Halley
I picked up my phone, trying to keep it pinned under my ear as I continued juggling groceries and pushing the cart along. “Yeah, hello?” I asked.
“Hey, it's Jake,” the man said. “What are you up to right now?”
I made a frustrated noise as Cole took advantage of my distraction to put a box of sugary cereal into the cart. He stared up at me with wide, innocent eyes—knowing exactly what he had done and hoping still that I somehow wouldn't catch him and would let him have the box. “Appreciating the futility of having a grocery list when I'm shopping with a seven-year-old,” I told Jake.
I grabbed the box of cereal and put it back on the shelf. “No,” I told Cole. “Look, remember, I said we could get some pudding cups if you were really good, right?”
“But I want the Crispy Snowflakes,” Cole pouted. “All my friends get them.”
I closed my eyes and counted to ten.
“Sounds like maybe you could use a hand,” Jake said. “What store are you at?”
I laughed a little. “Jake, it's fine. I've been doing this for years, remember?” I wheeled the cart around to a new aisle, already wondering what the munchkin would be putting in my cart here. Sometimes, he didn't even grab things that he wanted; he just thought it would be funny for me to find myself accidentally buying cans of SPAM or things like that.
“I want to see you guys, though,” Jake said. “I want to spend some time together.”
I paused at that. “We just had lunch together yesterday,” I reminded him.
“Yeah, but I have seven years of lost time to make up with you and Cole,” Jake said. “And if you leave town again—”
“We're not planning on leaving town again,” I interrupted. Then, I shot a look towards Cole. This wasn't really a conversation that I wanted to have in front of my son. “Look, maybe we should—”
“Why don't you guys come over?” Jake suggested. “I don't have much for kid entertainment, maybe, but I do have a TV. You could have dinner and we could spend some time together, and you and I could talk.”
“Okay,” I found myself agreeing, even before I'd given conscious direction from my mind. I frowned and shook my head. “I mean...” Well, it probably wasn't the smartest idea to let Jake and Cole get attached to one another when we didn't really know what was going to happen. On the other hand, I couldn't really keep Cole away from Jake; the man was his father, and it wouldn't have been fair to continue to keep them apart, especially not now that Jake knew about the kid.
“You don't sound very sure,” Jake said, sounding amused.
“Yeah, well. This whole situation makes me kind of uncomfortable,” I said, putting two boxes of pasta down in the cart. Where I found two packages of ramen that I definitely hadn't put in there. “Cole!” I said in exasperation, putting the noodles back on the shelf.
Jake laughed a little. “Sounds like maybe you need to go,” he said. “But seriously, come over here when you're done and we'll just have a little family time. I'll text you my address.”
“Okay,” I repeated. “See you soon.”
I hung up the phone and went back to consulting my shopping list. “Mama, who was that?” Cole asked. “Who're you gonna see soon?”
“Do you remember my buddy Jake from lunch yesterday?” I asked.
“Yeah!” Cole cried. “He's silly.”
I smiled a little, glad at least to hear that Cole seemed to get along with his father. Of course, the boy really got along with everyone. “So, you want to come see him with me after shopping?” I asked, even though I already knew the answer.
“Yeah!” Cole repeated excitedly.
I smiled a little to myself and subconsciously picked up the pace, eager to get out of there and over to Jake's.
When we got there, his place was nothing like I might have expected. I looked around in surprise at the warm leather couches, the tasteful artwork on the walls, and the bookshelves in the corner. Of course, I had been there once before, the night that Cole had been conceived, but it had been dark, and we'd been preoccupied, to say the least. I hadn't really gotten the full tour then.
“I expected you to live in more of a bachelor pad,” I admitted to Jake.
He laughed a little, picking up the remote and searching for something that Cole could watch. “Yeah, I mean…” He blushed and glanced sharply over at Cole, as though whatever he was about to say wasn't appropriate, and I wondered if this was his way of admitting that he'd decorated the place strictly to be a babe magnet. Not that I was about to ask that in front of our son, though.
“Well, you have good taste,” I said finally.
“I bought some coloring books,” Jake told Cole, gesturing towards the table. “I didn't know if maybe you, uh, but I mean, there are a lot of adults that like coloring too, right? I thought maybe it was a safe bet.” He looked over at me.
I smiled encouragingly. “Cole loves coloring,” I told him.
“Yeah,” Cole said enthusiastically, already looking through the books. He gave an excited little yelp. “Mama, he got the one with the superheroes just like Tyler has!”
I grinned at him. “What do we say, then?”
“Thank you!” Cole said, flinging his arms around Jake.
Jake looked surprised by the kid's enthusiasm and affection, and he awkwardly patted him on the back. “Uh, cool,” he said. HIs expression was growing increasingly panicked, and I couldn't help laughing.
“Hey, Coley, do you think you can stay in here coloring and watching some...” I checked what Jake had put on “...Animal Planet, while we go talk in the kitchen? It'll just be for a little while.”
“Is this like when you and daddy fight?” Cole asked, his eyes serious as he looked back and forth between the two of us.
I blushed, hating that he would even have learned to ask something like that. And hating that now Jake had heard him ask that. It made me feel like a horrible parent. I should have left Brian a long time ago, and I knew that.
