Chapter Ten

 

I picked up my crutches from where I had thrown them when I got home. My shower over, I planned to climb into bed and forget today ever happened. Tomorrow would be soon enough to deal with the Jarrett situation. Never would be soon enough to deal with the Sawyer situation. I wiped my cheek on my shoulder, angry the tears wouldn’t stop falling. I couldn’t even say why I was crying. Maybe it was anger and maybe it was sadness, more likely it was both.

I shut the light off to the bathroom on my way by and crutched into the kitchen for some water. I turned the light on over the sink, its bulb barely bright enough to illuminate the counter and table, but what glow it did offer afforded me a full view of the rose bouquet. My heart contracted again and I threw the crutches down, using the counter to walk to the table, falling into a chair, and pulling the flowers near me. The yellow one he had picked earlier still stuck out above the rest and I took it again, crushing it to my chest while I let out the sobs I’d been holding in since I left the beach. I had already lost my old life and my child to this maniac, and now I’m going to lose my future, too. If he sent the flower today then he knows where I am. It’s only a matter of time before he stops sending dead flowers and follows through with the threat in his poem.

My voice was hoarse as I sobbed, the flower scrunched against my face. “What am I going to do?” I cried, my hair sticking to my face as I tipped my head to the ceiling.

All the tears I didn’t cry the last months poured from me, for my baby and for the pain I dealt with daily. There would be no way out of this until he finally came for me and ended the existence I had managed to eke out over the past months.

Mid-sob the lock clicked on my door and a voice called out. “I’m coming in, Rose. It’s Sawyer.”

I laid my head down on the table, crushing the flower between my cheek and my arm, but I didn’t care. Why was he here and what did he want? Wasn’t his rejection on the beach enough for him? Did he really have to come back and offer more? His hand touched my back and I jumped away, falling off the chair onto the floor into the darkest part of the room. I couldn’t speak, the sobs were stealing my breath and the pain was too great to bother with niceties.

“Okay, sweetheart, we’re going to get you on the bed,” he said, bending and scooping me up. My arms hung limp at my side until he sat me on the bed, and I rolled into the pillows, propping my leg up and curling my face into the downy softness. He left me then and I heard him in the kitchen running water and opening the fridge. I fought to get the tears under control before I passed out from lack of oxygen.

The bed depressed and a cool washrag was held to my cheek. He moved it up to my forehead and then back down, cooling my overheated face. He lifted my hand and rested it on the cloth, then sat next to me stroking my hair while the sobs slowly diminished to occasional hiccups.

“It’s okay, Rose,” he whispered, my eyes fluttering shut at the sound of his voice. “I’m not going to leave you until you’re feeling better.”

What he didn’t say was he would leave me, just not right now. I sighed and then took a shuddering breath, reminding myself I’d lived this long without him. I didn’t need him to survive or thrive. Though it hurt to think I would never share a meal with him or joke around about seafood ever again.

“How did you get in here?” I asked. My voice was barely a whisper, but at least I didn’t sound like a ninety-year-old smoker the way I expected I would, after crying for fifteen minutes.

“I followed you up here, but when I knocked you wouldn’t answer. I got worried, so I ran all the way to Kate’s house and told her what happened. She gave me the master key to get in. I already texted her you are upset, but okay.”

I used the rag to wipe my eyes. “I was taking a shower. I didn’t hear anyone knocking.”

He brushed some hair off my forehead. “It’s okay. You don’t have to explain. I was worried you had fallen or were sick.”

I nodded weakly. “I’m good. You can go. Thanks for checking on me.”

He ran his warm hand up and down my back. “I’m not going anywhere, sweetheart. I want to know why you ran away from me on the beach.”

His presence was unnerving and his nearness made it nearly impossible to breathe. I was fighting the knowledge I wore nothing but a t-shirt, sports bra, and running shorts. I closed my eyes, working out a way to get him to leave without insulting him again. He came back, which was more than I ever expected, and I didn’t want to take a chance he never comes back again.

I held the washrag and twisted the corner as I spoke. “I left because I could see the disgust on your face. The entire time I spoke you sat there closed off, a look of…of…pity and disbelief splashed across your face, and your hands in angry fists. I had to leave,” I whispered, another tear running down my cheek. He caught it with his thumb and then rested his hand on my waist.

“You’re wrong. While I admit I was disgusted and in disbelief, it wasn’t at you. I was angry a man could be violent and angry enough to almost take your life when you were trying to do the right thing. My hands were in fists because I was using every last bit of willpower I had in me not to take you in my arms and comfort you.”

