As soon as I accepted the job, things moved fast. I met up with Jo and Neil and they walked me through the daily filming schedule and what would be required of me. I called up an old college friend of mine who also taught piano, and she agreed to cover my lessons. Like me, she was happy for any extra work she could get.

I also began looking into places where I could perform and started to get excited about the prospect. By the end of the week, I had several bookings for Paris, as well as one for Brussels and another for Barcelona. That was the good thing about having videos on YouTube; people could easily check out my music and make a decision. The gigs weren’t as high paying as the ones I’d been trying for here, which was probably why they were easier to get, but it was the experience I was after rather than the cash.

I knew every musician said some variation of the same thing, but I really didn’t play for the money. Obviously, if that were the case then I would’ve quit years ago. In fact, I’m not sure I’d ever want to be super rich or famous. So long as I had enough to live comfortably I was happy. But more than that, I liked connecting with people one at a time. If I was super famous I wouldn’t be able to do that anymore. And I liked being able to walk down the street, completely anonymous. I was such a private person that being well known would drive me insane.

Speaking of famous people, I didn’t see much of Trev over the next few days. I had to go to the offices again to sign contracts, one for the temp position and another agreeing for the show to use footage of me if needed.

I didn’t think too much of it, because I doubted anyone would be paying attention to me, not when there were five famous free runners to focus on. I might show up in the background once or twice, but that was it. Anyway, I was excited to see what it was like filming the show first-hand.

It was a few days before we were set to travel to Brussels by train when I heard a knock on my door. My heart hammered and my cheeks heated, thinking it might be Trev. But when I answered it was only Karla. Not that I wasn’t happy to see her. And I was, except for the less-than-jovial look on her face.

“Come in,” I said, and she went to sit on my couch. She crossed one leg over the other, her dower expression dampening my previous excitement for the upcoming trip.

“Lee told me that you’re going to Europe with Trevor,” she said, clasping her hands together. Karla had a natural air of authority that in this moment made me feel like I’d just been called to the headmaster’s office.

“Karla, I was going to tell you. It’s just—”

“Trev flashed you a smile and you forgot everything that happened before?” she asked knowingly.

I sighed and slumped down onto the couch beside her. “No.” Yes. “You know things have been tough for me lately. Music is a hard business, and I’d be crazy not to take this opportunity. I know I’ll be working during the day, but in the evenings I’ll get to perform. I’ve already booked a bunch of gigs.”

She eyed me for a long moment. “And that’s all this is about? Getting to perform in new cities?”

“Of course,” I answered stiffly. “Well, and I like being around the group. They’re a fun bunch. What else would it be about?”

I immediately regretted the question when Karla’s expression turned cynical. “I’m not going to dignify that with an answer.” She paused and exhaled heavily. “I just want to make sure you’re going to be okay. I know Trev’s been making positive changes, but he’s still him, Reya. What if he starts seeing girls while you lot are travelling? How will you handle that?”

“It wouldn’t bother me,” I lied, both to myself and to her. I thought that maybe if I kept lying it would eventually become the truth. “We’ve agreed to be friends. Just friends.”

“That didn’t work out so great last time.”

“We’re older now, and wiser. At least, I am. This time it will be different,” I said and I meant it. I was determined to enjoy myself and not develop feelings for Trev other than purely platonic ones. We were friends once. We could do it again. Besides, I needed this opportunity—both personally and professionally—and I had no intention of messing it up.

Karla stared at me, as though trying to decide if she believed me. In the end, she dug inside her bag and pulled out a piece of paper. “Here. I made a list of Escrima classes in the cities you’ll be visiting. Just in case you want to practice while you’re away.”

I smiled and took it from her, touched by the gesture. I knew this was as much of a blessing as she was going to give me. “Thanks. I never thought of that,” I said and peered down at the list.

When we first became friends, Karla had seen something in me, a glimpse of the truth, and suggested I learn how to defend myself. She’d always been very perceptive like that, which was probably what made her such a good policewoman. Escrima was a Filipino martial art and a great way to combine working out with self-defence. It gave me a newfound confidence, and I’d been attending weekly classes with her for years now.

She stayed for a while before heading back to work. I made a start on packing, and it was a bigger task than I anticipated. Not only did I need three weeks’ worth of outfits, I also needed to bring my keyboard and all my other sound equipment with me.

