Chapter 18 - Brent
I was standing in front of my mirror, changing my clothes for the meeting, and wondering what had gone wrong between Michelle and me.
Everything seemed to have been going so well.
Actually, that's perhaps an overly optimistic interpretation of all that happened.
Rather, things had gone as well as they could between us considering we survived a plane crash, tropical storm, and the visitation of deep emotions we've tried to bury within ourselves for years.
I thought back to us in the limo. I couldn't help it that I thought about what was next to do for my business. I've always had to go it alone when it came to strategic thinking like that. I mean, other than from bouncing ideas off Marsha. But I knew in the end I always had to remain focused. Turning to the business meetings I had planned for the day was just a natural reflex. Or maybe it wasn't so much natural, as it was conditioned.
I had been long conditioned to neglect my heart and my real love life. I don't mean just going out with whichever beautiful woman from the upper crust who feigned interest in me.
No, the real love life. The part of life I had forgotten, or tried to forget, because it was too painful, too risky to consider. In love, the guarantee was always uncertain and unpredictable. I couldn't strategize my way out of it, like I could in business.
The difference was so clear when I was with Michelle. She was so smart, so clever, all so effortlessly, and she kept me on my toes, not out of a sense of being annoying, but because she was real. I had to respond to her like a real person, a real man, instead of acting out a strategic business script I had practically memorized and could recite in my sleep. Hell, I was basically going through the lines for the meeting I had scheduled an hour later as I adjusted my tie in front of the mirror.
Lines about the health about the business. Lines about my own pride in it. My confidence we'll hit next season's goals easily. Lines lines lines.
They were all true. Business was booming, better than I could have ever imagined, better than my father - the man who never believed in what I did, or who I loved - could ever have admitted.
And yet I could feel my enthusiasm for it waning. I didn't want to be in this stage play any longer. But to jump off the stage, to her, to something new I've never really countenanced? Damn it. Why did she have to tear me up like this.
I imagined Michelle standing behind me and adjusting my tie. Her soft hands gliding off the silk, and unbuttoning my shirt, one by one. Her hand over my pecs, feeling the warmth of my bare skin, and then moving to my abs, dragging her fingers longingly over each ridge of muscle until she slipped one under my waistband and played with me teasingly.
I looked down - fuck, I was so hard just from imagining her. I picked up my phone on the counter and scrolled to her name and number. I wanted to press the dial, to tell her I fucked up, and that I needed her, right now, but I couldn't, I just couldn't. Somewhere inside of me, I worried I blew it with her and that now I didn't deserve her in my life. That I had lost my chance with her, and there was no getting it back.
I slammed my fist on the counter and the mirror shook. Fuck! Why did she have this effect on me. I couldn't resist it no matter how I tried.
I looked at the clock again and knew I had to get moving and prepared. I shouldn't have done it, but I took some gulps of an open bottle of whisky left on the counter. She was taking up every space available in my head and I knew I'd totally bungle the meeting if I couldn't focus.
***
"And that's the vision we have planned," I said, getting to the last slide in my presentation. "Bringing luxury travel at an affordable cost to the masses. Make travel hassle-free and enjoyable, while maintaining its dignity and magic."
I looked around the boardroom and saw they were glued to my every word. I was nervous in the beginning - and I'm never nervous giving presentations like this, haven't been for year. But only because when I walked in, I imagined Michelle's face on everyone sitting before me. Luckily, the alcohol hit my system and I was able to give my mind a good shake and deliver the presentation successfully.
The other executives clapped. I fielded a few questions. How we would do the marketing, the app, working with the regulations. It was all set out beforehand. I and my team knew we had the plan laid out as well as it could be. It was just a matter of executing it. I shook some hands as the presentation finally finished but could only think of Michelle.
Marsha came up to me and patted me on the back.
"It was wonderful, Brent," she said, smiling.
"Yeah," I said, half-heartedly.
"You didn't think so?" she asked.
"It was good," I said. "But..." I trailed.
"I can tell your mind is somewhere else," she said, with an encouraging smile.
"You know me too well, Marsha."
"Michelle?" she asked.
I nodded.
"She's all I can think of right now," I confessed.
"You go ahead and find her," she said. "I'll handle any extra questions from the execs. Your presentation and plan are impeccable. I'll basically just repeating what you said."
"You don't have to do that," I said.
"Please, Brent," Marsha said. "Let me help you out. I'm here to help. I never forgot that. Right now, Michelle is more important than this. This is basically in the bag now, thanks to you."
I smiled. Marsha was right. I had trained her for moments like this, and she was more than capable of informing and entertaining the execs.
"Alright," I said. "You call me if anything comes up, though."
"Of course," she said, holding my hand and guiding me to the door. "I'll update you on what happens after."
I held Marsha's hand for a moment and headed to the elevator.
As much as I nailed the presentation, I wanted to get to the real business. The real matter that concerned me and kept me alive. Michelle.