I glanced up and held his gaze. His eyes told me he wasn’t being dishonest. “But you’re disappointed in me. I get it. I was disappointed in myself.”

He laughed sadly and caressed my cheek. “No, I’m not disappointed in you, Rose. We all have situations in our past we wish we had thought out better. People have casual sex all the time. It’s not like it was a one-night stand and you didn’t know the guy. You’d been dating for months, you were taking the next step in the relationship.”

“Maybe, except I didn’t know the guy. I didn’t know him at all and now I’ve paid a heavy price,” I whispered.

“Rose, listen to me. We all make mistakes. He pretended to be someone he wasn’t. That’s not on you; it’s on him. Men like Jarrett disgust me, but you do not disgust me. Do you understand me? I didn’t take you in my arms because I feared trying to relate a story about one man while in the arms of another would only make it harder. It was selfish of me, but I had to know what we are dealing with. I didn’t want to distract you from the events by touching you. I was afraid I would scare or hurt you.”

His hand strayed to my hip and I closed my eyes when his head swiveled to look at my leg. “My God,” he whispered when he saw the damage done by Jarrett’s bullet. A sob escaped my throat, even if no tears fell. I knew there would be a day when he would see it, but I hadn’t prepared myself for it to be tonight.

He was behind me, his arms sliding under me and lifting me until I rested on his chest. He leaned against the headboard and held me, his hands smoothing the hair from my face and his lips kissing the top of my head.

“I had no idea,” he whispered, his arms tightening on me protectively. “I’m without words to describe how truly sorry I am, sweetheart.”

I relaxed into him, the heat of his chest like a soothing blanket. “The doctors said I’m lucky to be alive. The bullet tore through the bone and bounced around inside my leg before it came to rest in my groin. If it had been a little further up or the bullet had hit the bone on a different trajectory, it could have killed me by bouncing around in my abdomen. They did the best they could to repair the leg, but the damage to the nerves and bone was severe.”

He kissed my forehead again and left his lips there. “I can see how severe. Now all the issues you have with it make sense. I wish I could take all the pain away, Rose, I really do.”

“I’m okay, Sawyer. Kate and Gideon brought me here, and spared no expense to make sure I recovered. They’re protecting my parents in Miami and me here. I don’t deserve all they’ve done for me.”

He held me out by my shoulders and shook me slightly. “Yes, you do, Rose. Don’t you see? No one deserves to go through what you’ve gone through. People end relationships all the time and the other party doesn’t pull a gun and start shooting. What happened to you is on Jarrett. You tried to do what was right when he was half the reason you were standing in his living room. He could have walked away. He could have agreed to your terms, thanked you, and sent you on your way. There were any number of things he could have done that didn’t involve maiming you. This is not your fault!” he exclaimed, his hands tight on my shoulders. I flinched and felt his grip loosen immediately. “I’m sorry. I’m trying with everything in me not to cry right now. This is breaking my heart. To see the damage he did to your body, heart, and mind is making me angry.” His hand went to the necklace still dangling from my neck. He captured the angel in his hand. “What happened to your baby?”

I shook my head, my lower lip trembling when I tried to speak. “His first punch to my stomach caused a miscarriage. It was an astute nurse who realized all the blood wasn’t coming from my leg once they got me into surgery. They had to call in a OB to make sure the uterus wasn’t ruptured. He did a procedure to make sure the miscarriage was complete and to keep me from hemorrhaging to death.” He turned the pendant over and read the words on the back, his eyes going closed. “Kate gave me the necklace…um,” I cleared my throat to get some strength back in my voice. “Last Friday was my due date. She understood how hard it was for me to live with the secret of grieving for a child no one knew existed. The birthstone is January’s, the month he would have been born.”

“He,” he asked, glancing up at me. “You know it was a boy?”

I shook my head and bit my trembling lip. “No, I wasn’t far enough along yet. My heart tells me it was a boy, so it’s how I think of him. If it hadn’t been for Jarrett’s temper I’d be holding my baby in my arms.”

He wrapped his arms around me again and rocked me, allowing me to grieve for my child for the first time without judgement. I never cried in front of Kate if I could help it. She’s a sensitive person and I was afraid to upset her with her bad heart. I gripped his shirt and buried my face in it, working to get a grip on my emotions before he thought I was a total crack pot he needed to run from.

“I’m sorry,” I said, wiping my face with the cloth he handed me. “I usually try to reserve falling apart for when I’m alone. I don’t like to burden anyone with my pain.”

