Chapter7
Tessa slowly opened her eyes. When she focused and realized where she was, a sense of comfort came over her entire body. Oscar was laying right across from her, already staring into her eyes.
“Sorry.” Oscar laughed. “I don’t mean to be creepy or anything.”
Waking up to Oscar already staring at her was the least creepy thing Tessa ever experienced. She leaned in and gave him a long kiss. Nothing felt better than waking up next to him. This was only the second time they had woken up in the same bed as each other, but Tessa knew that this is where and how she always wanted to wake up. She loved feeling him hold her close throughout the night, their hearts beating next to each other’s. Nothing felt better than feeling his warmth wrap her up in the blankets when she woke up from a dream.
Tessa often had trouble sleeping, no matter what situation she was in, constantly waking from realistic feeling nightmares that left her more exhausted than when she had originally fallen asleep. She hated feeling lost and scared when she woke up, but when Oscar was next to her, she didn’t feel that pain so deeply. It was always there. It always would be. It was a storm inside her body that seemed to never stop, but a companionship like Oscar’s at least helped to make it quiet.
No one had ever stared at Tessa while she slept. Most of the guys she had been with in the past would keep their backs turned on her all night, always making her sleep alone after they had hooked up, but not Oscar. He made sure that every time he moved throughout the middle of the night, he would whisper to Tessa how beautiful she was, how soft her skin was, or some other sweet nothing that made her feel more comfortable with every breath she took.
Tessa didn’t always like to feel comfortable. It scared her. The idea of being satisfied with something made her anxious, always wanting to be on the exploration for something more, something more real. The comfort she felt with Oscar was different, however. She felt that with him, having him by her side, she was capable of things she would never have been without him.
She leaned into his chest, wrapping her arms around his torso. He pulled her in close, kissing the top of her head. How did he manage to smell so good in the morning? Tessa was a bit warm whenever she woke up, but she didn’t mind his hot skin pressing into hers. She could spend all day every day wrapped inside his warm arms. If she could, she would never leave. She’d have people deliver food to her and Oscar and spend the rest of the day just kissing on and off.
“How did you sleep?” Oscar asked, stroking Tessa’s back softly.
“Amazing. This is like, the comfiest bed I’ve ever slept in.”
“It’s so much comfier with you in it,” Oscar said, stroking her hair back. Tessa loved more than anything when someone played with her hair. “I want to get up and make you breakfast but I’m just so comfortable.”
“Mm, just a little bit longer.” Tessa didn’t want to let him go.
“What are you thinking? Some bacon, maybe eggs and toast…” Oscar trailed off listing breakfast foods.
Tessa thought about the last time someone offered to make her eggs. It was when her mother visited, right before she found out she was pregnant. The thought of eggs triggered her morning sickness. She was close to starting her second trimester and had her morning sickness mostly under control, but the thought of eggs was hard for her to handle.
“I have to um, use the bathroom,” Tessa said, choking back the cheese she had stuffed her face with the night before. She ran to the bathroom and started the shower so that Oscar wouldn’t hear her throw up. She had forgotten that she hadn’t broken the news to Oscar yet. How could she lay next to this man with his baby inside of her and not tell him?
The thought had distracted her the night before while they were making love, but she tried to not let it ruin everything. Things just felt so good and so perfect with Oscar. Since she had known him, she spent more time fantasizing about what things could be like between them rather than being together. Now that she had him, she was terrified at the thought of losing him all over again.
She decided to slip in the shower since it was already running. She needed some alone time to mentally prepare what she was going to say to Oscar. At first, maybe she could ease it in by talking about kids or showing him a cute baby video to get his fever started. What if he recoiled at the thought of children? What if he responded by saying that children disgusted him, and he never wanted to have one?
Tessa let the water get hot on her skin, trying to numb these thoughts. She couldn’t help but think of all the terrible scenarios that could happen. She also had to let him know that she was keeping this baby. At first, Tessa certainly thought of what all her options were, however, she was sure that this was her baby and she was going to have it. She could already feel its presence inside of her even though she was still finishing up her first trimester.
What if Oscar asked her to give it up? What if he just hands her a stack of money to get an abortion? She knew better than that. Oscar wasn’t that cruel. She still couldn’t help but let these nightmarish thoughts swarm inside of her.
When she was done, she wrapped herself up in one of the softest towels she ever felt. She walked out of the bathroom and into the bedroom. She could hear him clanging around in the kitchen, so she used the alone time in his bedroom to do a quick snoop. Of course, she would never want to invade his privacy or lose his trust, but she was just looking for some clothes she could wear, so why not just check out what else he might have in the top drawer of his dresser?
