Liam

 

Did I ever mention I’m not a fan of casserole?

Kinda wished it was a casserole on the other side of the door right now.

“Joiner,” I said, regarding my trainer/coach. “I didn’t know you were in town.”

“Mattison,” he replied, looking me up and down. I wasn’t offended. It was kinda his job to assess how I was.

Rather, it used to be.

“I came to pay my respects to your father. I was hoping to see you at the reception, but you, ah, left early.”

“You went to my father’s memorial?” I said, oddly touched.

He cleared his throat. “I know we, uh, like the snow and all, but you mind if I come in?”

“Shit, sorry, Tom,” I said, shoving open the door and letting him in. When I turned from the door, he was already taking off his coat and boots.

Guess this wasn’t going to be a quick visit, then.

When he was done, he regarded me. “Of course I came. Renshaw was a hell of a man. I had no idea he was sick. You should have told me, Mattison.”

“I told you I was having some personal problems,” I muttered.

“Your father dying goes beyond that.”

“It wasn’t the cancer that killed him,” I said, my throat tight.

“I heard. No need for you to rehash it all now.”

I relaxed a little. “Beer?”

“I could do with a beer.”

I led him to the kitchen where I tossed him a longneck and then grabbed one for myself. I would probably need one for this conversation. Seeing him was like a kick in the nuts.

Tom Joiner was a visible reminder of all the years I spent working toward something and how quickly that something got smashed to hell.

Oh, wait, that was my knee.

My dreams and life just followed suit.

I popped the top off the beer and took a long pull, the cold liquid sliding down easily. There was some movement in the doorway, and my mouth kicked up a little. “Bells, come here.”

Joiner lowered the beer from his mouth, suddenly interested.

Charlie walked in first, Bellamy close behind. She was still wearing my shirt with some pants on underneath it. Her cheeks were a little pale, which concerned me, and I wondered if it was the baby kicking around her stomach or the scare of the sudden visitor.

The dog sniffed in Joiner’s direction, but when he held out his hand, Charlie stuck by Bells.

That led me to believe it wasn’t the baby. She was nervous, and Charlie sensed it.

I held out my arm, and she walked into it, fitting herself at my side. “Bellamy, this is Tom Joiner,” I said. “My old coach.”

“Current coach.” He corrected.

“Oh, hi!” Bells said, going forward to shake his hand. “I’ve heard so much about you. It’s nice to meet you.”

“Wish I could say I’ve heard a lot about you.” Tom slid a sly glance my way.

I gave him a look that said I wasn’t too happy with his remark. She took his comment in stride, though, merely shrugging. “Liam is a man of few words.”

“Well, that’s the truth,” Joiner quipped.

“Bellamy is my girlfriend,” I explained. Once again, I was annoyed that I had to use that word to describe her.

Joiner smiled. “I know. I might not have seen you at the service, but I saw everyone else. You might be a man of few words, but everyone else in this town likes to talk.”

“Thank you for making the trip for the service. I’m sure Ren would appreciate it,” Bellamy said.

Joiner smiled wistfully. “He was a real one-of-a-kind.”

I wondered if it would ever get easier. Talking about my dad. Remembering him. Not being so fucking angry about the way he was taken.

As if she sensed it, Bellamy shifted closer, her hand covering the back of my neck and rubbing soothingly. I glanced at her, thinking about the time we had just before Joiner rang the bell. So fucking grateful. I was so lucky to have her in my life.

I knew if she wasn’t, I probably would have fallen into the bottom of a pill bottle by now.

Bells said I had to stay sober for me, that I alone was worth sobriety. I supposed she was right, but the truth was I loved her more than myself. I loved my son more than myself.

They were powerful fucking motivators to keep the pills out of my gut.

They were also very powerful motivators to make sure nothing like what happened to Dad happened to them.

I haven’t forgotten you, Crone. Oh, no. Your time is coming.

“I was hoping we could talk,” Joiner said after a few beats of quiet and some more of his beer.

“Sure.” I agreed. I mean, the man came all the way to Caribou to pay his respects to my father. And he was a huge part of my daily life for over eight years. As much as I didn’t want to, the least I owed him was a conversation.

My hand settled at Bells’s waist and tried to pull her along with us. She resisted lightly, saying, “Go ahead. I’m just going to make some tea. I’ll be right there.”

I swung around completely, blocking out my coach and focusing solely on her. Cupping her cheek, I asked, “You feeling sick?”

Her lips turned up. “Just a little.”

I frowned. “Was before too much?” Fuck, I knew better. I’d been keeping my hands off for a reason.

Both her palms rested on my bare chest. “Definitely not. I’ll be right there.”

