Chapter 9

There are two kinds of people in this world. Those who put their ketchup on the plate, and the weirdos who squeeze it directly onto their fries.

-Sincerely, Cobie, a fellow weirdo

Cobie

“I want you to make me a promise.”

My brows rose as my hand stilled on the handle of the truck door. “What?”

My eyes met his, and I could practically feel the energy that he was trying to keep contained.

“I want you to call me if you think he's putting any pressure on you whatsoever.”

I pursed my lips. “I don't think...”

He shook his head and held up his hand. “I don't live here. I have no clue if anything is wrong unless I come up here. You’ve already said you weren't leaving. You've also said that you're not giving up this house, and I understand that. Respect it even. But I have no way of knowing if you're in trouble if you don't tell me. Help me keep you safe.”

I groaned. “Fine.”

I pushed the door open, but he stopped me with a hand on my thigh.

I froze.

“One other thing.”

I waited.

“Give the treatment a chance.” I opened my mouth to say something, but he squeezed my thigh lightly, telling me without words that he wasn't through. “The world would be a lesser place without you in it.”

***

Three days later

“The world would be a lesser place without you in it.”

I replayed those words over and over again in my mind as I made my way into the office.

This place literally scared the crap out of me.

I'd spent some of the roughest months of my life here.

Cried here. Sweated. Cursed. Moaned and groaned.

This was also the place where I was set free again but where Marianne lost her battle.

Well, not at this exact office building, but this was the place where Dr. Todd told her that she wouldn't make it out of this alive. The same place that I’d left just a week ago, telling myself I'd never be back.

Yet, here I was.

The world would be a lesser place without you.

Dante's words replayed through my head during check-in as I played the waiting game in the waiting room, and all the way up until the moment when Dr. Todd came into the room.

He looked happy to see me, and I immediately felt like an ass for leaving the way I did last week.

“Cobie.”

I gave Dr. Todd a smile.

“I'm glad you came back.”

I shrugged. “I gotta be honest with you. I wasn't planning on it. But a friend gave me a few wise words, and I knew he wouldn't be okay if I didn't fight.”

“Drake Garwood?”

I shook my head. “No. His name is Dante.”

Then I blushed.

Dr. Todd smiled. “Like that, is it?”

I opened my mouth to deny it, but the words wouldn't come. Dr. Todd's smile widened.

I blushed harder.

He started to laugh, and I did, too.

He sobered a few moments later, and then he pulled out a computer, which he hooked up to a cord.

A picture of what I guessed was my breast flickered to life on the screen.

“Here’s your left breast.”

I nodded.

“This is the cancer. However, with as close as it is to this lymph node, we’re going to offer two suggestions.”

I listened as he explained what he thought I should do, and then I looked at my fingernails.

“You can do a lumpectomy, where we’d just remove the tumor and the surrounding tissue,” Dr. Todd began. “Or, you can opt to do a modified radical mastectomy, which means we’d take the entire breast, including the nipple, the breast tissue, as well as the surrounding lymph nodes.”

I swallowed.

“I agree with doing the radical mastectomy,” I started. “But this could happen again, right? In the other breast?”

“Yes. Even if we do the full mastectomy on the first breast, there is a possibility that it’ll recur in the other breast,” he agreed. “But after we do the surgery and the chemo treatments, we’ll keep an eye on it quite closely for the first year. After that, we’ll monitor you with bi-yearly mammograms to keep an eye out for any changes, and I have hope that should it recur, we’ll catch it early so it won’t get to this stage again.”

I didn’t like that answer.

“Why not do both at the same time?”

Dr. Todd nodded his head. “Considering your history, this is an aggressive preventative course of action. Many patients in your shoes opt to go this route. Only you can make this call, though.” He stood up and walked around the desk, leaning against it and crossing his feet in order to be closer to me. “There are other types of surgeries we can do where we leave the skin and the nipple in place, that way, later on when you have reconstructive surgery, it’ll be more natural looking.”

I grimaced.

I hadn’t much thought about any of this.

