I stand up and sigh. “Sorry it took so long, I just wanted to make sure it was the right thing to do.”

She draws her bottom lip in with her teeth, and I almost come on the spot.

Fuck that was hot.

“And was it the right thing to do?”

I chuckle. “I’ll let you know at the end of the date?”

“Good call.” She puts her hand out for me to shake, but I screw my face up and pull her into an embrace instead. She leans into the hug, and she feels nice against me. Her body conforms to mine, and we hold each other for just a moment before pulling away. Madeline looks up at me, and her green eyes sparkle as she runs her hand down my arm subtly copping a feel.

“So Matt, I feel like I know a lot about you, and yet, I feel like there’s so much more to learn still,” she says as she walks to the other side of the booth and takes a seat.

She’s said nothing about who I am or the band.

Does she know?

“What do you wanna know?” I ask.

She smiles, and it’s genuine. “You’re an entrepreneur. So what does that mean, exactly? Like what do you actually dabble in?”

Raising my brow, I look at her. I mean really look, trying to gauge if she’s playing me, trying to egg me on as if she knows who I am but wants me to confirm it, or if she honestly has no idea. I’m not sure how to play this.

“So, I ah... dabble in music mainly. A little bit of philanthropy, but mostly music.”

Her eyes light up. “Oh, that’s so cool. You said you played bass guitar, right?”

I nod, and she smiles. “That’s cool. I always wanted to learn an instrument, but honestly, I’m musically challenged. I can dance, though. I’m pretty good at moving my body,” she says, and I raise my brow at her.

“So, you’re a hostess, right?” I ask and she sort of smiles, but it’s more like a grimace. “I am. I’m looking at changing careers, though. I really want to get into dance. That’s why I’m in LA, to try and make it as a backup dancer, but it’s a hard business to get into. Everyone wants someone who’s willing to strip off and show all their flesh, and I’m not sure I’m completely comfortable with that.”

I mentally note that she’s a little prudish. That goes in the tick column for the good girl vibe that I want in my woman. She may look like a sexy siren, but inside she’s still a good girl. I like that about Madeline. That’s the vibe I’ve been getting online too. That she believes in core values.

“It’s good that you know what you want. I might be able to help you get into some video clips though, with clothing on, too. I’ll see what I can do,” I say and she furrows her brows.

“You can do that?” she asks.

“I have a few contacts in the biz, being in the music industry and all.”

She tilts her head and purses her lips. “Are you in a band?”

I tense up slightly, simply nodding my head.

Her eyes light up, and she grins. “What’s your band called?”

Here we go…

“Recoil,” I reply in a somber tone.

She squints like she’s trying to think hard. It shocks me slightly, and I let out a small stifled laugh as she shakes her head.

“So, it sounds familiar, but I honestly can’t say I know any of your songs. Are you very popular?” she asks, and I swallow hard wondering if she’s having a laugh or being serious, but the blank look on her face tells me all I need to know.

“Umm… do you like rock music?” I ask, and she screws her face up.

“Oh no, not really, I’m more an R&B, sometimes pop girl, it’s easier to dance to. Rock is more just head banging. Can’t really dance to that.”

I let out a bemused laugh, and sit back in my seat feeling more and more relaxed. “So if I were to say that I’m a little bit famous, would that scare you?”

She shrugs. “You’re not famous to me. You’re just Matt, my match Matt. I don’t see you as any different. If you’re famous, that’s good for you, but it doesn’t affect who you are or how I see you, Matt. Sure it might affect our relationship and how we have to interact in the public, but that’s a hurdle we can work with if it gets that far… right?” she asks.

My nerves settle even more. She’s saying everything right. I don’t know why I was so worried. One bad experience like Jaci doesn’t mean that every experience is going to be bad, Madeline is now proof of that.

Suddenly, I remember when messaging Madeline about meeting up by accident, my phone beeped with a message, and I haven’t had a chance to check it. I subtly slide my cell out to see the text is from Alex. I sigh, and put my cell back away deciding to read it later. She can wait until I’m done with Madeline.