I led Tom out of the kitchen to the living area, where we sat across from each other. I hadn’t seen him over a year. He looked the same, though, short, dark hair peppered with white, clean shaven, and trim build. He was dressed in what I thought of as his uniform, athletic pants and a pullover.

“I understand now why you’ve been so adamant about not returning to the pros,” Joiner said, getting right to it.

Actually, you have no clue.

“It’s not just my father.” I began, kind of bitter. I shouldn’t be bitter, not with Tom. He was operating on barely any information. In his eyes, there wasn’t much standing in the way of me and the pros. He just didn’t get it. And I couldn’t tell him. Part of me wanted to, you know?

Just drain this beer, sit back, and spill every last dirty detail of the past few months. Wouldn’t his face be a sight then? He’d probably get up and leave without any other conversation.

Then I could really kiss boarding good-bye.

I wouldn’t do that, though.

Not because I was clinging to hope of returning. Well, maybe a small part of me was. It was selfish to involve an innocent man who’d been like a second father to me half my life. I couldn’t drag him down with my problems.

Plus, there was the pesky gag order the FBI was choking me with.

“Level with me,” Joiner said, sitting forward. “How bad is the knee?”

“Weak,” I replied, short.

“Operational? Trainable? Returnable?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“The fuck it doesn’t!”

“Why are you pushing this?” I exploded, standing. “Jesus, Tom. My father just died, and you’re riding my ass like a horny gay man.”

“Liam!” Bellamy gasped.

I spun, seeing her standing nearby with a white mug cradled in her hands and the tag on the end of the teabag fluttering against the porcelain. Her cheeks were still pale, and I knew her insides were all twisted up.

“Sorry, sweetheart,” I muttered, making my way to her side to escort her to the couch.

“I’m not the one you should be apologizing to.” She admonished.

I glanced at Tom. “Sorry,” I muttered.

After she sat down, Bellamy leaned around me to look at my coach. “We don’t care if you’re gay.”

“I’m not gay,” he answered, bewildered. “But thank you…?”

I chuckled and sat beside Bells. Just having her in close proximity made me feel a little less… hotheaded.

“Ren called me,” Joiner said, his voice quiet and serious.

“What?” I perked up. “When?”

“Right after the last call you and I had, you know, when you quit on me.”

It was the last day of my father’s life. Joiner was one of the last people to speak to my dad.

My voice was hoarse when I spoke. “What did he say?”

“He wanted me to give you a little more time. He, ah…” Tom picked up the beer and took a pull like he needed a minute.

I did the same because it seemed like a pretty good idea. At the small of my back, Bellamy’s hand rested, just above the waistband of my jeans. Her palm was warm, probably from the mug in her hand.

“He told me he was dying.”

Shock rippled through me. No, it wasn’t a secret, but it wasn’t something we went around announcing either. “He told you?”

Joiner nodded. “He asked me not to give up on you. He was worried you were giving up boarding because of him. Because you’re stubbornly loyal.”

Bellamy laughed beneath her breath. “So true.”

“Is not,” I grumped, emotion swelling so forcefully in my chest it made me squirm.

Tom continued. “He believed in you. The way he talked about you… He was so proud.”

I picked up the beer again, draining it. The glass made a hollow thud when I plopped it back on the coffee table. Shoving to my feet, I prowled over to the windows overlooking the ski slopes and whitecapped mountains.

God, I loved it. Every day that went by that I wasn’t out on the powder, I felt like a piece of me got smaller.

“I’ve got a team of the best sports medicine and physical therapists lined up. They’re all willing to come to you. I just have to make the call.” Joiner pressed.

“No.”

“You’re one tough son of a bitch,” Joiner said. I could hear him rise from his chair. “I figured you’d say as much.”

I didn’t say anything or turn around.

“What’s your opinion on all this?” Tom asked Bellamy.

I stiffened. He had some balls, trying to drag my girl into this. Pivoting, I was about to call him out, but Bells replied first.

“It’s not my job to have an opinion on this. My job is to support Liam, and if he says he’s done, then he’s done.”

Joiner pursed his lips, then looked over at me. “I’ll see myself out.” He went to the door, and I trailed behind, stopping a few yards away.

Hand on the front door, he turned and glanced back. “You were the best boarder I ever worked with, probably ever will. If you ever need anything, just call. I hope all the ass riding I did didn’t hurt our friendship.”

My stomach flopped, and the beer I downed suddenly felt kinda bubbly. “It would take a lot more than that.”

He half smiled. “Good to hear. Hey, I’ll be in town through tomorrow. If you want to grab a bite, give me a call. No more shop talk. Just a meal between friends.”

I nodded. “Sounds good.”

Joiner glanced past me to where Bellamy stood. “It was nice meetin’ ya, pretty lady.”

“Nice to meet you, too.”

I stared at the door after he’d gone, unable to do anything but mourn something I’d already thought I lost.