Chapter Four
Lochlan
Morning came too soon for Lochlan on Saturday. He would have liked to sleep in a little. Pax was growing out of wanting to cuddle with his omega dad and with Lochlan's work with the AOE mornings were a rare treat for him. Lazy mornings were practically non-existent.
But, he'd gotten a surprise visitor the night before, and Lochlan could hear him shuffling around in the living room. Lucy was likely in the kitchen already, giving their newest guest, Zain, a side eye. Getting him to come to Lochlan's the night before had taken some convincing. Zain was still bleeding from being assaulted by his alpha boyfriend. He wasn't jumping to trust a stranger claiming to have a safe space. But, he came eventually. By that time, Pax had been asleep, and Lucy had been waiting anxiously by the door.
"Daddy?" Pax said, his voice and eyes still sleepy. When he saw Lochlan there, he smiled, the worry leaving his face. Worry that shouldn't be there in the first place. It wasn't like Pax knew his alpha father or knew to fear him returning.
Lochlan had just learned he was pregnant when he left the man. But, as Pax grew and was exposed to the outside world, he noticed more and more how many families had an alpha father and an omega dad, how it wasn't common for an omega to raise a child out of wedlock. He was a smart kid and was beginning to realize they were different. He just didn't know the reason why.
And he never would, if Lochlan had anything to say about it.
"I'm here my sweet baby bird," Lochlan replied, wrapping his arms around Pax. They were still thin, but not as much as when he'd given birth. He'd barely been strong enough then to hold Pax for longer than a few moments. Just like with the stairs, Lochlan had grown stronger and made sure he was tough enough for his son.
"Dad, I'm not a baby," Pax replied, but he stayed where he was, nestled into his side.
"I know, you are growing into your own person. I just can't help but remember how you were in my tummy. I carried you happily."
Pax scoffed. "You had no choice."
"Also true," Lochlan replied with a smile. "I need to let you know, we have a visitor."
"Hazel!" he said excitedly.
"No. She is coming, but this is a different kind of visitor. I found him, like I found Lucy. He may need more help from us, I don't know. But you will be polite, right?"
"Yes, dad."
"And most of all you will be…?"
"Kind," Pax replied swiftly.
"Good. Let's meet him!"
They found Zain with Lucy in the kitchen. Already, Lochlan felt the tension. Lucy's back was turned away, but her movements were jagged, and she was bouncing so much her ringlets were like yo-yos.
"Good morning," Lochlan said. Lucy spun around relief in her round eyes.
"Lochlan, good. Do we have tea? Zain told me he doesn't like coffee."
"Yes, above the refrigerator. Let me reach it." He stepped past her and stretched to his tiptoes. "We have suppressors here if you are worried about the caffeine in the coffee."
"You have drugs here?" Zain asked, showing his first flash of interest. "What else you got?"
"Anti-diarrheal, anti-bloating, over-the-counter pain relief, it's like a drug store at my house." Lochlan tried not to let any judgment seep into his voice. Zain wouldn't be the first omega that turned to hard drugs to cope with their life, but he needed to know, there wasn't any of that around here. They had suppressors because they'd purchased them on the black market from another AOE group. Lochlan had agreed to look the other way when it came to how the other group obtained the pills. Making them so expensive was just another way omegas were kept down. "I'm afraid the strongest thing we have is my own personal cocktail of suppressors and supplements that I use to combat my Aggressive Heat Syndrome."
"Aggressive Heat? Holy shit, you are one of those nymphos? You know, I know some guys who pay a lot of money to—"
"I'm afraid we aren't interested in large amounts of money around here, Zain," Lochlan replied, smiling while he did, but keeping his tone steady. He looked down at Pax and was glad to see Lucy distracting him with a box of cereal. "We also don't use that sort of language around here. You are welcome to stay for as long as you need help, but while you are here, you will refrain from those sorts of words and from propagating the social stigmas placed on us from people who want to keep our gender weak. Aggressive Heat Syndrome is a medical condition, the same as many others. It should be treated the same way as you would treat a cold, or someone with asthma. Do you understand?"