No pajamas there! He did have a very large collection of black underwear. If Tessa was any stranger than she already was, she might have kept a pair for herself. Just one more drawer. There had to be some sweats she could throw on in the next drawer, right? He wouldn’t want Tessa to have to put on the same pair of clothes she had worn all day at work the day before, would he? She opened the drawer. Right away she saw some pants and a T-shirt she could slip on. She was sad her journey through his personal belongings was no longer justified, but just as she reached in to grab the shirt, her knuckles hit a wooden ledge underneath the top shelf inside the drawer.
She rubbed her knuckles and reached back towards the ledge. It was a hidden drawer! Tessa had never been so satisfied. She felt like a real-life detective. It was small and couldn’t hold much, but what was inside made Tessa want to melt right there. There was what appeared to be an old family photograph with the cutest little blonde boy. She assumed by the crystal blue eyes that it was Oscar with his mother and father.
It was underneath the photograph that really made Tessa want to scream. There was a program from the night of the charity event that she had worked the first night they met, along with a folded-up menu from Duka’s. Why else would he have these things other than to remember his time with Tessa?
She heard something drop in the kitchen and snapped back to reality. She placed everything back the way she found it and slipped into his clothes. She made her way to the kitchen to see Oscar hard at work over the stove.
“Looking good! I didn’t know you went to Collegiate School,” Oscar teased. Tessa had grabbed his old high school T-shirt from the all-boys school in New York.
“Hope you don’t mind. I didn’t want to get back into my old clothes. And these pants are so comfy.”
“I don’t mind at all! You look way better than I ever did in that shirt.” Oscar leaned over and planted a kiss on her forehead.
“What’re you cooking?” she asked. She felt drunk with bliss thinking about how Oscar had kept those keepsakes in his dresser all this time.
“I figured I’d go with waffles and sausage. Who doesn’t like either of those two?” He smiled at her. He was only wearing a pair of silk pajama pants, his torso glistening in the morning sunlight. Tessa had never seen a better-looking breakfast.
“Coffee?” he asked. Tessa missed coffee more than anything, but she knew she shouldn’t be drinking caffeine.
“Actually, I’m—I’m okay for now.” She could feel her nerves getting worse as the seconds progressed.
“No problem, cutie.” She almost fell to the floor as those words left his mouth. How did he always know how to say the sweetest thing? “You want some waffles?” Tessa couldn’t help but feel bliss as she watched Oscar cook her something delicious. She also couldn’t help but want to scream out that she was pregnant. She figured they’d sit down to breakfast before she completely spilled the beans.
“Waffles sound great! Let me set the table!” She grabbed a few plates and glasses and headed to the dining room table. It was long and could probably seat at least ten, making Tessa feel a bit lonely at the two settings she was putting out for herself and Oscar.
“The sausage just needs a couple more minutes. You like syrup?” Oscar set a steaming plate of about 10 waffles down on the table. Who did he think was going to eat all of these? Tessa couldn’t help but feel overwhelmed by how much effort he was putting into all of this. She felt guilty for keeping a secret from him. They hadn’t known each other long and she certainly didn’t owe him anything after the secret he had kept from her.
She still felt like she was going to explode keeping it inside. Here she was, inside this man’s apartment, one of his many apartments probably, that she had spent weeks reading about online. Now she was standing there wearing an extra pair of his pajamas carrying his child while he just carried around a plate of waffles. She couldn’t keep it in anymore.
“I’m pregnant!” she blurted out. She felt herself lift out of her body before she could stop herself from saying it. She was instantly relieved, but only momentarily as an entirely new wave of anxiety swept over her body.
“I’m sorry, what?” Oscar seemed like he didn’t hear her at first.
“I’m pregnant. It’s yours, and before you say anything that would make me really freak out, I’m keeping it.” Tessa just needed to lay everything out there and pull the truth off like a Band-Aid. Oscar stared off into space completely silent. Tessa couldn’t hear anything other than the sausage crackling on the stove. Oscar finally broke the silence.
“Not to be too ignorant about it all, but we like just—like less than 12 hours ago. Doesn’t it take a bit to know?” he replied confusedly.
“Not from this time. From the first time. You know, our first night?” she said, trying to help him understand.
“And you’re sure? About everything?” he asked. Tessa knew what he meant.
“Yes, of course. I already went to the doctor. I heard the heartbeat and everything. I just had my ten-week checkup.” Tessa went to her purse on the counter and grabbed an ultrasound picture from her wallet. She handed it to Oscar.
“Oh my god,” he said. She couldn’t gauge whether that was an excited or terrified response. Probably a mix of both. He walked towards the balcony and stepped onto the patio. Tessa gave him a minute but then followed. She had never been on the patio, but the sight was breathtaking. Oscar was leaning on the brick wall overlooking the street below them. It was much farther down than Tessa’s balcony. He still had the ultrasound picture in his hand but wasn’t looking at it. He was very deep in thought.