His arms tightened around me. “Don’t apologize and don’t hide your emotions from me. For the first time, I feel like I’m finally getting to know the real you, not the person you pretend to be when you walk through these halls. Now I understand why you work in the daycare center. It eases the ache from losing your own child by being around kids.”

I nodded against his chest. “When Kate and Gideon told me they were opening a center I jumped at the chance even though I had to take classes to get certified.”

He kissed my temple. “It’s understandable. Whatever helps you get past this time in your life is the right thing to do. You’ll never forget, but maybe someday the pain will lessen to the point you can smile rather than cry when you think about your baby.”

I shrugged. “Maybe someday.”

“Can you still have children?” he asked cautiously. “Or did the bullet do too much damage?”

I grasped his hand and twined my fingers in his. “The bullet didn’t cause the miscarriage, his fist did. The last time I was in for my six-month check the doctor told me I was completely healed. He said there’s no reason I can’t have a child in the future.”

He brought our hands to his lips and kissed my knuckles. “Good. At least he didn’t steal that from you too,” he said, his body shaking.

“Why are you shaking?” I asked, searching around for a blanket. “Are you cold?”

He laughed and I heard many emotions in the one sound. “No, I’m angry, Rose. Angry he thought he had the right to brutalize a woman, much less a woman carrying his child. He’s a pig and deserved to die. I wish you had actually killed him. He shouldn’t be walking this earth.”

I ran my hand down his shoulder to calm him. “He is a pig, but I’m glad I didn’t kill him, even if he’s after me now. I couldn’t live with knowing I’d taken another life, even if he tried to take mine. I’m not wired to take lives. The guilt would be crippling.”

“I have no qualms about killing him. If he shows up here and I run into him, he’s a dead man.”

I held his chin and stared up at him. “Don’t, please. You don’t even know what he looks like, so unless he’s got me in a death grip, let the cops deal with him.”

“Okay, death grip I can kill him with my bare hands, otherwise I leave him to the cops. Got it,” he said, tongue in cheek.

“I honestly thought he would forget about me if I came here. Today’s flower tells me otherwise. He knows where I am and I’m scared to death.”

He held me tightly and pulled a blanket up around us. “Niko is working to trace it back to the source. He’s a good guy to have on your team.”

I nodded sleepily. “Everyone has been nothing but kind and accommodating since I arrived. Someday I have to pay them back for their willingness to take care of me,” I said, yawning wide. “Someday…”

 

 

The new rooms were a mess. The construction team had been in yesterday and put in the new door to the bathroom. Now I had to clean up their mess, and then get to work deciding on new carpet and paint before the workers came back and built the dividing walls for the rooms. After an hour of cleaning up plaster and tile I was tired and sat my butt on the table. It had been two days since I woke up in Sawyer’s arms. We had fallen asleep on my bed; the exhaustion of telling him my story overwhelmed me and I fell into a fitful sleep. When I woke up at one a.m. with a muscle spasm, he found the meds I hadn’t taken before bed and an icepack to use on my hip. Once the medication started to work I drifted back to sleep in his arms and didn’t wake until morning. When I awoke he was gone, but there was a note on my bedside table from him. He had an early morning delivery to accept, but would be around later, he promised. He showed up in my office later in the morning to check on me and offer a hug. I honestly felt better already because he knew the truth, and I wasn’t keeping any secrets, but I took the hug anyway.

Sleeping in his arms was healing my heart, too. It was natural and I wasn’t uncomfortable allowing him to see me in the state I was in or what I was wearing. His eyes never seemed to stray far from mine. They held a sense of sadness, but understanding for what I’ve been through. The last few nights I’ve been alone and it has given me plenty of time to think. My conclusion? I have a gigantic crush on Sawyer, not exactly a mystery to me or anyone else around here. Chances were high this was more than a crush, but I hadn’t defined how much more, yet.

There was a knock on the door and I swiveled toward it. Niko, Gideon, and Kate strolled in while Sawyer brought up the rear. He shut the door behind him and strode to me, laying his hand at the small of my back.

“What?” I asked, giving them all equal attention. “Did I miss something?” Butterflies flitted around by the hundreds in my belly. “Did something happen?”

Niko rested his hip on a table. “No, nothing happened. I found some information about the rose you got the other day.”

“Oh, I see,” I said, watching their faces for clues.

“We have a lot of information, but it doesn’t tell us much,” Niko explained.

“But we’re still working on it,” Gideon jumped in.

Niko stood. “Here’s what we know. The flower was mailed from the mainland three days ago. He used a flat rate box, because he could purchase the postage online from a public computer. When the flower arrived here it went through our mailroom, and they asked one of the new pool boys to drop it at your office on his way by.”

