“I’m going to be a superstar today.”

Nic eyed himself in the mirror, turning his face this way and that as he dragged the razor across his jawbone. It had taken a few years to figure out how to get most of the hairs in one pass so he didn’t piss off his skin.

He lowered his voice and mumbled, “I’m going to be a superstar today.” He winced at how cheesy it sounded, then carefully smoothed his face for the last bit around the corner of his jawbone.

Before shaving his upper lip, he almost whispered his affirmation a third and final time. Self-consciousness prickled hotly at his ears. Even though he was alone in the apartment, and even though he’d done it for years whenever he needed a little extra confidence boost, affirmations had never grown more comfortable for him.

Once Nic finished splashing water over his face and rinsing the sink, he patted a towel against his cheeks and inspected his face again. There were always a few stray hairs, but he liked that. He’d had to wait damn well long enough to grow facial hair, after all. He may as well show it off.

He was going to get over this infatuation with Kyle by using the many positives of that one-night fling with him—the great sex that had left him feeling good about himself, the confidence he’d seen in action and could now mirror.

Kyle was so authentically him. What you saw was what you got, through and through, and Nic loved it. He wanted to be a lot more like that—not like Kyle, but like the Nic who was just a bit too shy to come out sometimes.

His finger trailed along his cheekbones. The fat on his face had shifted subtly over the first few years of testosterone. He couldn’t see the girl’s face underneath anymore, and hadn’t for a long time. It left him striving to find a reference point for what he’d look like… well, dolled up like Kyle.

Nic’s heart pounded as he absently rubbed silicone into the thin scars on his chest. They were nearly invisible now, so he technically didn’t have to, but it was a self-soothing habit.

Nic loved how unapologetically femme Kyle was, and he had to admit that part of his attraction was exactly that. And hell, it was inspiring. Nic frowned at the mirror, then stared. He’d spent so many years learning and asserting his masculinity that he felt… well, out of balance.

Damn it, he was allowed to like feminine things just as much as a cis guy like Kyle. There was no reason he couldn’t wear a skirt himself, or some colors now and then.

He had a weekday off, so the store wouldn’t be busy, and he felt great. Perfect time to go shopping.

* * *

It turned out the stark walls of Nic’s bathroom made it a lot easier to be bold than the aisles of Target.

Nic had chosen the store because, even though he could afford nicer brands these days, shopping there was still a habit. He’d bought his first new men’s clothing there—a thrilling graduation from the thrift store racks.

It was easy to wander back and forth between the sections in this store. No huge gap between the sections, filled with judgmental salespeople patrolling their turf.

Still, there was an aisle between them. Nic lingered at a table, touching men’s t-shirts to admire the soft cotton as he looked over toward the women’s section.

It was only a few steps. People would think he was there shopping for a girlfriend, or girl friend. It had been at least months, maybe years now, since anyone had misgendered him.

The only one holding him back was himself.

It had been years since he’d worn anything remotely like what Kyle pulled off. Skirts, dresses, leggings, blouses, shawls… it was all alien territory to him by now, and his body looked and felt so different now that he had no idea where to start.

Nic drew a breath, then stepped across the aisle, wandering casually along the outside of the section as he gazed in.

There was some ugly stuff in there, too: neon graphic print t-shirts, ripped-up flare jeans, and colors even Kyle probably wouldn’t be caught dead in. Not ugly, he reminded himself, but definitely not his style.

Wait. He had a style.

It made him feel slightly better that he still had some taste, so he kept walking the outside of the aisle.

No way would he be brave enough to grab something and take it to the dressing rooms, so what could he buy that didn’t need to be tried on first?

As Nic spotted the accessories stands near the checkouts, he perked up. A scarf? That was more androgynous than he usually wore, and pretty gay, too. Oh, yeah. A scarf could work well.

There were bright pink and blue scarves, flowery ones, but also darker, more subtle tones. He’d have to go for something subtle first, to build up his nerve. After a few weeks of conservative dark suits, walking into the office wearing a neon blue floral print would just make everyone think it was a joke, or a bet.

Dark grey flowers on black? It was thin, all-season. Nic ran the scarf through his hands, picturing himself with it on.

It would be almost too subtle, but it was the perfect place to start.

As Nic played with the tassels, he glanced up and around for anyone watching him, his cheeks burning. Even if he’d lost his nerve to try anything like Kyle’s style, it was a huge step for him to be hovering near the women’s section. He’d chalk the whole day up as a win.

A flash of green hair near the registers caught Nic’s eye.

Think of the devil…

Nic broke into a smile and straightened up. He could have hung back and waited for Kyle to check out before heading for the tills, but that didn’t even occur to him.

Instead, he was preoccupied with what Kyle would think of him buying this.

Nic found himself striding for the cash desks, his smile rueful but heart fluttering with excitement at Kyle’s presence.

Once again, Kyle’s orbit pulled him in before he even had a chance to resist. Who could expect him to defy gravity?