Liam

 

I watched Bellamy reach into the front pocket of her jeans and withdraw something. Still partially paralyzed by her question, I stared as she opened up her small fist to reveal a pill.

A pill that matched all the others in my pocket.

“Where did you get that?” I asked, my fingers spasming over the ones against my leg.

“You left it in the bed,” Bellamy answered, lifting her eyes to me. “That night you came to Alex’s and said nothing at all…”

Shame burned through me. “Bells,” I whispered.

“Wait!” she said, throwing up her hand. “I need to say something first, before you say anything at all.”

I raised my eyebrows.

“I don’t care.” She gasped, her blue eyes widened. “That came out wrong. I do care, so much. That’s why I can’t keep carrying this pill around in my pocket without saying anything. What I meant was if you are using again, if you are taking pills, it’s okay. I’m with you. I’m with you no matter what. Your struggles are my struggles; your pain is mine. I know I’m not an addict like you, and I can’t understand completely.” Bellamy dragged in a ragged breath and plowed on, barely pausing.

My heart constricted. Then it rolled over.

I stood outside in the freezing wind, feeling numb as fuck and ripe with pain. But watching her in all her bumbling, animated glory, with the sincerest expression and near desperation in her eyes to make me understand just how much she loved me…

I felt the rays of a sun that wasn’t even awake.

In that beat of a heart, I was the luckiest bastard on the planet, no matter how much I’d lost. Because I had her.

“I’ll make sure you get help. That you have all the resources you need. I love you anyway. No matter what.” She drew in another breath, looking up at me with shining eyes.

Waiting for me to answer. To admit or explain.

I had nothing.

No words. Just feelings. Just beats of a heart that lived inside my chest but belonged to her. All the fighting I’d been doing to keep my hands at bay, all the control I inflicted upon myself snapped so violently my insides stung.

The blanket she’d so lovingly draped over my shoulders flew back and drifted to the ground. My arms slipped around her and pulled her tight against my front. Curling my body in, I molded around her small frame, touching as much of her as possible, cocooning her body with mine.

A rough, keening sound ripped from my throat and floated away with the gusty wind as my lips latched onto hers. The second we touched, the spark ignited, a full blaze sweeping through me, making it hard to rationalize what I was doing.

I kissed her as if my life depended on it. Like I was drowning and she was air. Slanting my mouth over hers again and again… and again. My teeth knocked against hers, but I adjusted and just kept kissing.

Her body began to slide down mine, and I made a sound, lifting her off her feet. Bellamy climbed up my body, hooking her ankles at my back. I sucked her lower lip into my mouth, milking it and massaging it, then did the same to her upper lip.

My entire body vibrated with intense want. Need hammered so forcefully inside me it felt as though my veins might rupture, and then all that would be left of me was a sea of red.

Bells ripped her mouth away and sucked in air. I kissed across her jaw and down her neck. Her nails sank into the back of my neck while my hands dragged down to cup her ass.

Turning from the railing, I walked to the doors, pinning her body against the glass and pushing a hand up the front of her shirt. The lacy bra she wore was no match for my fingers. I ripped down the lace cup and availed my palm of her silky flesh. Bellamy arched into me with a low cry, her nipple hardening instantly between my fingertips.

I went back for her mouth, sweeping my tongue inside, trying to taste every last flavor she could be. It wasn’t enough. It wasn’t nearly enough. Gripping her hips, I pulled her body down as my pelvis surged up. Her core met with my rock-hard dick, and my mouth fell away from hers.

“Fuck,” I swore, rotating against her again.

Her small hand found the hem of my shirt, skirted beneath the fabric, and delved just below the waistband of my jeans.

Pulling back, I held her tight and opened the slider. I strode through the house, past the abandoned dinner plates, and toward the stairs. Bellamy’s lips latched onto the side of my neck and sucked while one of her hands tangled in my hair. I barely recalled carrying her down the stairs and striding through the place toward our room.

The door slammed when I kicked it behind us, rattling everything hanging on the walls. Bellamy’s mouth released my neck, and the cool air brushed against where it had been. I shivered and pushed her head back to the spot.

“You aren’t done yet,” I growled.

She sucked me back into her mouth, nipping lightly with her teeth. I groaned and pushed her body against the door, reaching between us for the buttons on her jeans.

My hand brushed against her panties. They were already damp with her desire. A hissing sound escaped my lips as my fingers rubbed over her center.

Bells’s head fell back against the door, and I lifted my head, still wanting her mouth on me.

“There’s a mark,” she rasped, her lips swollen and her eyes heavy.

“Good,” I rumbled and stroked over her center again. She cried out, but I swallowed the sound as I kissed her, shoving my tongue so deep she made a sound and drew back just slightly.

