CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
Conference Room 204 was buzzing with enough activity that Eva barely heard the occasional clank and bump from the air duct. She probably should have suggested that Ellery lose the tiered chains she wore as a necklace before climbing into the metal tube. Oh, well. Next time.
The tables, decorated with bud vases of pink roses, were organized in a U-shape that faced a large white board framed with pink and red hearts.
“Welcome, potential members!” Bruce Oakleigh waved from the front of the room. His fluffy beard matched the gray sweater vest that hugged his ample belly. “Come in. Come in.”
He ushered them over to the snack table where Eva chose a heart-shaped muffin top while Gia gushed her gratitude to Bruce.
“I’m just so excited that I would even be considered for this committee. It’s really an honor,” Gia said, clasping her hands together.
“Well, we’re honored that you would consider joining our little team,” Bruce beamed. “And a real-life romance novelist?” he said, turning to Eva. “You’re practically a professional matchmaker.”
“Well, sure. If you count fictional people,” Eva joked. Gia elbowed her in the stomach.
“So this is where the magic happens,” Gia sighed happily as she took in the hustle and bustle of the room.
Bruce appeared to be a sort of ringleader and fluttered off to discuss something with his wife, Amethyst, a bony thing with a spectacular beehive hairdo and superior posture. Eva recognized Bobby, the owner of Peace of Pizza with her trademark silvery dreads and flowing tunic, arranging champagne flutes on a tray.
Rainbow and Gordon Berkowicz, the bank president and part-time garden center proprietor respectively, had their heads together over a pink binder. Willa, the owner of Blue Moon Boots, wore denim on denim with her long—still unpermed—blonde hair hanging loose to her waist. She was loading her plate up with cookies.
There was an older gentleman that Eva didn’t recognize, which was unusual for Blue Moon. He had thinning hair and wore a carnation in the lapel of his suit jacket. “Who’s that?” she asked Gia, nodding in the man’s direction.
“Wilson Abramovich,” Gia told her, flashing her wedding ring. “He’s the jeweler on the square.”
“He must have made a fortune off the Pierce family recently,” Eva teased. Wilson waved at Gia from across the room and raised his glass of punch in a toast.
“If everyone could take their seats, we’ll get started,” Bruce said from the front of the room.
Everyone scrambled for seats like a daycare game of musical chairs.
Bobby proceeded to pass out glasses of champagne.
“For those of you who are new,” Bruce said, as if there were dozens of newbies present rather than just the pair, “we start each meeting with a toast. Amethyst, my dear, if you’d be so kind.”
Amethyst rose, glass held aloft. “To true love and our responsibility to mold it.”
“Cheers,” the residents around the table called out.
“Cheers,” Eva and Gia echoed.
“Now, let’s get down to business. I presume the committee has had a chance to review both Gia and Eva’s membership applications?”
Heads nodded around the table.
“Wonderful. Let the interview and testing process begin,” Bruce said, clapping his hands together.
“Gia, if you’ll come with me, please?” Willa said, her voice breathy and sweet.
“You’ll take the written exam while we interview your sister and then we’ll swap,” Bruce explained.
“Written exam?” Gia asked, her eyes wide like a deer in headlights.
“Nothing to worry about,” Bruce assured her. “It’s merely a formality. The interview is much more intense.”
Oh goodie, Eva thought to herself. She pasted on a bright smile and waved her sister out of the room. They were being separated. That was never a good sign. This was starting to feel like an interrogation. While the rest of the committee opened their pink binders in front of them, she fired off a quick text from her lap.
Eva: “What the hell did you get me into, El?”
She heard the distinct “ding” of a cell phone in the air duct and a muffled thunk.
Bruce looked up and frowned at the committee members. “All cell phones should be silenced per B.C. Rule #319.”
Dutifully, everyone around the table pulled out their phones and double checked them.
Eva’s phone vibrated in her lap.
Ellery: “Don’t panic. Just answer truthfully… unless they ask you if you’re working with me to take them down. You can lie about that. Oh, and don’t mention swinging, orgies, or open marriages.”
“Eva, what we like to do here with potential members is really try to get to know them and make sure they’re a good fit for our committee,” Bruce explained. “If you’re ready, we’ll just start our interview. Anyone can ask a question at any time. If it’s something you’re not comfortable answering you are free to pass on answering it.”
“Oh, good. Okay,” Eva nodded, relieved.
“Of course, if you do that, we’ll have no choice but to deny your application.” Bruce chuckled, and the rest of the table joined him.
“Okaaaaay,” Eva said through the gritted teeth of her terrified smile.
