From Twinkle, With Love by Sandhya Menon (24)

Twenty-Four

Sunday, June 28, but just barely
My room

Dear Nora Ephron,

I have never been so scared in my life. Maddie pulled over down the street from the Roys’ house. (I was afraid Ajit Uncle would see me and insist on making me peanut butter pancakes or something, thus ruining the element of surprise—the only thing I had going for me at that point, let’s be honest.) I looked at her, my cold hands gripped tightly in my lap.

“It’s going to be fine,” she said, smiling. “What’s the worst that could happen?”

“I could end up an empty, emotionless husk sitting alone in my authentically rickety house night after night until the leaking roof eventually caves in on me and finally releases me to sweet, merciful death?”

She stared at me for a long minute. “Okaaaay …”

I looked down at my lap and then back at her. “I really want this, Maddie. I really want him.”

“I know you do,” she said, leaning over to hug me. Then, holding me by the shoulders, “And he wants you. You just need to show him that his insecurities about his brother are unjustified. That you’re crazy about him and not Neil. That all of that Neil fantasizing stuff is in your past.”

I nodded. “Right. I can do that. I can, I can, I can.”

Maddie patted me on the arm. “Get to it, Juliet. Actually, no, wait. Juliet dies at the end, so … maybe don’t channel Shakespeare for this one.”

“Awesome. Thanks for … that.”

Maddie laughed and, grinning, I hopped out of her car, waved, took a deep breath, and walked toward the back of the Roys’ house.

When I was in the almost completely dark backyard, it occurred to me that if any of the neighbors happened to be looking out their window, I’d look very much like a thief. And that might not end so well for me. Before I lost my nerve, I jumped and grabbed the bottom limb of a giant bur oak tree and began to climb up. It had been years since I’d climbed a tree, but I didn’t have a choice right then, did I? This was my last-ditch attempt. My Hail Mary pass. My—

Owwww.

A sharp twig had just scratched the crap out of my bare leg. I could feel the blood beading there. I glared at the twig and then kept climbing until I was right outside Sahil’s window. The shades were drawn, so I couldn’t see in, but there was enough light emanating from behind the shades that I could tell he wasn’t asleep.

I held on to a branch with one hand and shakily reached the other hand toward his window. I knocked twice and then put my hand back on the branch. Do not look down. Do not look down, Twinkle, I told myself. Why had I neglected to consider my fear of heights?

No one opened the window.

Oh, great. So either (a) Sahil wasn’t home or (b) he’d decided, wisely, not to open his second-story window at midnight to any rando who happened to be knocking.

I looked down. Oh my God. I began to hyperventilate until those little black dots swam in front of my eyes. There was no way I was going to climb back down. No. Way. They’d just have to call the fire department whenever Ajit Uncle happened to come outside and find me in their tree. I could fall and break my neck. Oh my God. It felt like someone was pushing me out of the tree. My breath came out faster and faster, and the black circles grew. …

“Twinkle?”

I snapped my head around to see Sahil leaning out his window, staring at me, his mouth hanging open. “Hey, are you okay?”

There was a ringing in my ears now. “I, um …”

Sahil leaned farther out of his window, and then I felt his strong arms around me. “Hey. Come on. Careful …” He gently tugged and guided me until I was able to let go of the branch and clamber into his room. Leading me to his chair, he had me sit. “You don’t look so good. Would you like some water?”

I put my head down on my lap. “No, I’m okay. … I just got a little light-headed looking down at the ground.”

The black spots slowly receded, and the ringing in my ears was gone. And then it hit me: I’d been trying to stage a romantic, daring scene and I’d almost passed out and had to be rescued by the object of my affections. I sat up, my cheeks heating up. “Um … wow. This is embarrassing. Not how this was supposed to go.”

Sahil’s mouth twitched, like he was trying not to smile. “What, um, what were you doing in my tree?”

I twisted my fingers together. My face was probably as purple as my idiotic skirt. “I was trying to be … you know. Dashing and gallant?” I forced a weak smile.

“Oh.” He frowned, apparently not impressed. “Hey. Your leg’s bleeding.”

I looked down to see the scrape on my shin. Wincing, I blew on it. “Oh, yeah. I scraped it on that stupid tree.”

“Wait here.” Before I could protest, Sahil had left the room, closing the door behind him.