I stiffened, reality crashing into me, and I realized what the fuck I was doing. Even though I wanted to move fast, I didn’t because I was holding her and she needed my support. Slowly, I stepped back enough to slide her down to the floor.

Her legs wobbled when she put weight on them, so I held her gently at the waist.

“I can’t—”

She made a short mewing sound. “Yes, you can.”

I shook my head, trying to beat back the desperation pumping through me. “No.”

“Liam.” She reached for me, and I wrenched away.

She stumbled when I let go, falling forward. I cursed and went back, scooping her up and cradling her close.

“I don’t trust myself, Bells. Not with you. Not right now.”

“What?” she said, looking at me through desire-heavy eyes.

I stared at her lips, slick and swollen. I thought about the cream between her legs and how warm and silky it was.

“I went to the doctor. You saw for yourself. The baby is fine.”

Temptation slashed through me, and my lips were on hers again.

“No,” I said, ripping them away a moment later. “It’s not just the baby. It’s you, too.” I sat her on the bed and paced away. My dick was so hard it was throbbing and whispering wicked thoughts into my ear, making this even more difficult.

“I’m so desperate right now, Bells. So volatile. It scares me when I touch you. I don’t want to hurt you. I’m so afraid I’ll get lost inside you and not be able to control myself.”

“You won’t hurt me.” Her voice shook with absolute certainty.

“No. I won’t,” I replied. “Which is exactly why you’re staying over there and I’m over here.”

She stood, surprise making her eyes round.

I held up my hand. “I mean it, Bellamy. I’ve lost so fucking much. I will not lose you, too. I will not do anything to jeopardize you. You’re all I have left… You’re my last link to fucking sanity.”

“You need me,” she said, a look coming into her eye.

I moaned. “Yes, I need you. I need you so much I’m willing to deny myself the thing I want most right now until I’m better in control. Until I’m positive I won’t be too rough.”

“I don’t want you to be in control.” She stepped forward.

I stepped back.

“Bells, stop,” I said, true force in my tone.

She did, hurt flashing over her features.

“Sweetheart…” I began, and anger replaced the fear in her eyes.

“Stop it,” she snapped. “Stop fighting for so much control. You don’t need it. Not here with me. Not right now.”

Bellamy lifted the shirt over her head and tossed it at her feet. My throat worked as I watched her breathing, the heavy rise and fall of her breasts. One was on full display from when I’d yanked down the cup before. The pink nipple was still erect.

“Take what you want, Liam.”

“I won’t,” I said, coming up against the door, still staring at her chest.

She unhooked the bra and let it fall. Her hands covered her breasts and rubbed. A small sound of pleasure cut through the room.

“I want you, Liam. I want to feel you.”

“Don’t do this to me, Bells. If I hurt you, I would never forgive myself.”

“You’re hurting me right now. I ache for you. I want to give you the relief I know you need.”

I swallowed.

She took a step closer and then another. I don’t know how I stayed so still, because beneath my skin was a full-on rave.

“If you won’t touch me, I’ll just touch you,” she murmured, stepping close. Her fingers undid my jeans and slid the zipper down. “Are you going to let me touch you, Liam?”

In response, I took her hand and pressed it against my dick.

She rubbed along it, then slipped all the clothes off my lower body. Her hand slipped beneath the hem of my shirt as she dropped to her knees before me.

Dear God, nothing turned me on more than a woman who looked like she was praying over my dick.

Her nails dragged over my abs as her other hand grabbed my rod and held it out. She scratched my stomach again as her soft lips wrapped around the tip and slid all the way down.

A choked sound left my mouth, and I thrust forward, pushing my cock against the back of her throat. The pleasure-pain combination of her nails and the way her lips gently dragged back up my shaft literally made my knees shake.

I felt her gaze up my body as she took me deep again. Our stares locked as I watched her suck me good.

She sucked until my balls strained against my body, then released, pushing my length up against my stomach to draw my balls into her mouth.

Slowly, she drew back, leaving my slick, throbbing cock pointing straight at her. I glanced down, barely able to see through hazy eyes, and watched her slip her hand down into her crotch, move it around, and then draw it back out.

I shivered when she wiped the slick juices coating her fingers over the sensitive spot on my head.

My eyes rolled back. They reopened when she started kissing up my stomach, pushing the shirt higher as she went. I ripped it off over my head and leaned back against the door.

Bellamy arched against me, her warm chest rubbing mine.

Without any thought, I kissed her. Swirling our tongues together, wrapping my arms completely around her. Gliding my hands down her back, I delved into her jeans, beneath her panties, and cupped her ass. She pushed her cheeks into my hands and dropped her forehead to my chest.

