Everleigh…

I sat still, my legs pressed together, crossed at the ankle, toes pressed into the hardwood floor. My hands were gripping the corners of my seat, expecting that he would pull sharply on my hair, but he didn’t. He was as gentle as could be and was being very meticulous. Still, my back and scalp tingled. I wasn’t precisely sure from which, though ‒ from the fact he was being nice to me, or the fact that I was nervous.

My stomach churned a bit with the war of emotion going on in my heart and head. I mean, this man had nailed me to a tree. I was supposed to hate him for that, which was really damn hard because he was proving to be so patient and likable it was crazy.

I tried valiantly to rationalize things to make being around him easier. That he wasn’t really Whiskey, prospect, then newly-patched member of the Knights of Crescentia. That he was Narcos, an undercover Indigo City police detective. I told myself the former was all an act; the latter, the man who was gently folding my hair over a piece at a time, making sure the lackluster auburn roots shot through with grey were coated completely, was the real man.

Still, it was confusing, watching bits and pieces of the two personalities overlap. It wasn’t like Whiskey wasn’t Narcos and Narcos wasn’t Whiskey. They were the same man, so of course certain mannerisms, certain tics and personality traits would be one and the same.

“I know you’re tense, and you have every right to be, around me, but I’m not going to hurt you, Everleigh. Never again. I promise.”

I sucked in a breath at his words, and let it out slow and shaky. I tried to force my shoulders and back to ease, but it was harder than it sounded.

“It’s okay,” he said, and hurt was in his voice, which ridiculously made me feel bad. I sighed heavily. This was really complicated and messy, even if we were both hiding out from King and the Knights and it was for the best.

I wondered if he’d been in contact with Detective Stahl at any point, which made me wonder something else. I looked up and back over my shoulder and pointed at myself and then at him.

“I don’t get it,” he said at first and I repeated the motion. “You,” he said when I pointed at myself. “Me,” when I pointed at him. “You’re Everleigh, I’m – oh! Duh. Club calls me Narcos, but I think you know that already. My given name is Darrin. Darrin Rutledge.”

Oh. He didn’t look like a Darrin. I mean, not to me. I didn’t know what he looked like, honestly, but ‘Darrin’ wasn’t what I’d expected, at all. I faced forward again and he moved gently to my side to continue what he was doing while I mulled this new piece of information over.

He let out a gusty sigh and said, “Okay, looks like I need that second bottle of dye mixed up, you good to do it for me?”

I nodded and stood up, the backs of my thighs sticking to the chair. It was hot in here, despite the open windows and what cross-breeze we could get from them. I pulled the tee down a bit, self-conscious, but it only tried to ride up when I sat down. I mixed up the second bottle of dye and made motion with my hand that we needed to hurry. It was so hot that my hair was almost dry in places at the roots, and probably wouldn’t need much time to cure at all.

He slathered the dye down to my ends and re-moistened the roots and stripped off the goofy gloves. He helped me get the bag on my head and I looked at the back of the box, making the judgment call to go with the lower amount of time it called for. I held up fingers, first one, then the other, and he caught my meaning.

“Right, be right back.” He fetched the old-fashioned kitchen timer from the kitchen and turned the dial to the correct time, and then I just sat and waited.

He looked me over and smirked, saying, “It’s a good look for you.”

I flipped him off and he laughed, cleaning up the dining room table and tossing the discarded boxes and dye bottles. I’d already done the dishes while he’d showered so there was literally nothing left to do but wait.

He smirked at how dumb I looked again when he went by to go back to his bed and I rolled my eyes at him. He laughed and flopped down on his back on one side of the bed, closest to the back door, and let out a satisfied ‘ah.’

I’d lit the hurricane lamps and had taken the lantern outside to perch on the apple crate shelves/end table I’d created. We might have electricity finally, but the only actual lights were in the kitchen and bathroom, and the kitchen light wasn’t very good.

Well, that wasn’t exactly true. There was the blue light of a bug-zapper up by the back door, which, despite the porch being screened in, still crackled occasionally with another victim.

I went out there while the timer continued to tick away and sifted through my things to see what I still had. Some of it had been left behind in the hotel room. I was regretting using the closet and dresser for a lot of my things, now that I didn’t have them, and was hoping that I would somehow get them back.

