Found in Understanding: Refuge Series Book Three by Debbie Zello (17)

Chapter Seventeen

I found myself walking every day to the corner that changed my life so dramatically. In a dollar store near my apartment, I found a left over Valentine red plastic heart and oddly enough a silver key on a chain. I wrote ‘Royce you were the key to my heart’ on the heart and tied it to a telephone pole on the corner of the street. It was my tiny memorial to him.

The last two weeks of August passed quickly and soon I was moving back into the dorm. Everyone was talking about what had happened to Royce. Thankfully, only a few people knew that he and I were dating so I didn’t have to suffer through long conversations about his loss.

A memorial service was scheduled for the first weekend before classes began. I thought if I could get through that it would be a miracle. My suitemates knew, of course, of my feelings for him. They were very supportive and said I could talk anytime I needed to. I was closest to Crystal so I sought her out more often. I walked into her room and sat on her bed. “Hey.”

“You okay?” she asked.

“As well as can be expected. I’m glad school is starting. It takes my mind off my problems,” I said, sadly.

“It’s good to be back. I like normalcy and schedules. Can I say anything to make you feel better?”

“No. Everything has been said. My boss says time heals all wounds. The question is how much time. I don’t want to forget him; I want him back. I asked him to come back, I begged him.”

“He couldn’t come back. He was too injured. You wouldn’t have wanted him to suffer.”

“No. His family and I are suffering though,” I say weeping. Crystal hugs me.

“You cry all you want. Whenever you need to cry come and see me. I’ll hold you until you feel better,” she said, patting my back. Everyone needs a Crystal in their life.

We filed into the auditorium for the memorial service. Professor Miller stood to the left of the main door looking over the crowd. As I walked past, he stopped me. “Miss Dillon, may I speak to you, please?” I nodded and followed him to the corner of the room.

“I wanted to tell you how sorry I am in person. Royce and I had several long conversations about you. He told me how he felt. He said I would be invited to a wedding in a few years, if you’d have him. We all feel his loss. He would have been an outstanding professor and an asset to any college or university that was lucky enough to get him.”

“Thank you. I wake up every morning hoping it’s all a bad dream. I can’t come to grips with the thought he’s not here,” I said with tears running down my cheeks.

“I understand. I lost my wife to cancer two years ago. I still wake up expecting to see her next to me in our bed. I’m still shocked sometimes to find her gone.”

“I’m very sorry. I’m so wrapped up in my own grief I forget other people have losses in their lives too.”

“Understandable, I’m afraid. We all suffer from tunnel vision when it comes to our losses. I would like it if you would sit with me for the service. I’m speaking but I won’t embarrass you by mentioning your name unless you want me to.”

“No. We only had two months together. The less said about me the better. This should only be about him. Thank you for the offer but I’m going to sit with my suitemates,” I said, with a pathetic smile.

The service began with Professor Miller talking about his relationship with Royce. He said Royce was a bright light in the English department. The Dean of students spoke about his professionalism. Several professors spoke about his personality. It ended with The Whiffenpoofs singing several songs that were Royce’s favorites. I was a mess by the time we left.

The days passed into weeks that slipped into months. I worked and studied spending any free time finishing Royce’s work on his book. I was determined, with the help of Professor Miller, to see it was published.

I kept my GPA up because I knew Royce would be disappointed in me if I didn’t. It also gave me something to concentrate on that didn’t have anything to do with my broken heart.

I found another sublet for the summer and moved in shortly after classes ended. This one was a few blocks further away from Paul’s and I had to cross the dreaded street in my nightmares. Paul called it immersion therapy. Being forced to pass by it instead of standing at the corner. Maybe he was right.

By the end of May, I finished Royce’s work and brought it to Professor Miller’s office. I left it with a note that read.

Professor Miller,

I hope you find this acceptable. If you have any questions or rewrites that need done please call me. If I can do anything else, let me know. I hope you enjoy your summer.

Neomi Dillon

Four days before classes began, I received a package. In it was Royce’s book. It was beautiful. I ran my fingers over his name as the tears flowed. I was grateful for the small part I had in its completion. The dedication was lovely.

To my family and my beloved Firelight. With your love and devotion, all things are possible. Even unfinished things.

Professor Miller gave me credit and only I would know. That was just how I wanted it. The only two people who knew me as Firelight were the professor and Royce. I knew my name was safe with them.

I moved back into the dorm to begin my third year. Ashley was sporting an engagement ring on the third finger of her left hand. Crystal was also in love with a guy she had met over the summer. Emma and I were still ‘on the market’ as she put it. I don’t know what I would have done without my girls. They both enlightened and grounded me.

The four of us all had birthdays that spanned between Thanksgiving and Christmas. This year we would be all be twenty-one. One of our first discussions was about the rockin’ party we would be having. My birthday was the last so that would be our party date. I was just along for the ride as far as the plans went. All I was told was it would be epic!