Zain lowered his gaze to the table. He folded his hands in his lap, the very picture of subservience. Lochlan hated that he had been the cause. "Yes, sir."
Lochlan lowered down, so he was at the same level as Zain. "I'm not your sir, Zain. No one has to be. Not if you don't want them to be."
"You don't know my alpha."
"I do," Lochlan replied gently. "I know alphas like him. I was with an alpha like him. Zain, we bow because we think as omegas, we are supposed to. And we beg because they tell us to. But we don't have to do either."
"Maybe you don't," Zain replied bitterly.
Lochlan opened his mouth to reply when there was a knock at the door. He waited, listening for the sequence. Zain jerked to his feet, fear in his expression. "Don't worry, that's Hazel's knock." Maybe she can help me unbrainwash you, he added silently
"Password," Lucy called through the door.
"Independence," Hazel replied.
Lucy unlocked the door and let it swing open as she jumped out of the way. Hazel burst into the room in her usual exuberant fashion. She'd dyed her hair a shockingly bright blue since Lochlan had last seen her and wore it in two buns on top of her head. Her clothes were torn artfully in all the right places to flash a little skin while not showing any goods. Not that Hazel was above exhibition. The few times she'd been able to drag Lochlan out on the town had ended with him basically begging her to keep her clothes on in public places.
The best part about Hazel was when she woke the next morning, she wasn't full of guilt and doubt over her actions. As long as she didn't accidentally hurt anyone the night before, she woke with a clear conscience knowing that being an omega hadn't once kept her from doing what she wanted to do. "I brought my tattoo kit. Pax? What do you think? An awesome dragon on your arm?"
Pax giggled and ran towards her. "Yes, please, please, dad, please!"
Shaking his head, Lochlan hugged Hazel. "Please what? Please, may you have a tattoo at the ripe old age of five? No. Not happening."
"Who's this?" Hazel asked.
Zain stood awkwardly in the doorway to the kitchen. He fidgeted with the end of his sweater sleeve and shifted, nervously.
"This is Zain, I met him last night. He's staying with us for as long as he needs."
"Nice to meet you, Zain. Lochlan, can I talk to you?" Hazel said hastily as she grabbed Lochlan's hand and led him back to his bedroom.
"That man is an addict," Hazel said once the door had shut. "His arms are covered with puncture holes. And his face, that isn't all from acne."
"He needed help, Hazel. You saw his lip."
"Yeah, I saw it. Where is the bastard?"
"I don't know. I had to leave before I could convince the cops to arrest him." Lochlan pushed his hand through his hair, allowing himself to think about his boss for the shortest of seconds. He knew he couldn't leave that floodgate open for long.
"Why?" Hazel asked, her smart eyes catching his every movement.
"My new boss was there. I don't know why though. Not like he has any reason to step foot on a subway platform."
"Mr. Davenwood? He's my brother's employer. From what Henry says, he isn't a bad guy."
"Yeah, I forgot to tell you, I met your brother. Really nice."
"He's married," Hazel replied with a smirk.
Lochlan scoffed. "Why does everyone feel the need to tell me that? Do I look like I want to jump his bones or something?"
"That is disgusting. No one should look like that. Besides, who else told you he was married?"
"Mr. Davenwood." Lochlan flopped down on the bed. "I don't know. I think he recognizes me. I'm almost sure of it."
Hazel leaned back against the wall and let her head fall back as she expelled a large burst of air between her lips and into her bangs. "We need to tell the AOE, get you replaced."
"That's impossible, I already got the job."
"I hate that you took this mission. I hate the AOE for letting you."
"I am the president…"
"Even more reason why you shouldn't be the one in the field. You have a kid. You have people that depend on you."
Lochlan grabbed her hand and gave it a little squeeze. "You know as well as I, our members are either too extreme or still too scared. I'm the only one with a head level enough."