Tessa thought about what she had just done. This was one of the most powerful men in the country, probably world, and she just told him she was turning him into a father. She didn’t handle the news easily either. She took several pregnancy tests before she made her first doctor’s appointment. Even when he told her she was, in fact, pregnant, she thought maybe there was just a language barrier. There wasn’t.
She didn’t know how Oscar was going to react, but this wasn’t necessarily one of the ways she had hoped he would. It also wasn’t the worst reaction that she had imagined. She just wished he would say something. Maybe he was waiting for her to say something. She walked over to him and put her hand on his back. He didn’t even move. His skin was warm and smooth. She rubbed her hand up and down his back and leaned in close to him.
She looked down at what he was looking at. The street was busy and filled with people rushing around. All these people were babies at one point. They all had mothers that grew them in their bodies and had to tell their fathers at one point that they were going to have their baby. How did they react? Were they silent like Oscar?
Some of them were probably excited and screamed with joy when they heard they were going to be dads. Maybe some of these women couldn’t even tell the man they were pregnant. She just wished she knew what Oscar was thinking. Did he have these thoughts like Tessa?
“This doesn’t have to mean anything to you if you don’t want it to. I’m okay with doing this on my own. You only have to be as involved as you want.” Tessa knew that wasn’t true. She would be absolutely devastated if Oscar wanted no part in this baby. She still didn’t want to see him leap over the edge, kick her out of his apartment, or lose it in any other way, so she was trying to calm him down. He turned his head towards her and just investigated her eyes.
Tessa was normally pretty good at figuring out what a person was thinking just by the way that they looked at her, but Tessa had no idea what Oscar could possibly have going through his brain now. His brows were mostly relaxed, and his crystal blue eyes looked clearer than ever. She wanted to lean in and kiss his soft lips, but she knew that it probably wasn’t the best time to do that. Suddenly, she heard a loud beeping go off inside.
“The sausage!” Oscar ran inside, and Tessa followed. The sausage was burning and smoking, setting the alarm off. Oscar grabbed the pan, but the handle was hot. He quickly threw it down and screamed, grabbing his hand after. He ran to the sink and let it run under the water. Tessa had never seen him upset before.
“Can I get you something?” Tessa asked concerned. He shook his head at her. “I’m sorry I should have stayed with it.” Tessa didn’t feel responsible for the burning sausage, but she just didn’t want to see Oscar upset anymore. She grabbed some ice out of the freezer and wrapped it in a towel. She grabbed Oscar’s hand and made him hold the makeshift ice pack. “It’s going to be okay, Oscar.” She realized that was the first time she had really called him by his name.
“I’m not even divorced yet,” Oscar said, keeping his head down and holding his hand, Tessa’s wrapped around them. “Lydia will probably never sign the papers.”
“That’s okay, I don’t care about that,” Tessa said. She did care, but knew it wasn’t completely Oscar’s fault the divorce was being dragged out.
“I’m in the middle of opening the store,” Oscar replied.
“We can make it work,” Tessa responded, desperately trying to get him to have the positive reaction she was hoping for the entire time. He turned around and set his ice pack inside the sink, leaning over and looking down like he had on the balcony. Tessa suddenly realized he was trying to be nice and give her reasons he couldn’t be in the baby’s life. She felt like he was turning her down, and she wanted to throw up all over again. “I’ll just go.” She turned around to grab her things, hoping that Oscar would follow her. He didn’t.
She walked into his room and started picking the clothes up off the floor that Oscar had spent all night taking off. She looked over at the dresser that Oscar had kept his reminders in. She felt a tear run down her cheek. This was the last time she was going to cry over Oscar, she promised herself and her baby that much.
Obviously, money wasn’t the issue that stressed out Oscar. The divorce didn’t even matter as much, either. What was it about Tessa that made him not want her to have his baby? She finished collecting her things and turned around. Oscar was standing in the doorway.
“You’re going to have my baby?” he asked, looking less like a zombie than he did just minutes ago. Tessa shook her head.
“You want to have my baby?” he asked again, this time emphasizing “want.” He started to smile. Tessa shook her head too, giving a little smile back. Oscar ran towards her and kissed her, long and hard just like he always did. Every time their lips touched, it felt to Tessa like the first time. “That’s the most amazing thing anyone has ever told me,” he said, leaning in for more.
“Really?” Tessa said, fighting through sad tears that were being pushed away by happy ones.
“Yes!” he said, grabbing her face and kissing her all over. He kissed down to her belly and hugged her stomach, giving it a few kisses as well. “You’re having my baby!”
They kissed again. Tessa realized that Oscar had the perfect reaction to the news. She held him close, feeling his heartbeat, knowing her baby’s was there as well.