Chapter 4 - Brent
I felt like it was high school again. The nerves, the heart palpitations. My hands sweaty, gripping the steering wheel when driving to pick up Michelle after we had finished class. Checking my hair in the mirror to see if I had looked presentable for her. Making sure I didn't have any food on my shirt that I had spilled out of nervousness.
Damn, it felt like high school again.
And I loved it.
I missed this feeling of anticipation.
Of really wanting someone. That had been totally absent from my life.
I had things, all the things money could buy. But I didn't have her. And that's what kept me feeling like something was missing, that despite all my success in business, it wasn't yet enough. It wasn't complete.
I looked at my watch. It was time to see her. I didn't want to screw this up. A second chance like this - who knew how lucky I had to be to have gotten it. I adjusted my suit in the mirror and left my room. It was now or never.
I took the elevator down, and though no one else was inside, it was like it was filled with my thoughts. Was she just being polite by agreeing to meet up? Did she still have the same feelings I did? I thought she did, but I couldn't be certain about that. Especially after how things had ended up between us so many years ago.
I reached the restaurant on the lower level and waited outside the door. It wasn't long before I heard the sound of her heels tapping against the floor. My heart started beating quicker and I tried to calm myself down. It'll be fine, I said to myself. It'll all be fine. If she decided to join you, then she's interested, I thought. She still feels something.
She had a simple but elegant black dress on, that hugged her curves and tempted my hands to rip the whole thing off her. The thin straps revealed her shoulders and collarbone and reminded me of the so many times I would bury my face in her nape after kissing her, feeling the warmth of her skin, and the longing I had to possess her.
"Michelle," I said, reaching out and then kissing her hand. "You look wonderful."
"Thank you, Brent," she said. Her face hinted at blushing, like she was trying to control her reaction.
"I have a table set up for us," I said, taking her hand to lead her there. Her hand was so soft and small inside mine. She didn't flinch at all but return my clasp. I relished the spark of nerves of our skin meeting again. I imagined just walking with her away from here to somewhere else far away where it'd only be us. But the private booth would have to do for this evening. Finally we reached a more isolated space in the back where we wouldn't be disturbed. I was glad to be able to have her all to myself, and not even have other people looking at her while I was focused on her. Was I jealous? We weren't even an official thing yet. But I couldn't resist thinking that already. I didn't want anything else right now. Nothing else but her.
The waiter took our drinks, martinis for us both, and quickly delivered them. I had told the wait staff that I had someone very special coming tonight and I expected them to go above and beyond their usual exceptional levels of service. It was all for her.
We were quiet at first, with few words exchanged - the weather, observations about the restaurant, our booth. Just being face to face with each other I think was overwhelming in a good way for both of us. Even being near her like this, alone, gave me a rush unlike any other. We took our drinks and after a few sips, I could see she was becoming more at ease.
"Is it good?" I asked her, pointing to the martini.
"It's great," she said. "Delicious, even."
I smiled. I was glad she enjoyed it.
"When was the last time you had one?" I asked. I was trying to suss out when was the last time she went on dinner with another man, other than me. But I didn't want to ask her so directly.
"It's been a while," she said, putting the drink down.
"Oh?" I asked.
"Yeah," she said, softly. "Not since I was last working at MicroDigital."
"Ah," I said. "You were in a relationship then?"
"Yes," she said.
I took a sip of my drink. I didn't want to admit it, but it did make me jealous knowing she had seen someone. It was like I didn't want her to see anyone else but me. I couldn't tell her that, of course, at least not yet. It'd be too much, too soon for her.
"What happened?" I asked. I was legitimately curious. I wanted to know if this other guy treated Michelle right. She deserved the world.
Michelle held her chin and then shook her head.
"It's a long story," she said, with some disappointment.
"I have time," I said. "For you."
Michelle smiled wistfully.
"I was with Melvin Small, the CEO of the company," she said. "Basically he was cooking the books. He ran away with the money and screwed the investors and employees."
I clenched my fist under the table. That guy would be lucky if I never ran into him from now on. I can't believe he'd do that, and hurt Michelle in the process.
"That's awful," I said.
"He was kind of awful," Michelle said, her voice wavering. "I don't know. I made a mistake. I wasn't sure of myself at all at the time."
