I stretch my out and groan a little bit before sighing. The blanket under me is a little scratchy, but the sun’s high in the sky and it’s a beautiful summer day in Weston, Connecticut.

I roll over onto my stomach. I check my phone for the hundredth time since Will called the house yesterday. I half expect to find a text from him every single time, but there’s nothing. I’m partially relieved, partially pissed off, and majorly confused.

I look out across the perfectly manicured lawn, out at the forest that rings Eleanor’s property. She owns a few acres, including a ton of pristine forest. She plans on turning it into a public park when she passes, which is pretty common for rich people in Weston. It’s a beautiful town with lots of trees and rivers and even a few waterfalls. It’s about as rural as it gets, and people want to keep it that way.

Eleanor’s lived here her whole life. I moved here from Hartford after I was taken from my parents and she adopted me. I’ve loved it here ever since, how peaceful and beautiful it is. Eleanor’s taken care of me like a mother and I love her to death, although I’ve been thinking more and more lately about leaving Weston.

It’s just not that easy for me. I wish it were. I get up to my knees and slowly stand, sighing a little bit. I gather up my things, blanket folded and pushed under one arm, and I head back to the house.

I find Eleanor sitting in the kitchen near the back window, reading a book. “Nice day out there?” she says as a greeting.

“Beautiful,” I agree. I put my stuff down on the table and grab an apple from the basket on the counter. “Is Cara with Julissa?”

Eleanor nods. She’s a pale woman with gray hair, long and pulled back into a tight braid. She’s the most elegant person I’ve ever seen in my life, and I don’t think I’ve so much as seen her slouch. But she’s not stuck up, like so many rich people are in this town. She’s the most generous and loving person there is.

I turn to go check on Cara, but Eleanor clears her throat, stopping me short. I know that noise. It means she has something to say that I’m not going to like.

“He called again,” she says.

I look back at her. “Who did?” I ask sweetly, although I know exactly who she means.

She gives me a stern look. “That’s three times today. Are you going to keep ignoring him?”

“I don’t know who you mean.”

Her stern look turns into a glare. “I don’t know what game you’re playing, Addie, but he deserves at least a conversation.”

I stare back at her and sigh. “Yeah, maybe you’re right.”

“He’s been good to you. I don’t know what he did, but he’s no monster and you know it.”

“I know, El,” I say. I’m the only person in the world that gets away with calling her “El,” which is what makes it special. She’s more than just a mother to me, but I can’t ever call her “mom.” That word’s been ruined for me.

I head upstairs and find Julissa reading to Cara in her room. Cara looks up and is excited to see me, but she doesn’t move from Julissa’s lap. Julissa is an older woman, maybe mid-forties, with olive skin and dark, curly hair. She winks at me and keeps reading.

When she finishes, Cara hops off her lap and runs over to me. “Mommy!”

I scoop my daughter up into my arms. “Hi sweetie,” I say. “How was story time?”

“Good,” she says.

“Want to play?”

“Yes.”

I put her down and she teeters back into the room. She falls down at Julissa’s feet and starts playing with some dolls she has lying on the floor.

I cross my arms and watch her, smiling. Cara was born nine months after I slept with Will, nine agonizing months. I kept thinking I’d give her up for adoption, but as soon as she was born I knew I couldn’t. Eleanor’s been letting us stay with her, and she hired Julissa to help, which has really been a lifesaver. I don’t know what I would’ve done without Julissa’s help.

“She’s in a good mood today,” Julissa says softly, leaning up against the wall near me.

“Yeah, well, I think it’s because it’s a nice day out.”

“We should take her for a walk.”

I nod and check my watch. “Let me get dressed real quick.”

I head back into my bedroom and strip off my clothes. I stand in the mirror for a second, looking at my body. I let out a sigh as my mind ranges back to that night with Will, the night I keep trying to forget but can’t seem to stop thinking about.