On the morning of our train to Brussels, I was running around like a headless chicken trying to make sure I hadn’t forgotten anything. Trev arranged for my gear to be added to the camera crew’s, so I didn’t have to lug it around with me.

I expected him to just honk the horn when he arrived to collect me, but instead he came and knocked on the door, leaving a taxi idling outside.

“Hey,” I greeted, out of breath. “I’m almost ready.”

“Are those your bags?” he asked, gesturing to the stack by the door.

“Yes,” I answered, wandering around the flat and checking to make sure everything was plugged out.

“I’ll carry them to the car, so take your time. We’re early.”

I nodded and finished up, then hurried out to the taxi. I slid in beside Trev, and we were off.

“So,” I began, pulling up the train schedule and itinerary Jo had forwarded to my email. “We arrive in Brussels around two and there’ll be cars waiting to transport everyone to our accommodation. There are two apartments for the camera crew and one for the cast, including Neil and myself. Leanne and I are going to share a room, which leaves you bunking up with Callum, and Paul and James will share. There’s a small fourth bedroom that Neil will have for himself.”

A warm hand touched mine and I glanced up. “Relax. Neil already gave us the rundown.”

“It’s more for myself than anything else. I like saying things out loud to get them straight in my head.”

He smiled. “I know. I remember.”

A moment passed between us, but I quickly drew my hand away and turned my attention back to my phone. “Jo ordered groceries to be delivered to all three apartments, so I need to make sure I’m there to collect them. The rest of today and tomorrow are free, but you guys start filming first thing Wednesday. I have a gig booked for that night. I hope that’s okay,” I said, glancing up at him.

Interest marked his features. “’Course it’s okay. Can I come?”

I swallowed, goosebumps rising on my skin. “Uh, sure.”

My acceptance was wary, because whenever Trev came to watch me perform in the past it had always been intense. It was something we both ignored for years, didn’t speak of, but I had to admit the sexual undertones were there. He never took his attention off me while I was on stage. I knew it even though I rarely opened my eyes when I sang. It was a weird hang-up I had, and Trev was obsessed with it. He always counted it as an odd little victory whenever he managed to catch my gaze. It was like I could sense him looking, daring me to cast my eyes his way.

When we arrived at the train station, Neil was in charge of handing out tickets, so I didn’t need to worry about that. We were admitted to a sort of VIP lounge and I’d just sat down next to Trev, handing him a coffee, when I overheard the conversation.

“I don’t know about you, but I’m going out and getting some arse tonight,” Callum said loudly, earning a sharp glare from Leanne.

“It’s okay for you. You’re not in a relationship,” said James. “I’m gonna miss Diana like crazy these next few weeks.”

“Isn’t she flying over to Barcelona for the last leg of the tour?” Trev asked before dipping his head to me. “Diana’s his fiancée.”

“Oh,” I said, feeling bad for him. It must be tough being separated like that.

“Yeah, but that’s not for another two and a half weeks,” James sighed while Callum made a face.

“Just come out with me. Diana will never know.”

“You’re disgusting,” Leanne spat and rose from her seat, heading for the bathrooms.

“I’m just honest, babe,” he called after her, and she flipped him off as she walked away. I hid my smirk behind my paper coffee cup. Even though I didn’t know her well yet, I suspected I was going to get along with Leanne.

“Why do you have to goad her like that?” asked Paul. “It doesn’t achieve anything.”

“It pisses her off, doesn’t it? That’s achievement enough for me.”

God, I was starting to understand why Leanne had such a problem with him. He was kind of an arsehole. Then again, I didn’t know their history. Perhaps he had reason to be.

“Cal, take it down a notch, yeah?” said Trev, and some of Callum’s confidence wavered. He mumbled something under his breath, then nodded like he’d just been told he was a bad puppy. I studied him a moment, but instead of the cocky, arrogant smile he’d been wearing a minute ago, his face had fallen flat. His brows furrowed, like he was thinking of something painful. I wondered what could’ve caused such an anguished expression.

I was distracted when an announcement came over the speakers saying our train was now boarding, and everyone started getting up to leave.

I touched Trev’s elbow. “I’ll go grab Leanne.”

