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Raven
THE RED FABRIC stretches between my hands as I hold up the swimsuit to get Delilah’s opinion.
“What about this one?”
She fans her face. “Ooh, la la. Talk about a teeny-weenie bikini. Trey will love it.”
I smirk at her. “Because you care what he thinks.”
Delilah lifts a shoulder. “Meh, I’m working on it. Slowly. You’re really good for him. That’s become very obvious. I’ve never seen him so relaxed and . . . I don’t know. Happy? When you two were messing around in the arcade at Boomers, it looked like a lot of fun. I sort of think he needs you in his life.”
Her words hit me like a punch to the stomach. What’s happening with Trey is purely physical. I know this, even if it seems like more to me. I can’t fool myself into believing otherwise. Regardless of blurred lines and mixed signals, I’m aware of his rules. Or lack thereof. But going with the flow has never been this difficult.
I blow out a breath and glance out the boutique’s window, watching leisurely traffic pass by. No one out there is in a hurry, so I shouldn’t be either.
I can be patient and see where this road leads me. If we hit a dead end, so be it. Either way, I’m enjoying my time with Trey, in any capacity.
Delilah resumes her diligent search of the clearance section, and I stare at the suit in my grasp. I smile, considering what Trey has planned for us today. He didn’t reveal much aside from we’d be getting wet, as in swimming. He made sure to clarify that I’d be plenty soaked by other means afterwards. My lower belly flutters once those thoughts take over. Sex with Trey is unconventional and exhilarating, and I love every minute of it.
Who needs commitment, right? I pinch the bridge of my nose as frustration builds. How long will I bobble back and forth? Until Trey breaks things off? I decide to take a chance and discuss the mess in my brain with Delilah.
“Hey, D.”
Her head pops up over a clothing rack.
“Trey and I aren’t dating or in a relationship . . . or anything with substance. Am I being stupid?”
Her forehead scrunches. “Still? It’s been over a month. I figured if it was just sex, you’d be over it by now.”
“But we don’t see each other much at all, a few times a week, tops.”
“What does that matter? Chemistry is instant, but your connection continues to grow. If this was only a fuckfest, Trey wouldn’t have wasted time showing you around town. Trust me, he’s never been like this before. Pretty sure you’re together as more than just friends,” she says with air quotes.
I rub my temples. “I seriously doubt he feels that way.”
Delilah crosses her arms. “How do you know? Have you talked about it?”
“Not super recently, but there have been random occurrences. Trey has been very firm—sex only.” I slash through the air, mimicking a judge’s gavel.
She scoffs. “Survey says that’s bullshit. I see how he looks at you. Ever since the beginning, you’ve been different for him. I bet if you gave him an ultimatum—”
“Are you serious? No way,” I interrupt. “Not that I have personal experience with this, but backing him into a corner is a terrible idea. He should want to be with me on his own, not because I force him.”
“Okay, that’s true. What about a gentle nudge in the right direction?”
“Not sure that would go over well either.”
“You’ll never know without trying. If you want to be more than fuck buddies, make it happen,” she states confidently.
“Yeah, I’m not so sure.” This internal conflict is making me nauseous.
Delilah sighs. “Listen, Rave. I’m being a pushy bitch because you clearly care about him. If this keeps going, you’re gonna fall in love.” She curses when I dart my eyes away. “You’re already at that point? Dammit, Raven.”
I try digging myself out of this hole. “I’m not in love with Trey . . . yet. But I see it going somewhere.”
“You two need to talk. Like today.”
“I’ll think about it,” I say.
Delilah quirks a brow.
“What? I don’t want to topple the house of cards,” I admit.
“Where is he taking you?”
I grin. “His favorite place for swimming. That’s pretty much all he told me.”
She rolls her eyes. “He’s so into you. Talk about romance with a side of cheese. Maybe he’ll provide an opening to discuss your future together.”
A snort bursts out of me. “Doubt it.”
“You’ll know when it’s right. Just don’t wait too long. It’ll end up driving you crazy.”
I tilt my head and study her expression. “Sounds like you’re talking from experience.”
She bites her nail. “What makes you say that?”
“Your words. And that expression,” I say and motion to her face. “You have a secret, D?”
A rare blush paints her cheeks. “Um, well . . . there might be some truth to that.”
I slap her arm. “You hussy! I’ve never heard about any guy who’s twisted you up.”
“That’s because I prefer not to think about him,” Delilah grumbles.
“Holy balls, I can’t believe this.” I clap excitedly. “Hard as nails Pookie-Pie has a weakness.”
She glares at me for using her horrible nickname.
“You have a soft spot! What’s his name? I want to know everything. It will take my mind off this Trey disaster for a bit.”
She huffs. “I’d rather not discuss him, especially sober.”
I give her the best puppy-dog eyes imaginable. “Pretty, pretty please?”
“Fine,” she relents rather easily. “Pay for your sex suit and we’ll get a drink at Dagos. If Addy is working, I’m not saying shit.”
“Why?”
“Because she went to school with us and knows all about him. We made a pact never to speak of him again. Sound familiar? I’d hate to go back on my word,” she says haughtily.
I giggle. “Pretty sure you do that constantly.”
“That was the joke,” she deadpans.
“Hardy, har, har. So hilarious.”
“Promises are meant to be broken, right?”
“Not always, but okay. We’ll dissect this in a second. I’ll be right back,” I tell her before heading to the register.
“Meet me outside,” she calls from behind me. “I need some air.”
I send her a thumbs-up as the stress within me releases. Delilah’s secret is distracting me from my own. I’m not ready to face the truth and basking in hers is a great alternative.
The young cashier takes my card before swiping it. “You’re really pretty,” she blurts and looks away.
