Chapter 4
True had thought about this moment since she’d left Alec at the resort. How would it be when she saw him again? She thought she’d prepared herself well for this moment, but she’d had it wrong. She was thinking about him coming in the way he usually did. Loud and demanding. That would make the dominant person she was wake up with anger and fire but this quiet, subtle requesting…this side of him was harder to resist. She’d basically told him to leave and without another peep he turned and walked away.
It was like her mouth worked without speaking to the rest of her body. Calling the large man back into her home in the wee hours of the morning. He walked in and sat on her loveseat. It was her favorite spot to sit and the few times he had been there, that’s where he sat, with her on his lap.
She closed the door and walked past him, determined to sit on the comfy chair next to the one he was sitting on, but he caught her arm.
“Sit here.”
“Alec.” She said his name as a plea that wanted understanding and he let her go after a few seconds.
When she sat she wondered how her heart could be broken when she was the one who wanted this separation. She didn’t know, but that’s what was happening.
“I’m assuming you were going to explain why you left me a few days ago?”
“Right.” True clapped her hands together once trying to get ready to handle this difficult conversation. “You don’t know me.”
He sat there and looked at her like he was waiting for the rest of the explanation, but that was really the long and the short of what she’d come up with.
“What do you mean?” Alec said slowly like he was trying to look for clues to what she was really saying.
“What do you mean…what do I mean?” True sat up a little taller in her seat. This wasn’t the time to play games. It was late and although she didn’t have anything planned that didn’t mean she was going to sit here and listen to him act like he was unaware of what was going on.
Alec chuckled and shook his head, looking at the floor like it was going to help him in this situation.
“The truth is we’ve been doing the horizontal greased weasel tango for the last 7 months. I thought it would be enough, but it’s not.” She couldn’t help but throw that colorful description in since they’d been together Alec had used so many terms for sex but never just the three letter word everyone else used.
“I know you, True.” He looked over at her appearing tired.
“In the biblical sense? Yes, you do, but you don’t really know me like I know you and it’s really starting to bother me. I give my all to the people in my circle, but for you I give even more than that.”
“Is this because of what happened the last day at the resort? Because I have to tell you I felt like shit when I came out of the shower to find you gone.”
“That wasn’t my finest hour.” True stood up and tried to gather herself to apologize. She paced to the window and then back across the room until she felt a hand catch hers and pull her down. She landed in his lap.
“You don’t have to talk about it now. I see it gets you all worked up.” He brought her hand up to his mouth and placed small kisses on the back.
She watched his lips touch her hand and pulled it away from his mouth.
“I’m just trying to soothe you,” he said as he stopped kissing her hand but was now caressing it.
“I know where this leads.”
“Bam, bam in the ham?”
True looked into the face she loved so much and had to smile. “Bam, bam in the ham?”
“I heard that one somewhere and was saving it. I didn’t have a chance to hit you with it.” He put his hand on her chin and turned her face toward him. “You know I—”
“Don’t!” True stood up and walked to the wall before facing him. “Look my love isn’t contingent on you loving me back. If that were the case it would have died when you were in high school and dated Chloe Mills or in college when you got engaged. This love will, unfortunately, continue on. The difference now is that I love someone else and I have to consider the feelings of that person too.”
There was no noise where Alec was sitting so she looked up to see his reaction but he was gone. She looked to the left and he was right by her and she almost jumped at the fierceness on his face.
“Who is it?”
“Oh, that has you all messed up? It’s me, Alec Haught. I’m talking about me. I’ve given up a lot of time, opportunities and experiences waiting for you to want me. I though having any piece of you would be enough, but it’s not. I want more. I deserve more. I can’t make you love me, but I can damn well love myself.”
“Who said I don’t love you?”
“I’ve known you almost as long as I’ve known myself and I know you love and care for all your family. I think I’m a part of that for you, but on that trip I was imagining where we would be in the next one, three or ten years and I saw the future. Us hiding our secret relationship and screwing whenever we have the chance…it was enough to make me think about what I really want.” She walked toward the door and waited for Alec to follow her before she opened it. “I need to move on.”