“Okay, see you on the train.”

When I reached the bathroom it was empty. Just one cubicle had the door closed so I gave a light knock. “Leanne, are you in there? The train’s boarding.”

I heard a tiny sniffle then, “I’ll be there in a minute.”

I knew I should leave, but I hesitated. From the scratchy sound of her voice I suspected she’d been crying. “Are you okay?” I asked gently.

There was a moment of silence and then the door unlocked. She stepped out, not looking at me as she went to wash her hands. “I’m fine,” she said and turned on the water.

I knew she was lying but we weren’t familiar enough for me to push for the truth. “Okay, well, I’ll see you out there.”

I just reached the door when she spoke. “I don’t expect you to understand.”

I turned on my heel. “Pardon?”

She blew out a watery breath, her eyes rimmed with red. “I said I don’t expect you to understand what it’s like to be around someone you have feelings for when they have complete and total disregard for you, for everything.”

My heart did a quick thump. Little did she know, I knew exactly what that felt like. “I thought you both gave as good as you got. That day at the gym it seemed like you enjoyed taunting him.”

She exhaled shakily. “Yeah well. Sometimes I’m my own worst enemy. He’s just always had this way of provoking me, so I act like a dick. He acts like one back, and the cycle continues.”

She held my gaze for a second then returned her attention to washing her hands. A moment of silence fell before I spoke, “You’re wrong, you know. I’ve, well, I’ve actually been in a similar position to yours.”

Her blue eyes flared. “You have?”

I nodded and glanced over my shoulder to make sure nobody was eavesdropping. “Trev and I used to . . . have a thing. We were friends for a long time, it briefly became more, but then it fizzled out.”

“Was it his fault?” she asked, drying her hands with some tissue.

“I’m still not too sure. Sometimes I blame myself for getting ideas about someone I knew deep down could never commit. You know about his condition, right?”

She nodded. “Yeah. He has therapy every week. There’s a clause in our contract preventing the film crew from including footage of us discussing anything to do with his treatment.”

Well, that was interesting. And a good sign. Although I worried about him taking three weeks off to film. Perhaps he’d arranged to meet a therapist while we travelled. I focused my attention back on Leanne. “He seems to have matured a lot, and the therapy must be working because he could be just as careless as Callum back then. So yeah, I know how you feel. If you ever want to talk, well, we’re going to be sharing a room for the next three weeks, so I’m sure we’ll have ample time.”

That got a small smile out of her and she nodded, surprising me when she said, “I’d like that.”

When we boarded the train, I was startled to see several members of the film crew already recording. I thought they weren’t starting until Wednesday, but they must’ve wanted to catch footage of the journey. It didn’t look like anyone had been hooked up to microphones, so I presumed they were going to use it for a montage or something like that. Those watchful glass lenses made me self-conscious in my ripped jeans and grey jumper, but I quickly brushed it off. I was going to have to get used to cameras over the coming days.

Trev seemed able to read my thoughts when he said, “Don’t worry. I bet the camera loves you.”

His reassurance took me off guard, especially that last bit. I frowned and went to grab my suitcase. We were in the first-class section, so the seats were a little fancier than typical. There were also food menus for later. I lifted my bag to put it on the storage shelf above my seat when Trev approached from behind and took it from me.

“Let me,” he murmured, his warm body at my back.

I shoved aside how his closeness made me feel and slid onto my seat, glad it was by the window. A second later my nerves kicked in when Trev took the one right next to me.

“Leanne looks like she’s been crying,” he said in a quiet voice. “Is she okay?”

I glanced at him then around the carriage. Leanne was sitting two rows up, her earphones in.

“She was little upset but I think she’ll be fine. You should talk to Callum about maybe employing a little more tact around her.”

He appeared interested by this. “What makes you think I have any say in what Callum does?”

I only arched a brow in response. He knew as well as I did he had power there.

“Fine. I’ll talk to him,” he said on an exhale, and I was surprised he was taking my advice. I was a mere employee in this situation. It wasn’t like he was under any obligation to appease me.

“I’m wrecked,” he continued. “Didn’t get much sleep last night. You mind if I take a nap?”

I shook my head. “No. Go for it.”

