Narcos…

She’d finally fallen asleep. It was the wee hours of the morning, that quiet time when the whole world was sleeping and the city was at its quietest. I managed to slip out from under her without waking, sitting up on the edge of the bed with a tired sigh.

I couldn’t stop thinking about Yale’s visit. About a life without her in it, knowing she was out there somewhere, wondering if she was happy, wondering if she’d found love again with someone else, wondering if he was treating her well, if she was staring at the same stars, the same moon in the sky, from could be hundreds, could be thousands, of miles away. And wondering if she would know she still held my heart in her scarred hands; that it was beating in those hands of hers out of my chest from so far away… because I swear to fucking God, that’s how it would be for me.

I slipped outside, taking my burner cell with me, and punched in the only number I had memorized.

Driller picked up on the second ring, his voice rough with sleep as he demanded gruffly “What’s wrong?”

I sighed and told him, “Nothing and everything.”

There was a moment of silence on the other end and a creak or two as he sat up. He let out a long sigh as he tried to clear his head and finally said, “Talk to me.”

I told him everything. He was the one person I never held anything back from because he didn’t judge. It was the same with me, for him.

He let out a breath and said, “It’s not like you to borrow trouble before it happens. Usually you got your shit together better than this.”

“I love her, man. Like, I’ve never felt this way about any other woman and I never thought it would happen to me, but here I am and I’m so twisted up in knots over her on the inside, I just…” My words failed me and I leaned hard against the wall outside our motel room’s door. I said weakly, “Help me out.”

He cleared his throat and said, “First off, we ain’t even got a verdict. Second off, you love her so much, you listen to what she has to say about it?”

“She doesn’t want to go,” I said.

He sounded frank when he said, “Then she doesn’t go, bro. We protect her.”

“Just like that?” I demanded.

“Yeah,” he said. “Just like that.” He paused and let it sink in. “You ain’t alone on this, man. I know how undercover works; you’re out there solo, on your own, handling what comes, as it comes, by yourself. It’s different when feelings and other people get involved, am I right?”

“Yeah.” I nodded, even though he couldn’t see it.

“Right. Well, you’re not out there anymore. You’re back, and we’re here. Me, Youngblood, Golden, Poe, Skids, the rest of the club – even the hose boys. We’ve got your back. She’s your woman. You guys are a matched pair – never thought I’d see the day, but it’s true, and what’s yours to protect is the club’s to protect. You ain’t on your own anymore.”

“Yeah, but Yale says – “

“Yale can suck it. He’s doing what lawyers do, which is his fuckin’ job. We do what we do ‒ which is?”

“Boots on the ground, kicking ass, and taking names to let the lawyers sort it out later.”

“Fuckin’ right, man.”

I breathed out, some of the crushing weight lifting off my chest.

“Thanks, bro.”

“Not a problem,” he said. “You know I’ve got you.”

“Yeah, that’s why I called, genius.”

He chuckled on the other end of the line, and we both sighed.

“You thought about the future any?” he asked.

“Yeah, I was thinking about buying a house. Something just outside the city, maybe around Youngblood’s neighborhood. Something small, with a yard so she can do her one-with-nature hippy boho shit and be happy.”

“Sounds fuckin’ awesome,” he said.

“Driller, man, this is the woman I’m gonna marry,” I said.

“I know that,” he said simply and I had to smile. He was always a step ahead of me realizing shit like that. He also always kept it to himself, let me figure it out on my own, just backing me up until I had the epiphany. We were close to the same age, but he was always like the older, wiser one.

“Any luck getting the rat to take the cheese?” I asked.

He sighed and it sounded half-defeated.

“Not yet. Watch your ass, man.”

“Always do.”

I gave some side-eye to the patrolman in his cruiser, who was watching me but still managing to mind his own business at the same time.

“All right, man. You good?” Driller asked.

“Yeah, I’m good,” I affirmed.

“Good, get your ass back in there and snuggle your future wife,” he ordered.

“Sir, yes sir,” I said sardonically.

“You’re one lucky son of a bitch.”

“I know it, and hey, I share.”

“I know that’s right. Makes me one lucky son of a bitch, too.”

“What’s mine is yours, buddy.”

“Back at ‘cha.”

“Night, bro.”

“G’night.”

We ended the call and I stood and stared up at the lit buildings of my city for a while, wishing I could pick out more than one or two stars out of the sky, but, light pollution, you know?

I felt better after my conversation with Driller, I had pretty much already known what he was going to say, but sometimes I just needed to hear it anyway. You know? I wasn’t worried about me, so much. I was worried about Everleigh, and that was something far more nerve-wracking. I was reckless as fuck when it came to me, but I wasn’t about to have the same kind of blasé attitude where she was concerned. She deserved way better treatment than how I treated my own dumb ass, and the way she looked at me, the way she looked to me, I needed to take fewer chances. Do better by myself, for myself, if only for her peace of mind.