“Is that more of a risk?”

“Anything is a risk.” He hesitated. “But, there’s less of a chance without the breast tissue there.”

I let my eyes drift away from his, and come to a halt as I gazed out the window. The traffic was starting to get congested as the five o’clock hour hit.

People were heading home. Some to their families. Others to an empty home. Like me.

“What do we do first?” I asked. “When will this happen?”

He re-crossed his legs, this time with the opposite foot on top.

“We do it now. Your mammogram is recent enough to give us proper indication on where the cancerous tumor is,” he said. “I’d want to do this soon. Maybe the beginning of next week so that it doesn’t have a chance to grow or spread. Given your history with cancer, I really don’t want to wait. On Friday, I’ll send you to the hospital to have your blood drawn. If all comes back well with that, we’ll schedule the surgery for Monday. Okay?”

I nodded my agreement.

Just the thought of doing this all alone again really fucking sucked.

“I need a doctor’s note,” I murmured. “I’ve missed a week of work, and I’m assuming I’ll miss much more than that.”

Dr. Todd didn’t move.

“It’s going to be all right, Cobie.”

I just didn’t see that right now, but maybe once it was all done and over, I would.

***

Four days later

“This is just a liability form.” The registration clerk flipped to the next page.

Over the last four days, I’d filled out a total of eight million, seven hundred, and sixty-nine forms.

All of them were necessary.

After revamping my Last Will & Testament, taking Drake Garwood out of my will, creating a Living Will and finally changing over my life insurance beneficiary, this was nothing.

If I never saw a ‘trust fund’ or notarized document saying who I wanted my money to go to in the event of my death again, it’d be too soon.

I signed my name on the line where the clerk had indicated.

“This one is just in case you perish during the surgery. Your family won’t be able to sue in your stead.”

I almost laughed at that one.

“Okay,” I muttered, signing that one without even looking at it.

“This one is in the event that we run into complications. You’ll need to name the person who you’d like to make decisions for you in the event…”

I pulled out a copy of my Living Will.

“This will give you everything you need to know in the event of my incapacity,” I said. “This also has a DNR—do not resuscitate—order attached to it should I become medically incapacitated, unless, of course, my medical power of attorney deems it necessary.”

I thought long and hard about who to name as my medical power of attorney. It wasn’t an easy decision.

Other than my co-workers, who, although bummed to hear that I had cancer and would be off for the foreseeable future, were not people I’d choose to have medical power of attorney over my life.

Then again, there was literally no one left.

With me being a homebody, there were only about five people in the world that I knew wouldn’t freak out about being handed, essentially my life, on a silver platter. All five of them were people I’d known for about four days. And of the five, only one of them had been on my mind constantly over the last four days.

Dante.

Was this a weird request to ask of a man whom I’d only known for a few days? Yes. Did I have anybody else that I could ask? No.

And hopefully, he wouldn’t even need to be advised of his new role in my life. Hopefully I came out of this surgery without any problems. I’d just wake up from the procedure with two less breasts, but a new will to live.

Hopefully… hopefully, Dante never needed to know who he was to me until I was no longer of this Earth.

“Excellent,” the woman who was partially responsible for my numb hand exclaimed. “That negates these three forms then.”

My hand thanked her.

“Okay, the last one is this. Consenting to the surgical procedure itself.”

I rolled my eyes as I sloppily scribbled my name, and then pursed my lips and offered her the last page.

“All right, have a seat in the waiting room, and you’ll be called back soon.”

I did as she asked, took my seat, and waited for the next step with my heart in my throat.

I continued to rethink my decisions, but each time I did, Dante’s words would replay in my mind.

The world would be a lesser place without you.

The world would be a lesser place without you.

The world would be a lesser place without you.

And, as the nurse placed the oxygen mask over my face and told me to breathe, the cocktail of drugs pouring through my veins, the last thought I had before the blackness took me was that maybe Dante didn’t know me well enough to make that statement. Maybe the world wouldn’t even notice if I was gone.