The words tumbled from his mouth before he was even through the door. One look at her eager smile and his heart was in a vise.
"Ali, listen to me.” He grabbed her by the shoulders and blurted it out before he lost his courage. “You have to marry Bobby."
"Wait--what?" The immediate confusion on her face was replaced by wariness. "What's going on?"
If I keep touching her, I won't be able to do this. He stepped away from her and repeated himself. "It's over between us. You need to marry Bobby."
"Alejandro, what are you saying. What's going on?" she breathed.
He nodded, his tongue thick in his mouth. "I'm serious."
"Am I-- Are you--"
He nodded again. "Yes. And yes. But I'm not worried about me, I'm worried about you. Say you'll do this. It's for your own protection."
Ali shook her head, fat tears spilling from between her tightly squeezed eyelids. "You know I can't do that."
"You're not safe, and I can't justify placing you in any more danger."
"No! Damn it, Alejandro!" she wailed. In three steps she crossed the kitchen and battered his chest with her fists. "You're being a fucking coward! You're not doing this for me. You're doing this because you don't want to love me and you do. And now you want to get out of it by sending me back to Bobby!"
Alejandro grabbed her wrists and pinned her against the wall, holding her tight with his body. He stared at her incredulously. "Is that what you really think?”
She merely stared at him, her gray eyes defiant.
“I swear to you, I'm trying to protect you, Baby, not play games with you."
"I don't believe you." She narrowed her eyes and struggled against his hold. "Why would you need to protect me? You're in an outlaw club, so what? I knew that when we started this. What's different?"
"Ali, Baby, just trust me on this--"
"No!" she shrieked, her eyes wild, her hair whipping around her face like a madwoman. "You better fucking tell me right now, Alejandro. What the hell is so different now?"
"I killed an innocent person," he blurted, and his heart lodged in her throat as he watched the look of horror slowly creep across her face.
"What?" she whispered, shrinking against the wall.
"We were contracted for a hit. It was the only way to keep the DEA and ATF off our asses, so we agreed to do it. But when we went to take the guy out, his wife was with him. We did it anyway. We couldn't leave witnesses."
Ali stared at him like she'd never seen him before in her life, her face pale and the pulse in her throat hammering visibly. "If you're lying..." She turned away from him and shook her head. "No. No. I don't believe you. You wouldn't do that."
"I did it." His voice was grim. "I didn’t pull the trigger, but I ordered the hit. I watched them die. I got rid of the bodies.” He gave it a moment to sink in. “Ali, if you stay with me, you'll be sleeping next to a murderer."
"No."
He grabbed her face, forcing her to look at him, but she squeezed her eyes shut. "No, no, no!" she moaned, struggling against him. "No, Alejandro, no..." He let her go and she dropped to the floor, curling into a tight ball, her arms wrapped around her thin knees. She looked as fragile as a child there on the tiles, and though he felt like he was being slowly burned alive he knew her protection was his greatest duty now.
"Ali.”
She was silent.
“Ali." Her eyes stared straight ahead, blinking slowly, but the rest of her body was motionless. "They know about you. That's why the black Camaro kept showing up. I can't risk that, Ali, and I know Bobby can keep you safe. I don't want to do this." His voice broke, and it was the sound of his ragged grief that finally made her turn her head and look him in the eyes. "I'd rather do anything in the world than let you go. But I just don't know how else to protect you."
She curled against his leg, slowly, as if it hurt every muscle in her body to move. Her face pressed to his thigh and she let forth an anguished moan, echoing the roaring in his brain. Alejandro sank to the floor and pulled her into his arms for what he knew would be their last embrace.