B,
Has your ass ever been tired? Like, literally tired? Well, Major Jameson has worked me so hard that even my balls cried this morning. Cried, I tell you! I know you’re probably laughing right now but seriously, every inch of me hurts. The kind of hurt you know will stay with you for weeks. All I can hope is that Jess will be impressed with my new bod. Yeah, I said bod. Make sure Jess is home when we Skype this week. *wink wink* And no, I don’t only want to see her. Don’t be emotional.
I miss you, loser.
#thefoodheresucks #pleasesendcookies
Private Brannon
“Here you go,” I say for the millionth and two times to the nice man in a black suit.
“This looks wonderful, thank you.”
I smile, accepting his praise and trying like hell not to watch them.
He’s dancing with her.
Cade is dancing with Anniston.
I know it’s not logical that I feel jealous at seeing them sway and dip, laughing about who knows what. I know it’s crazy. But I can’t help feeling a little butthurt about watching them together. Maybe it’s because that should be me with him. Had I found him first, maybe it would have been.
That’s not what happened though.
I was too late.
“Where are the cookies?” I tear my gaze from the dancing Gods to find Theo, raking his eyes up and down the dessert table.
“Did she seriously order Cade’s pies and no cookies for me?” Theo huffs over the cherry pie, running his finger along the outer edge of the pan. “She is getting punished tonight. This is bullshit.”
“I can make you some,” I offer. Sue would be proud. Making the biggest celebrity in our small town happy is no easy feat. He ponders my suggestion for a moment and then waves me off. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll get some cookie tonight.”
“Are you being disgusting to a lady again?” The other guy at the table with Theo this morning—Hayes, I think—interrupts, nudging Theo’s shoulder.
“Did you know she didn’t order cookies?” Theo asks him, still not letting the cookie thing go.
Hayes ignores the question and gives me a megawatt smile that I’m sure drops panties every time he lets it loose. “Let me apologize for my rude friend and properly introduce myself. I’m Connor Hayes, but everyone calls me Hayes.” He extends his hand over the table and I have to remove my glove to shake it.
“I’m Breck,” I return, but he knows that since Mason already announced it in the kitchen earlier.
“You have pies,” he says with a chuckle. It seems he remembers my newfound tagline.
There’s no sense in denying my awkward. “Yep. That’s me.”
Hayes hums and eyes the pies spread across the white linen tablecloth.
“How long are they going to dance? I’m ready to leave. The wedding is over, right?” Theo says aloud to no one in particular.
“Can I taste that pie?” Hayes asks, pointing to the one apple pie that remains untouched.
I nod, tearing my eyes away from Cade once again, “Sure. How big of a taste?”
The cockiest smile I have ever seen spreads across his face. “The size of your fingertip.”
Heat floods my face as I let his words sink in. Does he really want to take the bite off my finger?
Theo snorts, not looking at us. “You have a death wish.”
Hayes laughs him off and nods to the pie. “Can I get a little taste, Breck, who has pies?” His question is laced with underlying meaning, and I pick up on it loud and clear as my vagina, God rest her soul, fist bumps me.
“Uh.”
Don’t be a coward, B. He just wants to suck it off your finger.
It’s a totally normal thing to do at work.
If you’re a stripper, maybe.
What do I do? It’s not like he’s ugly. He has pale blue eyes and juicy lips that should never be given to a man. I bet they would feel fantastic suck—I clear the hormones from my head and decide that I’m taking one for the team. Sue would appreciate that I made our client happy.
“Okay.”
See, I got this.
I almost trip getting to the pie and Hayes smiles instead of laughing.
“Do you want me to, uh?” I don’t know what I’m asking here. Do I shove my finger in it and pull out his bite, or do I cut a piece like a professional and spoon some onto my finger? I don’t get to clarify, because Hayes, the charmer he is, knows exactly what I’m asking, his eyes already narrowing, his tongue snaking out over the plump pillows he’s using as lips.
“Stick two fingers in really” —he demonstrates with his index finger and forefinger, dipping them low as if he has a pie in front of him, making a “come hither” motion back and forth—“really slow.”
I gulp and Theo mutters out, “I’m taking all your clients when he beats you into a wheelchair.”
“Do you want to leave or not?” Hayes says to Theo, his eyes never leaving my fingers which are poised over the pie. “Go ahead, darlin. Give me a taste.”
God help me, I do it like he asks, making the motion with my two fingers back and forth just like he showed me, in and out of the warm pie. He groans, placing a hand on the table for support. “That’s my girl. Now, ease them in.”
Hayes leans forward and parts his mouth slightly at my fingers which are dripping apple bits and sugar all over the table.
Holy shitballs.
I wonder if Sue will still think this is me taking one for the team?
I’m thinking it’s a no but I’m not a quitter, so I push at Hayes’ lips and … fuck me. They feel so soft, softer than mine. I wonder what brand of lip balm he uses or if he’s lucky and never has a dryness problem. That would be totally unfair.