“Which is why I didn’t recognize him,” Sawyer interjected.

“Was it mailed from Snowberry?” I asked.

Niko shrugged. “No, it was mailed from California, even though the return address was Kansas.”

“Wait. He was in Kansas and then went to California?” I asked as Sawyer’s arm tightened on my waist.

“He used a fake address in Kansas,” Niko explained. “If you ship flat rate you can print the label and drop it at any post office. What he didn’t think about, or care about, was the package would be scanned at the post office he dropped it at, which was in California.”

“It doesn’t matter where he mailed it from though, does it? If he mailed it here, he knows where I am. For all we know he could already be here.”

All their heads bobbed in unison. “Too bad you’re smart,” Niko quipped.

We all chuckled, which broke the tension a little bit. I held my hands up and shrugged. “I think we all knew this day was coming.”

Gideon rubbed his temples. “We did, but after all these months, it’s hard to jump back into the high alert we were in back at the beginning. We did finally track down his finances, though.”

“He had a good job, but I’m not sure he would have had access to the money if he had to leave Snowberry,” I said.

Niko set a folder down on the table. “I did some digging and found his bank accounts. He couldn’t make withdrawals since the cops were looking for him, so he had to have worked odd jobs as he traveled from the Midwest to the West Coast. Once he got to California he went into a branch of the bank from Snowberry and withdrew all his money. It didn’t matter if he popped up on the radar in California, he would be gone before they could find him,” he said, throwing down a photo on the table.

I stumbled backward and Sawyer caught me, tugging me up tight against him, his arms around my waist. “You’re okay. He’s not going to hurt you with all of us here to protect you,” he whispered.

Niko grimaced. “Sorry, I should have warned you. I wanted you to see what he looks like now.”

I held my hand close to my mouth and glanced at the image. I avoided his eyes and concentrated on the rest of him. “He bleached his hair and grew a beard. The beard could easily be changed back and forth, and he has an earring in the left ear, which he could take out.”

Niko was writing as I spoke. “I’ll add all of that to the description I’m putting together.”

“Why a description?” Sawyer asked.

Gideon answered instead of Niko. “We know he was in Cali three days ago and withdrew enough money to buy a ticket here with no problem. He probably drove or jumped a bus directly to Seattle and flew over, or is in the process of doing it.”

Niko nodded. “Exactly. I have to assume he’s going to show up here. I can’t say when. He might decide to taunt you more, which only helps us if he does. If you get any more packages, emails, letters, or anything you aren’t sure about, don’t open them. Give them to me, Gideon, or Sawyer. In the meantime, I’m going to take the first image you gave me, and this image, and make a flyer with his information.”

I shook my head back and forth hard. “No, I don’t want anyone here to know,” I whispered.

He held his hand out to calm me. “Don’t worry. I’m going to give one to every employee and tell them he’s a scam artist. If they see him I’ll instruct them to call law enforcement and follow him at a safe distance until security can take over. It’s our only chance to get him before he gets to you.”

"We have to be proactive, Rosie. I don't want to see you hurt again," Gideon said

"Which is why we think you should stop working until we find the guy," Kate finished.

I swung my head back and forth like a pendulum. "No, absolutely not. We don't even know if he's going to come here. I could be sitting around for months. I'll go crazy. He's stolen enough of my life. I don't want to give him endless more hours of it."

Kate frowned. "I understand how you feel, but..."

I waved my hand. "No buts, Kate. You need me here right now getting the center ready. I'll do whatever it is you want me to do to stay safe, but I won't stay locked up in my apartment."

"You said no buts," Kate joked, even though I could see she was genuinely worried. 

Sawyer spoke next. "Gideon, can Mr. I.T. and Flynn wire a closed-circuit camera in here? If they could, even temporarily, and in her office, security could keep eyes on her at all times."

Gideon looked to Niko who nodded. "Great idea, we need a system for the center anyway. We can hook it up without installing it until the center is complete."

"What about when she's walking between the office and center?" Kate asked. "She's vulnerable with her crutches."

Niko shook his head. "She won't be walking alone. She’ll have a walkie talkie. I want you to radio for security every time you have to walk in the hallways, unless you’re with Gideon or Sawyer. I don’t want you walking alone in the halls with Kate or Winifred and the kids. That includes when you leave your apartment and go back to it. And I don't want to hear any arguments about bothering other people to escort you. Understood?"

I nodded once. "Understood. I don't have a death wish. I nearly died once. Don't want to do it again," I said.

Sawyer tightened his hold on me and kissed the top of my head. Everyone pretended they didn't see it, but they did. "I'll be with her as much as my job allows," he finally said. "It won’t be a hardship."