Amethyst raised her hand. “Eva, if you could, please tell us do you think happy relationships strengthen or weaken a community?”
Whew. Okay, a softball. Maybe they were all like this? “Happy relationships strengthen the communities they exist within,” she said with confidence.
Everyone bent over their notebooks and began to scribble.
“When did you first realize the value of true love?” Wilson Abramovich asked, pointing his pen in her direction.
“How much time do I have for answers?” Eva asked, stalling.
“Take all the time you need,” Bruce said jovially. “Of course, if you need more than say, thirty seconds to answer, we’ll most likely be forced to deny your application.”
“I guess it was at my father’s wedding to Phoebe,” Eva blurted out. “Here is a man I’ve loved my entire life who is finally happy. It’s like Phoebe’s love erased all those hard years for him or at least made them worthwhile.”
The pens scratched over paper again, and Willa ducked back into the room. She paused to whisper in Bruce’s ear and Eva thought she heard “essay.”
Poor Gia.
“When did you lose your virginity, and what are your thoughts on premarital sex?” Bobby asked as if she was wondering what time it was.
“Uh, well, that’s rather personal,” Eva squeaked.
“You’re more than welcome to pass,” Bruce reminded her.
“I was seventeen, and I think people should do what works best for themselves and their relationships. Personally, I would find it hard to commit my life to a man when I didn’t know how… uh, compatible we were in that specific area.” She blurted the words out as her cheeks flamed.
“Has anyone ever told you to mind your own business, and what was your response?” Bruce asked.
She was doing this for Donovan and Ellery, Eva reminded herself. A Beautification Committee member had to be nosy by nature, but they prided themselves on their romantic ninja skills.
“No,” she said. Everyone stopped writing and looked at her and then each other. “Because my prying is so stealthy people never know I’m doing it.”
There was a collective sigh of relief that went up around the table and Bruce nodded his approval.
“Are you currently romantically involved with anyone?” Rainbow demanded.
Uh-oh. They’d thrown Ellery out for getting engaged to someone they hadn’t set her up with. Maybe they wouldn’t let her in? But she wasn’t going to lie. Not with half the town seeing Donovan’s police cruiser parked overnight in Beckett’s driveway. The rumors had to already be flying.
“I’m seeing Donovan Cardona,” she said. They probably had a dossier on Donovan since he grew up here.
The committee members exchanged a look and then began to flip through their binders.
“Is that a problem?” Eva asked.
“Got it. Potential Match fifty-nine on page thirty-eight,” Willa, announced triumphantly.
Everyone furiously turned pages.
“I guess technically we haven’t had our first date yet,” Eva said, her fingers digging into her knees under the table. “We’ve been trying, but he keeps getting called away. I mean, we’ve kissed. And wow, can that guy kiss. I mean, fireworks every time. But that’s all. And really all this could just be because of the planetary crossing.” She was blabbering like a raving lunatic and couldn’t shut herself up.
She heard another thunk from the air vent, and her phone vibrated in her lap. Eva glanced down.
Ellery: “Stop talking!”
She did as she was told and bit her lip until everyone was done reading from their binders.
Bruce spoke first, pulling off his reading glasses. “Well, you and our esteemed sheriff are indeed on our list of approved matches.”
“Oh good,” Eva said, relieved. “Wait. What?”
“Yes, it says here that we were going to tackle you two in the spring. That would give you a little more time to settle in here,” Rainbow said through bites of a pink frosted pastry.
“Spring?”
“And it looks like the main area of concern we’ve identified is your potential abandonment issues caused by your mother leaving the family,” Wilson noted.
“My abandonment issues?” Eva felt like an incredulous parrot.
“Yes, dear,” Gordon, spoke up, wiping crumbs off his vintage Jerry Garcia t-shirt. “Your sister Emma gave us quite a headache with hers.”
“I don’t have abandonment issues,” she squeaked.
The Beautification Committee chuckled as if she’d made a joke, and Eva’s phone buzzed again.
Ellery: “You totally do.”
“My, my. This is an interesting situation. We’ve never had a potential member claim her partner without our help before,” Bruce said, twirling his glasses. “I think we’re going to need to put some stipulations on this.”
“I agree,” Rainbow said, all business.
“Let’s put it to a vote,” Bobby announced. “Eva and Donovan are free to continue dating if she can make headway with her abandonment issues. If she isn’t able to handle it on her own, she and the sheriff must wait until spring when we can give them our full attention.”
“All in favor?” Bruce called out.
They raised their hands unanimously.
“Good. The matter is settled. Eva, you can get to work on your issues right away, and once we start to see a resolution, you’ll be permitted to resume your relationship with Sheriff Cardona.”