“That means a lot to hear you say that, Madeline. I think this could be the start of something nice,” I state honestly, and she smiles wide showing me her perfect teeth. She is stunning.

“I think so, too. Okay, shall we have something to eat? I’m not sure what I feel like. Do you know what you want? Maybe—”

“Eggs Benedict,” we both say in unison.

I wave to Tamika and glance sideways to Scott with a sly wink. He gives me a subtle thumbs up and goes about pretending to play with his cell.

 

 

The rest of the date went amazingly well with Madeline. We stayed and had a late lunch, spending the entire day together until she had to leave to get ready for work. She guessed that Scott was here with me, noting that he hadn’t left that table all day, and was looking over casually all the time. She’s pretty cluey, but she didn’t mind, and I think she realized then that I was actually more famous than she thought. It still didn’t bother her, though, which was good. And by the end of the date I was comfortable enough to ask her if she’d be willing to come to Danger’s wedding as my plus one, seeing as it’s on the weekend and I have officially run out of time to ask anyone else. She agreed, and said she’d be a little scared to meet everyone, but she would be on her best behavior. That she was honored and is looking forward to our official second date. I’m hoping that if all goes well, I might take her home after the wedding. I know it’s only the second date, but it would be nice to spend some more time with her alone and in a comfortable environment.

Scott and I walked her out the back, then around to the parking lot to her car, and I kissed her goodbye. It wasn’t a passionate kiss, it wasn’t lust-filled, it wasn’t brimming with ecstasy. It was a first kiss, and it was gentle, tender, and nice. It was basically lips touching, no open mouth and no tongue. It was a good girl kiss.

It was what I expected from the woman I want on a first date.

She passed the test.

My somber mood is all but lifted as I watch Madeline drive off, and I turn and walk with Scott around the back to our car.

“So, that went fucking well!” he cheers, looking down at his watch.

I smirk like a fucking giddy school boy. “Didn’t it, though? I have no idea how I lucked out, man. Did you see her?”

He chuckles while nodding his head. “Umm… yep, I saw her. Matt, man, fuck.” His eyes bulge out of his head accentuating his approval, and I chuckle knowingly.

Then it dawns on me, Alex’s text. I always answer her right away, and her message has gone unanswered for hours. “Shit,” I murmur and quickly pull out my cell as we reach the car and slide in.

I read the text and slump my body.

 

Alex: Can you come to the gallery? I wanna talk to you about something…

 

Fuck! This was at like eight this morning, it’s now close to her getting ready to come over for Taco Tuesday. She’s gonna think I ignored her all day. I grimace and swipe my cell to dial her number. It rings a few times, and I think she isn’t going to answer when she finally does.

“Hey...” She doesn’t answer with her usual rhetoric or chirpy manner, she seems down, and I know that’s because of me.

“I’m a shit friend,” I blurt out, and she lets out a small laugh down the line.

“No denying that. Are you being held captive by Afghan Hounds?” she asks, and I furrow my brows.

“What? No. That’s so weird.”

“You say weird, I say creative. Can you imagine those long coated pups with AK47’s and headbands yelling at you to get on your knees and put your hands behind your head?” she asks with a slight chuckle.

“Are you drunk?”

“No, I’m always this weird, Matt. You used to like my weird.” She sighs.

Furrowing my brows, I swallow hard. “I still like your weird, Alex, but you watch too many Japanese cartoons. That sounds like something from one of them.”

She snorts. “True. Anyway, how can I help you, Matt?” she asks, and the low tone in her voice tells me something’s not all right with her, even with all the joking.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t get your message until now. I swear, I wasn’t ignoring you, Alex, I would never ignore you.”

“Okay,” is all she says.

Great, one word answers.

My nerves are back and my stomach is flipping in on itself, and I want to be sick all over Scott’s car as he drives toward my house.

“I have a good excuse,” I say wanting to defend my actions.

“It’s okay, Matt. I’ll talk to you tonight when I come over. Maybe, I’ll see.”

“Is everything okay?”