I paused when I found the nightgown I wanted, a simple country affair of light cotton, with a darted, square-cut neckline, and sleeveless, falling nearly straight to brush the tops of my feet. I was careful to hold it out from me, so I didn’t get anything on it.

“Your time’s up,” he said when I stepped back inside, and I realized I didn’t hear the ticking anymore.

“Bell’s busted on that thing, it just clanged once and stopped ticking.”

I nodded and he sat up. “Need me for anything else?”

I forced a smile and shook my head, unsure if he was trying to suggest coming into the bathroom with me or if he really didn’t know all I needed was a wash and a rinse. I slipped into the bathroom and shut the door behind me, letting out a breath.

You have trust issues, Everleigh, I thought to myself. Of course I did. You didn’t become a selective mute without issues. Problem was, nobody in my life growing up had cared enough to either get me help or accept any of the help that was offered to me. Instead, they just made things worse, made me more self-conscious, made me feel even more defective than I already was.

I started the shower and pulled the tee off over my head before I slipped the bag off my hair. I made a face at myself in the mirror and with my stiff, gooey hair I had to smile and giggle at myself. It was sometimes the little things, you know?

I got into the shower and immediately doused my head, watching the water run a deep burgundy-red edged in rust. If I hadn’t seen so much blood from my hands not so long ago, I would say it looked like I had murdered someone. I knew better now, though. I knew what showering off dried blood looked like. I washed my hair twice and conditioned it three times until the water ran more sunset-pink.

My fingers were prunes and the holes in the palms and the backs of my hands were puckered around their edges. I carefully patted myself dry, letting my hair drip into the tub until I could wring it better and get it up into the towel. I wanted to have my body dried off as much as possible before I put my nightgown on, though.

When I stepped out into the main part of the cabin, I was relieved that Narcos was asleep already. I felt kind of bad for him in some ways; he’d put in a lot of work today. I smiled to myself about that. Between the both of us, we’d done quite a bit around here in barely two days to make it both more livable and more comfortable. Granted, more for me than for him, but this was his place. He’d said it more than once, although he shared it with someone, because whenever he talked about it, he kept saying ‘we.’

I went out onto the porch and lumped his dirty tee in with my clothes that needed washing before I sat on the edge of my new bed. It creaked under my weight, the springs in the mattress probably older than I was, but it was comfortable enough and hadn’t been too hard to move, considering there hadn’t been a box spring under the mattress, just a sturdy piece of plywood cut to the dimensions of the inside of the bedframe.

I picked up my brush and set it beside me, using the towel to scrunch my hair. I sat in silence listening to the lazy chirp of insects and the river rushing by, out there; somewhere beyond in the dark. They were soothing sounds, even though my thoughts weren’t soothing at all.

What if he’s married? Just because he shares this place with his best friend doesn’t mean he’s not married or doesn’t have a girlfriend. What would she think about him being shacked up out here all alone with another woman?

I worried my bottom lip with my teeth and had to ask myself, Why do you even care, Everleigh? He nailed you to a tree. You’re supposed to hate him, remember?

I was almost ashamed of myself that I was finding that difficult ‒ hating him, I mean. If anything, I felt so very sorry for his wife or girlfriend, not hearing from him for long stretches of time, not being able to know anything about his life, everything kept secret.

I didn’t suppose it was much different from being an ol’ lady, though. There were lots of things as an MC member’s ol’ lady you weren’t supposed to know. I know I was a bit of an exception. For some reason, my silence made it easy for King and the rest to forget I was even there. A lot of things that shouldn’t have been talked about in my presence were, until they realized I was there. Then, usually, one would mockingly say ‘Who’s she gonna tell?’ and everyone would laugh and I would be sent away or a door would be shut in my face.

Still, I knew too much. I know I knew too much, and it’s why I wasn’t surprised that King had thought it was me… except it wasn’t. It had to have been Whiskey, I knew that now.

Whiskey, who nailed you to a tree so he wouldn’t be caught… I thought bitterly, before the voice of reason intervened and said, or in order to get you out, so you could testify. He did come back for you. He has apologized.

That didn’t negate the fact that he was likely doing all of it in order to use me.

