Everleigh…

The water was cool and refreshing, but after only a few moments in it, it grew to be almost too cold. I was letting it hold most of my weight, but was twined around Narcos’ fit, inked body, my legs wrapped around his waist, my hands on the swell of his shoulders. His big hands resting against my back stabilized me as we talked over the sound of the river tumbling over rocks into this pool.

It wasn’t just a swimming hole; there was a waterfall, too, and it was unbelievably beautiful here. I loved it.

“We need to talk about later this week,” he said, and I felt my mood sink a little.

“What about it?” I asked, pointedly.

He chuckled and said, “Look, I don’t want to deal with it this soon, either, but it’s happening, whether we like it or not.”

“I know,” I said unhappily, and he sighed, shifting one hand from my back to my hip as he spun us lazily in the pool.

“I don’t know how many of the guys Driller’s bringing with him, but it’s a long ride and they’re probably going to want to stay the night. Go over some things when they get here, and a few more before they take off the next morning.”

“And?”

“And ‒ that means we need to have someplace to put them up, or you up… This has become your space for the time being, so what’ll it be? We moving you up into the loft, or are they crashing up there?”

“There’s a lot of stuff up there,” I said.

“I know, which is why, either way, we got our work cut out for us over the next couple of days.”

I chewed my bottom lip and thought about it and finally said, “I’d rather they stay in the loft; I’ll stay on the porch with you.”

He shook his head sadly and said, “You’re a witness…”

I blinked and realized, Oh shit… he could lose everything, being with you, Everleigh.

“Oh…” I trailed off and felt the blood drain from my face.

“Hey, no, don’t do that. I didn’t mean it like that.”

“No, I get it,” I said quickly. “Being with me, you could be sanctioned, fired, or whatever. Lose everything you’ve worked for… I don’t want to see that happen.”

I let him go but he didn’t let me go, just walked us both to where I could stand in the pool, too and we could talk. Although, I suddenly didn’t so much feel like talking. I suddenly just wanted my clothes, and to go back to the cabin.

“Don’t for one minute think I am treating this as just some sort of fling, babe. That isn’t what this is,” he said, suddenly so very serious.

I met his eyes with mine, slightly defiant, which was more just me trying to be guarded. He sighed again, and looked unhappy – though not with me, more at himself.

“Do I want to lose my job? No. Do I want you? With everything I am.” He put one hand against his chest, the other resting still against my back as I shivered in the river water. It was cold, not being tucked against his warmth, like I was.

“You can’t have your cake and eat it, too,” I murmured and he frowned at me.

“The fuck I can’t,” he said. He searched my face and looked uncertain for a moment. Finally he shook his head and said, “Look, I know I don’t have any right to ask, and this is totally up to you, but as much as I fucking hate the idea… I can only think of one solution.”

“Let me guess: hide what we have between us until after the trial is over?”

He nodded and he looked like he genuinely felt like shit for even asking. I pressed my lips together and took a deep breath. It was a shit thing to ask, and I was angry, but I couldn’t say that I was angry specifically at him. I was angry at the whole situation, at the whole world for letting me down, time and time again, but if it was one thing I’d become good at over the years, it was plucking myself up after one of these pity-parties and forging ahead. It was just a matter of deciding, in my heart of hearts, what was best and how to proceed.

I closed my eyes and twin tears slipped beneath my lids and spilled in scalding lines down my cheeks.

“Don’t clam up on me now, babe. Talk to me.”

“I’m just so tired of everything,” I said, my voice trembling. “If it’s not this, it’s that; if it’s not that, it’s another thing, and I am just so tired of going through it.”

He captured my face between his hands and tipped my head back so I would look at him. I opened my eyes and sniffed and he looked me over, his eyes fierce, his expression set in undeniable determination.

“You aren’t going to go through it alone, babe. I’m here, I’m right here, and I’m not going anywhere.”

I looked at him, desperately wanting to believe, but I’d heard such empty assurances before, and here I was, with him, not them… And there’s no place you’d rather be.

His expression cooled and hardened into steel as he read my face. His shoulders eased from their tense posture, though his hands, where they held my face, had never gripped too hard, had been as gentle as if he handled a kitten. He trailed his fingertips down the sides of my neck and rested his palms on my shoulders.

“I’m not going to tell you again unless you really need the reminder,” he said quietly, and shook his head. “No, I’m just going to put up. I’m here, Everleigh and I’m not going anywhere. Whatever happens, it’s not just you going through it. We are going through it. Together. Always. I’m not giving up on us for anything. You’re not disposable to me.” His arms slid around my shoulders and I fit myself against his chest as the tears welled and spilled, as if my damn face had suddenly become a running faucet.

I clung to him in the pool and let his warmth comfort me, and as much as I wanted to hide behind my walls, as much as I wanted to duck behind my shield of experience and hold my doubt tight and close to my chest, I was weak because I believed him.

“It’ll be okay,” he breathed into my hair.

“Don’t make promises that are so hard to keep,” I mumbled, as my last moment of misery passed like a leaf riding the surface of a stream.

He chuckled and sighed, holding me tighter and said, “You have every reason to be bitter, but you aren’t. Every reason to tell me I’m full of shit, but you don’t. You’re something special, babe. I don’t know how I made it this far without you. I feel like with every act of trust you put into me, you save a part of my soul. Wash away some of the dirt.”

I pushed back from him and frowned. “You’re probably the best man I’ve ever met,” I told him honestly, and he laughed at that.

“Should meet some of my brothers, they’re by far better men than me.”

I found that extremely hard to believe.