I could tell it was hard for her to share even that. It was like something that had been bothering her for a long time. And it was like a punch to the gut when I realized that maybe I had been responsible, in some fashion, for her getting together with Melvin Small. I had heard some stuff about that guy before, and none of it was good. I don't know how, but that's how I felt, like after she and I split, that path appeared to her and it was the only one there at the time, and she didn't have the confidence for something else. Damn it.
"Anyway," Michelle said, "no need to talk about him. Tell me about how you got here. The business, the planes, all of it."
"Well," I said, "it started right after high school. I got my flying license, and quickly got to working for a private luxury line. Word had gotten out about my skills in keeping passengers safe. So I was recruited to transport elite clientele. Then, using some savings, I set up a deal with a hotel, bringing them customers. It grew quickly from that as I eventually got some investment to set up a whole hotel and private airline solution for a select client base."
"By select client base, and elite clientele, you mean rich people?" Michelle cut in.
"Yes," I said. "They just wanted the best, and I knew how to provide it. So I was in a position to purchase some land and get more development to build what you see here today."
"They wanted the best, huh?" Michelle said, tapping her finger on the table. "Meaning you. I didn't know you had that ego now."
I almost bit my lip at her words. I didn't want my success to get to my head. It was important to stay grounded about that. I guess I got carried away about wanting to tell Michelle about everything. In a sense, she inspired this all.
"It is a nice place," Michelle said. "And must be very convenient for them."
"Yes," I said. I took another drink. I didn't want to lose her talking about all of my business success. She mattered more than showing off. I wanted to know about her.
"How are you parents?" I asked her. I remembered her mother didn't like me much. And her father... I didn't know anything about him at all. I never saw him around.
"They both passed away," she said. "My father's death I didn't learn about until many months after. His girlfriend told us via Facebook."
I could hear the pain in her voice, though she tried hard to put a strong face. It wasn't fair for that to happen to her. It still amazed she could be such a sweet, wonderful woman despite that. Yeah, she could be sarcastic sometimes, but deep down, I loved that devious side of her, too.
Her parents were divorced as long as I could remember back in high school. But I didn't know her father was so absent from her life to the extent she had to be informed about his death by essentially a random person on Facebook. That was just ridiculous.
I was about to speak, but I sensed there was more she was going to say. Michelle bit her lip, then took another sip.
"My mother passed away soon after hearing the news," Michelle said. "She and my father would always fight - in the brief moments they were in the same room. But she still never got over their separation."
I remembered when Michelle and I were together in high school - I never saw her father around. And the few times I did see her mother, she and Michelle never seemed to get along well either. But I knew it had to be hard for Michelle, regardless. I also knew similar loss.
"I'm really sorry to hear that, Michelle," I said.
"I haven't been having the best luck, that's true," she said.
I reached my hand out across the table and touched hers, which was resting around her drink. It was purely reflex on my part. I hated seeing her upset like that and I wished I could do more to console her. And not just now. I wish I could have done something for her through these years to console her as well, although that might not have been possible. Michelle didn't flinch but let my hand rest there.
"How has your family been?" she asked me.
"My father passed away a couple of years after I graduated," I said, drawing back my hand. "We weren't very close." I didn't want to speak too badly of him, but saying 'we weren't close' was an understatement. But I didn't want to burden Michelle with all of that.
Michelle nodded.
"Sorry to hear that," she said. "Your mom had passed away when you were you were in elementary school, right?" she asked.
"Yes," I said. "It was heart disease. We didn't get to spend much time together but I relish the few memories I have of her."
"I wish I had gotten the chance to meet her," Michelle said. "I remember you telling me a few stories of her when we were going out."
I smiled. I was happy Michelle remembered those times. I never talked about my family life to anyone, except Michelle, and a bit to Marsha. I didn't like to dwell on the bad times of the past. It wasn't for me to put that burden on her. I knew she had enough to fight. But I did like to share moments of enjoying summers with my mom in my hometown before she passed away, those moments that I would share with Michelle when we would talk about our pasts back then. It made our relationship feel even stronger. Like we were creating our own family, in a sense. A new way of being together that left behind those negative times of the past. It was hard to find someone with whom you could let your guard down. I learned that the hard way.
"So how has your love life been?" she asked me.
"Nothing special," I said with honesty. "I met a few people through working here. But there was no real connection in the end."