Kate grinned and Gideon covered a snort with a cough. 

Niko looked at his watch. "I'm going to get the walkie talkie now. I won't get the camera in here until tonight, but I will have a security guard posted at the door. My first order of business is getting the flyers made and distributed."

Kate pointed at herself. "Get me the info and the images. I'll have them made and distributed in under an hour."

I laughed softly. "She's not kidding either."

She winked at me and then they left, telling Niko to meet them in Gideon's office in ten minutes.

Niko pointed at my leg. "How is the brace working? Do you have any rubbing, pinching, or chafing?" 

I waited a beat too long to answer and he put his hand on his hip. "Let me guess, there's a problem and you didn't want to bother me because you could handle it."

Sawyer chuckled behind me and I sent him a glare. "I was waiting to see if it would get better, but it hasn't."

Niko swung a chair around for me to sit in and he pulled the shoe off, leaving the brace on. "I can see where it is," he said running his finger along the cotton balls I stuffed in there this morning. He shook his head. "Why do you think you have to suffer? This is a three-minute fix, Rosie. I know you're used to pain but this is supposed to improve it not make it worse."

I nodded. "I know, but it makes such a difference I don't want to be without it."

He took it off my leg and held it up. "You won't be. This will take me less time to fix than it will for them to find a walkie talkie. I'll be back with both in fifteen minutes." He glanced up at Sawyer. "Don't leave her alone."

He shook his head. "Wouldn't dream of it."

Niko left and Sawyer knelt in front of me, his hand automatically going to my cheek. "I've missed you. I don't want you to think I was avoiding you. The kitchen has been crazy."

I smiled, his caress something I already missed when he wasn't here. "You don't have to explain, Sawyer. You have a life."

He shook his head and hung it a little. "Not much of one unless you count endless hours in the kitchen alone. I realized how lonely I am after spending time with you."

I leaned over and put my arms around his neck. "I feel the same way and it scares me." 

He wrapped his arms around my back and squeezed me. "Spending time with me scares you?" he asked confused.

"No, realizing how lonely I am when I don't get to see you. I think I have an adult-sized crush on you and I don't know what to do about it."

His arms tightened on me the way you would a lifeline. "You, Miss Burke, have me crushing hard, too."

I sighed. "My name isn't even Rosie Burke, which is what makes this even harder."

He leaned back. "Your name isn't Rosie?"

I nodded. "Sorry, yes, but I'm using a fake last name. My real name is Rose Diane Scott, but everyone calls me Rosie."

He lifted my hand and kissed my knuckles. "It's my pleasure to meet you, Rose Diane Scott. I promise not to tell anyone."

I shrugged. "I guess it doesn't matter now. He knows my real name and he knows I'm here."

He brushed a piece of hair behind my ear. "Maybe, but no sense giving the rest of the employees anything to gossip about. I would imagine if anyone Googled your real name there would be news stories."

"Oh, too many to count," I agreed. 

He rose up on his knees and ran his thumb over my lips. "It's our little secret then."

His lips were warm and hungry when they reached mine. I responded with the same fever, hungry for the sensations I get when I’m lost in him. He held my face, tilting my head to give him better access to my inner sanctuary.

“Ahem,” Niko said from the doorway and we broke apart like two high school kids caught in the band room hallway making out. Sawyer winked and stood, giving Niko room to work. I noticed he didn’t make eye contact, probably because he was trying too hard not to laugh.

He slipped the brace back into my shoe and set it out for me to put on. Once it was fastened on again he asked me to stand and put weight on it. I followed his instructions, answering his questions about if it still pinched and if it held the foot tight enough. Once I assured him it felt better, and I would call him if it changed too much or pinched somewhere else, he stood.

“I’m going to head to the store for a camera, but Kate is working on the flyer and there’s a security guard standing at the door. He will walk you anywhere you need to go, and here,” he handed me a black and yellow walkie-talkie, “is your best friend until we catch this dak.”

I accepted the device and raised a brow. “Do I want to know what that means?”

He shook his head. “Sorry, my Russian is showing again.”

Sawyer laughed. “Maybe you can teach me some of those Russian swearwords. They might come in handy in the kitchen when I don’t want anyone to know what I’m saying.”

Niko pointed. “Anytime, buddy. Except right now, I gotta fly so I can get the camera installed before tomorrow. My boss won’t be happy if something happens to the lady,” he said bowing, and when I tried to smack him, he ran, laughing the whole way.

Sawyer tugged me up and out of the chair and finished the kiss he started earlier.