“Amanda, hey, how are you?” She heard Eric’s voice on her phone.
“Hey Eric. I’m okay.” She didn’t ask him how he was, she wasn’t interested.
“I was wondering if you wanted to get some supper tonight.”
“Not really.”
“I could bring over some ribs. I got this new job, this new TV show is coming out, and I’m playing the lead character. I finally got my big break, babe! You know what that means!” She could hear him as he smiled.
“I’m happy for you, Eric. But, it really means nothing to me,” Amanda responded.
“Sure it does, you always told me that if I got a steady job, you’d marry me.”
“I’m not marrying you, Eric. I’m not interested in that now,” Amanda said. She thought about telling him about Mike, but really didn’t want to think about it. It wasn’t necessarily a real relationship anymore. After all, she had run out on him.
“Come on, babe. We make a great couple, and you know it,” Eric said, his voice lowering, he was trying to sound sexy. Amanda wanted to laugh at his attempt at convincing her.
“No Eric. I don’t want to get back with you. I don’t want to marry you, and I’m not interested in having sex with you,” Amanda stated firmly.
“Just a little romp, you know… for old times’ sake?” he asked.
“You know, while I admire your persistence, it is not going to happen. Good bye Eric.” She pushed the button and ended the call.
“What a pain in the ass,” she murmured to herself. “Come here Bow Tie, let’s snuggle.” She grabbed her black and white cat and petted her. Bow Tie purred, content with the attention from her human.
Amanda let her mind wander and thought of Mike. She did this far too often, she knew it was one of the reasons her heart hadn’t healed completely yet. But, she did love him. She wanted him back.
She picked up her phone and dialed his number. She was determined to talk to him today. When the voice mail picked up, she didn’t know what to say. It seemed so impersonal, she would rather talk to him in person. She hung up, without any words being spilled from her mouth. I’ll try him again later, she thought.
**
Her phone rang and she picked it up without looking at who was calling her. She wouldn’t hide from Mike anymore, and hoped it was him. “Hello.”
“Hey girl,” Janice said.
“Oh, hey.”
“Wow, that sounded like you were upset it was me. That’s one way to hurt my self-esteem.” Janice laughed.
“No, I had tried calling Mike and I had hoped it was him calling me back,” Amanda admitted.
“Speaking of Mike,” Janice began. She knew that Amanda wouldn’t be happy that she had reached out to Mike, but she had done it for the good of her friend.
“Yeah,” Amanda said.
“Well, hear me out, just listen to everything I tell you. Okay? I know you’re going to want to talk… but… fight that urge,” Janice began.
“Okay, just spill it already.”
“I wrote to him.”
“You what?” Amanda screamed over the phone.
“I told you to fight the urge to talk and just listen,” Janice stated.
“Sorry, go ahead.” Amanda fought the urge to bitch out her friend.
“He responded back to my email.”
“What did you write? What did he say back?” Amanda had too many questions.
“I’ll forward you the messages so you can read them. Just remember, that I was thinking of your emotional well-being when I wrote to him.”
“Alright. I’m not happy about this, but, what can I really do about it now?”
“Nothing but read the emails,” Janice said. “It will explain a lot.”
“Okay, I’ll get on my computer, did you send them already?” she asked.
“I just did, you should have it. If you need to talk afterward, let me know,” Janice said.
“Okay.” Amanda hung up and pulled her laptop in front of her. Bow Tie didn’t budge but demanded more attention from her personal assistant by placing her front paws on the keyboard.
She laughed. “Come on Bow Tie, I have something important to do. Do you want a treat?”
Anyone who thought cats didn’t understand human language, had never met Bow Tie. She jumped off her lap and led the way to the cupboard where her treats were kept. Amanda laughed and got her a few of the treats and put them on the floor.
With Bow Tie busy she pulled her laptop out and placed it on her lap once more and opened her email program. She found the email from Janice and opened it. She first read what Janice had sent to Mike.
While Amanda was upset, she was also very happy. It had saved her from making the same admissions to him. She moved the cursor down further so she could read his email to Janice.