“Incoming,” Theo warns, but I don’t know what it means as Hayes wraps his hand around my wrist and guides my fingers past his lips.
And then he’s gone, leaving my fingers dangling awkwardly in the air.
“You’re getting on my nerves,” Cade growls at him, shoving a laughing Hayes away from the table.
“I just wanted to taste your favorite pie since you think so highly of it,” Hayes responds, but how he says it seems like code.
Cade lunges for Hayes but Theo steps in between them and adds fuel to Cade’s fire. “Better be careful, Jameson, or someone may sample all of Breck’s pies. They’re looking mighty delicious tonight.” Theo licks his lips and Cade shoves him into the table, causing it to rattle the utensils.
“Don’t start with me, Von Bremen.”
Geez. Is the testosterone high in here or what?
“These look delicious, Breck. Can I have some of the strawberry one?” Anniston pushes through the three scowling men and grabs a plate. I wipe the remnants of the apple pie off my hands and cut her a small piece. “Oh no, cut me a big piece,” she says.
An amused noise escapes me. I can appreciate a fellow foodie, even though she’ll probably run it all off later.
“No problem.”
I add another slice, and she slides some of the pies over and takes a seat on the table. “Mmm…this is sooo good,” she drawls, grabbing the guys’ attention. “You can lick it off my finger, handsome.”
Theo rolls his eyes and Hayes only laughs.
“Another time, Commander. Your husband and I have to work together. I would hate to show him up with my oral skills and steal you away.” The three of them laugh, lightening the testosterone-fueled mood. I chance a look at Cade to see if he’s smiling, but he’s not. In fact, if looks could kill, he would incinerate me where I stand.
I scowl back at him, and he looks shocked for a second before he turns away.
Asshole.
What have I ever done to him except smile and try to make small talk?
“So, B…” Anniston starts and ignores Theo who whines about wanting to leave already. “Do you cook anything other than desserts?”
Cade makes a weird noise in his throat that I don’t understand.
“Uh, yeah. I do.”
Anniston turns around on the table, tugging her dress out of the way. “Really?”
I nod as someone approaches the table. “Can I get you anything?” I ask politely to the redhead who only has eyes on one thing and it isn’t my pies.
“No thanks,” she tells me, tugging one of Cade’s hands from his pocket. “Major Jameson owes me a dance.”
Cade grimaces but lets her pull him away from the table.
I hope she falls on her five-inch hooker heels and lands face first in cow shit. Not that there is cow shit, but since I’m wishing and all, may as well go for broke.
“Who invited that whore?”
“Theo,” Anniston scolds. “Nicole came with Lawson. She’s not hitting on Cade.”
Theo scoffs. “Sure she isn’t.”
I don’t know who this Nicole is, but I’m relieved to know she came here with a date and it wasn’t Cade. And the fact that Cade seems to be miserable on the dance floor makes me feel a little better, too.
Not that I have a right to be jealous, but hormones are a crazy thing.
“Back to what I was saying.” Anniston pulls my attention from Nicole and Cade. “Would you be interested in maybe staying at the house while Theo and I are away on our honeymoon and teaching the guys some cooking skills?”
I must look shocked because she hurries along, getting to the point. “Most of them have basic skills and we rotate cooking nights. Vic is exceptionally terrible.” Hayes and Theo both nod, confirming they agree with Anniston’s assessment. “I think it would be good for the guys to learn the craft. It will definitely score them more pussy, and I think they will have no problem getting on board with the idea.”
Hayes chokes down a laugh and I stare at Anniston McCallister with rapt fascination. Does she really care if they get laid? It’s almost like she knows I’m assessing and possibly judging her, but she smiles and pats my shoulder. “Don’t worry. You’ll get used to me. Just think of me like one of the guys.”
Theo rolls his eyes at her comment—clearly, she’s not one of the guys to him—but he keeps any comments to himself as he turns back to scowling at Nicole who is still dancing with Cade.
“I’m going to get Jameson,” he blurts out to Anniston.
Anniston shoos him and Hayes away in agreement and frowns when she observes Cade’s tense shoulders under Nicole’s hands. He sways on the dance floor as far away from her as he can get, but she keeps plastering herself to his chest, closing the distance. Cade’s eyes scan the crowd as if he’s looking for an exit or someone to save him from his current predicament. It’s a heartbreaking sight. Knowing Theo spotted it and came to his rescue cements him as a friend in my book.
“He doesn’t enjoy female companionship,” Anniston tells me as we both watch Theo pull Cade away without acknowledging Nicole at all. Hayes steps in and dances with her, making another sultry smile appear on her face.
I wonder what the story is with her and the guys?
“I didn’t know that,” I admit after Theo and Cade disappear out the door.