The motel room door opened and I turned. Everleigh was wrapped in her shawl, the one with the big pink roses on it, looking up at me sleepily through a tangle of her auburn hair.

“Hey,” I murmured. “You all right?”

“I’m fine, but I woke up and you weren’t in bed.”

I raised my arm and she padded out barefoot, looking so small and beautiful with her hunched shoulders in her thin nightgown and that beautiful fringed shawl. She looked like an angel or a pixie, something mythical, fantastical. She tucked herself into my side and looked up at me with those jewel-bright eyes, curiosity on her face and I felt nothing but gratitude to my brother Driller for having just set my ass straight.

“What are you doing out here?” she asked softly.

“Callin’ Driller,” I said, and rubbed her arm up and down through the thin shawl, even though it was warm as fuck out here and there was no way she could be cold.

“What for?” she asked.

“Advice.”

“About what?”

“You, WITSEC, the shit Yale had to say.”

“I’m not leaving you,” she said resolutely, and I smiled.

“You don’t have to,” I said.

“I don’t?”

“Nope.”

She raised her eyebrows and stared at me until I gave in and let out a gusty sigh and took her into my arms more completely. A motorcycle revved and we both stiffened, our heads turning in the direction of the street. It had to be a block or more over and the sound faded as the rider ranged out into the city, but it wasn’t until the sound disappeared completely that either of us relaxed.

“We’re gonna be doing that, probably, the rest of our lives together,” I said, a little sadly.

“A small price to pay,” she murmured.

“You really want this?” I asked, and she put her hand on my chest, her long hair tickling the backs of my hands as she looked into my eyes and I held her close.

“I want you and if this is the price I have to pay? Well, it’s a small price in my book. You make me happy, and I don’t think I’ve ever really been happy before…”

God, that was fucking heartbreaking.

“…and now that I have it, now that I have you, I’m not about to let go so easily.”

I smiled and huffed a slight laugh, impressed with her, proud of her. I lowered my forehead to hers and said, “Okay, then, we’re doing this.”

“Hell, yeah, we are.”

I smiled and said, “Let’s go back inside.”

“In a little bit,” she whispered quietly. “This is so nice, just standing out here, with you.”

I held her tight and she rested her head on my shoulder.

“I love you,” she murmured.

“I love you, too,” I whispered and she heaved such a satisfied, such a complete sigh it was like the whole universe just snapped into place. A clarity came over me, and I just prayed for the best, that the universe would finally cut this woman a fucking break, because she needed one.

It was around eleven o’clock the next morning when the burner rang. When I answered, it was Driller with barely-suppressed excitement in his voice. He blurted it out before I could even say ‘What’s up?’

“Guilty.”

“You’re shitting me?” I felt it like a bolt of lightning from the sky, the electric feelings from the top of my head, tingling down my face, all the way down and out through my toes.

“Nope, guilty on all fuckin’ counts.”

“Everleigh!” I called and she came out of the bathroom.

“What?” she asked, alarmed.

“You did it, baby. Guilty on all counts.”

“You’re joking,” she demanded, stunned.

I heard Driller laugh on the phone and he said, “About a lot of things, but not this one.”

I relayed what he said, but Everleigh didn’t laugh, she just sank to the foot of the neatly-made bed we weren’t using and folded her hands in her lap. She stared out at nothing, her mind turning so fast all she could really do was stare blankly as her emotions caught up with her and her eyes began to brim with tears.

“I gotta go,” I told Driller.

“Yeah, I’ll be by later.”

“K, thanks.”

I ended the call and tossed the phone carelessly on the unkempt bed she and I had occupied just a little bit ago, trying and failing to sleep, talking in hushed tones most of the night about life, about what she wanted, about what I wanted, and about how to possibly get there when all this shit was over.

I knelt in front of my girl and pushed her hair out of her face while she reeled from the news. Relief, fear, hope, anxiety, disbelief, all chased through her eyes, across her fair features one after the other, round and round, and I waited, my hands cradling her face, just waiting for her to land.

“Is it over?” she asked, a tear dripping from the end of her nose.

I shook my head and told her the truth. “No, but this part of it is. We’ve cleared the first hurdle.”

She met my eyes with hers and a determination, a commitment passed between us. I nodded and whispered, “We’re gonna see this through. Together.”

She nodded and lunged forward, capturing my mouth with hers and it was the sweetest fucking kiss, so full of hope, so full of promise, so full of everything that there should be between lovers and partners.

“Make love to me,” she whispered, and there wasn’t a question mark anywhere in there.

“You got it, babe,” I growled back, and I fell into her arms, put my body on her, her thighs parting, her legs wrapping around my hips, and I knew what heaven was. I knew that no matter where we were, no matter what we faced, we were each other’s home.