I didn't want to bother her with all the details. It's not like they mattered - the details, and the different people I saw. I could tell that however nice they were to me at times, a lot of the so-called attraction was about my status and money. Not me. Not who I was. I liked Michelle because she saw through all of that. It didn't matter as much to her as it did to a lot of people.
"I see," Michelle said, raising her glass to her lips.
We sat together in silence a moment, and I welcomed her company even for that. To me it was a sign of how much you liked someone if you could just sit with them and enjoy your time together, being side by side.
"It's good to see you," I said, finally.
"It's good to see you, too," Michelle said.
"We had some fun times back then."
"We did," Michelle agreed, smiling.
"Do you remember that teacher, Ms. Teresa?" she asked me.
"Of course," I said. "How could I forgot her? I think she hated me."
"What?" Michelle asked, surprised.
"Yeah, because of those times I'd stand outside the doorway of your class to try to catch your attention."
Michelle laughed. "I remember."
"And the time you snuck on our field trip to that garden," she added.
I shook my head and laughed.
"Oh, don't remind me!" I said. That was a crazy story. I knew it would be something she wouldn't forget.
"So what else have you been up to?" I asked Michelle. I learned what I wanted to know most: if she was seeing another man. But I also wanted to see what else she had been doing, what other things have interested her.
"Well," Michelle said, "after the MicroDigital implosion, I was kind of aimless for a while. It was hard at first to get a job because of the reputation of the company. It hurt the employees like me even though we didn't do anything. At least until everything was settled in court. Then I became more interested in marketing. I realized how important getting the right word out was - after seeing what happened to MicroDigital. So I'd been working on my own social media and digital marketing agency when I had time."
"That's great," I said. I knew she had such a talent for presentation and writing.
"It's still in the early stages," Michelle said. She was always humble about her own achievements, and maybe she didn't realize how great she really was. "But I'm slowly getting clients. Doing varied things for them. Facebook, writing scripts for videos, setting up ads. I'm trying to be a one-stop shop like that."
I was really impressed with what she was telling me. I knew she had talent for all of that. It was just a matter of self-belief and execution.
"Hmm," I said, thinking out loud. "I'm actually planning on a new project that's going to new a lot of marketing and social outreach."
I could see the look of interest on Michelle's face. I wanted to see what kind of amazing and creative ideas she would come up with. I knew she must have had a knack for this kind of work.
"It's a new thing I'm planning - I haven't told anyone," I explained.
It's true. I knew if I announced this idea right out, competitors in the space would be swooping in trying to copy it. I liked to analyze things first properly before tooting my own horn about what I was working on. But I knew I could trust Michelle. Even though it had been so long, I knew she was the kind of person I could share that information with. That was such a valuable and admirable quality of hers.
"It's basically a new app that's kind of like Uber for private jets. But people can share the cost, and this will make it accessible to everybody, not just the super-rich. So anyone can travel in comfort and luxury."
"That sounds great," Michelle said.
"The thing is, the marketing is essential. It's as big as the app and service itself. There is a lot of potential competition. We have to control the narrative and be the dominant story out there."
Michelle nodded. I liked how she could understand everything I was saying. With some people, the words are in one ear and out the other, but I could see she was already thinking things through. I figured it was time to ask her.
"I like having you here, Michelle," I said. "I can see the guest services work isn't for you. But your talents would be of great help. Would you be interested in working on the marketing for this new project?"
Michelle looked at me with her mouth open. I wasn't sure what to expect.
"I don't know," she said, crossing her arms.
"You don't know, what?" I asked.
"Are you just asking me to work with you because you have pity for me?" she said sharply.
"Not at all," I said. "It's important in business that you work with someone you can trust. I've worked with a number of people over the years. Trust is the hardest thing to find. With you, Michelle, I know you're someone I could count on to deliver solid work."
Michelle bit her lip.
"I don't know, Brent," she said.
"I do know," I said, reassuringly. "I wouldn't have asked you if I didn't think it made sense."
Michelle uncrossed her arms and put her hands on the table.
"You think I can do it?" Michelle asked.
"Absolutely," I said. "You're a self-starter and have the different skills. You just have to learn the specifics of the business in order to get the presentation across."
Michelle slowly nodded her head. Maybe it was sinking in - that she should believe in herself - because I believed in her.
