to live without him.”
“That’s bullshit. He wants to fucking kill you.”
“That girl you used to love, the one you said you’d do anything to be out on the streets every night just to be able to check on her . . . what if she was your undoing, Beck? What if you knew she was going to be? Would you still be there every night to check on her until that time came?”
Beck studied me, and I knew he wanted to say no for the sake of the true argument here.
When he didn’t respond, I nodded, because it was answer enough.
It also made me think maybe Beck was still more in love with her than he let himself believe.
“It’s not so different,” I whispered. “I just want time with him, and what kills me is that I have so little of it. We’re so close to the moment when he finds out, I can feel it in every second that passes. It’s like there’s an ache I can’t explain, growing inside me because my soul knows what’s coming.”
“Have you thought about what this is going to do to Kieran?” he asked after a minute had passed.
“For nearly two years,” I said with a pained huff.
Beck sighed, then stared straight ahead, not bothering to start driving again.
For the longest time, we didn’t speak. There was nothing more I could offer him, I’d already told him everything.
“Kieran and Mickey are supposed to be back in time for the meeting tomorrow,” he mumbled, turning his head to notice me nodding. “What happens when I take you back to Holloway?”
“You tell me.” I lifted a shoulder in a weak shrug. “Am I going to be handcuffed to Conor?”
“I can’t tell him what happened. I mean, what happens when I sneak you back into the guesthouse, and then go back to work? Do you sneak right back out to meet him because you know Kieran and I won’t be back tonight?”
Guilt swam in my stomach, but I decided to be honest with him. “Yeah.”
With his jaw clenched, he gave a firm nod then reached for his seatbelt. I’d barely grabbed mine when he flipped the car around to go back the way we’d come. “I know I can’t stop you without risking you telling my brother what you know, but I can stop you from walking all over this town.”
“Conor doesn’t know you’re—”
“Keep him out of it,” he snarled. “I’ve been trying to keep him as far away from the bad shit on Holloway as possible.”
“Okay,” I whispered, and pressed my hands to my weak stomach.
The excitement of seeing Dare mixed with the guilt of what I was doing, and what I was now pulling Beck into. But Beck? He understood love. And I hoped he would eventually forgive my choices.
“I’m picking you up on my way home from the streets. If you’re not in my car by four, I’m storming into that house and dragging you out. If Kieran finds out—”
“He won’t know about you,” I said on a rush. “I promise he won’t know.”
Beck looked over at me, pain etched on his face. “Lil, we’ve been working together . . . but something’s about to give. Be careful, and for fuck’s sake, figure out a way to say goodbye to him for the last time. They broke in and tore apart the house, looking for you.”
“I know.”
“No, you don’t,” he said roughly. “We didn’t mention to them about the destruction in the house. We didn’t mention the break-in. But Kieran picked up elevated anger from Johnny, and I could see it in the way Dare was looking at me. You were told why Dare wanted you dead, but do you not get that we’ve been working together for years, and Dare’s just realized that we’ve been lying to him about you this whole time?”
No. I hadn’t picked up on that.
“Dare’s taking his time. He wants us to know he’s coming. And he’s doing it to get back at all of us. There’s more that you don’t know, but Kieran has to be the one to tell you.”
I looked at him warily then sank deeper into the seat.
So many lies, so much withheld. And still I knew I wouldn’t have done any of this differently.
Because with Kieran, I’d felt shut out, locked away from people he trusted over me. I’d felt alone and shattered.
And Dare had put me back together.
The only shock after learning who Dare truly was had been realizing how utterly wrong I’d pegged him and his family all these years—Johnny excluded.
His need to avenge Gia obliterated a part of my soul. But I knew if the roles were reversed—if someone had taken Dare from me—seeking revenge for his death would be the last thing I did before I left the mob forever.
Beck rolled to a stop a handful of houses away, his knuckle-white grip unforgiving on the steering wheel. When I opened the door, he repeated, “Find a way to say goodbye, Lil.”
I wasn’t ready.
I was sure the moment would come when he had a gun to my head, and I still wouldn’t be ready.