He sank back into his seat, folded his arms and closed his eyes. “If you need to use the john just climb over me. I promise I won’t mind,” he said, eyes still closed as his mouth formed a smirk.

“I’m sure you wouldn’t,” I said and shook my head. “But if I need to use the bathroom I’ll be waking you up.”

He cracked open one eye and chuckled. “Spoilsport.”

I would’ve questioned his flirty tone, but this was who he’d always been. Even when our relationship was platonic he’d been flirtatious. It was ingrained in his personality. I wasn’t sure there existed a woman between eighteen and eighty he couldn’t find some way to charm.

The train started to move and a fizzle of excitement ran through me. This was it. We were on our way. I hadn’t travelled much in my life, just back and forth to Spain a few times when I was a kid to visit family. My parents emigrated from Madrid when they were in their late teens to make a life for themselves in London. I was looking forward to visiting Barcelona because I’d never been there, but Madrid not so much. There were too many memories there, and memories made me hear my mother’s voice in my head.

¿Por qué nunca dices la verdad? Estás tratando de arruinarnos con tus mentiras.

Why do you never tell the truth? You are trying to ruin us with your lies.

My thoughts had me feeling unsteady. Trev’s breathing deepened and I suspected he’d nodded off. I pulled my notebook from my small handbag and began to write.

Close your eyes and pick a word.

Describe the person you see in your head.

Not the one in theirs.

Take your time.

Take your time.

Tómate tu tiempo

Don’t be scared. Don’t overthink.

Strong, good.

Proud, better.

Flawed, yes.

Truthful, always.

We are all a work in the making.

Even when we end we are unfinished we’re never really finished.

I was scribbling for a couple more minutes when Trev’s voice startled me. “Can I see?”

I froze, goosebumps claiming my skin, then turned to him. “You know I don’t like that.”

“But I’m gonna hear you sing them eventually. Why can’t I read the lyrics?”

I worried my lip, thinking on it as I shut my notebook. “Because words without music are far too revealing. The music massages their starkness. Most people are too busy listening to the melody to realise you’re baring your soul.”

Trev stared at me for a long, long moment. “So, if I read your lyrics it’s like discovering a secret, but if I watch you play I’m too dazzled by the music to hear the truth?”

I shrugged and looked away, feeling self-conscious now. “Something like that.”

“It’s not just the music that dazzles people, you know. It’s you.”

I glanced back at him and he reached out to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear. I inhaled and shifted away slightly. “What do you mean?”

“I was always fascinated when I watched you perform,” he confessed and my breath caught. “You’d start out all prim and proper, so dignified in those long, flowy dresses you wear on stage, your back straight, chest forward. Then you’d start to play and you’d slowly unravel. By the end of one song your hair would fall from its clip, by then end of the next, the straps of your dress would be loose at your shoulders. You were so real. You fucking slayed me. You mesmerised everyone and that’s because you were so unaware.”

I had no words, no idea how to respond. I never expected him to say something like that, not with the low rumble of the engine and the chatter of other passengers surrounding us.

“Are you trying to butter me up? Am I going to be sleeping in the broom closet instead of sharing with Leanne when we arrive in Brussels?” I asked, needing to break the intensity of the moment, the honesty of it. He was making me feel too many things.

He smiled, seeming to guess I was embarrassed, and shot back, “Nah, but I might need you to wash my underwear as part of your PA duties.”

I cocked a brow. “Only your underwear? How very specific.”

“I’ll get Neil to do my clothes, but I thought I’d save the honour of my dirty jocks for you,” he said and winked.

“Delightful,” I chuckled.

“How about this, if you do mine I’ll do yours.”

“Oh, romantic.”

“Only for you, Reyrey,” he said, using my old pet name. It was the first time he’d used it in over two years and I felt . . . conflicted. Although, it was going to happen eventually the more time we spent together.

I took a moment to look out the window as the world whizzed by. In two hours we’d be in another country. I’d be in a strange place and Trevor would be the only familiar thing. I needed to prepare, needed to steel myself. Trev Cross was like honey. I was naturally drawn to his sweetness, but was wary to get too close. We needed to stay friends. I wanted him in my life as a friend, because everything else aside, I had missed him. But I was wiser now. I’d been scarred before by his neglect.

I wouldn’t melt for his charms like I always used to . . .