“I think so… I’m just umm… I’ll talk to you tonight, okay?”

Tensing up, I feel like this sounds serious. Is she sick? Is something wrong with her? I can’t help myself, and it comes out before I can stop it. “Alex, are you sick?”

“No, nothing that serious. It’s nothing really. Don’t even worry. I’m just being stupid probably.”

“You could never be stupid.”

She chuckles, and the line is quiet for a while. “I’ll see you in a bit.”

“‘Kay, see you soon.”

She hangs up, and I furrow my brows letting out a long drawn out sigh.

Scott looks to me and raises his brow. “That sounded intense.”

“Yeah, I get the feeling something’s up with Alex, but I have no idea what, though.”

“She’s a mystery, our Alex. Hot as fuck, though. If you don’t mind me saying so,” Scott states.

I raise my brow at him, and he winces turning back to face the road and continues driving without talking any more of Alex for the rest of the car ride home. Probably a good thing. I might have ended up having a few words to say to him if he said anything else about her.

 

 

After grabbing a tub of ice cream and driving through the drive through of our local Taco Bell, I’m almost to Matt’s, and my stomach feels tight. I’m nervous about seeing him tonight. I’m not sure what happened today to make him not talk to me all day. He’s never done that. We generally talk a few times throughout the day, and today was radio silence after I asked him to come and chat with me.

Did he know what I was thinking, and that maybe he didn’t want that?

Maybe I’m overthinking things, and making this more than what it is, and he’s pulling away from me?

All I know is that Matt means so much to me and this wedding is only four days away, and with me not having met Ronan yet and he not having met either of his girls, to me the logical conclusion is for us to go to the wedding together.

Now there are two issues with this. Asking Matt to come with me to the wedding is like taking that step from friends to something more, but it doesn’t have to be if we don’t let it. But I’m a little confused. I love Matt, with everything I have, but is that love friendship or something more? I’m not sure I can tell the difference anymore? And it’s confusing the hell out of me.

So if we do decide to go together, what then? What happens to Ronan, Madeline, and Charlotte? There are three others to think about in this, and while Ronan and I get along fine on paper, and online—our geekdoms work great together—I don’t feel a spark with him, not at all. I know it won’t lead anywhere. But with Matt, he wants to make a go of it with Madeline or Charlotte. I’m just not sure if I want to throw myself in the mix there too.

And you know the whole don’t fix something that isn’t broken. If you have a solid friendship, a foundation that’s so strong, why would you fuck with that? So this is where I am at. Driving to Matt’s to ask him if he wants to go to the wedding of the year together. As friends first, and I’ll let him take the lead to see if he intends to admit to anything. I’m not expecting anything more, but we’ll see. I’m going to put my cards on the table and see where it can take us.

Pulling up in Matt’s driveway, I grab all the food and make my way to the front door. I kick the door with my foot seeing as I don’t have any free hands, and the door opens soon after. He chuckles looking at me and takes some of the bags from me.

“Did you buy extra food tonight?” he asks.

“Yes, I’m hungry. Sue me.”

He chuckles and shrugs. “All good. Though I had a late lunch, so I might not eat too much,” he says, and I grunt as I shove the food on the coffee table.

“Maaattt, you need to tell me these things,” I say, and he shrugs slumping down on the sofa, pulling the burritos and tacos out of the bags as I place the ice cream in the freezer.

“Sorry, I’ve had a big day,” he says, and I close the freezer door and take a deep breath while walking back to the sofa. I grab a burrito, unwrap it and take a bite.

“Tell me,” I say with a mouth half-full.

“So, I might have met Madeline,” he says.

The burrito instantly gets caught in my throat, and I start choking. I lean forward and cough violently as he pats my back hard and it dislodges. I spit it out onto the table, not caring about the mess and take a big gasp of air.

He opens his eyes wide and rubs my arm for comfort. “Jesus, are you okay?”

“You met Madeline?” I confirm through a wheezy breath, and he continues to rub my arm and nods. “This is huge!”

“That’s why I didn’t reply to your message, I was with her.” He smiles weakly.