"I should tell Henry. Or maybe Willoughby. They could help us. We could trust them."
"No, Hazel, I can do this. I can figure out the drug they are developing to make omegas more docile, and I can destroy it and the company's reputation."
"Everything is saved and backed up. You could blow up the building, and it wouldn't do anything."
Lochlan shuddered at the thought. That was reason number one of why he offered to be president of the Alliance for Omega Equality. The louder members were also the most extreme. Lochlan refused to resort to any violence as some of the chapters across the country had. "I could secretly film them during a compromising time and release it to the news. Or, mess up the data. We have options. But we won't if I pull out now. I can do this, Hazel."
"Right. You can take down a major corporation while caring for your son while operating a halfway house for abused omegas while hiding out from the one man who could legally take Pax from you." She shrugged. "Why am I even worried?"
***
As much as Lochlan tried to shake Hazel's words from his mind, they remained throughout the weekend. Doubt settled in like dust in a vacant house. By the time he stepped out of the subway station and walked to the huge skyscraper, he was nearly shaking from nerves. It didn't help that the second he passed through security, Grayson Davenwood stomped toward him from down the hall. The other people in the hallway all leaped out of his way as he stormed toward Lochlan.
"You never called," Grayson said darkly.
"I what?"
"You never called, on Friday. I was worried all weekend, and you didn't leave your number in your employee file."
After convincing Zain to come with him, Lochlan had been dog tired. "I forgot. I'm sorry." He added the apology because it felt like he should.
Grayson snorted. "No, you aren't." His steely eyes roamed over Lochlan, missing nothing. "Have you eaten? You're shaking."
"I didn't have time." Not true, he'd been too nervous thinking about what Hazel had said.
When Hazel came over, Lochlan was going to get her back for pushing him toward this state.
No one can make you feel a certain way.
He'd forget that bit of wisdom for as long as it took him to shave Hazel's hair while she was sleeping.
"Come with me," Grayson said, grabbing his arm. Lochlan yanked it out of his hold on instinct, realizing after that that was not how a docile omega was supposed to react.
"Sorry," he mumbled. "I don't want to be late."
"You can hardly be called late if you are with the owner," Grayson pointed out, but he did not try to grab Lochlan's arm again. "Consider this your first task."
Unable to come up with a reason not to, Lochlan followed behind, wishing he could stop his stomach from flip-flopping. He was already attempting to look anywhere else other than at his boss' ass. His boss's gray slacks were just tight enough in the back to make Lochlan's mouth water.
Except, that was ridiculous. This man had forced him into the streets. Young, pregnant and in the middle of an aggressive heat. If he hadn't found shelter--Lochlan didn't like to think about what could have happened.
Lochlan nearly ran into Grayson who had stopped walking and had turned around, staring at him with a knowing smirk that disappeared when Lochlan looked into his eyes.
"You don't have to act like this around me, Lochlan," Grayson said. "I know."
His entire body felt frozen with terror. Grayson knew? Fear kept him in place while his brain screamed for him to run. Grayson knew, and Lochlan had followed him blindly like a sheep to the slaughter. He'd even stared at his butt the whole way. "You know?" Lochlan croaked. This couldn't be his end. He would watch his son grow up. He had to, who else would make sure he didn't grow up to be another little alpha asshole? Pax was only five, but Lochlan knew he was an alpha. When puberty hit, Pax would need his dad there to keep him in line. Keep him kind.
Who would keep him kind?
"You don't have to be afraid. I understand."
What?
"You didn't want me to remember you have a kid, right? Because you think I'll have some notions about the omega staying home to care for the children while the alpha makes money. That isn't how we are here."
Lochlan held on to his sigh of relief. "You know…that I have a child?"
"Yes. I remember you, Lochlan. Though that isn't the name you put on your application years ago. I looked for you after, but you disappeared. You were scared then as well."
"Yes, I was," Lochlan whispered. He couldn't lie.