That’s the last time I’ve been touched by a man. It was incredible. We slept together over and over again until we were both exhausted and spent. It was like years of flirting and friendship and pent up energy just exploded suddenly, and it all came crashing down in the morning. He didn’t say anything about it, and I pretended like I didn’t care.

But it was tearing me up inside. We stayed friends, although I could feel myself pulling away from him. I couldn’t understand how we could have sex like that, but still just stay friends. Obviously, we were so much more.

And then I found out about Cara, and everything changed.

I take a breath and let it out. I don’t want to dwell on that. Those were really bad days. I remember Will calling and even showing up at the house. He was leaving for Russia to play in the KHL, and he wanted to say goodbye to me. But I just ignored him, just like I’d been ignoring him for a few months before that. I couldn’t let him see me.

I didn’t want him to know that I was pregnant.

It’s been hard, keeping Cara a secret. It helps that Will was in Russia for so long, although he’s back not apparently. I kept Cara off social media, and we’ve been keeping to ourselves. It helps that Eleanor is so respected in the community. People aren’t gossiping like they normally would.

I can’t keep her a secret forever though. Eventually, Will’s going to find out about her, and I’m terrified he’ll realize that he’s the father.

I can’t tell him now. It’s been too long. I hated him back then, I was so angry about what happened that night and how he said we’d talk about what it meant ubt never did. That anger’s faded a lot over these past two years, although I can still feel it dimly, simmering away deep in my gut.

It’s just too late. I don’t know how to tell him the truth, even if I wanted to. I fucked up keeping this from him and now I have to live with it.

Even though every single cell in my body is screaming for me to run over to his house right now and throw my arms around him.

I miss him so much it hurts.

I finish getting dressed and step out into the hall. The old wooden floor creaks under my hiking boots. “Meet me downstairs,” I call you.

“Sounds good,” Julissa replies, and Cara squeals with mixed delight and annoyance.

I head over to the stairs and I hear the phone ringing as my boot hits the top step, another creak filling the otherwise empty space. I pause there, flashing back to Will’s voice. I tense and don’t move, heart beating fast, sweat on my skin. I grip the bannister and take another few quick steps down the stairs, more creaking but this time sharp, as the phone keeps ringing.

I shouldn’t be so afraid but I can’t help it. After hearing his voice again after so long, I haven’t been able to get him off my mind. I reach the bottom of the steps just as I hear Eleanor’s voice coming from the kitchen.

“Hello?” she says, her normal sweet greeting. There’s a short pause. “Hi there, Will. Yes, I know, you have been calling a lot. Yes, she’s here, hold on.”

I back up against the wall, eyes wide, as Eleanor comes into the hall. She spots me there by the steps, and I shake my head at her.

“Get the phone,” she hisses. “You have to stop being such a damn fool.”

“I’m not a fool. Just tell him I left.”

“Addie,” she says. “Please, just talk to the boy. I’m sick of him calling.”

“No, I don’t want to talk to him. Stop trying to make me.” I can feel my own anger rising in response to Eleanor pushing me.

She sighs, shaking her head. “Since when did a conversation ever hurt someone?”

I look away from her. “I can’t,” I say, and I quickly walk to the front door.

“Addie!” Eleanor says, but I open it up and step outside. I pull it shut behind me and walk out onto the front yard, arms crossed around my body.

It’s a clear, bright day. The road is about a half mile off, through some trees, and for a second I can pretend like I’m the only person in the world. Birds take flight nearby and scatter, coming into a flock and pulsing in that strange way groups of small birds sometimes do. They land on another tree and for a second, I wish I could climb up there and join them.

But that’s stupid. My daughter’s coming outside with Julissa, and we’re taking a walk. I can just forget about Will Eaton. He’s not in my life anymore, and I don’t plan on letting him get close again. I know Eleanor means well, but she’s wrong.

Sometimes a conversation can change a person’s life completely, and I’m just not ready for that.