Back For Good

(Mason)

I watched her sleep. Back in bed. Back for good. Just the way I wanted it to be. I loved the way she got nervous around the police, revealing those leftover strands of innocence I still hadn’t torn from her. Nothing happened with the cops. They called the landlord, and a report was filed. Shit, there were no cameras in the building, and it didn’t fucking matter since the apartment was empty. Damn cops didn’t even find it worth their time to look for prints. Rightfully so—there was nothing to steal. They chalked it up to some kids looking for a place to drink.

Reaching out, I touched Violet’s soft shoulder.

Just touching her did something to me. She made me crazy. She made me want to fight the bad side away. She made me want to spill everything to her. Shit, I couldn't believe I talked to her about Stacey. But she knew the truth now. And I needed to face that truth once and for all. Preferably soon, too. Before she came snooping around for more cash.

Plus, if anything ever got serious with Violet…

I looked at her again and realized what the fuck just went through my mind.

I then snuck out of bed to get some damn air.

Violet. Love. A ring on her finger. Me promising a word like forever…

I grabbed a beer and stood at the counter. The apartment was dead-silent, but there were a lot of voices in my head.

There was only one way to silence everything.

I opened the drawer and took out a pen and paper.

Dear Kate,

Shit. I fell in love again. With the same woman. What’s happening to me? What’s happening to us? I thought what I felt for you could go beyond anything. Even though you’re gone, I thought it would matter more. I thought it would hold steady for us. But look at me. I’m a damn fool around her, Kate. I’ve been writing to you and her for months, burning the words, trying to pretend there’s nothing to see.

You know what? I’ve been in fucking pain. I’ve been missing her so damn much. I’ve been doing everything possible to keep her out of my mind and heart, but that’s impossible. I’ll never be able to let her go now. Just like you. Never let go, right? Shit, why did you say that to me when you left? I didn’t let go. You did. You let go and you left.

Fuck, how can I be mad at you for that? You fought as hard as you could to stay.

Fuck me. I’m sorry, Kate.

I tried to block you out, like I did to Violet. I got a tattoo over your date. I can never undo that. I can never take that back. And no matter what I do, I can never save you. You’ll always be gone.

But Violet is still here. She’s right in my bed. And she’s not going to get kicked out in the morning. I want her here. That’s the craziest part of it all. I found what I had been missing. What I had been needing for so long.

I can’t entertain the idea of losing her though. All the truths need to come out, Kate. I have to tell her everything. All of my deepest and darkest secrets, which include yours. And you won't be here to defend yourself against judgment.

I know, Violet won’t judge…but everyone judges. Trust me. Silent. With their eyes. Even if it’s for a quick second. They all fucking judge. That’s why things broke off the way they did with us, right? I should have been there. I could have been there. I could have done so much more for you, Kate. I could have…fuck, I feel like I could have saved you.

You know?

I could have bought you fancy hippie food. I could have made you big ass kale salads with some kind of organic shit that could have killed the cancer. Fuck, cancer. Why? What the fuck, Kate? After all we went through, that’s what it all came down to? We went through fucking hell together, pulling each other out of the flames, and that’s what it came down to.

I would have sold everything I had, which wasn’t much then. But anything to give you what you needed to make it. So you wouldn’t leave me.

But now I’m in love with someone else, Kate. Does that mean I don’t love you? Fuck, how do I answer that? How do I…

I stopped writing. I turned and threw the note into the sink. I opened the junk drawer and got the matches out. After I lit one, I stood there, ready to drop it. But I just stared at the words instead. Raw words. Nothing more real than the written fucking word, because you could never take that shit back.

Unless you burned those words…

The flame licked my fingers, and I shook the match away.

“Fuck it,” I said.

I grabbed the letter from the sink and walked it to the bedroom. I folded it in half and carefully slid it under Violet’s pillow.

I then climbed into bed and wrapped my right arm around her body and pulled her close.

She let out this little cute purring sound.

My cock throbbed.

I smiled.

And there it was…the craziest reality of all.

Violet made me fucking smile.

* * *

It was dark outside when I slipped the key into the door at RN Custom Rides and opened up. I walked through the office and hall, taking in the changes Hunter had made to make the company his. His concept of expansion was really smart. The guy had a knack for business, and it was definitely going to suit him well for the rest of his life. Me? I had my ways of getting by, and I was perfectly content with that shit. Which made me wonder why the fuck my sign was hanging up out front. People needed to experience what Hunter had to offer, but not by looking for the comfort of my fucking name.