She couldn’t help but smile at his comments. He loved her, and he had worried about her. His explanation of that day did make sense to her. She felt like an idiot for having ran from him. She knew he was right, they needed communication, and she had failed, just as he had. At least, his reasons had been more understandable. Her own reasons had been an unfounded and irrationally charged jealousy.
She picked up her phone and tried to dial him again. But, once more it went to his voice mail. Maybe he had changed his mind and was done with her after all. Perhaps the email had made him reconsider their relationship, and he had decided that he didn’t need her in his life.
She cried again, she had failed once more. Her own stubbornness had led to this, and she would have to live with driving the only man she had truly ever loved away from her. It was all her own fault, and she would have to live with this ache forever.
When she would look back on this day in the future, she would have no one else to blame, but herself. If only she would have picked up the phone during any of the other times he had called her. Or responded to any of his texts, or emails.
She suddenly remembered that she hadn’t erased all his emails. She could still respond to one. Sure, it was late, but she could at least let him know how she still felt. Maybe it would help, and he would come back to her.
Mike,
I just got done reading the email between you and Janice. While I’m not happy that she sent it, I do understand her reasons. But, what I really want to say is, I’m sorry.
I should have talked to you about how I felt, instead of running away. I know it was very childish of me. Yes, I was scared of our future. I was scared about how much I cared for you, in such a short time. It didn’t make any sense to me. I had to doubt that it was true, that my mind was playing tricks on me. I had nothing to compare my feelings for you with.
I have never felt for a man, the way I have felt for you. I still feel the same way, I can’t get you out of my mind. Every day I wake up and wonder what you might be doing. I wanted to talk to you before this. But, I let my stubbornness and hurt feelings convince me that I should make you pay for not calling me that day.
Had I taken the time to talk to you, I would have found out that you were only trying to get home to be with me. I would have understood, and I wouldn’t have suffered so much the past three weeks. For that fact, you wouldn’t have either.
I know that I should have taken the time to talk to you. I did look for an excuse like Janice said, though I never admitted it to anyone, not even myself. Until today that is… now I know I was just scared.
But, being scared isn’t a good reason for what I did. There is no excuse for my actions. I would understand if you never wanted to talk to me again. I am so very sorry.
One last thing, Mike. You made me the happiest I’d ever been in my life. I am thankful for the short time we had together, I wish that I wouldn’t have messed it up.
She pushed the button to send the email to him. She called Janice and thanked her for writing the email to Mike. “Thank you, I am happy that you wrote the email. I didn’t have the guts to do it yet,” Amanda admitted. “But, I wrote to him today, and apologized, I only hope it isn’t too late.”
“Honey, I’m sure if he really loves you, he will write you back, or call you soon,” Janice said. “Do you need me to come over? I could bring some ice cream, and we could pig out for a bit.”
Amanda laughed. “Don’t leave work early, but you can come after. But, skip the ice cream. I’m going to run on the treadmill and listen to music for a while. It will help me to clear my head.”
“Alright sweetie, I’ll see you around 5:30.” Janice hung up.
Amanda changed into her running shorts, and a crop top. She pushed the button on the fan in the exercise room. It would help keep her cool while she ran.
She pulled up her playlist on her music player and found a good song. Mad About You from Belinda Carlisle began to play. She hit the start button on the treadmill and started her workout as it sprang into life.
It was hard at first, but soon she got lost in a fantasy world, and her feet moved automatically. The music was loud, and it made her think of Mike and how she had felt about him. It was the perfect song to lose herself in.
**
Mike turned the car into the driveway of the home he knew was Amanda’s. He saw her car in the driveway and parked beside it. He was carrying a bouquet of roses he bought at the airport. The heat was stifling, he was still dressed for London weather with long sleeves and pants.
He rang the bell and waited for her to come to the door. The minutes passed and then he rang the bell once more. Still no answer, but her car was here.
He walked around the house to see if he could find her outside. She had told him that often she would sit in her backyard and read, just to soak up the heat from the sun.
He rounded the back of her house and didn’t find her. As he walked to the front door again, he stopped by a window. She was on a treadmill, running. He knocked on the window. No reaction from her. He laughed, she must have music playing, and couldn’t even hear him knock.
He redoubled his efforts and got lucky. There must have been a break in her music. She turned and looked at him. She looked stunned to see him.
