CHAPTER TEN
Atkins
I could feel my heart imploded at the sight of Georgie and Matt holding hands. I was standing just outside the cafe where they were talking.
It was a bad idea to follow her here. But I knew I wouldn't stop thinking about it if I didn't do it.
Yesterday, I asked her to go out for coffee with me but she said she wasn't free. She told me she had somewhere to go to with Mariz. The thing was, I knew she was lying because I overheard Mariz talking to her mom on the phone. Mariz promised her mom she would visit her in Jersey City. So I knew Georgie was bullshitting me.
I didn't mind that she turned me down, but I was curious why she had to make an elaborate lie. So today when she went out after work, I followed her.
And now I knew why she had to lie to me. She was getting back with Matt.
I climbed into my car, gunned the engine and drove away from that damn place. My knuckles were white from gripping the steering wheel too hard. It was all I could do to not punch and break something. Maybe I should've broken Matt's face when I had the chance.
I raked my hand through my hair. The pain in my chest and the burning sensation of unshed tears were too overwhelming. I pounded the steering wheel, the smarting pain in my fist wasn't satisfying enough. I wanted to hit something, to feel something. Because right now I was numb on the inside, numb and hurting at the same time.
Fuck this. He didn't deserve her. I couldn't believe that she'd get back with him after the bastard cheated on her.
Five years. They'd been together for five years. How could I compete with that? Of course, she would choose him. I was just foolish enough to think that I had the chance when all this time I was just a distraction to her.
It was the morning after but it felt like a million years ago. It was hard to imagine that I'd lost Georgie not twenty four hours had passed. I could stay in bed all day and call in sick but what good would that do? I would only be running away from my problem.
My stomach was also grumbling from missing dinner last night. I dragged my body to the kitchen to get some grub to eat.
I frowned at the meager contents of my fridge— bottles of condiments, leftover takeout, and a suspicious tub of something unrecognizable from being stored in the fridge for probably a month or more. I spotted a carton of milk and decided it was the best damn breakfast food I could get my hands on at the moment.
I poured myself a glass of milk and brought it to my lips only to spit it back out because of the sour taste and rancid smell.
"Goddamn this," I muttered as I chucked the offending milk carton in the trash bin. That was it. No breakfast for me. My stomach grumbled again but I ignored it and made for the shower instead.
My eyes were red with the lack of sleep, but what was new? It wasn't unheard of in my line of work. But my shoulders were stooped just a little lower, weighted by my shattered heart.
My stomach turned at the thought of seeing Georgie again but my damaged heart stuttered at the thought of her today. I did my usual morning ritual of brushing my teeth, shaving and showering. I was on auto pilot the whole time. I didn't need the full attention of what I was doing. My body had become so accustomed to it that I could probably do it in my sleep.
The day was just like every other day. The normalcy of it all hurt too much. How could the day be pleasantly warm on a winter month when there's a storm raging inside of me?
The first person I saw at the office today was the very person I dreaded to see. My eyes automatically searched for her, it was like a reflex.
She flashed her brightest smile. It hurt to look at her and know I could never have her.
"Hey, you're late." Her tone was light, smile still on. There was a glint in her eyes which could only be happiness. I knew because I used to have the same bright smile and eyes when I looked at myself in the mirror and think that I was going to see her later that day.
I wanted to tuck the stray strands of her hair behind her ear. I wanted to cup her face, to kiss her senseless. Right here, right now.
But instead of doing that, all I said was, "Don't you think I know that?" in my most annoyed voice. How could she smile at me like nothing happened? Like she didn't toss me to the curb?
Her smile wavered and died down. It was almost satisfying, if I didn't feel so shitty today.