That was what honestly hurt the most of all. I didn’t like being a pawn, just another chess piece to move across the board in order for law enforcement to capture King and his men.

I sighed. I didn’t know much about chess, just that smarter people than me played it; that the pawn was the smallest, most insignificant piece on the board, easily sacrificed; and that even though the king was the most important piece, the queen somehow held the most power. I wasn’t a queen, though. I was just a teeny little fish in a big gigantic pond with much bigger fish. I was a pawn.

It didn’t feel good.

I needed to be careful. I needed to keep reminding myself what I was to him: a means to an end. I needed to stop liking him… which was hard, when he was so damn likable.

I brushed through my hair until it was dry and then turned the lantern down all the way until it doused completely. I got under the sheet and my shawl. For now, I tried to put all the unpleasantness aside and just listened to the water, the trees, and the insect song, letting it lull me into a restful sleep.

No surprise, he was up before me again. When I pushed myself up into a sitting position, I saw his bed was both messy and unoccupied. I frowned slightly and went inside to use the bathroom. The cabin was completely unoccupied, and I didn’t hear anything from down below in the garage. I frowned, perplexed, and checked out the front window. No, the motorcycle was still there and I was sure that would have woken me up. Same for the big, old, lumbering truck.

I got myself dressed in my last clean dress, an olive-green peasant dress that hugged just below my bust to my hips with a wide swath of elastic. The cap sleeves of a peek-a-boo lace matched a wide band of the same across my shins, all the way around. It had been yet another of my spectacular thrift store finds, and my auburn hair and the olive tones to the dress made my eyes pop spectacularly against my pale skin.

I ran a brush through my long, thick hair and attempted to tame it, but I was afraid all I was doing was making it frizz worse.

It was muggy today, exceptionally humid and overcast out, but I wouldn’t let that fool me. You could still sunburn through an overcast sky when you were as fair as me. I skipped putting on my boots, which were the only shoes I had. My sandals had been left behind at the hotel. I made my bed, laid out my nightgown for later that night, and padded down the back stairs.

I found Narcos at the river… or rather, in the river. He whipped a long fishing rod back and forth, flicking the far end gracefully through the air before he let fly and the line streamed on the thick summer air. The end of the line whizzed out over the river and disappeared somewhere along the rippling surface. It was impressive. He made it look easy.

I gently cleared my throat and he jumped slightly and turned to look at me.

“Oh, wow,” he said. “That look suits you out here.”

I smiled and blushed and reminded myself that ‘likeable’ didn’t always equate a good person. After all, King had been charming at first.

“You okay? What was that look for?”

I raised an eyebrow and I admit I gave him a bit of attitude with my expression. He laughed and I kind of smiled; his laugh was a good one, the kind that said I’d caught him off guard in a good way.

“Right, yeah, keep it to yes or no, dumbass.”

My eyes widened and I shook my head and he laughed again. I felt my shoulders drop and nodded. Okay, okay, you got me.

“Trying to catch us some fresh dinner for later. You like fish?” he asked.

I liked sea fish, from the ocean, once I’d tasted it. That was the best, so different, exotic from the fish I was used to getting in Indiana, which was predominantly catfish. I wasn’t too fond of catfish, but it was okay every once in a while. I didn’t have a way of articulating all of that, so I simply nodded.

“Good deal. Hoping to get something. To be fair, I just started. You got any big plans for today?”

I was already sweating and starting to feel kind of gross. I had planned to do laundry, but if he was fishing, I didn’t want to get soap in our dinner so it could wait. I could make candles today, though, now that the stove was working.

I nodded and pointed back at the cabin and he cocked his head.

“More work on the cabin?”

I waffled my hand back and forth for sort of and he nodded.

“Can’t tell me, I get it. I’ll find out later. Just come get me if you need any help with any kind of heavy lifting, okay?”

I nodded and stepped into the river some, letting the cool water run over my feet, holding up my skirts. He watched me but I closed my eyes and took what relief I could from the heat. He nodded when I stepped back out, and as I made my way back to the cabin he turned back to his fishing.

I told myself that it was better this way, going our separate ways for the day, but damned if I didn’t miss the quiet companionship that was developing between us.