Jake crouched down next to Cole. “We're not fighting,” he told the boy, putting his hand on the boy's shoulder. “But we need to talk about some boring adult stuff, and we don't want to bother you while you're watching the lions.”
“Oh, okay,” Cole said. “That's good.” He beamed at Jake, who smiled back before standing up and leading me off into the kitchen.
“You're good with him,” I commented as we entered the kitchen.
Jake shrugged a little. “I grew up in foster homes,” he reminded me. “Usually there were other, littler kids around. I got used to trying to comfort them, especially when they were in strange new places.”
“Oh,” I said, blinking. “Yeah, that makes sense.”
Jake pulled me into his arms, holding me for a brief moment. “So, how are you, anyway?”
“All right,” I said. “Still nervous?”
“Yeah.” Jake sighed. “Look, I talked with Frank, and he says… Well, unfortunately there's nothing that we can do unless you're willing to pledge yourself to the Devil's Route.”
I frowned. “What exactly does that mean?” I asked.
“Well, we'd have to get engaged,” Jake said. “Just as a kind of show, not like we were actually planning on getting married or anything like that. But there would need to be a clear sign that you were mine. And unfortunately, just having a kid with you isn't going to cut it.”
I took a deep breath. “Okay,” I said. I smiled shakily at him. “So consider us engaged. If that's what you want, anyway.” Suddenly, I bit my lower lip. “Oh. Oh. Shit.” I shook my head. “Look, I know showing up and dropping a kid on you is shock enough. Sorry if you feel like you're being dragged into this. I'm sure you—”
“Hey, relax,” Jake said, rubbing my arm. “Look, I just want to keep the two of you safe. If an engagement will solve that, I'm in. Especially if it means getting to spend more time with the two of you. But one thing that you have to know is that this is going to change your life, Halley. Maybe not in ways that you really like.”
I frowned. “How so?” I asked. “I mean, I've seen those mafia dramas on TV. I assumed there's a whole sisterhood thing to go along with the brotherhood of bikers. We'll, I don't know, have silly get-togethers where we gossip about everyone's kids and all that, and I'm fine with that.”
“We're not totally clean,” Jake said reluctantly. “I mean that we deal with weapons and drugs.”
I bit my lip. “Yeah, I kind of figured there had to be something like that going on,” I admitted.
“At the moment, as far as the club is concerned, you don't know anything. You don't know the members of the Devil's Route, you don't know any of the specifics of the illegal things that we do, you don't know—”
“Right,” I said. “But does that have to change once I'm engaged to you?”
“Well, kind of,” Jake said, shrugging a little. “At the very least, in order to have a security detail on you, you're going to meet some of the members. And again, like you said, there will be social events with the other women and sometimes with their husbands. It would be odd for you to not attend any of those. So, you're going to know who's involved. I'll keep you out of the loop as to what exactly we're doing, but you might learn some things. And that would give them a reason to kill you if you were to suddenly call off your engagement.” He paused. “So, your option is really to leave town now and never come back, or...”
I stared at him in shock. “Is that what you want?” I asked. “For Cole and me to just disappear?”
“No,” Jake said emphatically. He pulled me back into his arms, holding me tightly. “Jesus, Halley. The last thing I want is for the two of you to disappear. Even if you aren't going to stay in my life, I want to have a relationship with Cole. But I can't force you to join our biker club. I know that it probably goes against your morals and everything. You need to make that choice. I'm just making sure that you know what your options are.”
“What would happen to Cole, if you and I got engaged?” I asked. It was the elephant in the room. “Would he have to join the club as well?” I hated to think that my need for safety, because of the stupid decisions I'd made in the past, might affect him for his whole life.
“Of course not,” Jake said. He frowned, though, and reluctantly said, “One thing that I will tell you is that kids who are brought up within the biker framework often choose to become a part of it. But Cole's a good kid; I don't know if you have to worry about that. It's just a possibility.”
“But it's not a certainty?” I asked, making sure that we were fully on the same page.
“No,” Jake said, shaking his head. “It's definitely not a certainty.”
I sighed. “Good.” I bit my lower lip. “Can I have some time to think about it? At least just for the night. I know that with Brian out there, I don't really have time to think about it, but...”
“Of course,” Jake said gently, stroking back a lock of my hair. “You can take as long as you. The offer will still stand.”
“Thank you,” I said. I took a deep breath.
“Why don't I give you a minute to compose yourself and maybe order us some pizza? And I'll go make sure Cole's still doing okay.”
“Okay,” I said, smiling wanly at him. “Is there anything you don't like on a pizza?”
“My go-to is sausage and green peppers, but I'm down for anything. I bet Cole is a pepperoni kind of man, right? I'd be okay with that too.”
I blinked and grinned at him. “Yeah, we usually get pepperoni for him and some breadsticks. I guess I'll just get our normal order, if that works.”
He smiled back at me and went back into the living room. I called to order pizza and then went into the living room as well, just watching as the two of them chatted about the Animal Planet special. Jake glanced back at me and smiled reassuringly.
I blinked back tears and went over to the couch, curling into the man's side.