Anniston sighs, taking a bite of pie. “He needs time.” It’s almost like she’s warning me, but that’s crazy. Why would I need a warning?
“Thank you for the offer,” I say, ready to let her down about teaching the guys some culinary skills, “but I work at the orchard during the day and I wouldn’t have time for anything else.” With waking up at five o’clock, picking fruit off the trees before sun-up, and then spending the rest of the day in the kitchen with Sue making pies and jam and any other requests we get, my ass is tired. I barely have time to watch my superhero films and keep up my reviews with Jess and Milos. Taking on another job? Uhh … something would definitely have to give and I would feel bad bailing on Sue after everything she’s done for me this past year.
Anniston stands and smooths her dress down. “How ‘bout we talk to Sue about it?” Her tone is not asking. She’s telling me with a subtle smile that she is determined to get what she wants. Well, if Sue doesn’t care, then who am I to argue about teaching five hot dudes how to cook?
“Sounds like a plan.”
The party is winding down when one of Theo’s friends yells across the barn to where Theo is tugging Anniston through the crowd, intent on leaving. “Where are you going? You have to throw the garter!”
Theo stops, turning to look at Anniston, and asks the room, “What the fuck is a garter?”
Hayes belts out a laugh next to me and mutters, “This ought to be good.” Almost like everyone expects an explosion from him, the crowd goes silent, waiting for someone to answer Theo’s question. Finally, Thad speaks up and informs him it’s the elastic belt around Anniston’s thigh.
“And I’m supposed to throw it to you assholes?” he asks, clearly amused.
Thad sighs but nods his head. “To all the single men.”
Theo pulls Anniston back into the crowd, mischief dancing in his eyes as he approaches Thad. “And what do you do with it?”
Thad rolls his eyes and takes a deep breath before responding. “It’s tradition.”
Theo scoffs and turns around to meet a smirking Anniston. “You knew about this shit?”
She smothers a laugh and nods. “Come take it off of me, Von Bremen, so we can get out of here.”
Theo looks around at his audience and shrugs. “Whatever you losers want.”
Someone brings a chair over and Anniston sits, extending her leg out from the sheer layers of her skirt. “Get on your knees, Teddy.” Her tone is playful as Theo shakes his head and drops to one knee.
“I’m just supposed to pull it off and throw it to these motherfuckers?” he asks Anniston again, making sure he’s clear on the process.
Anniston holds back a smile and props her heel on his thigh. “Yep.”
With a chuckle, Theo lifts up her dress, pulls her low in the chair, and buries his head underneath, pinning Anniston’s legs with his hands. She squeals out half-assed objections and Cade groans while Hayes’ body shakes beside me. Anniston’s face flushes and she becomes incredibly wiggly on the chair.
After a couple of minutes of everyone holding their breath in probable anticipation, Theo emerges from under the silk with something white hanging from his mouth.
He looks around and flashes Cade a wink before spitting out the item in his hand and admitting, “Shit. This isn’t it.” He stuffs what is clearly Anniston’s thong in his pocket before turning and snatching her body once again. “Hang on, I’m going back in.”
Groans and soft snickers echo in the crowded barn. Apparently, everyone has grown to expect these kind of shenanigans from Theo. Cade shakes his head as Anniston squeaks and tries to stifle a moan under Theo’s torture. “I almost have it,” he yells from underneath the dress, keeping us updated on his progress.
Anniston’s head falls back, and she tries reining him in by calling his name, but he keeps going until the crowd shuffles around, feeling slightly awkward by watching this insane garter throwing ordeal.
“Theo!” Cade shouts out his warning, and immediately Theo pops his head out, his face glistening under the lights.
Holy shit.
No way was he doing what I think he was doing.
Right?
Theo wipes his face along his sleeve and helps up a shaky—and not embarrassed—Anniston. Then with a wicked gleam, he launches the garter at Cade like a slingshot. Cade catches it easily and balls it up before stuffing it in his pocket like it’s no big deal.
“Everyone happy now?” Theo teases. The surrounding crowd seems to all laugh except for his parents. His mom looks like she would beat him if she didn’t have so many witnesses. His dad just glares. “Well, if that’s all, Ans and I are going to make use of this videographer and have her film something more worthwhile.” He nods at Hayes directly next to me and says, “Find something to do, boys … unless you want to watch.”
Theo’s mom explodes. “Theodore! Stop being so crass! Your grandparents are here for God’s sake.”
Hayes buries his head in my shoulder, smothering his reaction to Theo’s scolding, and I try not to act weird about having a hot guy’s face in my neck.
“Good to see ya, Ma.” Theo pulls himself and Anniston from the crowd, never apologizing for his behavior. “Grandma. Grandpa.” He nods at Cade, and reluctantly Cade smiles and nods back, shaking his head as Theo and Anniston nearly sprint from the barn. The only thing that can be heard in the stark silence is, “Fucking finally! How long does it take for me to fuck you, McCallister?”