My stomach sinks as I open my eyes—he was with her?

Oh, God!

My breathing quickens, and I nod matter-of-factly as he smiles wide like he’s reliving a memory. A good one obviously.

“Oh. And, how’d that go?” I ask, not knowing what else to say.

“Amazing… she’s perfect.”

I turn away from him and take another bite of my burrito, not knowing what else to do.

“She doesn’t know who I am. Hell, she doesn’t even know who Recoil is,” he says, and I raise my brow.

Well, that’s definitely what he wanted.

I’m happy for him.

“I asked her to go to the wedding with me,” he says, and I stop eating and breathe heavier.

And…

There’s my answer.

If I’m feeling anything, it’s completely one-sided.

I need to get a grip on this and sort my head out because Matt obviously was never thinking the same thing I was—that we should go together. That we should ramp this friendship up.

I’m such a fucking idiot.

What the hell was I thinking?

“Alex, you’ve gone all white. Are you okay?” he asks rubbing my arm again.

“Yeah, just need to eat. Had a huge day and didn’t get to have breakfast or lunch, so I’m starving.” I left out the part where I didn’t eat breakfast because I was on the phone to him, and then I skipped lunch because he was ignoring me and I was too nervous to eat.

“So what did you wanna ask me today? Why did you want me to come to the gallery?” he asks then takes a bite of his taco.

I tense up with a fake laugh. “Oh, it doesn’t even matter now. It was nothing. Just wanted you to help me with putting up some stuff while Nate was out. All good, next time.”

He furrows his brows and tilts his head. “But you said you’d talk to me about it tonight?”

Raising my brow, I purse my lips. “Hmm… did I? Oh, I can’t even remember. Mustn’t have been that important if I can’t remember,” I say blasé, and have another mouthful looking away from him.

The room shifts to an uncomfortable silence. It’s the first time I’ve been in a room alone with Matt and felt uncomfortable.

I’ve done this.

I’ve put a wedge between us.

I need to get the hell over this and get back to being just Matt and Alex because he clearly has no affection for me what-so-ever. I should have known. I break pretty much every one of his rules, except for number ten—get along with his twin. How could I ever see myself in his life as something more?

“Should I go?”

Matt furrows his brows. “Alex, why would you go? You just got here. You’ve hardly touched your food?”

“Does Madeline know about me?” I blurt out, and he sighs.

“No, but I will tell her. I’ll send her a message right now if it makes you stay.”

Tears well in my eyes. I mean that little to him that he hasn’t even told her about me. Ronan knows all about Matt. Standing up, I grab the bags of food and turn heading for the door.

“Alex, what’s happening right now?” he asks, and I turn to face him

“Ronan knows all about you. You mean that much to me that I told him because you’re such a big part of my life. I feel like Madeline is going to be in your life now, and if you haven’t even told her about me, then where am I going to fit into that little equation?”

He stands up, rushing toward me. “You think because I didn’t tell Madeline about you that means you’re not a big part of my life?”

“I think… we see each other quite differently, Matt. I don’t think I mean as much to you as you mean to me. But that’s fine, you have Madeline now—”

“You’re jealous because she’ll spend time with me now? Time taken from you, is that it?” he asks.

“No Matt, I’m angry because you don’t care enough about me to mention my goddamn name to your potential girlfriend. We were best friends, that’s a pretty big deal in my eyes.”

“Were?” he asks, his eyes drooping like I’ve just broken his heart.

“You know what I mean.”

He stands taller. “No Alex, I don’t know what you mean. Are you saying we’re not friends anymore?”

“No, of course not. I just need a moment. Give me a moment, okay?” I ask and he furrows his brows.

“I’m going to message Madeline right now, tell her about you. Okay?”

I nod, and as he turns and walks away to his cell, I grab the door handle and head out running for my car. I shove the food on the passenger seat as I get in and start up the car just in time to see him racing out the front door to look at me with his cell in his hand. His eyes are droopy, and he looks lost. But I don’t stop, backing out of the drive and speeding off home to think about what in the hell I’ve done.