“Let me in the front door,” he yelled through the window. He saw her nod her head, and he walked to the front door.
She opened the door and he pushed the roses forward. “Hi Amanda, I’ve come to make you talk to me, and to visit.”
“Are you really here?” she whispered.
“Yes. May I come in?”
“Oh, of course. I’m sorry. You look hot, you should have worn lighter clothes; it is hot here this time of the year!”
He laughed. “I didn’t really plan out this trip as well as I could have. But, I have some short sleeve shirts in my luggage. I’ll change later. It’s much cooler in here,” he said as he walked into the house.
“Yes, I have the air on.” She was stunned, she still thought she was dreaming. She reached out and lightly touched him. As her fingers came in contact with his cheek, she jumped back. “You are real.”
“Of course, I’m real. Are you okay?”
“I’ve been trying to call you today, but it was going to your voice mail. I was exercising, and thinking about you, then you appeared. It is like my fantasy just came true.”
He pulled her into his arms. “You tried to call me? My phone has been off since I left London late last night. I have just arrived in town and drove straight away over here.”
“Did you?” She stopped, she wasn’t sure what to say, as she was pulled towards his mouth.
He lowered his head and his lips touched hers. The kiss deepened and she moaned. She had missed this feeling, the excitement, the completeness, the fullness. Only Mike had ever given this to her, and she wanted to melt into his arms completely.
“God, I’ve missed you,” Mike said.
“I’ve missed you too. I’m sorry, Mike. I could never apologize for how I behaved. Did you read my email?”
“No, I didn’t know you had written to me.”
“It is okay. Janice had forwarded her email to you, and your response to me. So, I wrote to you, from one of the emails you’d sent me a while back. But, I’ll tell you now, in person. It is better anyway, like you said we have to communicate.”
“Yes, we do.” Mike shook his head.
“Mike, I was scared. I never felt so strongly for a man in my life. It scared me. Janice is right I did look for an excuse to run, I know it was lame, and wrong.”
“Also, kind of childish.”
“Yes, it was childish too. I’m very sorry. I should have waited to talk to you, and then I would have understood why you hadn’t called.”
“I should have called, though, even to update you. I should have let you know that the client was being difficult. I’m sorry too. We both messed up that day. After you left, without a note, and I couldn’t reach you, I was very worried.
“I can understand how you felt that day too. I wanted to make sure that you were okay, but I had no way to do so. I didn’t know Janice’s last name, and do you even know how many Cousins there are in Phoenix? I couldn’t find your parents and you wouldn’t pick up my calls.
“I thought your dad had health problems and then I wondered if something had happened to you. It was the worst feeling in the world, not knowing. I’m sorry, I didn’t think of that on the day that I went to work. I had never once stopped thinking about you. You were always in the forefront of my mind, all during that day.
“And also, every day since then. I was so angry with my client, I wanted to tell them to find another place to do business with. But, then I would have not been able to see you or how and what we had planned to do. I was stuck, I felt like I had no choice but to fix the situation with them. I was upset with them and frustrated that I wasn’t at home with you instead.”
“We both really just needed to talk, I see that now,” Amanda admitted. “I hope you will accept my apology for running home from England and not talking to you for so long. I want to clear this all up. I want you in my life Mike, I love you. I’ve never stopped loving you… even for one second.”
“I have never stopped loving you either. I planned this trip to see you, but to also look at property here. I may be opening a division of my company in Phoenix. I have to find out if we can afford it or not. But, during the flight I came to a decision. If I find out that I can’t afford both locations, I will sell the London location.
“I’ll make the deal be that whoever buys the company will need to keep all the employees. That way no one loses their job. Then I’ll use the money from the sale and open up another company here. I want to be with you, even if the heat is unbearable to me right now. I’m sure I will get used to it with time. Honestly, even if I don’t, I don’t care, as long as you are with me.”
She smiled. “That sounds nice.”
“Oh, and one more thing.” He got down on his knee. “Will you marry me?” he asked.
She screamed and jumped up. “Yes, I will marry you.”
They kissed and he pulled her into the bedroom. “Time to get reacquainted with each other.” He smiled as a devious look crossed his face.