I’d been lost in thought so her comment surprises me. “Me? No way. But you must drive all the boys crazy at school,” I tell her. Her youthful features are flawless.
She smiles and shakes her head. “I’m too shy for them. They don’t notice me.”
“Well, that’s their loss.”
“Same goes for you.” She beams with bright blue eyes. “I hope you’re getting treated like a princess.”
I laugh at her choice of words. If only she knew. “Thanks, sweetie. That’s really nice of you. You deserve to be spoiled like a queen. Wait for the guy who does, okay?”
She nods and hands over my goodies. “I will. No kissing frogs for this girl.”
“Exactly. You’ve made my day and given me a needed boost. I really appreciate it.”
“You’re most welcome,” she chirps. “See you around town!”
With a wave of goodbye, I walk to the door with a spring in my step.
“Dude, what took you so long?” Delilah complains when I get outside. “It’s hot and I’m thirsty.”
“You’re just grumpy because I’m gonna find out about the one who got away.”
She swats at me. “Shut up. I’ve been over him for years.” Her stilted stride says otherwise.
When we step into the bar, I glance around for an available spot. There are a few stools open, and the regular bartender, Greyson, is working. Before I can move that way, Delilah snags my hand and hauls me to a dark booth in the corner.
I bump into the edge and curse under my breath. “Seriously, D? I can hardly see across the table. Who’s this space usually reserved for?”
“Dark and dirty discussions only. They’re making a sign,” she says.
Myla, a server who always seems to be here, drops off drinks we didn’t order yet. “Wow, awesome. Just what I needed,” Delilah tells her while taking a sip. “You’re a lifesaver, My. Can you bring a couple more?”
“Uh, huh,” Myla agrees before turning to me. “Want another right away?”
“That’d be super,” I reply. “Thank you.”
When Myla walks away, Delilah grabs my cocktail and chugs it down. I watch in fascination until only ice cubes remain. “You’re starting to freak me out, D. I’ve never witnessed this side of you. What’s the deal?”
She gnaws on her lip. “Just thinking about . . . him makes me antsy. Bleh, I’m pissed at myself for being like this. It’s been too long.” Delilah slouches into her seat. “I’ll tell you everything now so we never have to discuss him again, okay?”
“Yeah, of course,” I agree.
Her face tilts toward the ceiling as she blows out slowly. “Zeke was my neighbor growing up, he lived in the house right next to mine. The day he moved in is one I’ll never forget. Shit, he was so dreamy, even at thirteen,” Delilah sighs.
“Zee was a missing piece in this town and changed everything for me. Each time he walked into a room, my pulse went wild. It was so stupid, but I was young. My heart never stood a chance,” she explains with a flourish. “Our bedroom windows were across from each other, and we’d sneak out at night, that whole cliché. We were dumb kids with big dreams that mostly involved each other. Of course life isn’t that easy, and shit went south. Zee’s dad was a real asshole, he oozed cruelty. I’m surprised Zeke lasted that long living with him.”
“What do you mean?” I ask, expecting the worst, a knot forming in my stomach.
Delilah has a faraway look in her eyes, like she’s trapped in the past with him. “I heard him leaving after they’d had an especially bad fight. I’d always listen when the yelling started just in case the cops needed to be called. They often did. Zee said he’d come for me after I graduated but never did. He just got in his truck and left without a backward glance.”
I lean forward, my elbows on the table. “Would you have gone with him?”
She shrugs and empties a third glass. “I wanted to, which says a lot. Garden Grove has always been my forever home, and I never planned to move away. I would have for Zee. Turns out our relationship was a sham, though. He didn’t really want me, but I loved him something fierce, Rave,” Delilah whispers with a bite.
“Shit, that’s really sad. I had no idea there was a tragic romance in your past,” I say softly.
She scoffs loudly. “Puh-lease, it was nothing but a teenage fling. Any true feelings were completely one-sided as it turned out, which is why your situation with Trey reminds me of Zee and me. I don’t want you to get buried that deep without knowing. There’s a familiar sparkle in your eye, Rave. Don’t settle for the scraps he’s offering when you want the entire meal, all right?”
I exhale a breath as I soak in her words. “Don’t worry. I’ll stop this thing with Trey before it gets to that point. I’m still safe, okay? I’m not completely sunk yet.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, but I’m still processing this . . . unexpected revelation from you. Is Zeke the reason you’re never interested in dating anyone seriously?”
Delilah waves me off. “Not on purpose, no. I don’t know . . . maybe on some stupid subconscious level? I’ve gotten over him. Mostly, I mean. There are moments that make me weak and he comes back for an unwanted visit.
“It’s water under the bridge and all that, though. He’s long gone. I guess the moral of this story is ‘Don’t waste your love. Take what you want and don’t be afraid to get what’s deserved.’ It’s worth the risk, you know?”
Nerves bubble in my veins as I think about broaching this subject with Trey. “It can wait a few more weeks, right?” I ask her, my voice holds a gravelly plea.
She laughs and points at my face. “You’re in control and know what’s best. Follow that beautiful spirit of yours, Rave.” Delilah looks off into the distance. Her gaze comes back to me when she asks, “Don’t you need to meet him soon?”
I check the time and realize she’s right. “But what about you? I can cancel so we can hang out. I’m not sure you’re done venting . . . or coping,” I motion to the row of drinks in front of her.
Delilah picks one up and takes a swig. “Pffft, no way. I’ll call Addy and finish getting drunk. Go have fun on your next sightseeing adventure. You don’t need my type of negativity right now.”
“But D—”
She cuts me off. “Nope, don’t start with the pity voice. I just need more vodka to cleanse my system. I’ll have Zeke blocked out again in a few hours. Just don’t let him break your heart and I’ll be happy.”
“Yeah, that makes two of us,” I mumble quietly.