I sagged back against the chair and looked around his room. Was this a dumb idea? Why had I come here? He’d already asked for space. … Would he think I was being disrespectful of his wishes? He wasn’t even fully looking at me. Besides, did guys even think things like this were romantic?? “Great, Twinkle. Maybe you should’ve asked yourself these questions before you played Tarzan outside his place.”

“Hmm?” Sahil asked, bustling back into the room with a bowl of water and bandages.

“N-nothing. Oh, no, you don’t have to do that. I’m fine.”

“I insist,” he said, kneeling before me and setting all of his first aid things on the floor.

We sat in silence as he washed my cut with soapy water and a washcloth, one hand grabbing the back of my ankle to raise my leg up. I tried not to concentrate on the feeling of his breath, light and warm, on my leg, or his fingers pressing on my bare skin. I’d missed his touch. I’d missed … just about everything. He put on some antibacterial ointment and then a big Band-Aid over the scrape.

“There,” he said, lowering my leg gently. “That should feel better.”

“Thank you,” I mumbled, feeling suddenly like I might cry. I just wanted him to smile at me. I just wanted some hint of the things we’d shared with each other, that was all. I felt physically cold.

“Sure.” He set the water on his desk and then went to sit on his bed so he was facing me. He was dressed in this plain white T-shirt and gray sweats, but he still managed to look heart-stoppingly perfect somehow.

“Hi,” he said after a moment of silence, the expression in his eyes inscrutable.

I felt suddenly very shy. “Hi.”

“You did really well tonight.”

“We did.” I paused, rallying my ever-dwindling reserves of courage. I could do this. I had to do this, or I’d kick myself for the rest of my life. “But … that’s not what I’m here to talk about.”

Sahil’s face went still. “It’s not?”

I shook my head. Taking a deep breath, I went to sit by him on the bed. “Sahil, I … I’m so incredibly sorry I hurt you. That was the last thing I wanted to do, I promise.” I forced myself to keep looking into his eyes even when I wanted to look away because I felt so guilty for how I’d hurt him. “I know I kept the whole N e-mail thing from you, and that was wrong. The thing was … I was so confused. I was falling for you, but in my head, I’d built up this whole thing of how Neil was the one I should be with. How I wanted to give it a shot.” Sahil’s face fell, and I hurried to continue. “Mostly because I felt like being with someone like Neil would elevate who I was or something. Like it would show the world—and me—that I was finally visible. Make me special for the first time in my life.”

Sahil shook his head. “You are special, Twinkle. And you’ve always been visible. You’ve shined the brightest in any room. To me, anyway.”

I smiled and tears blurred everything. By now I knew this was true. Sahil saw me; he’d always seen me. “You’re one of my best friends, Sahil. When I was with you, I didn’t even think about Neil. I saw only you, and you were—you were more than enough. I don’t want this to end. I feel like we … we belong together, and I can’t imagine never holding your hand or laughing with you … or—or kissing y—”

Sahil’s hands were suddenly around my face, his body pressing into my body as he lowered his mouth to mine, his lips devouring my lips hungrily, his stubble scraping against my skin in the most delicious way. I wrapped my arms around him and pressed myself even closer, gripping him tightly, feeling his body heat completely envelop me.

When we finally pulled apart, panting, he smiled down at me, his hand drawing a strand of hair off my face. “You never have to imagine that again. Okay?”

My arms around his waist tightened. “Really?” I asked. “You forgive me?”

He kissed me gently on the eyelids, on the nose, on the earlobe. “Really. After you explained how it all played out for you, it dawned on me that the hang-up was mine, not yours. I was the one who needed to move past Neil’s shadow. I was still feeling inferior to him, and …” He paused and shook his head. “That’s something I need to work on. But you know what?”

I shook my head.

“The movie helped me so much. Seeing all those people in that auditorium, taking in a movie I’d helped with in some way. …” He trailed off, his eyes far away. “I have a lot to offer too. I don’t need to compare myself to my brother all the time. I may not be talented in all the ways he’s talented, and that’s okay. We’re two different people.”

I stroked his cheek lightly. “Yeah. And I adore the person you are.”

Sahil grinned and pulled me closer. “Good. You’re stuck with me now.”

“Perfect. Because I have universes I want to explore, Sahil Roy. And I want you to be my partner through all of it.”

He looked deep into my soul with those liquid brown eyes of his. “Twinkle Mehra, it would be my privilege.”

And then we kissed again.