Slowly, my hands crept down into her crack and toward her dripping center. Her legs were shaking when I brushed a finger over her bud while my other hand caressed her ass.

On instinct, I picked her up, pinned her against the wall, and thrust upward. A sound of frustration filled the room when my dick met fabric and not her hot center.

“I trust you, Liam,” she whispered.

I drew back. “I love you so fucking much it scares the shit outta me.”

Her palm lay against my cheek. “I know.”

In one swift move, I had her on her back on the floor. I yanked the remaining clothes off her body and pushed her legs wide with my palms. I sat there on my knees between her legs, holding her thighs wide and staring at her glistening center.

Her legs stayed wide when I moved my hands. I speared her with my dick in one swift push.

Both of us cried out, and yeah, I might have said a little prayer.

Breathing heavy, I pulled back and plunged into her again. And again.

Then once more.

Her body rocked against the carpet as I pushed deep, her teeth sinking into her lower lip.

I pulled back, and she whined a little, reaching for me. “Don’t stop.”

“Oh, sweetheart,” I rumbled, picking her up off the ground. “I’m just getting started.”

I took her against the wall, across the dresser, and then I mounted her on the bed. Her sweet ass lifted in the air for me made me want to hammer in her as deep as humanly possible.

I didn’t, though, taking it nice and slow because, as I discovered, when it came to Bells, I had control, even when I had none.

My baby was inside her. My heart might as well be.

Here I thought I would have to almost angry fuck her to get some relief, but I was wrong.

So wrong.

Pulling out, I moved her so she was under me. Her hands slipped up my chest, cupping my pecs. Her thumb drew lazy circles on my neck. Bending down, I rubbed my stubbled chin over her lips and cheek. Our lips caught and held when I moved back into her body, going deep and rocking slowly.

Pushing up, I held myself over her, staring down with awe and lust swirling inside me. “I was never going to find it,” I rasped, pushing into her and rotating my hips. “By carrying those pills around in my pocket.”

She moaned and opened her eyes. “Find what?”

“Control. Peace.”

Bellamy reached around and gripped my ass. I quickened my pace, release working its way up from my balls.

“Let go,” Bellamy whispered.

I bore down, pumping into her as rough as I dared. She called out my name over and over, until it was literally the only thing I heard.

She came apart beneath me, and I shattered over her.

We both clung to each other, quaking with aftershocks, her inner walls flexing, milking what was left of my erection, stroking it. Teasing it… Challenging it.

A few minutes later, I pushed up and glanced down, thrusting into her again.

Bellamy’s eyes went wide. “Again?”

I was partially shocked. Then again, she literally had no idea how badly her body called to me. How badly I’d been starved.

I began backing out, but Bellamy pushed me back in. Her body was warm and soft. Her walls stretched to fit me perfectly.

“Bells,” I whispered, wrapping my arms around her body and holding her to me as I thrust with renewed lust.

She gave up complete control, and oddly, it made me gentle.

After I erupted the second time, I fell off to the side, wholly spent. Bellamy rolled with me, draping her body over my chest and snuggling close.

“I know you don’t see it,” she murmured, her fingertips dancing over my abs. “But you are a king. The king of my body and of my heart.”

I chuckled. “Then I guess that makes you a queen.”

She propped her chin on my chest. “Do you feel better?” she asked, a little twinkle in her eye.

“I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

“No.”

“Yes. I feel better.”

She laid her cheek against my chest, and I lightly rubbed her back.

“Liam?” she asked after a while.

“Hmm?”

“You haven’t taken any of those pills.”

“No, I haven’t.”

“But you’ve been carrying them around.”

“Every day,” I said, truthful.

“Why?”

“In case I needed them.”

She nodded and snuggled closer. “Kind of like my emergency bag I used to keep in my closet.”

I stilled. That fucking bag. I hated it. I hated everything it stood for. I hated she kept it, that it gave her something she needed to feel secure.

She had an emergency duffle, and I had a pocket full of pills.

The only difference was her bag couldn’t fuck up her entire life.

“Where is that bag?” I asked, dragging my fingers up her spine.

“I don’t need it anymore,” she murmured.

My fingers stopped, and she lifted her head.

“Why don’t you need it anymore?”

“Because I have you. If I used that bag, it would mean I would have to run away from you. I don’t want to go anywhere you aren’t.”

Holy fucking shit.

Her emergency duffle and my pocket full of pills, while very different, offered the same thing: escape.

Escape Bellamy didn’t want.

My chest was tight. So tight it burned. The lump suddenly in my throat choked me, and my fingers visibly trembled when I brushed the long strands of her blond hair away from her face.

“There’s something I need to do.”