Michelle smiled. She looked so damn beautiful like that. Radiant, effortlessly radiant. I saw the Michelle in that moment who wasn't afraid of herself and wasn't afraid to show her soul to the world. I put my hand over hers. She didn't flinch or retract it but continued to smile.
I got up from my side of the booth and sat beside her, and put my arm around her shoulder.
"Michelle," I said in a whisper, "I'm glad to see you again like this."
"It's been a long time," she said.
I couldn't hold myself back being so close to her, feeling the heat of her body close to mine. I kissed her and tasted her sweet and soft lips and felt that aching desire deep for her within me again. But Michelle broke the kiss put her fingers on my chin to push me away.
"We shouldn't be doing this," she said.
"Why?" I asked.
"We're not like that now. That relationship ended, Brent, years ago. You ended it. You never responded. It's been a long time and you never responded."
Her words hit me like a punch in the gut. What didn't I respond to her? Maybe her. Just her, and not being there for her.
"That was the past," I said. "I've changed."
"Yeah," Michelle said, getting up and passing me out of the booth. "You have changed. For the worse. I just saw it."
"What's wrong?" I said, getting up as well, and starting to follow her out of the restaurant. But Michelle didn't respond. I grabbed her hand to get her to stop.
"What's wrong?" I said again. What had just happened? I thought things were going so well.
"I'm not going to be bribed," Michelle said. "I'm not going to be pitied like that. I'm not going to hang around here just because you have pity for me, creating some new position just to pity me."
"It's not like that at all," I said. Damn, if she only knew how she made me feel, how it was unlike anyone else, and how I believed in her.
"I was an inconvenience to you at the end of high school, Brent. I get it, OK?" Michelle said, facing me head on. "Sorry I was in the way of you and big ambitions. And now because you have some leisure time, you think I'm going to be your distraction? No way. After high school you just blew me off and never responded. And you expect me to crawl back to you after that, after waving some new position in my face and spinning this story about your company?"
Michelle hurried away from me, pumping her arms.
"Michelle!" I called out. "It's not like that at all!" But she ignored me and continued to walk away.
I dashed after her. I didn't want to lose her again. Not like this.
I caught up to her and held her hand again.
"Michelle," I said, trying to calm her, "I didn't mean to hurt you."
"Well," she said, "you have. And you did. And I'm not going to make the same mistake I did. I'm not going to fall for this again."
We stood before each other, gazing into each others' eyes silently, feeling the pain, passion, lust and bitterness between us. She looked so stunning in soft light of the hallway that cast shadows across her face. I was reminded of how innocent she was at her core and how desperately I needed her. I couldn't contain myself again as I put my arm around her hips and kissed her.
She kissed me back and she her hand ran through my hair and then clasped the back of my neck to draw me towards her. I pressed into her and felt how hard I was and how soft her breasts were against my chest. It had been so long and I needed her. Her hands explored my chest and I remembered we had only ever gotten this far, and how I wanted her completely, to ravish her and possess her the way I have imagined for years. But her hand pushed my chest and created spaced between us.
"Brent," she said, breathlessly, "No, it's not right. It's not right after how you treated me. Leaving suddenly, and never responding."
"I didn't mean to do anything like that," I said. "And I wouldn't."
Michelle bit her lip and shook her head.
"No," she said. "No. You did. And you're going to do it again."
I reached out to hold her again but she batted my hand away.
"Michelle," I said. "I had to do what I did those years ago. I had to get out of there."
"You could have done it differently," Michelle said. "And you could have responded to me."
"Didn't I?" I said.
"No, you didn't. You left. You left me behind."
"I never meant to do any of that, Michelle. It's so hard to explain."
"I don't want to hear your explanations, anyway," she said. "I'm not going to be tricked like some kind of fool."
She walked off, and then turned around.
"As much as I hate to admit it, my mother was right about you," she said. "She was right about men. They can't be trusted and will leave you when it's convenient. No, I'm not falling for this again. I'm not going to be dropped by you when I become an inconvenience again."
"Michelle, wait!" I said, but she just walked away.
Her footsteps echoed and each one was like a hammer bashing itself against my heart. I didn't want to lose her, and I feared that I did. I didn't even have her, more truthfully, and maybe I would never have her. I wanted to rush after her and tell her that it was all different, but I felt paralyzed and wondered what more I could say to her, what more I could do for her, right now, after she said all she had said. And I worried that it was all over, again.