"Come, I had a breakfast prepared." Grayson gestured for Lochlan to walk into his office.
"When?"
"While we walked up here," Grayson replied like it was the most normal thing in the world.
Lochlan wasn't sure his legs had recovered yet from the shock. When he found he was able to move, he did, slipping past Grayson quickly and into his office where a tray of pastries and fruit was waiting on a table in front of Grayson's desk.
Grayson gestured again but this time for him to sit. He did, his eyes bulging at the arrangement in front of him. Instantly, he wondered how he could bring the tray home, Lucy loved a good bear claw, and these looked flaky and delicious. "Please, eat," Grayson said.
"You aren't eating?"
"No, I already did. Please, don't let that stop you."
"You…want me to eat right in front of you?" Lochlan asked slowly.
"It will soothe my mind. I can talk while you eat if that will make you feel better."
It wouldn't. But, Grayson kept staring at him, and Lochlan found it harder and harder to fight that little piece of him that wanted to obey and please. It wasn't like Lochlan couldn't see that Grayson was an attractive, fit alpha. He was a catch and was likely used to omegas throwing themselves at his feet in subservience. That fact alone should have had him jumping up and running away. Instead, he grabbed a cheese danish and took a bite.
The satisfaction in Grayson's gaze made Lochlan want to purr and rub up against his leg.
Instead, he shook the thought out of his head and chewed angrily, glowering down at the cup of aromatic coffee before taking an annoyed sip.
"What is his name?"
"Who?" Lochlan asked with his mouth full.
"Your child? I guess you could have had a girl."
"Oh, uh…" There wasn't danger in telling Grayson his son's name, and yet, Lochlan knew that the more this man got to know him, the more familiar he became, the harder this mission would be for himself.
"You are a private person," Grayson said finally. "I can respect that."
Relief coursed through him as he reached for a second danish. He hadn't eaten well all weekend, and now his body wanted to make up for lost calories. Grayson looked utterly pleased with himself as Lochlan bit into the second pastry. He got up and moved around the desk, leaning against the edge with his arms over his chest. Without the desk between them and with Lochlan sitting while Grayson still stood, it placed the zipper of his slacks at face level. Lochlan's tongue darted out, and he pretended at the last minute that he'd been licking at a bit of danish that had stuck to his bottom lip.
Grayson didn't miss any of it, and his gaze visibly darkened as Lochlan set the pastry down. His body was so hot, he wanted to fan himself. But to do so would have been like an admission of horniness.
"I should get to work," Lochlan breathed as he stood. But standing only brought him closer to Grayson. He smelled fresh and clean, like linens that had dried in the sun. There was something deeper to his scent, rich and delicious. Lochlan got the urge to lick him and see if he tasted the same as he smelled.
"Is that what you want to do?" Grayson murmured. He'd uncrossed his arms, a move that only made him seem broader. He was truly a perfect alpha specimen.
"I want…" Lochlan said, barely managing to speak out of his dry throat. "I want…" He knew what his body wanted, and at that moment it was a little impossible to hear his mind. His body wanted to have no worries, to be precisely as he had said he was, a carefree omega looking for appropriate work and possibly a little more. His body wanted to be able to respond to Grayson's advances—if he could even call offering a light breakfast an advance. His body wanted to bow beneath this alpha's power, to scrape the floor with his willingness to obey.
Lochlan bit his tongue as hard as he could. He tasted blood in his mouth, but the pain was just what he needed to snap out of it. He grabbed a handful of pastries, wrapped them in a napkin and shoved them in his pocket spinning away from Grayson without speaking a word. Lochlan made it to the elevator without being followed and thought himself safe. He pulled a couple of suppressors out of his pocket and checked they were the right pills before tossing them in his mouth.
As the doors shut, he noticed Grayson had been standing there silently, watching him try to dampen his desire with chemicals. Lochlan swallowed the pills as the elevator doors closed, blocking Grayson's furious expression.