I flipped the lights on in the garage and looked around at all the work. A lot of what looked like junk. Shells of projects and ideas. But that was the beauty of what we did at the shop: take a piece of shit and clean it up and make it new again. Take a vision buried in a memory and turn it into a living reality.

I wandered around the shop for a little bit, pausing at each project, giving it my own two cents that might make it that much better.

I finally took a seat and looked around. The entire business was built as a shrine to Kate. She was the only one who believed in me. Bouncing from house to house, forever in trouble, getting my ass beat like it was routine as eating dinner, Kate was the one who was there for me. With me. The first time she got hit was what changed me for forever. A punk named Stan, collecting his fucking monthly payment for pretending to give a shit about me, was the one who did it. The house was run down. It was full of kids. I never understood how the fuck the state could let that shit go on, but it did. I lived it. He’d pick one of us each night, and we’d be the breathing punching bag for a little while. We all learned the tricks.

Fall quick. Cover your face. Don’t cry. Fuck, don’t ever fucking cry. Ever. Shoot for a broken bone because it would end quick, then you’d get a break for a couple months while you healed. Don’t look into his eyes. Don’t answer his questions, good or bad. And if he ever asks if you’ve had enough, always say ‘yes, sir, I have tonight’…but please of all things…don’t cry.

I thought my leg was broken, and Kate came through the door to check on me. Another rule? Don’t get in his way. The second she saw me, her eyes went wide. Those beautiful blue eyes. I never saw her that angry. See, Stan had this trick with me. He was a little afraid of me, so he’d tie my hands. That made him feel more manly.

I screamed at Kate to get the fuck out of the room.

But she made a move at Stan.

He threw a right at her like it was nothing.

I’d seen women get hit before, but not a woman I loved.

Kate flew back and grabbed her face. She burst into tears.

Don’t ever fucking cry. Just don’t…if you do…

The fucking devil lived inside Stan.

He made a move at Kate and my fuse blew for good. I climbed to my feet—Hey, guess what? My leg isn’t fucking broken. Sweet—and I jumped at him. My shoulder slammed against his ribs, sending him flying.

And what ensued was a fight that was bloody, brutal, leaving Kate screaming for me the whole time. In the end, I got blamed for everything and shipped away.

Away from Kate.

Away from Kate.

I jumped up out of my chair and grabbed it. I turned and threw it, watching it smash against a wall.

“Holy shit!” a voice boomed.

I spun around and saw Thorn standing at the garage door, half opened, a coffee in his hand.

“Mason?”

“Thorn,” I said. “What the fuck…”

“What the fuck yourself,” he said. “Are you okay?”

“Fine,” I said. “A little issue in my head I’m working on.”

Thorn opened the door the rest of the way. “Jesus, man…”

I walked to the open door. “You always get here this early?”

“Most days,” Thorn said. “Open the shop. Get shit organized. Try to keep some of these projects going forward. Mason…”

I patted Thorn on the shoulder. “You’re a good man, Thorn. Keep it up.”

“Yeah, right…”

I walked to my motorcycle and decided to go for a ride. A really long ride. I hadn’t thought about that shit with Kate in a long time. Those feelings and those memories were supposed to be long since buried and gone. Never able to come back. But they dug through and got the fuck out.

Because of Violet.

She kept digging…and she was getting hints of answers…but could she handle it all?

The sun burned through the darkness, and the new morning was upon me while I was on some road somewhere, trying to be lost.

That’s when my cell phone vibrated, reminding me that I could never be lost.

It was Violet.

You’ll always love her—and I’m okay with that. You can tell me the darkness—and I won’t judge you for that.

I squeezed the phone tight in my hand and gritted my teeth.

My body crawled with an anger that was scary. I wanted to be in the chair, getting inked some more. That was what had been my relief for months, waiting for Violet.

But now, Violet was in my bed, back in my heart.

And she wanted it all.

“Fair enough, babe,” I whispered to the open and empty road.

I turned my ride around and retraced my steps back to her.

She wanted it? She was going to get it. The truth…no matter what it meant for us.